Newborn Sleeping / SIDS / Shots

I had a false positive at 18 weeks also but had the second trimester screen done to help my nerves.
Have you tried swaddling?? My baby sleeps much better that way. (she is 10 weeks today) She had her shots 2 weeks ago and I was terrified, a little baby tylenol and she was fine..
Good luck

Oh sweety-
You are stressing yourself out!! It sounds like your baby is perfectly healthy!! The monitor is great for his crib, and when he sleeps with you he hears you breathing and it helps him to remember to breathe, he won't stop breathing with you there!! You just have to activate your mommy sense. Tell your intuition/ subconscious mind to alert you if there is anything to worry about with your son, and then relax and trust that you are totally in tune with your baby, and will be able to respond to him if he needs you!! Then- GET SOME REST!! You being upset/tired/stressed is not good for your son!!! It is ok for you to sleep, relax and trust!!

Shots- YOU DO NOT have to give him shots right now!!! You are right to be concerned. It is a big and important decision! Take your time and read/learn about your options!! If you are ensure at all- you CAN WAIT!!! DO NOT let the Doctors schedule override your judgment as the mommy!! You are the best caretaker for your child- not the doctor! Nothing bad will happen if you wait for a while to get shots! You are such a vigilant mom already- I am sure your son will be safe with you while you decide about the shots, and when/if you feel comfortable with it. Don't be pressured by the medical communities shot schedule. It is not necessary for it to be like that! For example- you can do 1 shot at a time (instead of 4-6), or just wait until they are a little older, giving their own immune system time to develop before you start supplementing their immune system!!

I also have a large space between my two children (now 12 years old and 18 months old) and while I worried about sids with my oldest, it was nowhere near the level of fear I experienced with my daughter.
I know exactly what you are going through and how you are feeling because I suffered from a high level of anxiety about SIDS and other things with my daughter. The SIDS fear got better after she turned a year old but there were some nights I would just sit and watch her, afraid to go to sleep at all. When she started rolling over on her stomach in her sleep, I'd spend hours staying up rolling her back over to her back.
Rationally speaking, I knew I was worrying too much but I did it anyway because I had to. If I hadn't been breastfeeding, I would have gone to my doctor to treat me for anxiety because I know deep down, that is what it is.
You're not alone. There are parents just like me and you that worry too much.
I have my theories as to why we worry more now than we did 10-12 years ago. First, I didn't have all the internet access to every horrible story out there that I do now. When my daughter was a newborn, she sneezed (perfectly normal)and I immediately googled "newborn sneezing". Every Nightline or 20/20 story that catalogues some situation someone is going through burns into my head. I didn't cosleep because of my fear of SIDS but I kept her crib in my room. I think that was a good decision for us. I did lose a lot of sleep and if you are able to see your doctor for anxiety, do it. Otherwise, realize that once you get past the first year, it will be better.

As for the issue of shots...that is the one thing I did not worry about doing. My mother is a nurse and I grew up around hospitals. My level of information on the necessity and safety of most shots is greater than that of the anti-vaxxing community. The information about not vaccinating and all the "research" is mostly speculation rather than fact. With that in mind, I didn't hesitate to get either of my children their shots and both of them did fine with them. I was more afraid NOT to get them for them because I had friends who have lost children to diseases that were preventable due to vaccinations they didn't have.
I haven't met any parents who have lost children because of them. So that sealed it for me. There is a risk of adverse effects but it's minimal...

So my suggestion is to try and work on your anxiety like I have and try not to worry as much.
If you need to talk, feel free to send me a message because like I said, I was in the exact same place as you and I understand what you're going through.
This too shall pass.
:)

I understand your fear and worry. The first few months of my son's life, I barely slept b/c I was constantly checking on him. The worry doesn't go away overnight but I found that "baby steps" worked for me. I started trusting that the baby monitor really did work (after all our moms didn't have them and we're ok :)and the fact that the back to sleep program has greatly reduced the SIDS rate. We also made sure to keep his bassinet (and later his crib) clear of any bumpers, blankets or toys so that these wouldn't be hazards that could increase the risk of SIDS. Then I began letting him sleep a bit longer from one nap to the next and made myself wait longer periods before checking on him. It was really hard at first but over time it got easier and we were both sleeping much better. I also found that being sleep deprived only seemed to heighten my fears and worries so the more sleep I allowed myself my worries seemed to ease a bit since I wasn't constantly on edge.

I was also worried about shots but I did a bunch of research on the web and talked to my pediatrician. Knowing that the AAP, CDC and my pediatrician all have faith in shots helped ease my fears. If my own pediatrician gave all three of her kids the same shots, would she endanger all her other patients? This was our choice but one I feel confident in. Talking to your pediatrician can help along with a little legwork online.

Good luck and know you're not alone!

D.,
Please do some research on vaccinations. Whatever you decide, you CAN wait if you are worried. You DO NOT have to follow the CDC's or pediatrician's schedule. You would be putting doses of mercury, aluminum and formaldehyde into your precious newborn - doses that exceed the EPA limit for quantity per pound of weight. Your baby's immune system is SOOOOO immature. Give him a chance to build it before you vaccinate, if you do at all. Boys have higher rates of autism than girls. We didn't vaccinate our 9 month old boy at all. I got about 6 shots as a kid. I never knew anyone autistic growing up. Now there are about 1 in 166 kids with autism. The only thing different is the vaccination schedule. It is FULL of so many new vaccines. If you choose to vaccinate, I would recommend waiting and then requesting single doses - separate out the MMR into individual injections over time. If your pediatrician won't do it - demand it or switch pediatrician's. I love Dr. Paul Fleiss. Dr. Jay Gordon is a great Dr too.
Okay, about SIDS. Putting your baby on his back is recommended - but I have also read that regular crib mattresses with flame retardants can be the cause of SIDS. Baby mattresses (and adult) are treated with flame retardants which is arsenic (antimony) and boric acid (roach killer). Babies who sleep on their tummies are breathing in this deadly cocktail and can die from it. My brothers and I all slept on our tummies when we were babies and NICU wards put babies on their tummies too. But when I was a baby the mattresses weren't treated with toxic chemicals. I believe that the mattresses caused SIDS - not belly sleeping. Although some babies have weaker respiratory systems and may have a hard time filling their lungs with air if on their tummy. So many poor babies took breaths filled with toxic chemicals and died. My heart goes out to those parents. More babies die from SIDS than from fires. The govt needs to ban flame retardants. The chemical industry is so strong though They have so many lobbyists. The problem is that foam is made from petrochemicals (oil) and is highly flammable. My suggestion - this is what I did and I tell all my friends to do - if it's the ONLY thing you do it will make a difference, as babies spend 16-20 hours sleeping as newborns - BUY AN ORGANIC CRIB MATTRESS! There are ones made with cotton, wool and latex. Wool is a natural flame retardant. We bought from www.naturpedic.com. There's also a great company called www.omifactory.com If you live in the SF valley, there's a wonderful store called The Green Cradle. They sell these mattresses. The owner, Edward is very knowledgeable about natural and organic living for babies and families. I stopped worrying about SIDS once I laid my baby down on an organic mattress. I put him to sleep on his side b/c he prefers it over his back. He never liked his tummy anyway - but some babies do. And with an organic mattress, I wouldn't worry if he rolled onto his tummy now. (Of course my baby is 9 months old now and can roll from front to back). Please stand up for your baby and choose the most non-toxic choices. They may be more expensive, but your precious baby is worth it. It will ease your mind and you can get rid of that alarm under his crib and get some rest yourself. Also, they say that pacifier use helps prevent SIDS too. Try to relax and enjoy your baby. You'll do great. Just read everything you can about the topics that worry you. Educate yourself.
Congrats on your baby boy!
D.

