Neighborhood Kids - Grand Rapids,MI

I had a similar situation. I was friends with my neighbor, but her out of control kids were driving me nuts. She thinks I'm too strict, I think she's too permissive. 1,000 dollars later in damages to my house, car and property and I get pissed at just the thought of her kids. I would nip it in the bud now. If you've dealt with her and she won't do anything, then report everything to the police. Good luck!

I'm not sure about your community but in mine defacing property is a crime. If you've tried to work with the family and the property damage continues, file a police report. Perhaps finding an officer at the front door will be enough of a shock to scare that family into controlling their children.

Otherwise, I ditto the idea of a fence and a security camera. There are some very attractive fencing options available these days. I know these ideas may sound extreme but you deserve to live without having to wonder what these little monsters have done next. Also, if possible, limit contact between your daughter and the bully. Document the bullying, too. While not a crime, if the police are their about property damage, perhaps they could mention that as well. I know the officers in my town certainly would.

As for the "she's a good mom/you're a horrible mom" deal, I share with you some of my mother-in-law's wisdom..."your opinion of me is none of my business." Your neighbor's opinion of your parenting skills (or lack thereof) is none of your business. Since you likely don't care about her opinion anyway, don't waste energy on it. If she thinks she's God's gift to motherhood, bully for her. All you want is to make sure the property damage stops and your daughter is safe.

Good luck.

If you guys are going to be neighbors for a while you need to teach your child to defend herself, esp if she is on your property.

As for your car, if she doesn't offer to pay for damages, I would "unknowingly" send your youngest outside w/a set of keys and head straight for her car...

If this 6 year old is defacing your home and your car and her mother will not do anything to stop it, YOU need to talk with her (the 6 year old). She needs to know the "house rules" when she is in your home or yard. If her mother is sending her over to scrub ink off your door, why didn't the mother come with her? Have you two chatted about these things? The bullying is totally unacceptable! Years ago I had a friend whose daughter was not older than mine but very much bigger. She was rather bully-ish. I told her mom about the incidences several times. I finally had to tell her that we could not get together with our kids anymore unless she took care of the problem. THAT took care of it. Something needs to give if your home, your car and your daughter are being hurt by this little girl...speak up and create boundaries. Good luck!

I can hardly believe a previous poster who suggests teaching your child to vandalize property as an act of revenge. I doubt that you would, but please don't seriously consider doing that. Think "arms race," and how typical it is for those situations to escalate. And escalate.

Since this looks like it may become a chronic problem, I hope you'll take a look at the process of Non-Violent Communication. It takes some attention and practice, but can transform troublesome relationships into friendships. My husband and I have both learned the process, and find that it not only helps us see the other person as a worthwhile human being (and they DO respond to that attitude), but it helps us keep our own emotional house in order, putting ego into appropriate service instead of letting it run the show. Again, think "arms race," and how those situations tend to escalate.

As for the bullying, you'll be able to teach your daughter some NVC techniques, too, if you learn the process. It will serve her well. I know a number of kids in our religious community who are happy to have learned the process young.

But even before those tools are available to her, you can try the problem-solving techniques outlined in the wonderful little book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. The book describes real-life examples of how parents helped the child to address the problem herself. And though we don't usually think about young children in these terms. they can be creative problem solvers.

I wish you well. I'd be upset right now, too. But I would see light at the end of the tunnel.

I would start by documenting everything, then sending them a bill. Pen on the front door? Repaint it, and bill her for the paint. You can even go so far as to install a cheap security camera so that you will have even further documentation. That way, when you have to confront her over her DD's behavior you will have proof. And if she balks at reimbursing you for damages, you will have proof for that too.

I would also put up a fence if possible.

You have to take matters into your own hands, and put your foot down; these children will keep walking all over you, your property, and your children. They know you are not their parents, so they feel they do not have to listen to you. If you have to be mean about it, so be it. You cannot be held responsible for others actions, especially when these children destroy others property. Next time use reverse psychology, ask them would you like it if I go over your house, and break/destroy all your belongings? Make sure you take pictures of everything they do; this will be proof, and help if you have to end up asking for damage reimbursement. Better yet, take the pictures in front of these children and tell them that they are in big trouble-that might scare them into behaving.

I find that most children are either bored and think this is "fun" or envious of what other children have, and they do not.

