My boyfriend's brother and his daughter live with us in the same house. For the most part my son gets along with his daughter and all is well. The little girl has no mom because she deserted her and is not taking her medications for her mental disorders. Lately, (since an incident where her father introduced her to another nut) she has not been sleeping, eating well, and has been whinning and crying alot, especially when her father is around (she knows that crying and whinning doesn't work with me). It has been hard for the whole house to sleep. She has also said she is worried about her mother who she hasn't seen for almost 5 months and saying to even complete strangers that she has no mom. She walks around with a worried look on her face and actually almost looks depressed. I told her father to make an appointment to the doctor today (which he did) but how do we cope with this? I don't want to bond with her like a mom because at any moment he could move away with her and I don't want to complicate her life but at the same time I can't stand watching this. I also watch her alot when he goes to work, another problem since she gets upset when her father leaves for work. I know my son was upset when I started work but he got used to it eventually, unlike her. This issue is driving me and my boyfriend crazy. Is there anything we can do?
All her life she had a mom and dad.Know all she has is a dad,and the only way she knows how to get his attion is by crying.Do not be afraid to bound with her. her world has been turned upside down.With lots of love and reassurance from eveybody, you all will get through it.
Hi C.. WEll as I see it this little girl really needs a womans touch in her life that is stable. Why can't you be that person? Even if he does move out, you can still be part of her life and havew a "date night" with her. My older sister did that with my brothers two children when our sister-in-law was tragically killed. Since she lived closer it was easier for her, but I would have done it too. They never saw it as replacing their mother, but it was that motherly touch that they needed. Good luck, and I hope things for that little girl get better.
If she is old enough to remember when her mother was around, and to know what that environment was like (i'm assuming it was very stressful), she may be dealing with some Post Traumatic Stress issues, or anxiety about returning to an environement like that with this new person in her fathers life. Definatly talk to her father, but also try to spend extra time with her reassuring her that there are people that really love and care for her, adn that you are always there for her to talk to about anything, even if you don't live together in the future. If the behavior continues, I might suggest going to see a child psychologist for some extra guidance.
The behviors are probably a result of the "new addition" that this girl's father has introduced to the family. She is still dealing with the "loss" of her mother, and another adjustment this soon may be difficult to her.
It seems like your "niece" needs the positive attention of a female role model, a role that you seem a bit hesitant to fill due to the uncertainty of the length of her time with you. To make the situation even more difficult, it is uncertain whether or not your niece will be around much if they decide to move, and, it seems what you are saying is that you don't want her to have to deal with losing another female in her life if she becomes too close to you?
Kids need someone to show them that they care. Since she does not have her mother around and her father is working and dating someone else, the only stable female role model that she has in her life is you, as her "aunt". You won't replace her "mom", but you can provide her with the stability, structure, and love that she seems to need in her life while she is with you. It may not seem like much, but just by being there and showing that you care makes the difference. You and your family are what this little girl has to help her through this difficult transitions in her life, so being there for her, supporting her, and being the structure that she needs is the best thing that you can do to help the situation. It may seem trying with the crying and the whining, but it seems like she is able to process her feelings with you . . . so provide that listening ear, and let her father know what's going on as well. The trip to the doctor's is a step in the right direction, but this little girl is dealing with a lot right now . . .so maybe some kind of counseling may be in the future as well.
now who is taking the meds for mental problems the daughter or the mom ..& bonding could be something good for her right now
I can completely relate to your situation... my sister-in-law and her two!! nephews moved in with me and my long term boyfriend (we also are still considering marriage!), and our 2 year old daughter.
You are in a tough spot. Try to remember that your niece has been traumatized. A little girls relationship with her mother, no matter how unstable the mom is, is more profound than any other connection she will ever build in her life. Of course she's having a hard time when her dad goes to work... her mother did something similar and never came back!!
What also makes it tough on her, she sees her same aged cousin that has both loving parents around everyday. She's going to remember and yearn for when she had that same kind of comfort.
What this little girl needs is love. Although you will not be replacing her mom, she needs a female role model to look up to. Don't worry about making it harder on her, she'll look back on her childhood and remember what a difference you made. It can be very frustrating to manage the after effects of parenting gone wrong, but remember that she is just a child and needs more than anything love and guidance.
Good Luck!! Don't forget to let us know how it turned out!
Your situation sounds very tough. I can't help thinking about how healthy this situation is for everyone also. I know it most likely is a financial help though, as housing is very expensive. Concentrate on your own relationship first, but it is very evident that this child is having emotional
(dis)stress and needs help...a physician appointment is a good start. It might be helpful for them to also see about talking to a social worker to find out what resources are available in your community for single dads. I agree that bonding is more helpful than harmful. If you ignore her or distance yourself, she will sense this and it may compound the problem. She knows you are not her mother, but she obviously could use a female role model of some sort...and not an unstable one!! Perhaps her dad needs some relationship guidance as well.
Sounds to me like this little girl is probably suffering from some kind of depression. Yes, they can at that age, too. Have you tried talking to her dad? Maybe she feels like this other female figure is taking away her dad and it is upsetting her. She might not know how to express her feelings. Don't worry about bonding with her...she may actually need this right now.