I want to recommend an awesome book to you called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child (and happy mommy too :)) It's awesome and everyone I know who has read it has a child who sleeps through the night by 12 weeks old. I am an RN and a mother of a 3 year old who has slept 10-12 uninterrupted hours a night since 10 weeks old. I hope you can pick it up before you go nuts from lack of sleep.

Your HEAVEN sent ANGEL is here enjoy him love him. I have three children and they all sleept with me I also worried about them not breathing and crib death so with them next to me I could wake up check on them and go back to sleep and just part of MOTHER HOOD I never really fell into a deep sleep every noise or move they would make I would wake up that was my experience and it worked for me, as far as shots you have a 13yr old she was ok and he will be too. CONGRATS TO U ALL AND GOD BLESS

Keep that little one as close to you as possible when you can. This period will be over so soon and the bonding that you are creating is well worth it. Of course - you have to sleep so do whatever it takes to get some sleep for both of you. My doula told me that babies patterns change so much in the first 6 months - as soon as you get used to something it is on to the next. As for the SIDs concerns - very common. Just do your best and trust your instincts!

Wow, you poor thing! I made the mistake when I was pregnant with my first, of looking at those websites of the parents who lost babies to SIDS. Oh my goodness, was I paranoid! I did get some releif when I was taking a Child Development class and we talked about SIDS. A good portion of children who gets SIDS are in a smoking environment, over bundled, or had a rediculous amount of toys in their crib.

If you are cosleeping I've heard that the rate of SIDS is incredibly smaller because the mother is next to the baby. We have good mommy instincts. Just make sure to not overbundle him and that no one in the bed has had alcohol or sleeping aids. You'll be fine! Try to relax. If you don't have any of the SIDS warning things in your environment and your baby has no neurological problems...relax. And if it makes you feel any better, I have two kids that I cosleep with. No problems. :-)

SIDS is, statistically speaking, more likely if your baby is in your bed. That said, I kept my DD in bed with me until she was just over 3 months- I was breast feeding and it was just better for both of us. And the transition was easy because I did it early enough.

HOWEVER- if you do this you have to be prepared for the long term affects. The sooner your child learns to fall asleep on his own, the easier it will be on both of you. If you think about it, of course he wants to sleep near you- for nine months he slept all cozy in your womb, and he wants the next best thing. So you can help him by simulating that environment without holding him. Swaddling will help calm him and has the added benefit of helping to prevent SIDS. Lay him down when he's sleepy, and pick him up if he gets upset, but then lay him right back down. Eventually he will LEARN to fall asleep on his own. But parents have to remember that, it's something kids actually have to learn to do. And be patient! But the more he gets in the habit of sleeping with/on you the harder it will be to break!

About the stress and being emotional- vent, cry, do whatever you need to to feel better (that's one of the wonderful things about these message boards!), but don't let that completely control you. There are times when you have to make hard decisions for your children, like shots and getting them to sleep on their own, but it is for their own good. Doing it now (or soon) will mean fewer tears down the road. And about shots, you don't have to get them! When I'm worried, I read, so do some research. I am not at all anti-vacc; I did the research and don't feel that the risk has been proved, and I thought about how I would feel if my child came down with the measles or something; not all of those diseases have been completely irradicated. But there are more than one solutions, also. Many parents opt for certain vaccinations to be delayed. And not all parents know that the state of CA requires vaccs to be preservative free, which is one less thing to worry about- but if you don't live in CA you can request preservative free vaccs.

Final notes- you may also want to read The Happiest Baby on the Block- it addresses colic, and your son may just be colicy. And if you continue to feel sad/upset talk to your doctor- you may have a little ppd!

Hi D.:
I am a first time mom ( I'm 37), and I had a lot of problems to conceive, I am so happy with my 3 1/2 month baby girl, that I walk in the moon:) My baby didn't cry so fast when she was born, but know she cries a lot, LOL, I am still afraid of SIDS, but I try not to worried too much about it...
My special advise is regarding your baby's first shots....and don't worry too much, I gave my baby a few drops of Tylenol before the appointment, ( ask your doctor ) and she was fine, she cried as normal, she had some fever the next day...but overall it went well....it hurt me more to see her crying for her shots....that what I think it hurt her....
I wish you good luck ....

I think we worry more now because we hear so much about the negative things. I have kids between the ages of 18 yrs - 8 yrs and hardy ever thought about SIDS or shots. This last baby (who is now 8 months) has been more of a challenge. She would only sleep on her back for a couple of minutes but loved to sleep on her tummy. I was SOOO worried about SIDS. Everytime we laid her on her tummy I would check on her constantly! My kids have all slept on their tummy (the older ones were SUPPOSED to be on the tummy, it was safer back then) and in bed with us until they were about 3 years and have all done great! With my 8 month old, now I am just enjoying every minute of her. I look back and wish I had enjoyed the first couple of months more instead of the constant worrying. Just try to think positive, your baby is going to be fine...beautiful and happy! Enjoy every second of him because you can never go back to this moment when they are so tiny & just want to cuddle with you. Enjoy it!

I have a book recommendation for you: Our Babies,Our Selves. Terrible title, GREAT book. It is a anthropological look at baby and infant care. The book isn't for everyone, but I found it very comforting to find out what people in other cultures do with their infants. There is a chapter concerning SIDS and co-sleeping.
Both my mother and my sister co-slept with their infants. Having the child in bed with you is some of the best monitoring possible. My sister used Attachment parenting groups as support during her children's infant years.
Also mothering magazine publications are great for "alternative" parenting advice.
Best of Luck with your little one.
A.

Since your son will be going in for his shots anyway, talk to the pediatrician about your fears. He/she can probably reassure you and offer some suggestions that might be helpful. And not to play down your concerns, but you also sound overly anxious and may need to see your own doctor since lack of sleep, anxiety and depression go hand in hand. And yes, as a 30-year-old mom of four with the oldest being 11 and the youngest two next month, there is a big difference between the first and the last. We had much more energy back then! Not to mention your hormones, emotions and body are completely different. You also probably had more assistance with the first (your mom or other family and friends) and now are more on your own. It can be a daunting task for anyone and incredibly frightening at any stage in your life to realize that someone so tiny is completely dependent on you. And remember, you are also still dealing with pregnancy/post-partem hormones. I remember one day when I was pregnant with my third and I just started crying in the middle of mass because I had looked around the church and saw all the kids and knew there was no way we as parents could protect them all, no matter how much we love them. If you are religious at all, centering yourself in your faith, trusting in the good will of God/nature/others...whatever you believe... may help relieve some of your worry. Yoga! Yoga is a great anxiety relief. But above all, please talk to the professionals!

