Dear T.:
I've been at SAHM now for going on three years. I had a job that went away with the economy, then cancer (in remission :), then I went back to school to retrain in another field, or that was the plan! I ended up leaving the program and changed my plan to staying at home, rather than racing back into the work force, so I, too, was facing some of your issues.
I, also, was feeling like a leach for not getting a paycheck. My husband pointed out how much we would have to pay someone to clean the house, take care of the yard, shuttle our child to piano and how much driving lessons would cost (our daughter will be 15 next week!). So you are "earning" for your family what these services would cost to contract them away. You are DEFINITELY not a leach!
What helps me stay motivated and also helps to allocate time is to make up a schedule of certain days I get things done, like deep clean of the house on Thursday, laundry on Saturday, et cetera.
I am taking one college class and take private Spanish lessons to keep the brain going and because it interests me, and also helps me assist my daughter with any problems she has in her classes (high school biology is challenging!). I also work out at a gym and run, ride my bike because daily exercise is very important.
My husband and I work on our budget together. We have kind of worked out what things I spend money on and a loose how much. I don't have an allowance, either, but we do have to keep track of funds.
It can be hard sometimes to stay on track, but I like being home when my daughter gets home from school. My husband travels frequently, so my being more available during the day has eased a lot of the stress.
Now that I'm seeing the results of a cleaner house, the HOA no longer sending us nasty notices about our weeds, more home cooked meals and a teenager that actually enjoys sitting down to a cup of tea with her mother and talking, I'm feeling better and better about how much I contribute to our family by being home.
Hope this helps.
L. F., mom of a soon to be 15-year-old daughter
P.S. I wanted to add after reading the other postings, I do work very part-time, as a crossing guard. I enjoy the work, the kids are cute, plus I have the same holidays as my daughter. It certainly keeps me from sleeping late every day!