My sister is going thru a long and sometimes not-so-nice divorce. The father of my neices gets them 3 days a week. One of the girls is only 2 but the other is 4. The 4 year old never talks about her dad. When she comes home she goes straight to her room and if you ask her if she had fun, she will not talk. She just sort of zones out until you change the subject. I don't believe that he is physcially abusing them, but I think that my sister needs to send them to therapy to talk about the situation. I just think it is unusual for a 4 year old not to talk about someone she spends 3 days a week with. I just wonder if she is afraid to talk about her dad because of the divorce or if there is something else going on? Has anyone been thru this?
I would definitely have the older one talk to someone if she won't talk to you guys that is abnormal hope everything is okay. take care
SOMETHING is going on ... and further investigation needs to happen! It is not "normal" for a child that age to not say something about their visit - whether it be to the grandparents for the weekend or to the dad's for the weekend.
Good Luck!
D.
Hi C.,
There could be so many reasons for this behavior. Your niece and the whole family could benefit from some therapy to get through this, I think. Regardless of the circumstances of a divorce, children sometimes think that they are responsible for the breakup. Or if the parents work hard at getting along so that the children aren't traumatized then the kids don't understand why they aren't all together. There are so many possible scenarios to explain this, some complicated and some simple. Bottom line is that divorce isn't easy on anyone and no one likes to feel that they are caught in the middle regardless of age or level of understanding.
Hope this helps,
G.
I agree..I think she needsa child therapist...It don't sound like she is making the adjustment well...
That sounds extremely strange to me. I am a child of divorced parents and my own daughter has gone through this as well.
When my daughter was 3-4 years old she would run from daddy's car and jump all over me and was so excited to come home. I would ask her what they did and if they had fun and she always had something to say.
Now with my experiance as a kid, I lived with my dad and when my mom had visits and I came home my dad would make me feel so horrible for having a good time at my mom's or make me feel guilty and that's when I wanted to go hide in my bedroom and not talk because I was hounded for info on my mom and my visit.
I say try some therapy or counseling.
Divorce is hard and sad for all kids, but for a four year old with a sibling, it would be a nightmare. She has just spent three days away from her mom and her home, she's been 'stuck' with her little sister, and her dad is probably fumbling through the process in the way single dad's do.
You can bet that she is angry and that it will take her some time to download alone when she gets back. Therapy WOULD be a good idea for her. It would give her someone to talk to that isn't mom or dad (the very people who have destroyed her world).
I have had this experience with two kids C. ~ they never really get over it. But the younger one will accept it more easily than the older. Encourage your sister to get therapy for her daughter. As well, she should go ahead and let her 4 year old take her alone time when she comes home. It could be that this time alone is saving her life.
I work with divorcing families virtually everyday. I think you are correct and therapy (at least for the older child) sounds like a good idea. She is obviously upset about the divorce (as are most children). I would also strongly encourage the parents not to the put the kids in the middle (if they are in fact doing so). Also, it might be a good idea to have a child advocate or attorney for the children who will basically work with a counselor to determine what is the best arrangement for the children. Also, in my experience, a lot of parents tell their children not to discuss things about them with the other parent, ie. Don't tell daddy that mommy got her nails done, which the child then turns into don't tell daddy anything about mommy.
My 2 cents:
I am not sure why your sister is asking her daughter about her dad. I can picture the scene..."Did you have fun with Daddy?" hmmm, the daughter then decides not to hurt the mother's feelings by saying "Yes!, we had a great time...he is the best daddy in the world!" At 4 she has figured out to keep her mouth shut and keep her feelings to herself. I'm not sure how she learned this.
I would ask your sister if you can ask the child if anyone is touching her privates etc... If the answer is no, then leave her alone.
I am a product of a divorce and the nonsense that parents put their kids through strictly for their benefit.
Therapy is a good idea. Check to see if there is a good therapist in your area.