As for your son's sleeping habits, for my first daughter we got her a big fluffy bunny that plays the sound of a heartbeat... I don't remember how well it worked, but it may help soothe him and allow him to feel comforted even when you're not right next to him. You probably won't want to put IT right next to him, but it does have a volume control and if he's bundled up well and maybe sleeping with a wedge? he might be warm enough (and feel something solid next to him) to relax and sleep. I'm sorry, this is such a long response, but I hope it is helpful.

Oh, and yes, they cry, sometimes get a knot, or fevers, but the chances of having anything major happen because of the shots is far lower than the chances of the child getting the illness the shots were supposed to prevent if they didn't have them. As far as I am concerned (I know some don't agree), having their shots is just one of those necessary evils we do for their benefit... like making them eat veggies! :)

If nothing else WAIT you do not have to give him shots at all but for sure don't do it this early. I have three kids and after doing much research I decided to not give them ANY shots they are all doing great 16, 14. & 5years old. Don't believe people when they say they can't go to school all my kids are in public school and it has never been an issue. PLEASE take some time and do the research for you self. There is so much information on line or when I started out 16 almost 17 years ago I went to the public library and check out every book about 10 of them and read all the information. I know this is a very personal decision but you have to do the best thing for your child. As for the sleeping together if it makes you feel better then let your son sleep with you it is not the end of the worls all three of my kids sleep in our bed and they are all very well adjusted teenagers and a toddler. If you have any questions or want support contact me directly. Last advise PRAY PRAY PRAY

Wow D.,
You need to talk to your doctor about you. This is way over the top of worrying. Your baby will be fine, millions of babies do NOT have this happen. You can not live your life with " what if" or you will be miserable. You need to realize and enjoy your new baby. Get some sleep, take the bab to bed with you.
Please remember you are creating sleep patterns for your baby by your actions. This is a baby and you are an adult.
Please talk to your doctors about your fears.
Hang in there you will be fine, and so will your baby.
N.

I was a little nuts about the SIDS thing as well, and got an Arm's Reach Co-sleeper that more or less attaches to the bed. I slept with my head next to my little girl for a good 3 months. It helped a lot to be able to open my eyes or reach over for a second to make sure she was OK. Plus, you could always rest your arm next to him - he's reassured that you're there, you're reassured he's breathing, and BOTH of you get some sleep! Money well spent. Got it on Amazon, and may have even got free shipping.

Good luck!

I never respond to any queries because i could spend all my free time doing so. but i feel drawn to at least try to comfort and warn you.
Relax. Breathe. your fears and concerns are natural. sleep with your baby. nurse from your breast. it lowers the chances of sids significantly. we live in a fear based society. ignore the pamphlets and listen to your intuition. maybe try seeing a local naturopathic doctor in your area and get some herbs or some homeopathic remedies to help ease your anxiety a bit. it will help the baby too.
lastly, put off the 4 months shots until you do some serious research about vaccinations. there are some that are linked to sids as well. Check out mothering magazine's website. they also have extensive back issues on education about vaccines. if you educate yourself and still decide to vaccinate for whatever reason, wait a while...there is no rush. dont let your pediatrician scare and control you. You have options. empower yourself. also, spacing the numerous vaccines apart is really wise. its too much for a new baby. Please take your time for the baby's sake.
i remember listening on my babys chest to see if he was really breathing. it can be overwhelming facing the fragility of life, especially one that we are so in love with. trust in the life force that generates and animates us all. Trust in the Source and trust in the calming of your own breath. Blessings and love sister.

Hi D.,

I am a stay at home mother of 4, (ages 15, 13, 2.5 and 8 months. It was hard after 10 years to have another baby. I felt like I was a new mom all over again. I was worried about SIDS, too. I think your fears are very normal. It would be hard to be in your place, loosing the twin and all, not to mention the AFP coming back a false positive. Rest assured at 4 weeks, I don't think he is spoiled. It sounds like you have a great monitor. My sister has one that is a camera and she has the TV part in her kitchen and she can see her baby when she sleeps. You can look into getting one of those, to make you more comfortable when he naps. He just needs to get used to napping on his own, but remember, he just came out of your comfortable, small space, so he is not used to being "alone" yet. Have you tried swaddling him? My baby still likes being swaddled and he is 8 months already.

Get him his shots, that is most important. Ask his dr about your concerns. As far as going back to work, just be sure you are leaving him with someone you completely trust and are comfortable with.

Take care,
M.

HI D.,
Sounds like you are having alot of fears, I too had alot of fears with my baby boy. He was born 2.5 months early was in the hospital for 37 days and came home on a sleep apnea monitor. That would go off in the middle of the night because he would stop breathing! Freaked us out for 6 weeks he was on it. I am just now feeling like hey he is ok. HE is 17 months. I was having some post partum depression, I would have crazy thoughts. BUt that is all mellowing out. Try not read these disturbing things on sids, or the shots or things that cause you stress. Just trust that your baby is fine. And that you are doing the best you can.We never had the baby sleep with us because of the monitor, he was in a bassinett next to the bed. We finally put him in his crib. I had a hard time with him in there. Seemed so far from me.But he was fine! We did follow the Baby Wise book with some of the tools to get him to sleep. That worked for us.. I found that the more relaxed I was and let go, really work on trusting my baby was ok, and getting some therapy because of the trauma of his birth really helped. Good luck with everything and try to get some sleep.! J.

first off breath in and out. these are normal worries. im a 22 year old first time mom with a daughter who is now 1. i worried just a small bit about sids because my daughter would only sleep on her stomach or side and also wanted to be held while she slept. what i did because she slept in our room for the first 4 months was when i put her in the bassinette i would lay her on her side and roll a couple recieveing blankets up and put them behind her back and then covered her with a nice warm blanket.i tried to get her to feel like she was held. then usually when she would wake up for like the 2nd time at night i would lay her in bed with me and she would be proped on my arm or on my chest. for the shots they are never easy just try to stay calm (if you do he will) and give him a little tylenol before you take him in. youll be just fine take it one day at a time and remember to breathe! find what works best for you and the baby and stick with it! hope this helps!

