My 18th month old daughter has become quite good at using the word "NO" and she get's sassier and sassier with it each day. Do I just ignore it and hope that she breaks the habit or do I acknowledge it as an inappropriate way to respond to me. The word "NO" is okay but she is not being nice when she says it. I tell her each time to say "NO THANK YOU" but would it be better to just ignore...HELP!
I officially remember why I joined this site. Sometimes I think I know it all but then I realize the different and even better ways to look at things. Thank you all for your advice. I have decided to just respect the word "NO" when it is not something I'm asking of her. And even though she may not quite understand, give her choices and if she is defiant with her "NO" then just reinforce the "NO THANK YOU" or keep my cool and guide her through what I wanted to begin with even though she thinks she doesn't want to do it. Because one response was spot on, sometimes she'll say "NO" while she is doing what I've asked her to do...Gotta love her but I can tell she's going to be a strong and independent little girl.
I remember my daughter going through that "NO" stage. I thought it was the worst thing ever until she learned the word "Mine!" :)
I'm a big fan of being strict with 18 month olds when it comes to not allowing them to run in the house, jump or climb on the furniture or get into things. That's a matter of personal safety for you both. I like to keep a firm hand when it comes to them learning to obey things like where we are playing at the moment and I don't give them the run of the house. BUT, that said, I don't think it's very possible to actually discipline for the word no. We say it so very much to them. They wouldn't learn it unless we didn't. It's also hard to actually say they are being sassy at this age even though I know they are gearing up for that. Full on tantrums after the sassy behavior comes next. But there is only so many things they can learn at once and safety should be first at this age.
I'd just tell her that you don't say no to mommy like that. Or look at her and say "be nice". Drop the pitch just a little and only elevate your voice a little. It's hard, but new moms need to work on sounding authoritative. They will definitely tune us out if we just sound frustrated, mad, or grouchy. I just wouldn't expect her to understand the ins and outs of what she is allowed to say or mirror back to you any time soon.
Suzi
Good Morning J., Ahhhhhh she found her first word that gets mama's dander up...lol Welcome to the toddler No No Club...lol Yup it is better to try to get her to say No thank you, it really takes patience to get that to come out correctly.
You may be able to tell her that no is a word Mama uses to keep her safe, and she should try to not say it ugly.
It's hard to reason to a little one for sure.
Corbin 4, uses just about every word there is and some tones and inflections he picked up from DADDY!! grrrrrrrr
So we use the ugly tone usage of word as a bad word he can't say like that.
Zane 19 months just squeals or screams when he wants something or if he doesn't want something he flat out will try and knock it out of your hand.. That is a Time out offence. Of course when I ask him if he wants Time out, he says yassss with a head shake and sits down on the floor.......lol
Dealing with little people is a rough road as far as language is concerned, the mimic everything they hear.
Make it a point of her hearing you say No thank you in a soft calm tone.
Don't stress there is more fun coming down the road.
God Bless you all
K. Nana of 5
I have an 18 month old Grandson who has also suddenly learned the word "no". When he uses it appropriately..."Kieran do you want something to eat?"..."No"...then they honor the word and just take it as an answer to a question but when they get it because he doesn't want to do something that they have asked him to do...they just basically ignore it and explain to him why he needs to actually DO it. The secret is, ( I think) they deal with him in a kind, non-demanding way...and it has seemed (so far) to really effect the way HE responds to people. (Of course I will admit I am a bit predjudiced...I am convinced he is the MOST wonderful 18 month old on the planet earth,possibly in the entire universe!! lol)
I think the secret is ...don't over-react...if she sees that the word has "power"...she will use it even more.
Good luck!!
J.,
As a Montessori preschool teacher I can tell you "NO" is normal development. Try when possible to give a choice. Do you want to wear you green shirt or your blue one today? Would you like to drink milk or apple juice?
And the "NO THANK YOU" is a great idea. Every one likes polite children. Good luck and evjoy your children they grow very quickly.
Just try to keep your cool and nicely redirect her on what to say. She probably learned it from people telling her "NO". I know I say that a million times a day to my almost 10 month old. I guess it sinks in....lol. It is just a phase though. Try not to get mad because she will just be learning more of the same. Good luck!
I will just share a story with you. When my son was little, he loved the world "NO". He said it so much about everything. I certainly did not enjoy being told no when I told him to do something. At the same time I had the same questions you have. My mother told me that when I give him a direct command to do something, he does not have the right to tell answer me with no at this age. She said some day, doing what he is told could save his life. I thought about it and decided that she was right. I drew a line between which no I would accept and which no I would not. If he was told to do something, telling me no was not acceptable and he had to do it right then, not when he got ready. If I asked him a question, do you want some more milk, the answer no was acceptable.
When he was about 2 years old we had trouble with him running into the street, and when I would tell him to stop he would try to say no and do it any way. I swatted little butt for it each time.
As he got older about the age of 4 or so he was playing with his ball and it rolled into the street. he started to run out to get it and I yelled, no stop. He stopped dead in his tracks, then we went through the steps of looking both ways. He stopped because he was taught that he should do exactly as I told him to do, and not tell me no or do what he wanted instead.
Later that summer we watched as the little boy across street lost his dog. It ran out into the street and he yelled no stop, the little dog kept on going and was hit by a car. My son saw the whole thing, and it broke his little heart. That afternoon he came over to me and gave me a big hug. He told me how much he loved me and that he was glad I loved him enough to not let him disobey me. We had many discussions over him disobeying me and how important it was for him to do what I told him to do, when I told him to do it. If I had not taken the time to teach him this valuable lesson, I just wonder.
Any way take it for what it is. But ignoring it, teaches no lesson, and the lesson to be taught might be life saving.
i completely agree with julia. offer her as many choices as possible to eliminate the automatic "no" response...and also, my rule at our house is, if he's being defiant verbally i don't really respond, as long as he's doing what he's been told. it's kind of funny, because he'll be so mad at me, when i tell him to do something like "come here", and he'll make a mad face and say NO!, but all the while, here he comes. as long as she really knows who is in charge i don't think that expressing her unhappiness is a bad thing. we kind of look at it like, "well i'm sorry that you don't want to put your shoes on, but we still have to - we're going bye bye and we have to have our shoes on for that." it nips a lot of it in the bud if you A. don't argue with them, and B. enforce what you told them that they're rebelling against. good luck!
I'm a firm believer being strict is good but being to strict or a total control freak is going to far. at this age just like when they were first making sounds they repeat things to hear themselves with the new word or sound. For instance my daughter kept calling every animal dog. I would just say thats not a dog that is a cat or chicken or whatever else it is.
Yes they are going to get sassy but at this age they are just mocking you. my daughter shakes her head no everytime I say no because I've shook my head at her. it is a learning thing. so go with it and teach her no thank you. After all it is easier to get them to say it now instead of trying for manners later.Just be glad you can understand what she is saying. My daughter still isnt very clear with much of anything other than mama, daddy, dog and bear.
I like Suzi's answer.
I heard some advise recently that I am waiting to try. When she says "no," tell her there is someone in the bedroom (or bathroom, or wherever) that loves to hear her talk like that, but you don't. Tell her to go talk to 'that' girl. Hint: "that" girl is the one IN THE MIRROR! Soon, she will tire of talking to herself, and see what she looks like while doing it.
I have a 20 month old son and all I can say is find the 1-2-3 magic videos.... They're awesome!
