Nighttime Weening

I used dr. Jay gordon's method for my 2 year old. It's about halfway down this page:
http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

For us it was only bad the first night that I didn't nurse her.
Although she still asks for it sometimes she goes back to sleep quickly.

I have been through this a few months ago. My daughter is 2. Whenever she would wake up at night she wanted to be nursed back to sleep every time usually one to two times per night. We also co-slept with her until just a few weeks ago which made it a little more difficult. I finally just started not giving it to her when she woke up at night. Because we were in the same bed I had to fight her a little bit because she would try to pull my shirt up and such. I just held my shirt down and said we don't have "na-na's at nightime" and snuggled her close. I always said the same short sentence when she woke up. She fussed and cried, but I didn't give in and she would eventually go back to sleep. This went on for 4 nights and by then she stopped waking up at all at night. If your daughter takes a pacifier or has some kind of snuggly that she sleeps with you might try giving this to her when she wakes and holding her a little bit for comfort then putting her back down. I also think it's important to say something whatever your short little sentence might be to explain to her that we don't nurse at night anymore, we can have some in the morning. It will probably only take 3-5 nights to get her in the new routine, but she will eventually accept it and she will stop waking at all for that nighttime nursing. Best of luck!!

E.,
You just described my situation exactly, except my daughter is a month younger. Excited to read your responses.

E., I was in the same situation as you. But my problem was my 19 mo. boy was waking up 2-3 times a night to nurse. My husband and I had not slept through the night since he was born. A friend told me to button up that nightgown, and when the baby wakes up, rock him. But do not let him nurse. He will squirm and cry and whine. I did it. For the first few nights, he cried and squirmed, then fell asleep. After the third night, he stopped searching for the breast. He would instead place his lips on my arm just so he was touching skin. His sleeping greatly improved after about three weeks. He now either sleeps through the night or wakes up once.

My son successfully night weaned at about 18 months. I would tell him before bed that I wouldn't nurse him when he woke up at night (they understand more than you think), then, when he woke, I'd go to him and hug him without taking him out of his crib. If I took him out it was just harder to say no to nursing. I'd offer him water from a sippy cup, but I'd remind him that we didn't nurse at night any more. He cried a little for a few nights, but soon he was allowing himself to be soothed quickly without being held or nursed. This meant more sleep for me, which I badly needed.

E.-

We are going through this with our 14 month old as I write this to you. We are at the end of the process, but it has been a long road for us. I now nurse before bed and in the morning around 5:30 or 6:00. My son still has one wake-up around 2:30 am. Then he is out of bed at 7:30 am. I still haven't quite figured out how we are going to eliminate that 2:30 wake up.

I started by reading the "No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers" by Elizabeth Pantley. She has some great ideas for getting toddlers to sleep through the night, specifically nursing toddlers.

We used a combination of her ideas and others that we had read about. We did each step for 7 nights. Four weeks ago I stopped nursing when he would wake up at night. This occurred 3 to 4 times a night. We held him while he wailed away. He would eventually fall asleep. Then we stopped picking him up when he awoke during the night. We comforted him in his crib until he fell asleep. This, for us was the most difficult period. I was ready to stop and just go back to nursing when he woke up. At least that way it only took 10 minutes for him to fall back to sleep! And there was no crying! Then I made sure that he was awake when I put him in his crib for the night. That was the key for us.

I've never felt right about the cry-it-out method. But I felt ok about it if we comforted him while he cried. This way he knew we were still there with him and he never felt scared because he was all alone.

I admit this was really a rough process for us. Some babies are just good sleepers, but ours definitely has not been. But we are on the road to a totally uninuterrupted night's sleep. I know it is right around the corner!

Good luck, and remember that each change you make will take some time for baby to get adjusted to. She has been in the habit of nursing to sleep for the last 16 months. You are going to be creating a new set of habits for her and she needs to become used to them.

Hi E.,
Great responses here! My experience is slightly different, because my sons all weaned early (not from lack of me trying to continue nursing however! I would have loved to nurse longer, but it was not to be.) However, we all co-slept and still do from time to time. I also had the usual problems transitioning them to crib/bed. I tackled the middle of night feedings first. They all took a bottle at night (in spite of what the doctor says) and I did have to take it away (similar to stopping nursing at night). It took 3-4 nights of crying and it was hard, but we did it. I was told to choose a long weekend when no one would be needing sleep for work the next day. This was a great idea, and helped a lot - we dealt with the crying much better.

Also, I made absolutely sure my child had a later dinner or snack before bed, with lots of fiber and fluid (fruit/veggies and milk) to fill up that tummy as long as possible! It helped A LOT to do this. Try it, you'd be surprised how well it works!

I completely agree with co-sleeping and snuggling to alleviate this crying if it works for you.

Good luck to you!
~ K.

It is amazing to see how many Moms are still nursing their babies pass 1 year old! Congrats to all of you guys! My girl is now 3 and nursing to sleep, and it seems that when she was 16 mo she wanted to nurse as much as when she was 6 mo! I opted for a combination of her own crib and family bed. When (if) she wakes up in the middle of the night my husband brings her to our bed and I nurse for a few minutes, both if us sleeping.... I also read the no cry book from Elizabeth Pantley and loved it but I guess I didn't stick to the "not nursing and cuddling" part, although I think it sounds really great. I believe that their need to nurse goes beyond nutrition, if I tried the gentle technique Pantley has in her book and it didn't work I'd just be patient and hang in there. It will pass. It did for us. We think they are so bog because they can walk and talk but they are pretty much babies up to 3 1/2 - 4 years of age, when they finally enter childhood. Hang in there, phases come and go and we should enjoy while they are so tiny! Let them be little!

First let me congratulate you E. for making it this far and for nursing your daughter so long! I love to hear of other mothers that are nursing their toddlers. I always aimed for nursing until at least 2 because it gives them such a great start in life and they are so much more healthy than bottle fed babies. That being said, I also went through the same thing. My daughter just turned 3 and we have pretty much weaned her from nursing, but every once in a while, I get weak and give in. There isn't much milk left of course, so she only gets to nurse for a couple of minutes, but it is enough for her and she will tell me, "it's empty". She still often wakes in the middle of the night and needs to be comforted back to sleep. But the middle of the night wakings is what necessitated her weaning. I was just exhausted and getting sick a lot from lack of sleep. So I would just do what another Mom suggested. I buttoned up my night shirt and would just hold her or pat her and tell her "no nursing until daytime", and it didn't take long for her to fall back to sleep. I co slept with her until weaning, so even though she is now in her own bed, and I am in mine, if she wakes I will go lay down with her and comfort her back to sleep. I got her a double futon so there is room for both of us. And when I weaned her I just did the same thing. I would tell her "no more nursing" and comfort her other ways. Another thing that really helps eliminate that middle of the night waking is making sure she eats something before she goes to bed. I now get a 6-8 hour stretch of sleep yay! Depending on how much I can get her to eat before she goes to bed. Best of luck and great job!

T.

I would tell her that there will be no more nursing at night, and then stick to it. When my boys would wake at night I would wait 5 minutes before going in, and most the time they went back to sleep on their own. If she needs to be comforted then I would do it without feeding. My doctor said that night feeding is not necessary for a baby after the fist 2 weeks of life. I stopped night feeding before 1 month, and my boys have slept through the night every night since.

As for weening, I don't have great advice. I weened my boys at 3 months. From there they had formula. I think how long to breast feed is a very personal decision, and my boys are just as healthy and happy as any breast fed babies out there!