You are not alone with your worries, believe me. I suggest swaddling, this helped us a tremendous amount and we had our son sleep in a bassenet in our room for the first 6 months. However, the transition to his crib was very hard. We also did not consitently put him to be when he was awake and he got used to falling asleep in our arms or sleeping next to us - if you are planning on day care anytime soon, a word of caution, this is a hard habit to break - we had a very hard time of going through breaking this habit. When our son was swaddled he was not able to roll over which helped alot with the concern of sids and it sounds like the monitor you have is fantastic. You can purchase swaddling blankets that have velcro which are good for this age, but when they start moving around and get bigger I suggest the miracle blanket as it can accomodate a baby that is a little bigger. Hopefully that will help you rest easier.

i don't know if it would give you piece of mind, but if you google it you'll see that incidence of SIDS is 1 in 2500.
And there are some researchers who suggest that cosleeping reduces the incidence of SIDS because th einfant learns how to regulate his breathing, and reminded more often to breathe(i.e. light sleep) when lying down with mama). As long as your baby is sleeping on your side (not on your husbnads side), bets are that you are fine.
I also cosleeped with two of my children. With the first one, I was more cautious. So I removed one side of his crib and attahced his crib to our bed. As you can adjust the height of the crib easily, leveling was not a problem. He were lying next to me, yet in his own crib within my arms reach.
I did not let him to sleep on boppy, but i use it to trick him believing that I am still lying next to him (I put it on one side under his arm pit, when I need to move away from bed)

I have no advice other than to say I had my baby girl at 43 years old. In the first 2 months I had ridiculous anxiety about my little girl and my ability to have her thrive. And she was fine. My point is I think as we get older, we've heard so many stories about what could go wrong even though we know so many people where it went right, that it's really difficult for us not to go there. Ignorance of youth is bliss when it comes to babies as you experienced with your 13 year old.

Never mind you've had really difficult emotional experiences with your lil guy. All I can say is I freaked about the shots too and she's been fine. You might want to talk to a therapist for some relief - plus you really need your sleep, everything is way worse and tougher to deal with when you are sleep deprived.

Good luck!!

HI,
I have a 7 month old daughter and I was just like you with worrying about SIDS. I have gotten better but all I can tell you is that, as hard as it may be, you have to try to stop worrying about it becuase there is really nothing you can do. I used to be the same where I would not sleep well because I would keep checking on my daughter but as time went on I started to accept that there is nothing I can do and so I try to keep that thought in my head and I just pray each night that she will wake happily in the morning. Granted, I still check on her periodically just to make sure she is breathing and all is okay but as time goes on you will find that your fears will calm down. The sleeping habits are something that you will have to break over time. As hard as it is you should try letting him cry himself back to sleep. It is so hard to do but it is effective. Do you have a bassinet in your room becuase maybe if you just start slowly moving him further and further away from you then he will get used to sleeping alone. As far as the shots, which was another thing I worried about, try not to stress. I have asked my doctor multiple times about the links between shots and autism and he keesp reassuring me that there is no scientific link and the preservative that was thougth to be harmful is no longer put in the shots. And the little on only crys for a minute while they get the shots. Just give him some Tylenol before going to help with the after effects of the shots. I hope some of this helps even though all I pretty much told you was not to worry but really try not to. Just remember that there is nothing you can do about SIDS to completely prevent it so try to just pray each night and enjoy each day. It will get easier.

I think they are going overboard with worrying new parents about SIDS today. We were freaked out as well. I know it is a real concern, but a stressed out mommy is not good for your son either. Try to relax, I know it is hard, but just have faith. : ) Have you tried putting him in a bassinet next to your bed? That is what I did. I would not sleep him in a boppy. As far as the shots are concerned, not sure why they are doing them at 1 month. Our 1st ones were at 2 months and I still feel that is to early. I would talk to your doc about postponing them. They should work with you, ours did. Good luck and try to get some rest mama.

D.,

Don't worry. You will not spoil your baby if he sleeps with you at night. I co-slept with my first son at night, but put him in his crib during nap time. This way, when I decided to make the bed-crib transition, he had minimal issues. There are many nights, now, that my husband and I have both of our boys in the bed with us (talk about crowded). :) Both boys slept on their Boppy Pillows too. One thing I did (maybe to make myself feel better about it) was cut the "no sleeping" tag off of the Boppy. It actually removed a little of my SIDS stress and fear.

My first son had no real sleeping issues. However, my second son was very similar to what your situation seems to be. I thought he was just VERY particular. He never seemed totally comfortable when he slept (and rarely slept for more than an hour at a time). Eventually, I discovered he was colicky from his Pediatrician. I was pretty surprised, because I was expecting "text book" symptoms. Apparently, he had a very sensitive digestive system (which was causing all of his discomfort). We put him on Nutramigen and I had my first 4 solid hours of sleep within 4 days. What a relief! He would also only sleep swaddled (up until he was 8 months old). He would visibly sigh with relief as soon as his swaddle was secured.

If you are planning to get your son's 4 week vaccines (personal choice- I did), ask you Pediatrician if he/she thinks it would be okay for you to give him a tiny bit of Tylenol 30 minutes before your appointment. It may help take the edge off his pain. Another thing I did was have a bottle ready for my boys. As soon as the shots were over, I gave them the bottle. They quickly forgot about the shots and gave all their attention to food!

Please don't stress too much. You are obviously a good and conscientious mother. Don't let your fears overshadow that. I try to remind myself that I am very vigilant when it comes to my precious children, so I try to concentrate on that so those little fearful messages don't cloud my judgement. You know what's best, intuitively.

As a mom there are so many worries - but you know that God is in control. You cannot worry about things like this. If you are going to worry about this, than why not about a car crash, home robbery, etc.. because life is happening. Life must go on regardless. You have obviously done extraordiary measures to read his breathing, let him sleep in his bed. You need to get him to do this, even if it means he cries himself to sleep. He will learn. You must show him you know what you are doing, and that he belongs asleep in his own bed. You have an older child, and you know this to be true already. You are blessed with beautiful children and you will continue to be. Good luck and God Bless You!!!

I just want to say that my heart goes out to you. Your worries are real and true to your life. My daughter is 20 months now and looking back at the infant moments - what heart wrenching days and nights.
Find love and laughter, strength and courage and soon this part will pass and having said that, try as much as you can to find luxury in the preciousness of your newborn. As you know from your first child, it all goes by so fast.
much love to you.
D.

Hi D., I feel for you. It is such a real fear! I had the same agonizing fear until I saw a Chiropractor who explained to me what sids actually is, and how it can be prevented! yes, I said prevented! I cannot tell you the peace of mind ( and sleep ) I got after. I go to a Chiropractor that specializes in children & Families. I would be happy to pass on his name and #. and he can explain to you why chidren sometimes stop breathing and how an adjustment can make all the difference.
let me know if I can help further :) You need to be able to sleep to take care of that beautiful family you have!

You poor thing! Sounds like you are having lots of anxiety and unresolved feelings. You are absolutely in your right to feel the way you do. But I have to 100% agree with Leslie H. in that you really should talk with your Ob/Gyn about your feelings and anxiety. Your Ob may want to recommend seeing a post-partum therapist to help you get through such a stressful time. Also, you can't be spoiling your baby right now. The definition of spoiling is doing something for someone who could do it himself. Your baby can't do anything for himself yet, so carry him/sleep with him/keep him with you as much as he needs right now. Lastly, co-sleeping is okay (and I'm actually not into co-sleeping!), just no blankets or fluffy pillows around. Oh, and about the shots, I'm a huge advocate of vaccinations, and my son slept right through his. But you have to do what you feel is right. Try to figure out what your concerns are; again, a discussion with your Ob/gyn or a therapist may help. I wish you luck, my dear!

