Nephew Struggling in School

C.,

I have a 9 year old son who had the same problems as your nephew. My son was gripping the pencil so hard he would actually bruise his finger. And "paying attention" were not words in his vocabulary. I tried everything down to the pencils grips. I actually got advice from a nurse at my doctor. She suggested having him tested for ADHD and she was right. After doing all kinds of research I realized having ADHD isn't so bad these days. Maybe suggest to your sister to have him tested. If any males in the family were ever diagnosed with ADD or ADHD his chances are increased. I hope this advice helps your sister and your nephew.

L.

It seems that you have received some great advice for the first issue and some for the second. With #2 it might simply be that he is anxious or afraid of something at school. If the child behaves appropriately while mom is there, maybe she could "volunteer" in his classroom and help him adjust. Or, he might be shy in front of the class and helping him be more comfortable in a large group setting could be bennificial. If they attend church regularly I would ask the Sunday School teacher how he behaves there. Maybe something happened at school that is causing the behavior.
Good Luck, my greatest respect to your sister for trying so hard to fix the problem instead of letting the school deal with it.

Hi C.,

Yes I had the issue with my son and his pencil "gripping". The first grade teacher stated to buy him some pencil grips, you can buy them just about anywhere. So my son used them for the rest of the grading period...and Now a year later still doesn't have the best handwriting, but doesn't grip that pencil to squeeze the life out of em! You might try and see what happens.

As far as the difference in behavior at school, sounds like something is bothering him, and keeping him "shy" at school, maybe check his learning and behavior assesments, if he is having difficulty there, it may be the reason, like he is embarassed or something of that nature.

Just an opinion.
Your friend on Mamasource,
T.

Yes my daughter had the same issues. Hers were apparent in kindergarten, so by second grade we were getting her tested for Learning Disabilities. I had to push hard for them to do that. They normally want to put if off til they get into elementary further. It turned out she is LD, and once she started getting the extra tutoring that is mandated once they are on an IEP she was doing better in school and acting better.

Most children who struggle with learning take it out with aggressiveness or behavioral issues.

Tell her to get on the horn with the school physcologist.

As for issue #1: I am a preschool teacher. You may want to have mom try to have him practice at home every night for 10 minutes. Just use a FAT crayon or marker. He may just need a little more practice to become comfortable with writing. Just have mom write down words and have him copy them. He can even use a dry erase marker (FAT) and a dry erase board. Don't worry about spacing yet. Let him get comfortable first. It sounds like he is trying really hard.
As for issue #2: Is he making friends? Maybe get him together with someone of his choice from school once a week. If he has bad behavior tell him he can't have someone over this week. Praise for good behavior at home. Even if he is only doing this behavior at school. Ask the teacher to send a note home everyday with a red light for bad, yellow light for moderate, and a green light for good!

He is not a bad kid, he just is figuring out his boundaries. Every kid will test these boundaries many times in there life.

It sounds like he is anxious about something concerning school! The pencil grip thing is just a learning how issue - many kids grip the pencil too hard because they are trying so hard to concentrate on what they are doing. It sounds like he may be a little overwhelmed with school. I would not worry about the handwriting - if he colors well and is vocal at home, I would have your sister talk with him and see if there is anything bothering him at school. And practice at home with the pencil - he's more relaxed there, and maybe would do better if just left alone with a pencil to draw with - no writing, just let him draw some pictures and then color in with crayons. Maybe see if your sister can drop into the classroom and visit him - see if she picks up any feeling about what's going on at school that's making him nervous or afraid. It will get better! Hang in there!
E.

Hi C.,
I would suggest your sister look into some occupational therapy for him regarding his writing. Depending on where you are, the school should initiate this (perhaps at the request of your sister), and in many cases the cost is covered through the school system. This could help tremendously with his writing and the earlier the assistance, the easier it will be for Colin to learn how to grip a pencil properly and be on track developmentally with his writing.

Regarding his behavior, your sister might want to review his diet - are there things he's eating for breakfast, snack or lunch that he doesn't eat at home in the afternoon or evening? Allergies can impact behavior in a big way and behavior is often related to dietary issues. Secondly, your sister may want to request an impartial professional to observe Colin and his class over a period of a few days to a week at different times of the day. If there is a school psychologist, this would be his/her job. This could help identify why Colin behaves the way he does at school and/or what is going on around him making him act so differently than at home. It could even be related to his writing. If he is being criticized for the way he writes or constantly being corrected without assistance, this can affect a child's self esteem. My oldest felt like everyone else in his class was reading when he wasn't yet there. His teachers had many issues with his behavior in class and there were problems at home too. Even though he wasn't being criticized at all, he felt bad himself. Almost "out-of-the-blue" reading clicked for him. Almost overnight his behavior improved at school and at home. He still has issues, but not nearly at the level as before.

I've rambled on quite a bit. I used to be in education, so these issues hit home with me! I hate to see children struggling, especially when there are usually ways to help them!

Good luck figuring out how best to help Colin!
W.

Hello, I had the same behavioral problem with my 7 year old in kindergarden. I would get a call from her teacher everyday. We tried grounding her from her toys and t.v., it just never worked. One afternoon I sat Mady down and explained that at school the teacher is there to help her learn. I told her the misbehaving was making it so no one else could learn and had to stop. Then I grounded her from her favorite thing in the world, Grandma.We live down the road from them and if she was good we would stop and see them. If she made a week, she could stay the night. It took her a few weeks to make it but it did finally work. Sometimes I think there is just that one thing you have to find and it gets through.We still have our bad days but for the most part she does well. Good luck to them.

Has he had trouble before first grade? Has anything changed in his life recently? Is he with the same kids he was for preschool and/or Kindergarden?
Some kids go through or have social anxiety. They are ok around people they are use to but they take a very long time or may never warm up to others. Has anyone tried asking him what is going on in school? Talk to him and find out how his day went, who his friends are and what he learned. Or even have him draw a picture about how he feels at school.

As for the handwriting, the best way to teach him is to get help from a left hander. That's what we had to do with my little brother.

Hi C. H:

It's nice that your sister listens to your advice. My sister-in-law can't stand to hear any of mine:)

It's definitly time to get some help. I'm a Mom of 5 ages 1- 9 and I've had my share of help needed from the schools. He really needs to be tested. I notice that educators of very reluctant to do this and usually think the parent is over-reacting.

Just get it done so you know what you're dealing with and if it's a behavioral problem of some time of chemical imbalance or disability.

As far as the left thing - it seems common. My husband (lefty) writes terribly and my daughter did at first as well. She wrote so hard she would rip through the paper. I don't know what happend, but some time between the age of 7-9 her handwriting got better and she is surprisingly neat.

Good Luck!

J. G