Niece

Just tell her. You don't have to be accusatory. Just say "When I pick her up, she is dirty, smelly and hungry. And when I drop her off she cries. What do you think?". The mom may deny anything but at least she'll know someone is noticing how she is taking care of her child.

Sounds like neglect. I hate to be the one to say Child Protective Services should be called, but if she is dirty, smelly and hungry when you pick her up every other week, then what is happening in between? She is dirty, smelly and hungry. This is a serious health issue and, obviously, is affecting her emotionally as she cries when you take her home. I know that sometimes people go through rough patches, but children shouldn't have to suffer.
Did you ask your brother what the mothers reaction was asside from the restraining order? Does he know if there is drug use, serious depression, etc. Is this his child too or his neice?
CPS or DSS can usually place the child with other relatives and insist that the parent take parenting classes. They will also check the refridgerator to make sure there is food and notice any unsanitary conditions including a dirty, smelly child.
Bless you for caring and I hope you can find some help for this little one. No three year old should have to worry when the next time they eat will be.
Is it possible to see her more often so you know she is, at least, getting to eat?
Please let us know what happens, my heart is just breaking for her. (My girls will both turn three in a month.)

The next time you pick her up and if she is in the condition you mentioned, I was get her to a safe location and call child protective services. Let your brother know you are doing it (assuming he is the dad). Other than feeding your niece, I would leave her in the condition you picked her up as long as CPS is on their way immediately. This is no way for any child to have to live. You sound like you are the one that is looking out for her. It all seems so scary to call CPS, but in this case it may be in her best interest.

God bless and good luck!

Sounds like something is going on. I think maybe if you caould call CPS annonymously and see if they can't find something. It sounds strange to say to call them on your own family, but here is the thing. If something is going on which I think there is or she wouldn't have had such a reaction to your brother. Let maybe the school know. Something, so that this little girl is being taken care of properly. If you get CPS involved let them know that you would be more than willing to take care of her yet, you are concerned about her well being. If there is nothing wrong, then you don't have anything to worry about. I think that you have a valid reason for being concerned and talking to your sister just isn't an option for fear of losing your niece. I don't know what else to say but I hope things are okay and turn out for your niece's sake and yours.

I would call childrens services. You are not going to talk the mother into taking care of her daughter. My sister would never wash her kids on a regular basis although they never smelled or were hungry she just couldn't be bothered to give them a bath more than once a week. My mom would always tell her she needs to clean her kids, I would have to call and tell her I am picking S up and could you please make sure she is not dirty and her hair is combed we are going somewhere. She sounds like a lazy mom and knows you are going to do these things so why should she?. If you try to talk to her she may keep your niece from you too and where will that little girl be if she is already upset when going home she probably feels like a princess in your house and hates to leave. The mother also knows you will buy her clothes so if I were you I would buy the clothes and keep them at your house and just wash the ones she came home in. I have a hard time with lazy moms, I mean usually they bathe themselves so why not your kids(my sis included..have a really hard time with her crazy butt) Good luck

Wow so awful. Why don't you maybe ask the mom if the niece can stay with you for a little while? Maybe suggest that she take some time to get things in order since there is a restraining order against the dad? What is your brother saying about all of this? You certainly don't want to drive away the mom and risk not seeing your niece at all - clearly you are the best thing going for that child right now. But there needs to be some sort of intervention for the sake of that poor baby!

I'm sure CPS has done some good some where without doing harm, but I don't know of any examples. I know three families that had been involved with CPS and they and I found CPS to be arrogant, power hungry, dictators. Of the four counselors (all female) in the office my friends and acquaintences had to deal with, one was married, two were part of the rainbow group (butch hair cuts) and one was single. No children among them. They learned their parenting "skills" from books.

I would suggest doing anything I could to help your sister in law before I'd call CPS. Continue to wash and clean and love your niece. Don't send her home with her new clothes, but do wash her dirty clothes and send her home in her own clothes.

Become a friend to her and her mom. I have lived in a couple of different areas where the neighbors were very standoffish and kept to themselves. I got to know my neighbors through food. I am a very good BBQer. When I'd BBQ a pork roast, or something else, I buy an extra one and take one to a neighbor. It worked very well. When you take your niece back, take something baked or BBQed to your SIL. You will eventually be invited in and to be a friend. That's when you can do lots for your niece and SIL. It could be she is ignorant of what is happening. I know one family that had two kids that wet the bed. The mom tried to get the bedwetters to take a bath or shower before they went to school. She finally decided that to get them to quit wetting the bed, she would quit insisting they shower figuring they would get discusted with themselves and clean and shower on their own. WRONG. They just got used to the smell and the smell became the norm.

The 3 year old's condition may simply have become the norm. Your showing the mom a better way may be just overcoming ignorance and may make it better for all concerned. CPS won't help. They will just issue and order with an "or else" tacked on the end and go on their way.

Good luck to you and yours.

I agree with the other ladies! Call CPS and file a report, they are 100% anonymous, that way the mom won't take it out on you but you can make sure that your niece's best interests are being looked out for. It's definitely serious business if the girl is being neglected and maybe having a case worker visiting all the time unannounced with be the kick in the a** she needs to take care of her kid!

Good luck to you! I'm glad that your niece has you to look after her, it sounds like you are a good aunt!

Protect the child. If your brother is a good dad and you feel safe that your niece would be safe with him, do what you can to get her away from that mom. Blood does NOT make a parent, responsibility and love do. You're more a parent to this little girl than her mother is. Good luck to you and your brother and his little girl.

maybe you could offer to take her more often?? That or else, you may need to contact CPS - but then she may be taken away, would u petition the courts to get custody of her? Are there any other signs that she is abusive or negligent?? Tough situation, I hope that you figure out the right thing to do for her. My prayers go out to you.

Call CPS. What you talk about is a clear case of neglect. They will probably not actually take the child away, but will require that the mom do better and check in to see how she's doing.