Bless your heart. Every (most) mother's I know experience some degree of obsession compulsion about their babies. That's what make family lore. What concerns me is that you are killing yourself going without sleep. Please speak to your doctor and get some facts about SIDS -it's really very rare. Also talk to your Ob/GYN this could be a symptom of post partum depression. Regarding the vaccinations, again get the facts. There is no medical link between vaccinations and autism, in spite of what so many victim parents feel. The mecury is no longer in the base and 75% of autistic children show signs prior to the MMR vaccine. Make sure you are worrying based on real medical research not alarmism. Every mother worries herself sick sometimes, it's our job.

About me: I have a 5 year old son and an 8 year old daughter and my OCD is a family joke !

D.,

As long as you do it safely - no fluffy comforters, nothing close to baby who can smother him, co-sleeping is perfectly safe. And babies who are in bed or in the same room with mom actually have lower rates of SIDS because they are biologically programed to pick up on mom's breathing patterns. I coslept with my first until he was 3 and I'm cosleeping with my second (he's 18 months now). I was like you in that I couldn't sleep unless my baby was right there with me. I had very difficult, high risk pregnancies and I think that anxiety definitely carried over after they were born. It does get easier as they get older but if you think your anxiety is at an unhealthy level, talk to your OB. Postpartum anxiety isn't talked about like postpartum depression but it is just as real and just as horrible to go through. I think in many ways having kids when you are younger is easier - you still feel bullet proof and you think nothing bad can happen. But being an older mom, you KNOW bad things can happen and it is hard to work through that.

Oh, and you CANNOT spoil a newborn. They've gone from being inside you to being outside and it is terrifying. If your son needs to be held, hold him. I don't care what anyone says, if you want to hold your baby, hold him.

A couple of my favorite resources are www.askdrsears.com and www.drjaygordon.com and www.kellymom.com They are very much more "attachment parenting" and gentle parenting focused. You can find info there on cosleeping safely, vaccines and all sorts of stuff.

As for the shots, my first child has autism and there is a lot of controversy on what role vaccinations play in autism (as well as other vaccine reactions like SIDS). He was vaccinated according to the normal schedule so he had 23 vaccines before he was 2 years old. You can opt out of the shots or delay them or do an alternative vaccine schedule so they don't get so many so fast. If you are interested in the vaccine schedule that is popular in the autism community email me directly ____@____.com and I'll send it to you. For my second child, we've opted to do an alternative vaccine schedule in hopes of lowering his risk of having autism or any other potentially vaccine related problems. There is lots of controversy about vaccines and autism but I've done enough reading to be highly uncomfortable with the safety of the current vaccine schedule. If you are worried about the shots, you have options. It doesn't have to be an "all or none" deal.

Hugs and get some sleep. You need it!

T.

First of all let me tell you that I was exactly like you with my son who was my first. I remember falling asleep with him on my chest w/out realizing it when he was like a month old and I woke up 2 hours later and he had slumped down and his face was burried into my tummy - I FLIPPED out and picked up in the air and he did not move (because he was SLEEPING of course)- I screamed for my husband which of course woke up my poor baby who was had this look on his face like, what the hell, why are you screaming in my face while I am trying to sleep??? I continued to be paranoid until he was like 6 mos old. When my daughter was born they had just published the recent study that pacifier use during sleep DRASTICALLY reduces the chances of SIDS. This is b/c babies who use a pacifier are constantly sucking and have a much harder time falling into the deep sleep that they say is associated w/SIDS. I know not everyone wants to use a pacifier w/their babies (and I used to be one of those moms who swore she never would) but when I heard about the SIDS reduction I had no problem giving it to my baby. It just gives a little more peace of mind. Just don't make the same mistake I did and let them have it til they are 2 - then you will have a whole different problem - lol.

On the shot issue I would strongly encourage you to wait a little longer on his 1st shots and then do an alternate vaccine schedule that gives one shot every month or so rather than all of them at once. I had one child with no reaction to his any of his vax and another with a reaction that was so bad that she will not be getting any more shots until she goes to school (only vax she currently has are DT and Hepatits B) All of the shots they are giving our kids are way too hard on their little bodies. Make sure you do your research on each and every shot he gets and never let your dr talk to into anything you are not comfortable with. Good luck with everything!!!

i too would sleep with my newborns to help them sleep but even i needed my own space and needed my sleep. what worked best for me (i have 4 children and due to have one in december) i would get recieving blankets, not big thick ones, and i would wrap them up very snuggly, that way they felt they were being help, though keep in mind temperature makes a big difference, i would wrap them snuggly, hold them for a little while so the blanket would gain my heat while they fall asleep, so that when you lay the baby in the bed, the baby still thinks your holding him and still feels your warmth. just make sure when you transfer the lil one, you do it very slowly so you dont wake him up. (a little trick my mom taught me, she had 4 kids as well)

yes i had that fear about sids, but when your paranoid, even in sleep, you prevent yourself from rolling over and such.

as for shots, relax...it mostly hurts your feelings, a trick to make that simple is, give him tylonal beforehand and when you take him in, have a bottle prepared for him, as soon as he gets his shots, feed him some of the bottle, it will help soothe him.

i hope these help. let me know how it goes :-)

Every new mom worries about their baby, and as you know having an older child, the worrying never stops.
I believe that God's hand is on your little one and worrying never affects anything in a positive realm.
My Daughter still sleeps with us ( I know this is a no no to babywise fans) but every family is different.
She only sleeps 20-30 minutes if she is not next to me.
Is your son breastfed? My daughter is and she is really attached to me. IT was especially hard in her first 8 weeks of life. My husband and I sleep like mummies every night to prevent rolling on he. she starts out in her bed but after a couple feedings I am so tired that she stays with us and sleeps great.
We are in the process of weaning her out of our bed, but in the beginning there is no harm in keeping baby close. We are the only culture that frowns on co-sleeping for the first few months. If you research sids with infants who slept with their parents, one of the parents were usually intoxicated when they rolled on the infant.
I am not saying this is for everyone, its definately just an opinion, but you do whats right for your family as I have done for mine.
If the anxiety persist, you may want to see a professional who can help you work through your fears. A mommy with no sleep is hard on you and everyone else.
You are doing a great job and I know from experience the challenges of having an older child in the home with and infant.
As for the vaccines, my sister's boss is president of CHOC hospital, and she has been telling us the outbreak and rebirth of things that were gone a long time ago due to the popular decision parents are making not to vaccinate their kids.
Measles, Hepetitus B, TB, and polio are showing up again. There is no way you will feel comfortable leaving him in dare care either if he is not vaccinated. With all those other kids not vaccinated either it will be a risk.
I split up my daughter's shots. I due half at one appointment and the other half 2 weeks later. I don't want her little body overwhelmed with too many shots at once, so I break them up because I know they are important.