I have been going through this for years. The parents around here could care less what their children do to others, or their property. They have destroyed my privacy fence ($400.00 to fix-out of my pocket,) just had to fix the fence again as "someone" cut the metal wires holding the fences up, they have set the fence on fire, tagged it, took a rock and scratched my car, and keep trying to break my house windows. I could go on and on. As these BayBay kids get older, it gets worse. Police are no help as they never come, or parents do not answer the door. I pretty much have to take these matters into my own hands. They do not intimidate or scare me. They like to have an intimidation staring contest with me, and I always win. I am watching them like eagles. The last time I caught them (trying to break the fence) they were so surprised I was at home from work, I told them that they can now pay for the damage that they caused. The bus stop was at my corner too, let’s not talk about all the damage these children caused-parents do not even bother getting up to supervise their children (had to fight with the school district to get the bus stop moved) or chatted and did not pay attention to their children. I am known in the neighborhood as the "mean lady at the corner house."

If it happens again, call the police. When they show up, show them the damage and let them know that you've had issues with them in the past and you've tried to deal with it, but it's gotten out of hand. When the police show up on her door looking for one of her kids who vandalized your house/car, she might think twice before she sends them over to your yard to play.

Good luck!

The mother should have come over with her daughter to reinforce the message and show her daughter that she has a vested interest in her behavior and -actually-cares. You have a valid and reasonable expectation for the little girl to "undo the damage" and make repairations-you're the "good mother"-celebrate yourself Sunday and everyday!

This has happened a few times over the years with our neighborhood kids. When going to the parents didn't work I would take matters into my own hands... and didn't care if they told the parents because by the time it to the parents it was over and done with ;) If the parents would call I would simply state my case and stand my ground. One of two things happened... they would drop it or the kids wouldn't be allowed at my house either way I came out on top lol.

If I seen something happened I found out who done it (usually there was more than enough kids more than willing to rat out the guilty party). If the child was there I confronted them right then or if they left I would leave it the way I found it until the child returned and then asked them about it. Then I would stand right by them and make them fix it ( the best they could) or if it couldn't be fixed then I would find some other manual labor job to do, while watching everyone else play. If could be anything... picking up the yard, raking, cleaning outside windows or on the rare cases they were inside and it happened dishes, dusting, sweeping. Kept it simple but impactfull and no matter the age it was always for a half hour (even a 6 yr old can do chores for a half hour as a punishment). Normally it never happened more than twice with the same child!!

The way I look at it is... if they are at your house/ in your yard "playing". You are responsible for them during that time ( keeping an eye on them not thier bad behavior)... so what ever happens you are in charge of what goes on (even if its an open door come and go). So if that means not playing and working instead oh well she will learn the hard way! As for the bullying if you actually see it happening make the child say they are sorry and then make them do work also, maybe they will change thier tune. If you need to then tell them they are not allowed at your house for one week and before coming back you want an appology letter. Even if it all it says is Im sorry and spelled wrong. Dont leave it up to the other parent to tune in her kids at your house with your kids! Trust me this works!!!!

Let the mom know that the pen did not come off the door. Ask if she'd supervise her daughter's cleaning attempt this time. You probably won't change her attitude, but stick to your guns about having the property restored to its original state.

Best wishes!

You are still friends, but you are friends that compete. You attacked her character when you told her what her kids are doing to your property. She might be a little miffed right now because it's fresh, but I'm sure she knows you were right and her kids needed some punishment. You are still friends, and I'm sure she misses you and is hating this little wall more than anything.
Your point has been made. Call her or go over and act like nothing has happened and put it behind you. Life is too short not to get along with your good, female neighbors.

Well if the mother basically refuses to discipline her kids. What options do you have. I would call the police. Your car is being ruined they should be held accountable.

Keep a record of offences. And call your local authorities about it. It' about all you can do. your neighor is irresponsible. If there are any expense incurred on your part to have to resolve the situation, keep the receipts and go to small claims court. Enough is enough. I've been in the situaition of those who don't respect boundaries too. I had irritating phone calls that hang up when you answer. Bullying. Yeah, been there done that.

I would tell the little girl that if she messes up one more thing, she is no longer allowed in your yard. I would watch her like a hawk and tell her to go home!