Neglectful Inlaws & Godmother

First, it's not your place to say anything to your husband's family. Tell him how you are feeling and maybe he will say something. I know how you feel, my family was farther away when I was in school and they visited me more than his parents every did and actually showed more interest not only in my work, but than in his than his parents! It's just the family dynamic he grew up in. It still makes me mad some times when I see them spending so much time and energy on his older sister her son than on my husband and his son (and me).
However, you have every right to say something to your friend. Tell her that, as god mother, you hoped that she would have more contact with your daughter. Also, tell her about how your in-laws aren't spending much time with her - make it a vent session and maybe she will get the idea.
Good Luck!

Hey K.,
Hang in there! I to have about the same situation but my problem is that they are just 20 mins away. I push the issue such as saying and sending pictures to them and saying "God child" "Niece" "Grandaughter" . I use it in Conversation and then some. I feel if they realize there title they just might just come around. I know they still love my Daughter just as much but it does not hurt to keep them active . Just don't over do it. I have made the point to keep my phone lines open by just calling to say Hello and such. Try to keep in mind that somtimes people just act like they were tought as they were growing up. I know it can bother you in such a way exspecially when they are around and they don't even aknowledge your little one. Not even a Hug , Hello, or even a Smile. Try to keep an open mind. Things might get easier as she gets older and such. It is a shame on the Grandmothers part but you might need to make a point to be more open with your Mother-in-law and make a point to stop in and visit her. Childern grow up so quickley. Don't hold back on just memories, make them. Good Luck!
R. C.

Is it possibe that these people are just really busy? Did they see her a lot before her birthday? Is this just a recent development. It sounds like the godmother at least was involved at some point. If you're trying to keep the lines of communication open and they are not responding, I say let it go. It sounds like you're calling them and inviting them over. If it really bothers you, set a definate time and date for them to come over. Tell them that their grandaughter/goddaughter misses them. If that doesn't get their butts over to see her, then forget them! Be thankful that your parents visit so often. That's great that they're willing to make the trip! Good luck to you!

K.! I have been going through the same thing with My husband's family. His dad & step-mom live a few streets away, and haven't seen my daughter except for passing her on the street for about 6 months now. My daughter will be 2 in July and out of those 24 months they've probably been in her life about 3 of them. They don't know her, and she doesn't know them. They don't speak to her, at all, they just walk on by. It's a rough situation but I just go on with my life. It bothers me ALOT, but not as much as it used to, I just look at it as if, if they wanted to be around her they would. The thing about it is, My sister in law, has two kids, and they fool with those kids. They have missed both Christmas's with my daughter, easter's, birthday's......etc......
Now my Husband's mother, she comes around, but when she does visit, she doesn't fool with my daughter, she will talk to her, but she doesn't show her any affection.

On a lighter note my daughter LOVES my parents, she loves her Gran & Pop. She talks about them all the time.

You're not alone in this situation, I could tell you stories that would blow your mind, about my "in-laws"

I would try talking to them, the number one thing is don't get upset, just sit them down and talk to them about it. We have tried it, but it doesn't seem to work for us. So we have just given up, we've decided if they wanted to be around her or have anything to do with her they would!

Hang In There!
S.

K.,

I have been there too. I too am surrounded by my husband's friends and family. My family is kinda spread all over the country. My mother-in-law and her husband almost NEVER come see my kids, and my sister-in-law and her husband never did either. They've come around more often lately, but it had been MONTHS before... I'm talkin' 4 and 5 months at a time between seeing them.

You may have to specifically invite them over to visit. Or set up a time to do something fun with them. Honestly, with people's busy schedules anymore, they may assume you're busy with your daughter and don't have time to visit. It's just a thought.

Good luck. :)

I think you answered your own question. You can't force people to want to spend time with your daughter. Besides, your daughter deserves to have quality people who want to be around her. It's their loss that they are missing out on the greatest parts of her life. Maybe you should talk to your husband about moving to where your family lives. He seems so hard pressed to leave people he hardly even sees!

This is just an idea, but maybe you should start asking them to babysit. If they repeatedly say no, you can say "Look, you are under no obligation to spend time with us or our child, but I would like to at least know why". I think you have every right to ask them, you married into it, there your family now too.
I think if it bothers you that much it's worth asking.
Another idea, make sure every time you are around them you talk about how nice it is your family comes out so often to spend time with you guys, really make a huge deal out it and see if their behavior doesn't improve...subtler than outright asking but very likely to bear fruit.

On the other hand, maybe it just is what it is and is best let go, I just know I don't let things like that get under my skin. I either seek out the answers or make a decision that it won't get to me and move on. Good luck though!!

I'm sorry, maybe I'm just more laid back than most, but 15 times in 14 months seems very reasonable to me! Maybe it is just the background I was raised in. I lived 15 min from my aunts/uncles/cousins for the first 10 years of my life, and I doubt they saw us that much. I never felt neglected. When I did see them, it was quality time.

That being said, if it really bothers you, I think you should just calmly let your family know how you feel without placing blame of any kind. Different people view time commitments differently. Some people are more introverted than others. Some need more alone time, and some are just busy. You have to also be aware of their view of the situation. I doubt it has anything to do with how they feel about your daughter. Give them the benefit of the doubt until you have a chance to talk to them about it.