Ahh honey, your going to drive yourself mad. I'm a first time mom of a 4 month old little girl and we co-sleep. I am trying to break the non stop nursing, but I really love having her next to me. I don't sleep at all if she's not with me. If you take some safety precautions like keeping pillows and blankets away from her then things will be fine. Like others have said co-sleeping is actually much safer than people think. There are things online that you can read to support this. Dr. Sears has some good info on the subject. My doctor actually told me to co-sleep until my baby was at least two. At the time I thought he was nuts, but now I'm growing fond of the idea.
Don't worry, we attract what we fear, so take the necessary precautions, and let the fear go!
Best wishes,
S.

D., my little girl was not sleeping too much either. Every time I would put her down she would start to cry. I think you are only creating a bigger problem. I bought the body guards and I put her to sleep on her side. I know they say you should lay her flat but I found she would constantly be spitting up. Let her cry for a little bit. Crying wont hurt her. I have read that it usually takes about 20 minutes for them to fall into REM sleep. Try putting her down after that. I would not put any pillows around her. Also, dont let her sleep in you bed. She will get use to it and that in the end will be harder. Good luck. And remember you need your rest....

I was 33 when my first son was born. The pregnancy was uneventful, but I had lost my first baby to a miscarriage, so I worried about everything throughout the pregnancy and beyond. I was the first woman in my family to ever have a miscarriage so I worried that my body was not even capable of producing a healthy baby. When my son was born, he did not cry immediately either and he kept sneezing - so I worried. I had trouble with breastfeeding, so I worried more. When we finally did get him eating well, he spit up a lot so I worried even more. I worried about SIDS, I worried about EVERYTHING. He was a perfectly healthy baby, but I worried about everything. He just turned 3 and he is the healthiest, happiest, funniest little boy. I have formed the opinion that some of this worry comes with age. Most of my mom- friends are several years younger than me and they don't seem to worry like I do. You were much younger when your daughter was born, so that may be why it was easier. It also sounds like you are terribly sleep-deprived. That could definitely be contributing to your tendency to worry. You could also have a bit of post-partum depression. I have heard from some friends that it is more common after having a male baby (maybe the testosterone?). I know you had more reason to worry because of the loss of his twin and the false prenatal test results, but if his doctor says he is fine and he is healthy now, try to convince yourself that you are worrying unneccessarily. If you do pray, that definitely helps. Place him in God's hands; He created him and He cares about him just as much as you do.
To get him to sleep longer, try swaddling him (the tighter the better). Both of my babies loved swaddling - the younger fought it at birth, but at about 4 weeks he really began to enjoy it and I swaddled him until about 6 months or so. I also used a sleep positioner that had pads on the sides to hold them in place. This may give your son the feeling that he is wanting when he wants to feel you next to him. If he feels tight and snug, that may be all he is wanting. He also may just need to get used to sleeping without you next to him, and the younger he is when you let him get used to sleeping alone, the easier it will be for him. When he cries, try not to jump up immediately and go to him. Give him a minute or two to see if he can settle himself back to sleep, unless you know it is time for a feeding, but if you know he is fed and dry, he may be crying just because he woke up between sleep cycles and he is still tired. As for the shots, if you are that worried about it, don't get them yet. I know you have to go back to work so he may be going to daycare and they probably require that he be vaccinated, but if it's possible, you can wait. I still have not vaccinated either of my boys - I'm still deciding if I will vaccinate them at all. But I have been blessed to be able to keep them home with me so I only have my doctor pressuring me to vaccinate.
I don't know if I have shared anything that is helpful, but I know how it feels to worry and I hope that you can be more at peace so you can get some much needed rest and start enjoying your precious baby.

Hi D., Congratulations on your new baby! Our little angel is 7 weeks old now and I panic about SIDS all the time, too. Especially because she is African American and their rate is double Causasian - but we have her sleep between us in a little portable bed we recieved as a gift - they sell them at Target for $40. We also have the wedges so she doesn't roll around. We are adopting and shots are a requirement for us - I read as little as possible about it. However, I have 2 friends who had polio when they were children, so I would definitely get that one! Good luck - get some sleep! And know that your baby will be fine and will grow into an irritating teenager and someday you'll cry at his wedding. :)

My daughter is now 16 months old. I had a C-section with her and right from the get go I had her sleep on top of me and she was able to nurse during the night. At about 3 months old it got a bit hard and we started putting her in the basinette and it took a while with the help of my husband to get her to sleep. Once we got her into the crib, I would still sleep in her room on the futon and when she woke up, I would let her sleep with me, on top.

With my son, who is now a teenager, in the beginning he slept on top of me, belly down, and by 2 months was sleeping in his crib, belly down, slept great and never had a problem.

No advice about the SIDS because saying to take it easy and just breath doesn't help. I have yet to find a way to make my mama fears 'go away'. So to that all I can say is ((HUGS))

As far as worrying about the shots...don't them. Until you start feeling comfortable that you and your son are ready for it just don't do them. You can delay getting shots or some moms just don't get them. So don't feel pressured to do something your comfortable with yet.

Good Luck!!!

Hi D.,
I was scared senseless about SIDS. My daughter slept in a cradle next to my side of the bed and I would constantly wake up to see if she was breathing. Then at about 4 months we brought her into bed with us. It made nursing easier and we all slept a bit better.
Don't worry about your little one never sleeping in his own bed when he gets older, we had a successful transfer of our dd into her own bed at 12 months. There is a thing that you can put in between you and your husband so there will be no fear of rolling over onto the baby, here is the link:http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Close-Secure-Sleeper/dp...

Also, please take a deep breath and relax. SIDS is something that is very scary, but worrying about it so much is taking away from enjoying your son.
HTH!

It's normal to worry about SIDS especially when the baby is still young. I had the same concerns but I didn't buy any special equipment like you. I think I developed a routine (feeding every 2 hours) so I slept lightly and woke up automatically. If you want, set your alarm clock to check up on him in the middle of the night.
You suffered some traumatic stuff when you lost your other baby so it's normal to worry a lot. I'll pray for you. Hopefully, your pediatrician can give you more advice.
For sleeping on his own, try swaddling him (like they did in the hospital) and try to put him in his own room. If you share room with him, he may be waking up when you twist and turn even if he's not next to you.
I didn't cosleep with my son, bec. I hit when I have nightmares. Do what's comfortable for you, but he might have a difficult time transitioning to his own crib the older he gets.
A book that helped me is called "On Becoming Babywise". It helped put him in a schedule and he was able to sleep through the night by 2.5 months. Good luck!

Hi D.,

You will always worry about your child. I will probably not breathe a sigh of relief until mine gets married. You do what's in your power, stay informed, and then give your child breathing room to grow and experience the world without you hovering like a nervous wreck. Just be prepared for anything that does happen. And the odds really are on your side that your child will grow up to be a semi-healthy adult like the rest of us.

