No Daddy in My Daughters Life

Updated on September 20, 2011
I.S. asks from Marblehead, MA
7 answers

Hello all, I'm new to this site but it seems great. I'm wondering if anyone knows of any books that help children understand why they don't have a daddy. My daughter is almost three and half and has no memory of her father, she's seen him maybe six times since she was born, the last time being in the summer of 2009 and he lives fifteen minutes away. She hasn't as of yet asked about her daddy but I know she will at some point soon. Her father and I were never married but rather dated for short time and my little one was a surprise, a wonderful surprise but NOT so wonderful for her father. I'd be grateful for any advice anyone has in regard to how to talk with her about it and if you know of any books out there. From what I've researched there's nothing out there regarding this topic.
Thanks

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S.L.

answers from New York on

There are lots of great books for your daughter! Love is a Family by Roma Downey is a book about a daughter and mother, the daughter complains that she doesnt have a real family but the mother explains, and they go to family night and see all different types of families. very sweet and perfect for your family
Todd Par The family book and It's OK to be Different reinforce that we all have different types of families.
Another idea is to make a book about her including how you felt when you found out you were expecting, how you prepared for her birth, pictures of you pregnant and right after she was born. Did relatives come visit? Did you have baby showers? Put in a page or two about the father.saying something like John Doe helped start her growing inside you. He didnt stay to help raise you but You have his (eyes, nose, smile, skin, or hair?) Maybe you will like (music, cars, drawing, hiking, biking, ? like him. I made a book like this for my adopted son, I put a cutout silohette (sp) of a man since I dont have a pic of his bio dad and said his name was ___ Maybe you have his eyes. It's sad he didnt get to see what a great kid you are My son loves his book. I included pictures of baby showers and grandparents and relatives who are close to him, I have a pic of me painting his room ( well pretending to paint his room) and I added details that the neighbors gave us their crib for him to sleep in..

4 moms found this helpful
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J.L.

answers from New York on

Sorry i don't know of any books, but i can tell u that i have a 2y/o daughter who has never met her dad and i would not even think about explaining something in that nature to her at this age or anytime soon. what they don't know won't hurt them. im just saying i would wait until she start asking and is able to understand. Hope this helps.

2 moms found this helpful

C.

answers from Hartford on

I have a similar situation to Christine - that is, my niece lived with me from 6th grade onward. Her biological father lives outside the country. My sister got an idea in her head that she had to meet him and so they travelled to see him. The whole trip was traumatic for both of them - it was at that point my niece came to live with me. The point is that my sister was the one with the problem. My niece did not need an unstable person and uncaring person in her life, what she needed was the strength of her mother. She never asked about her father and I don't think she cared about him. You love your little girl and that is all that she needs. I can't comprehend how someone would not want to be a part of their child's life, but it happens. As another mom said, wait until she asks you questions. She is too young to need to have all the answers in life. Heck, I did not realize what a crazy dysfunctional house I came from until college, but had I known, I probably would have been constantly paranoid about it. I guess what I am trying to say is that it is not a problem, until it is a problem. You will not be able to prevent any future trauma today because we all process life in different ways. So, while her father chooses not to be a part of her life seems like a problem for you, it may never matter to your daughter. Good luck and just keep moving forward.

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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

I adopted my biological niece, she came to us from the beginning (ten days old). I was very open with her in explaining that families are different, so many combinations here. She knew at two years old that she "didn't come from my tummy" and it was not big deal, nothing to hide or be ashamed of. She never felt abandoned in the slightest, it was her "normal". My daughter has met my sister a handful of times, never the bio-dad. Explain to her that some children have just a mommy. that's what my friend did and her daughter turned out awesome (so did mine!!).

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C.D.

answers from Chicago on

You are right, very hard to find a book on your situation, which is a very common one. I found one, and now you have me on the hunt! There are a ton of "mommy & me" books, but Im not sure if they mention dads in them or not.

I will post more if I find them. Im going to ask my teacher friends too!

Hope this helps!

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Family-Roma-Downey/dp/00603937...

http://www.amazon.com/Family-Book-Todd-Parr/dp/0316070408...

http://www.amazon.com/Do-Have-Daddy-Story-Single-Parent/d...

1 mom found this helpful

A.R.

answers from Providence on

You could try looking at books geared toward adopted children/adoptive parents...I know that's not your situation, but they do address single parent situations. Also, "What to Expect, the Toddler Years" has a nice section re: single parenting, separated and divorced parents, etc in the 'Parenting the Toddler' chapter that you may find helpful. Good luck!

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L.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hello, I just saw your other question regarding giving your daughter up for adoption. It doesn't sound like your daughter's father is in the picture much and I'm wondering if he is paying child support? Have you established paternity? Because that is the very first thing that I would do in order to get some financial help. Seriously, do it today!!

1 mom found this helpful
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