We have an elderly neighbor, Miss Brenda, who is very sweet to us. We look out for her too... run to the store for her when her adult children aren't around, check on her if the power goes out, bring her her mail when it snows so she doesn't have to go out, send her Christmas cards, etc... She's definately a lonely little old lady, she talks my head off ;) She sometimes gives my daughters candy over the fence (which is fine, they know to ask me before the eat it), and she sometimes gives our dog a treat too. HOWEVER, my girls just came home with 2 small porceline dolls from Miss Brenda. She told the girls that they had been her daughters and her daughter never played with them so she wanted the girls to have them... I don't know how I feel about that. Candy once in a while is one thing, but DOLLS? What if her daughter wants them? I was about to go talk to her, thought the better of it... I don't want to hurt her feelings. The girls are making her thank you cards as I type. Do we accept the gifts? Give it back? It was really very sweet of her, I just don't know how I feel about it. What would YOU do?
OKAY so Miss B actually beat me to the punch and stopped by to make sure I felt comfortable with the dolls (and she actually brought a stuffed dog for the baby, LOL!!)... so I was being silly and over reacting I guess. I did ask her if her daughter may want them, but she said her kids and grandkids already told her they don't want them, so I feel better. My girls made her thank you cards, and that made me feel better too. I'll definately have to bring her over a little something sweet this week, just to say thanks again :) THANKS LADIES!!
It sounds like her way of thanking you for all of the nice things that you do for her. What a wonderful person you are to help Miss Brenda!
In a word, accept them. They are her way of saying thank you for all you do for her. She is older -- she should know what to do with her stuff or if her daughters want the dolls.
I would let your girls keep them. I'm sure your neighbor appreciates all you do and she probably enjoys making the little ones happy. :)
Thank her for the kind gifts and leave it at that.
It sounds like you are a great neighbor!! Why do you feel weird about it? Is it because she gave them to the kids without asking? If so, then you can just let her know that it is fine giving the kids gifts, but just to check with you first. She meant no harm and it sounds like a loving neighborly gesture. She probably thinks fondly of your kids. People do nice things for each other and if sounds like she wanted to do something nice for you, too.
Well is this woman, so elderly that she is not thinking rationally?
Maybe just ask her, directly, if she is SURE she wants to give it to your girls, instead of her own Daughters?
Just ask her.
Say you don't want to take someone else 'sentimental' childhood items.
You are just trying to be polite and just wanted to make sure.
If she is fine with it, say thank you. And your girls are making her a thank you note. Great.
We have a neighbor over the fence that gives my kids things. Just the other day, he gave them some fish, for their aquarium. It was from his pond. Its fine.
He even gave them fish food and aquarium plants.
No biggie.
He's a nice NORMAL man and neighbor.
Whats wrong with her giving the kids gifts? I would accept them and any other gifts she might give in the future. You guys do things for her, she may feel the need to give back, i always do the same thing.
Of course you accept them. It would be bad manners to take them back. Sometimes people like to give for the sake of giving and making someone happy-this in turn makes them happy. Nothing more to it than that.
I would accept the gifts and have your girls draw beautiful pictures in their "thank you's" to her. We have a couple of "older" friends who gift things to our sons (toys, pictures, books, candy) and we have them draw pictures because they tell us they love them and love having them on their fridge. Little kid pictures are great!
Mama, no reason to be worried. She wanted to give your daughter's something beautiful because she knows they will love them.
L.
(maybe if she has a "sweet tooth" you could have the girls make her cookies or brownies! yum!)
id give her the cards and ask her myself if she was sure she wanted to give them the dolls. mention that you'd think her own daughter may want them and see what she says. it's really up to her who she'd like to give her things to regardless of wether her daughter would like them now or not. only thing i would watch for is her taking to giving her things away often...it's a sign of being near the end of ones life. at that time i'd mention the frequient gift giving to her kids. until then say thank you and keep up the little things ya'll do that mean so much to people in her condition.
It is wonderful how you look after Miss Brenda. I don't know if you have any relatives in the area, but I think Miss Brenda considers you part of her family. As long as she has isn't developing dementia. Which appears she isn't. I would suggest that you let the girls keep the dolls as a special gift from Miss Brenda. Let this be a reminder to those who have their stuff stored at their parents' home, if you want it you need to ask for it back. As the old saying goes "ownership" is 9/10ths of the law.
Take care
J.
i see the trickiness of this situation being the fact that there might be some value either montary or sentimental that Miss Brenda's own daughter may want to claim. But i guess if she left it at Miss brenda's then maybe she doesn't really reallly hold it in that high regards.
Maybe just to cover yourself, you could tell the girls they may play them but Miss brenda's daughter might want them back some day?
I don't know, i'm talking as a go here, and i keep changing my mind, i think taking them back could be hurtful but keeping themcould get you in trouble. ugg.
R.,
What a blessing you are to her!
We had a similar situation when I was a teenager with two eldery sisters next door. They didn't have children or any close relatives left. They gave me some very nice crystal and some silver serving pieces that I still treasure.
Victoria
I would graciously accept the gifts. Even if you aren't going to use them, I think it would hurt her feelings if you declined. Giving your children gifts obviously brings her joy. She may want to show you and your family how much you are appreciated. If these things were important to her daughter, she would have taken them by now. This is a perfect opportunity to teach your children about being gracious and helping others. It seems as if you are doing a good job of this already, but sometimes accepting gifts even when they are not wanted or needed is another way to show kindness to others.
....ooops! Just saw the update.....sounds like you worked everything out!
you are such a beauty in all ways!
let her give the girls the gifts. if it becomes habitual you can go have tea with her and tell her it makes you uncomfortable and to please keep it to small treats, but it really does sound as if she wanted to do something nice for all the good things you and your family do for her.
khairete
S.
I would accept them graciously as you are doing by having the girls make cards-and I would treasure them-because giving them was a lovely gesture and in giving-there was a great sense of self worth and appreciation.
Sounds to me that they are hers to give. You are being good to her and this is what she has to offer in return. Don't deny her the joy of giving. If for some reason the daughter does end up having an issue and wants the dolls, handle it then with the daughter. Until then, appreciate that you are able to help this woman and that she can accept your help without any guilt.
Miss Brenda is lucky to have you, and your family is lucky to have her! What a great relationship for everyone. Sounds like you give a lot of joy to each other :)
I just love this post!! Good stuff all around. I wish I had a Miss Brenda next door!
That was really sweet and I'm glad you talked more. Things like that are precious, especially since Miss Brenda won't be around forever.