I know you are worried about SIDS, but you also have a need to think about the long-term consequences of having your child sleep in your arms and of you not getting enough sleep.

As for the shots...this is very much something that is in your control. Yes, get your child vaccinated if you have hepatitis B infected needles lying around your home or if you and/or your husband often invite disease infected, pus-oozing relatives and friends around. Otherwise, there really is no urgent or compelling reason to have a 4 month old vaccinated, expecially RIGHT NOW. Especially given the facts that California (assuming you live here) had a 300% increase in autism rates and has the highest rates of autism in the nation. In addition to that, special education services are booming for the rest of the kids who don't have autism but have other issues such as speech and learning delays.

There is obviously some big reason that our kids are not performing well in school and come on, it's not just the teachers and the schools. Today's teachers are the most highly educated yet, they teach to the tests and yet our students are still doing very poorly. In my opinion, there is some environmental issue that is responsible for all of the increase in autism, learning disabilities, SIDS, ADHD, allergies, children's cancers, etc. ANd of course the government, who is forcing vaccinations, is not going to hold a press conference agreeing that these shots are causing huge problems. Think of the liability dollars across the nation. No, that's never going to happen.
As for vaccines being made without thimerasol (mercury), yep, they were supposed to stop producing some of them without mercury but what do you think they did/do with the existing batches already manufactured? Toss 'em? Try again. These will be used until the supply is gone.
I know the fear of not getting your child vaccinated and of him catching a disease. But you certainly don't have to forego them altogether, just space them out and only do one or two at a time. Don't do the combos either.

Good luck, we've all been there!

Well D. my heart goes out to you. I am also a first time mom, my son is almost three months old. I also worry about SIDS too. I guess both of our sons our spoiled because mine sleeps with me too. I Have tried having him sleep in his play yard nest to our bed, but I can't sleep I worry about him too much plus he usually wakes up because he doesn't like to sleep by himself.

Anyway I responded to ease your worries a little bit about letting your son sleep with you. When I was at college for an early childhood development degree I did some research on attachment parenting. During my research while reading up on the pros of co-sleeping. There have been many studies that show that babies that sleep with there parents have a less likely chance of getting SIDS. So let your baby sleep with you. You will both sleep better and as my mom says you can't spoil a baby with love.

About his shots I was worried before my son's first shots also but turned out to not be so bad. the actual shots broke my heart and I had to give him some tylenol for pain, but he was back to his normal self by that night and did not get a fever. Ask your dr. how much tylenol to give him and check his temp, but I'm sure he'll be just fine.

Hi D.,
I also have a 13 year old and a newborn at 30. It was much easier with the 1st, but maybe that's because we didn't know what we were doing?? :)

We co-sleep with both of our little ones and it makes it easier to sleep. If you are married, maybe your hubby can take turns helping with the baby at night? My hubby helps with the 2 year old so I can focus on the 4 month old. I worried about the baby waking up too, but I just had to have faith that she would be okay. SIDS hasn't been proven to be caused by anything, which to me means that it can happen to anyone in any circumstance. Nothing can really prevent it. I hope that doesn't make you worry more, but it's in the hands of God. Just make sure he doesn't have anything extra in his bassinet or crib, that he can freely move around, and I read not to put your baby to sleep in the Boppy.. not sure why. I agree with the one mom about maybe talking to a therapist to help ease your fears. I hated taking the baby to get shots too, but all was well. I wish you the best of luck and hope that everything works out. The first 6-8 weeks are the hardest for new moms and we need our rest, so try to sleep when you can.
From one new mom to another,
S.

My daughter would not sleep on her back, she always wanted to be on her tummy which freaked me out because of SIDS. Around the time of dealing with this a few of my friends knew people who's babies had died of SIDS and that even more freaked me out. I bought the same pad/alarm that you have for under the mattress but I still could not sleep. I am a first time mom-and worry too much. So I read in a baby book that if they are tummy sleepers you can always have them lie on your chest and sleep with you. so I did that. she could feel me I could feel her and we all slept. yes it was weird the first few nights but it got easier. Maybe you can try that ? then you could maybe get some sleep. even when I went back to work I had her sleeping on me. Just made me feel better knowing she is ok and she was on me. good luck.

Hey there,
I feel that the problems is...a bit of post-partum depression that is manifesting as generalized anxiety. I'm sure your baby is fine, but obsessing on his health is a symptom of your fears. Talk to your OBGYN, and see about a low dose anti-depressant, or if you want to go natural, try some yoga and a little time for yourself.
Been there myself!
Star

I was like you with my firstborn. (He is now 8. I have a 3.5 year old and she was in our bed for 1 year. But I still lie with her until she falls asleep.) My son could not sleep alone on the crib (being left alone to scream in his hospital bassinet for 2 days away from me did not help) and NEEDED physical touch to sleep soundly. I slept like a stiff pencil for the first 3 days... and then I relaxed. I realized something... that our sleep patterns started to match each other.... that I awoke minutes before he did, ready for what he needed. I suppose this varies for other people, but in the first year, with him in our bed, I was SO HAPPY and rested and relaxed with him lying next to me. I felt so good he was safe beside me. He nursed during the night often and I never felt sleep deprived. My husband was amazed we did not go through the first-parent sleep-deprivation hell that so many couples go through. I put him in his own room at age 2. I went to him during the night and stayed there if he cried. It just made it a lot easier on me nightwise.
Dr. James McKenna runs a Mother/Baby Sleep Laboratory (he started out his research convinced that co-sleeping was dangerous, but the data proved otherwise).
He has a wonderful online website with his articles. Please read them to educate yourself.
http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/faq.html
Basically he says co-sleeping is very safe/ideal sleeping environment for the newborn. We have EVOLVED to be responsive to each other at night, with minimal sleep pattern disturbance (especially the first few weeks, months). It makes sense to me... there is a reason young children get scared at night... biologically they expect to be close to another human.
Anyway, he says that co-sleeping is dangerous in very specific situations:
- extremely overweight parent who sleeps too soundly
- any parent under the influence of any medication or drug that alters sleep patterns
- unsafe sleeping environment (crook of a couch with parent underneath for example - lots of deaths that way. And DUH waterbeds are not safe either.)
If you look at the SIDS deaths, most of them happen in those situations.
Co-sleeping is not dangerous with a 1) breastfeeding mother who is healthy.
Another thing to remember is that the Consumer Product Safety Commission came out strongly against co-sleeping. Critics (who are pro-co-sleeping as a HEALTHY thing for mother and baby to do - touch is important at night, it regulates and calms the body, promoting healthy growth, and it promotes the breastfeeding relationship) counter that they REPRESENT the PRODUCT companies (crib manufacturers, bedding manufacturers...) children's bed products are a huge business and if everyone in the US started co-sleeping and stopped buying cribs and bedding, it would destroy that industry.

