Neighborhood Children

My kids stayed home alone at those ages but I didn't allow them to go anywhere without permission. And if they went to someones house I always knew ahead of time and knew the parents. If we lived out in the country which is what it sounds like you are in might even have been different. I still would have wanted to know the parents but they would have had more freedom to come and go. But they also both had cell phones when they were left. So if they do go somewhere they can call and I can get them. I don't know if I would say she was on drugs just cause she comes and goes. She may have a night job and be a single mom. And she may leave them along to go to a gym and that could be how she's lost weight. You don't want to jump to conclutions. You might try to start a conversation with the girls and see what their mom does for work and you might be able to pull some valuable information out of them.

I agree entirely with Mommyloveskids. I'm going to wave a big flashy, "I'm With Her" sign.

Those little girls are very lucky to have you right now. They're lucky that YOU were put into their path and not someone else who might have taken advantage of them.

Good for you for keeping you eyes out and watching/taking care of her children. I'd make a point to stop by and talk to her - wait for her if you have to. Tell her you'd like to make sure it's okay if her children are visiting your home and that you wanted to meet her in person. Your mom radar is on so I do NOT think you are being unreasonable!

<sigh> My mom was like this. We were left on our own a lot while she was out doing her thing :(
I think next time I would walk the girls to the door and introduce myself to the mother. Be friendly, just let her know, hey your girls were at our house tonight, and they stayed for dinner, we were happy to have them, I hope that's ok? Then ask to exchange numbers with her, in a neighborly kind of way.
Parents like this need to know they are being noticed and watched by the community.
ETA: I don't think it's fair to assume drug use, just because she's lost a lot of weight, but I DO think it is reasonable for her to at least say hello to and acknowlege a neighbor who has hosted and fed her children.

Mother of the year? Probably not.
Red flags? Maybe.
Drug use? Your jumping to conclusions.

She never asked you to babysit, and if you hadn't driven them home (which I get--I do this all the time rather than have friends walk or bike home if its dark) you would still be oblivious to their situation.

Get to know this mom. Until you do, you're speculating.
Good luck.

I would keep an eye on how often this happens. Keep in touch with the neighbor. If the children are regularly alone in the evening, I'd then look into contacting someone. It may be that she also works strange hours, or she feels her kids are responsible or whatever. Your choice is always to keep them with you or drop them off. You choose what you can handle. You say they had bikes with them, so you might walk the bikes to the door and make sure the kids get in safely. That gives you a reason to speak to the parents.

I really can't tell by what you wrote if you are being unreasonable. When I see comments like "drugs come to mind" I tend to lean towards unreasonable only because what the hell, is the only way to lose weight drugs?

Are they too young to be alone, how would I or you know? By the time my older two were nine they could cook you a four course meal without any help. They knew every rule under the sun. At 9 and 11 it was nothing to leave them home alone because they were perfectly safe.

Just because parents these days expect so little from their kids doesn't mean kids are capable of so little.

So I don't know if unreasonable is the word I would ascribe to your concern, I think unwarranted is a better word. Obviously the mom has taught them the life skills needed to go back and forth to your home and make themselves dinner and not worry about where mom is. Just because you have not taught your kids skills doesn't mean she is a bad mother for doing so.

Really, if I had some mom making my kids uncomfortable like you were I would have come pick them up right away. Not because your fear is rational but because I wouldn't leave my kids in an uncomfortable position. That is the only fault I find in her behavior, making them deal with you.
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Some of these answers, no food for the kids, really? Do you have a web cam in their fridge? I am sure they had food at home, I am sure they knew how to make the food, the only reason they didn't eat at home was this women wouldn't let them go home.
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Last observation I promise, people would ask my older daughter to babysit their 12 year olds on down when she was 11! Sure a lot of people thought she was older than she was but it wasn't by appearance, she was always average height, pig tails till she was 14, slim thing, they though she was older because she was a responsible kid. I have seen 16 year olds that I don't think should ever be left home alone lest the burn the place down.

You guys need to stop looking at just age to determine a child's level of responsibility. If you do you will either give too much responsibility on an irresponsible child or you will be holding your child back.

Sad, very sad.

Nope! BIG RED FLAG! That is wrong to leave those ages alone for so long, and ESPECIALLY since she has never met you or asked you if they could stay at your home.

