Hi everyone,
I'm looking for a little advice. I spend a lot of time in my front yard since my boys love riding their bikes back and forth and I am not yet comfortable letting them be unsupervised (they are 5 and 6) especially since we live on a busy street. I usually just put a chair in the driveway that I sit on so I can keep any eye on them. My neighbor has a boy who is 3 1/2 and they are not as overprotective as I am, which I completely understand. The problem is over the summer there have been at least 8 instances where their little boy ends up at my house without a parent. The Dad is usually busy doing work in his yard and appears not to be paying to much attention to where his son is and he ends up in my yard instead (this man is neurotic over his yard, we are not, and he often mowes a length or two of our grass as well) Sometimes my boys play with this neighbor boy and some times not, depending on how bored they are!! But this little boy ends up going in and out of my garage with toys and I end up keeping an eye on him. The Dad did ask me in the beginning if it was o.k. with me if he was over and I said yes, but I was talking about that one day, I didn't think I was giving him permission for the summer! I'm starting to feel like I am getting taken advantage of. There is a ton of work that needs to be done in my yard too, but I don't feel good about not keeping an eye on my kids. The last straw was the other day when my kids were actually playing with other neighborhood kids that are older and my neighbor's son ended up coming over and playing in our yard by himself. After 10 minutes the Mom finally came out of her house and came over and said she had asked her husband where her son was and he had said he was "playing with the kids" . She ended up taking him home once she realized that was not the case and actually said she had said to her husband "you don't have N. babysitting him do you?" Maybe I'm too nice or am I just being mean? On one hand this boy only hangs out in his front yard when the Dad is doing yard work, so maybe he is bored being left to his own devices for so long and I don't want my kids to lose a possible future playmate. On the other hand I don't want to be taken advantage of and don't want to get dumped on.
Thanks,
N.
Well hopefully now that the mom got him, it won`t happen again. If you`re busy-just tell the little boy it`s time to head home-that you have work to do.
at 3 1/2, you can just send the little boy home, knowing that if his dad sees he is coming home throughout the time that he is supposed to be watching him then he may get a clue that he isn't going to be accepted as a playmate during this time with your kids... You really won't hurt the kids feelings at all if you just say, "it's time for you to go home and play with your dad"... If the dad is really thick, just consider yourself this boys angel and think how good an influence you can be to him. He's obviously lacking parental inspiration if the yard is more important than playing with his son... ps we are in a similar situation,but not quite as bad as yours.
good luck.
I have the same issues in just about every neighborhood I have lived in, I'm watching my kids and the other parents just assume that I am keeping an eye on theirs also. I usually watch out for them but when it gets too annoying like it did with a boy last summer where his Mom was always dumping him on me and he would not listen or stay in my yard he wandered the neighborhood and he walked into other people's homes, I just let him go....not my job. When she would finally come out and ask where he is I would say oh he wouldn't listen to me and he went into so and so's house or he is playing down the street. When he did just walk into my house uninvited I would just simply turn him around and say we are not going to play today go back home and I would use his shoulder to usher him back out(usually as he was asking for some of our snacks). I guess that is what you have to do with him everytime and maybe someday nice people like us will get to enjoy watching our own kids play and not be the neighborhood babysitter!!!
N., Sounds like when Daddy is supposed to watch the child he can't be bothered. Talk to the mother as a conspirator about how clueless men can be sometimes about how much supervision a child needs and how father and son time needs to be just that. I am sure she will take her husband to task and resolve the issue. If not, just walk the boy back and tell the father you are sorry but you have your hands full watching your own kids.
Good luck
I think his parents don't give him enough attention and maybe he feels more comfortable at your house. I also think just like any dad dad's don't pay attention. He feels if your kids are out and your there fine his son is safe. You could try once in a while by saying to the little guy. Honey you need to go back home my kids want to play by themselves or maybe saying something to the wife. You could keep you mouth shut and let it unravel on its own. I would not let the little boy go into your garage and take toys out with out asking. Maybe he doesn't have things and hes bored. I think the parents don't keep an eye on him like they should nor pay attention to him. If you don't want him there tell him to go home or after he comes by after 5 mins tell him you need to go in and have the boys come in after a week or too of that short stay the parents will get it. Good luck
Yes, you are being too nice and no you are not being mean. You know us women are different from men and sometimes you just have to tell them.
You already said it in your request. Their boy is welcomed to come over and play with the boys. Also, if he comes over again and his dad is oblivious, let hime know the boys are busy right now and he can come back when they are at home.
Shame on the dad for being so OCD about his yard. He should be spending more time with his son.
Maybe it's time to have a talk with the neighbors and tell them just what you have told us here.
M. in Camden, MI
IT sounds like the mom next door is starting to pick up on the dad's dumping the child on you, so maybe this won't continue to be a big problem, but if it is, you need to address it with them. Don't wait for a major incident, just have a chat with the dad next time the kid comes over. Maybe decide to take your kids to the park right then if you're not sure how to handle it and let him know that you're not hanging out outside right now. The longer you wait to deal with this the harder it will be and the worse the situation will be come.
Good luck!
When young kids have arrived at my house, I always tell them to go home and ask if it's OK for them to be there or I take them home and say this is/isn't a good time for them to visit. It sounds like there are issues in that family that you can't resolve and this child gets left on his own, which you've stated. We had a situation like this in our neighborhood and both parents were blind to it so we all just watched him the best we could but worried about him. He's grown now and still kind of a loose cog. No wonder! I wouldn't let them think you're watching him, though, when you aren't able/willing to do so. He's so young!
When your boys are not playing with that boy, yes, you are being taken advantage of. If that is the case, tell the dad that you are going in now and bring his son to him. If you are busy doing something(like your own yard work) else and can't watch his son, tell the Dad that. If you don't say anything, he's going to remain just as clueless as he is now.
First of all... you are NOT overprotective. You should be supervising your kids. You probably can do a bit of yard work at their age...but I would definately still be outside with them.
I would not let my 3 year old out of my yard.... Dad needs to interact with him...have him help with the yardwork or he needs to be with Mom. My suggestion is to take him by the hand and walk him back over to Dad... and saying "Look who I found in my garage...I thought you might be missing him".
hey N.
not sure what you are asking are you asking if you should say something or what you should say ?three 1/2 is a little young to be allowed to just come down with out someone asking you first .you should not be left to watch someone kids unless you sign up for it .i would have a talk with the mom most mom would see yur point aview and tell her you don't mind him playing sometime but you would like to know ahead of time or at least know that they know where he is .from one neighbor to another hope you find away to say what you need with out a loss of a feature friend for your kids .......................GOOD LUCK with BABY # 3
I had the same situation except a neighbor 5 houses down would let their 3 yo walk over to play. I was very uncomfortable with this as we have a built in pool. I just started sending him home. One time, the little buggar just walked in my back yard. You will find that there are many clueless parents out there and it's up to you to take charge. Don't be the neighborhood doormat. I did that for way too long and you only end up resenting the parents..
We've had this happen before, only my kids are younger and the kids that were coming over were older. They didn't really want to play with my kids, they just wanted to play with my kids stuff and their parents had no idea where they were at. We usually let them play for a little bit, and then told them it was time to go home.
Maybe the mom will help now that she knows the situation!
