Nevermind Ladies...

Updated on December 21, 2011
M.M. asks from Memphis, TN
11 answers

nothing to see here

Thank you for the support, my parents were divorced and remarried and I didn't like it when a step parent referred to me as their daughter. I'm also very new to being a "mom" and have a good relationship with my stepchildren's biological mother and I am trying to respect boundaries but at the same time get some advice.

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So What Happened?

I realized it's better to go with my gut rather than trust random moms over the internet who are very quick to judge. P.S. When I was a child I had a mother and a stepmother and we interacted very differently.

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C.C.

answers from Houston on

I think you are just fine for stating it the way you did. Lighten up mamas...she's trying to be a good step mom to her step daughter. There's always gonna be that "fine line" between step daughter and daughter. And you are fibbing if you try to say any different. Give her a break! P.S. the note was somewhat overboard for third graders....a talk is in order. Merry Christmas!

9 moms found this helpful

More Answers

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

Oh seriously you were jumped for that question.

I didn't really have an answer but I didn't think it was a question that required a lecture on how to address your step daughter. Kinda odd really, these are the same people that jump steps for overstepping....guess you can't win.

Oh yes, very busy but they have time to report turnip posts. :p

10 moms found this helpful

B.K.

answers from Chicago on

You did get a lot of unneeded judgment here. I totally understood why you wrote what you wrote. And I think some moms need to take a chill pill sometimes before they answer. Sheesh.

6 moms found this helpful

R.B.

answers from La Crosse on

she is your real daughter. "step" is only a label. Why would there be double standards? Not trying to be bitchy here.. but if it doesn't bother you enough now, why would it if she was your "real" daughter?

** Its more about your last line.. "I know if she were my real daughter, I wouldn't like it at all." **

4 moms found this helpful
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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

I'm sorry that you felt attacked attacked by a few posters, the rest gave you the real situation. I can see that you were trying to present the entire situation and have boundaries. The child may not be with you full time and you want to differentiate that.

My daughter is adopted: I have never been pregnant, given birth, gone through infertility or breastfed. I am every bit a mother just like someone that has birthed six kids! I too feel the need to clarify my situation so people know where my answers are coming from.

4 moms found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

I don't know what this is about, but if you see any answers on this website, that means the women WHO ARE VERY BUSY AND INVOLVED WITH FAMILIES, took TIME to help you. I cannot believe someone would even disregard them like this. OUCH.

3 moms found this helpful
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L.L.

answers from Orlando on

I think the last sentence of your post sets the wrong tone :( And might make people comment more on that then your actual question. It makes me sad to read that because my daughter has a step mother as well.

If you tell your husband would he say something to her? I don't know. I don't think I'd mention it to him if I wasn't absolutely sure he wouldn't tell her that I told him. Maybe this is the 1st step of her trusting you with bigger issues when she gets older.

3 moms found this helpful
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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I have a 4th grade daughter. I would be glad that she's being a normal 9 year-old girl, and that some normal boy thinks she's cute. It wouldn't bother me a bit! I think it's perfectly appropriate, and perfectly normal. I wouldn't have let on that I found the note at all. I might ask her some open-ended questions about boys in general and John in particular, just to see what she feels about what's going on.

2 moms found this helpful
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J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

We did that kind of thing all the time in third grade -even first! We had little boyfriends and girlfriends, but it was all innocent. I'm sure we said some more grown up things we heard our parents or babysitters say, but that's no biggie. At their age it's just all fun and pretending to be a grown up or a teenager. People who get in a stir about it set up a very difficult road for themselves and communication with their children as they age. You can always ask in conversation -"So who is this 'John Doe'?" "Have you given him a kiss?" -asked jokingly and conversationally you can actually find out A LOT about what she knows and what she thinks!

1 mom found this helpful

L.M.

answers from Dover on

Daughter is daughter. Not being your biological child has no bearing on the situation at hand. That comment does sound a bit much for 3rd graders but it could just be "copying" what he has heard older kids say. Sounds like your daughter is a bit embarrassed about it (or at least you knowing about it). If I were you, I would tell your daughter that you won't tell her dad about the letter itself but she has to promise to keep communication open with at least one of her parents (mom, dad, you, steddad...one of you) about this and other things. Take this is an opportunity to lovingly let her know that while she may be a bit flattered and also embarrassed by the comment, that it is a bit too advanced for her age.

1 mom found this helpful

T.N.

answers from Albany on

Aaaaw, so cute! And completely harmless, least IMHO.

Now's a good time for an easy chat about self respect, or rather how when a thing makes her feel 'icky' it's not ok, and it's GOOD to tell a grown up when it makes her feel icky.

Unless there's more to this story, I wouldn't make a big deal of it.

:)

1 mom found this helpful
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