Time for you introduce yourself - go to her house and ring the doorbell and make it happen. In a nice way, lay it on the line with her that you don't mind her children coming to play, but that you cannot be their babysitter for hours on end, and that you cannot be responsible for them after 6pm. If you notice this continuing to happen (the girls home alone at night), I'd call CPS. Sorry, but those innocent children do not need to be home alone, with no dinner, and they probably want to be at your house because they are scared to be by themselves.

You're instincts are spot on. Good luck!

That sucks...go over there and introduce yourself. Make it a point. Get your own assessment.

Meanwhile, if you don't mind having them around your daughter, then you are probably making a big difference in their lives. Poor kids!

Nope, you're NOT being unreasonable at all. The red flags that I see:

The mom being at a restaurant and doesn't get home soon-but 2 1/2 hours later.
She didn't come out to meet you or speak to you
Kids are left home alone a lot or for long periods of time
She's letting her kids hang out with someone she's never met

I agree with the others on here about going over there and meeting her. That way you can exchange numbers, meet her and see their environment. If anything looks questionable I wouldn't let your kids play over there. It's always better to be safe than sorry. Drugs? My brother tried to fool a lot of people that he wasn't using. But it was just a matter of time before everyone could see that he was. You're doing the right thing by being there for the girls. Keep your eyes open for more red flags and make a mental note of them as you go. Good luck!

You are not unreasonable. I don't know what to tell you. If you call social services, it might be worse for the kids. I'm sure you'd never see them again if you do call, because she'll figure out that you called.

So sorry...

Dawn

You're not alone in your concern for the little girls. In my state, siblings can be left alone if the oldest is eleven, that said, it doesn't mean they should be left alone-without a parent or someone to make them dinner and see that they do their homework:( Really sad-I wonder if they spent the night with you if their mom would even notice?

Yikes, this is a tough one. Well, the good thing is, now you have her cell phone number since they called from your phone. I would plug it in so I have it for the future. I would also make it a point to meet the mom. Say that her kids are coming over frequently so you want to make sure she knows who YOU are. There is going to be a fine line between knowing if they are just coming over to play and actually no one home at their house so you are babysitting. I think I would just take them under my wing and try to figure out what's going on with the mom. Scary. And make sure the girls know YOUR number too since you are just down the road so if they are home alone and there's a problem, they could call you too. This is tough and sad for them. I hope you figure it out. Good luck!

A mom that doesn't tell her female children where she's going, leaves them to fend for themselves, and thinks it's okay for her neighbor, a stranger, to babysit her kids for hours, while she's out doing god knows what, is not a good parent. What in the hell is so pressing on a weeknight? Those poor girls.

That would trouble me as well.

I think it's too soon to call social services, if that's what you're thinking. If it were me, I think I'd keep letting them hang out, and keep an eye on the situation. See if you can get an opportunity to talk to the parents, and express your concern in as non-judgmental a way as you can manage. Since they are nice girls, hopefully it won't be too much of a burden. And whether or not social services needs to be called later, I'm sure it will mean a lot to them to have a caring family welcome them sometimes.

No, you're not being unreasonable in caring about these children. Sounds like that mother is a piece of work. Since it sounds like this is not an isolated incident I would keep watching and see if anything changes. If nothing changes and/or it gets worse, I would call Child Protective Services and get them involved. You can do it anonymously - altho, be prepared because she'll probably figure out who called.

I would be very uncomfortable having these children in my home without meeting the mother. What happens if she accuses YOU of something? Could you maybe go and meet her? Get to know her? This is a tough situation!!

Good luck!

At 9 and 11 these kids are probably okay being home alone. I do think that after dark it is too late for mom to not be home. She may have gotten a promotion that requires her to stay later and do more social things too.

If you think about it this way.....

The Red Cross has a class for babysitters that is for kids ages 12 and up. That means that a 12 year old is legally able to babysit...then by 12 years of age they should be able to watch themselves very well by themselves and have experiences watching little brother or sister so they can be a good babysitter.

So if that is a true statement these kids are old enough to be staying home and they should be staying at home and not going to neighbors houses all hours.

I do think the mom needs to understand she should be home earlier though. After dark they might start feeling a bit scared.

Oh those poor little girls. The mom is eating but nothing for the kids? What where they supposed to do? I just don't get parents who behave like this. Kids are a blessing and should be treated as such.

Okay, off the soap box. I would introduce myself to the mom. I think Mommyloveskids is right on with her thoughts! Good luck!