SHOTS - you don't have to do the shots at 4 months. You don't have do all the "recommended" shots at 4 months. It's "recommended." If you feel better spacing it out (ideal) and waiting a few months till your baby is more mature/stronger (also wise IMO) then do that. Do more research. Don't feel pressured by someone else's schedule. Mothering Magazine (a natural family living magazine) has a great vaccine board (very anti-) and you'll learn a lot by lurking and posting.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/
I am 39 years old and when I was an infant, no way in hell did I get so many damn shots. I do believe there is a link with all the autism-spectrum issues we see today and the shots (with a list of nasty ingredients and preservatives and stabilizers).

Hi D.,
I can relate totally to your situation. I was very stressed as a mom who had been through infertility and then a very stressful adoption. My friend and I both struggled as you do at bedtime. We were so distressed that we developed the Guardian Sleeper... www.guardiansleeper.com. I am truly not trying to sell you something but I really think this product might give you the peace of mind and extra sleep you need. Nicola and I developed it out of a personal need. It has a 30 day no questions asked money back guarantee so if it doesn't help you can return it.It has been SIDS institute and hospital tested.
Please email me if you want to talk and I can call you if you send me your number or you can call 800-577-5675 and leave me a number to call you.
You will be in my prayers.
C. :-)

I too was overly worried about SIDS, I would check to make sure my baby was still breathing when she was sleeping. I also had a difficult pregnancy and delivery. I said I would NEVER co sleep, but found that sometimes it was the only way for us to sleep and for me to feed her. What helped me not worry so much was when I read that statically, more infants die in car accidents then due to SIDS. I loaned my book out so can't give you the exact numbers but in the Happiest Baby on the block it has the exact numbers. The number of babies that die each year is not as high as you would think given all the literature your given with the back to sleep campagin, I had assumed it was a high number of newborns that died of SIDS. Reading that it gave me peace. I hope that helps!

There are a couple of things I can think of.

- First of all, it is impossible to spoil a month-old baby.

- Second, if you want to do it, there are safe ways of co-sleeping. If you do a quick search online, you should be able to find resources that describe those. We also were very happy using a co-sleeper which attached to the side of the bed. It meant that my daughter was within reach at all times--a benefit for both of us.

- Third, I think you need to talk your doctor about your feelings of anxiety and see if there's any *medical* reason--like post-partum depression--that could be causing your natural concerns to be magnified.

Good luck!

Hi,

To me it sounds like you have many issues happening here. First off, realize that when you have a baby at 17, you probably didnt know much about SIDS and you were young and less experienced so you probably didn't know what to worry about.

From my personal experience, I had my first child at 19 and my youngest at 36 along with two others in the middle. Here, I will say that I did worry at 19 about the safety and well being of my baby. When my youngest was born, I struggled with the hormone issues. I had a difficult time sleeping peacfully....I am certain that is was hormone related. In the hospital, I was sleeping and I even woke up because I was so drenched in my own body sweat because I had had a sudden surge of hormones or a drop in hormones, i guess. I also struggled with the idea of returning to work. I am so glad that I stayed home until she was 3 months old....If I would have returned to work at 6 weeks, honestly for me, that would have been the straw that broke the camels back! I do not think I could have handled that at all. If at all possible, I would try and see if you could stay at home just at least a few more extra weeks. It really can make a difference. Especially if you are not getting your rest...you must have some rest. I believe that some of your anxiety is because of lack of sleep. Your hormones also have a lot to do with it. You need to talk with your OB and explain that you are having anxiety.
Shots are very important for your child to have. But, you can probably postpone them for a few weeks, while you are trying to get your sleep issues under control. You dont want to just starting a sleep routine and then have a fussy baby because of shots. But, do not skip having your child immunized...it is important to protect him.
Best of luck and know that people are praying for you and your son.

Dear D.,
You poor dear; you have been through so much. Please do not minimize your trauma-it is real and there will be emotional consequences for what you have suffered through. You are experiencing real and appropriate fear for your child. But you will not overcoming your hyper-vigilance with this child until you heal from your trauma. Please seek professional assistance to do so. It will only be a matter of time before your fears will have a huge adverse affect on this child, if it hasn’t already, and your fears will become his fears, only he wont know why or where they came from. Wishing you the best...

hi D.,

I have an 11 month old and I can totally feel you on the fear of SIDS thing. I was watching him constantly as a newborn.

On the co sleeping, I also had my baby in bed with me. It was the only way I could sleep. We both slept better next to each other. I knew he was ok and he was comforted having me near. At first, I felt like a bad mom because everyone was telling me not to sleep with him, but then I did some research. Co sleeping is actually safer than having the baby sleep alone. In most of the world, co sleeping is the norm. Your baby will regulate his breathing to yours, which decreases the chances that he will just stop breathing, which is what usually happens with SIDS, and unless you are taking sleeping pills or are EXTREMELY exhausted there is almost no risk of smothering your baby. You sound like a light sleeper anyways, so this doesn't sound like a worry.

Check out the work of Dr. Sears for a doctors recommendations on co sleeping.

I do not regret at all keeping my baby in bed with my husband and I. We all get a good night's sleep, I never had to do the whole letting him cry himself back to sleep thing, and I love the bonding time. When you go back to work, having him next to you in bed would be a wonderful time to catch up on closeness that you will both miss out on during the day.

There are a ton of options for co sleeping, like putting in a side car type bed or using a Snuggle Nest.

You are not spoiling your baby at all by giving him the comfort that he needs. It would be silly to expect him to be all independent at 4 weeks.

I think having him next to you while sleeping is the only way you'll get some rest, so do it. And trust that your instincts are right in wanting him near you.

Also, I have been pretty cautious about only doing the shots are really necessary as I hear that cocktails of shots are hard on the baby. You might want to talk to your DR about this.

Take care!

Hi. I have a 2.5 year old and 13 month old, both girls. Both, for all their lives, have slept in bed with me and my husband. You can't spoil a baby for the first 6 months of their life. Your baby was with you for 9 months, 24 hours a day. Now that he's out, we expect him to sleep by himself? Unfair, I think. Yes, he needs to feel you, hear your heartbeat, smell your skin. This makes him feel secure. It will make him grow up to be a secure adult. Don't worry. You and your baby are okay. You're probably also going through some baby blues, which is normal. I don't know why the hospital would give you so many pamphlets on SIDS. My first hospital birth wasn't like that. My second was born at home. The pamphlets just made you worried for no reason. WE have not vaccinated our children. We're waiting until they are older. We don't believe in giving infants dozens of shots in short time when their immune system has not even fully developed yet. But, that's our belief, and it came from tons of research. Of course, the medical community and most of our family and friends think we're crazy, but we don't care. It would be nice to have support, but we're doing what we think is best for our family. During our research of vaccinations, we found articles linking SIDS with these vaccinations. If you'd like to ease your mind, educate yourself so that you can be in control of your baby's health. Our pedicatrician is Dr. Paul Fleiss and we sometimes also take the girls to a naturopath (Dr.Simon Barker in Pasadena). But, my main advise to you is to enjoy your baby and stop worrying. Take a deeep breath and smell and hold and cradle and "spoil" that baby. They'll be grown up before you can blink. Congratulations on your newborn!