Needing Advice for Final Divorce Papers

T.,
I too have gone through this and I agree have everything in black and white and on the paper that way there is no well it says this but could mean this. Such as who pays what and when. How much they are too pay. When and what times visitations are. who is to pick and take them. Who claims them on taxes and if you are sharing this then what years you get them and what year he gets them. Basically anything you want and put it right on there so there is no confusion on his part. Good Luck and Best wishes.

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I just finished with an ugly divorce so I know exactly what you're going through. I wanted out so bad that I didn't fight for anything. My ex was a bully and very aggressive so at the time I just escaped and let him have whatever he wanted. Funny thing is he got an empty house, a bunch of furniture, bills paid, etc. I got what was important - my peace and my kids. Nevertheless, looking back I wished I would of stood up for the things I wanted.

Important things beside what you mentioned:
Child Care expenses
Extra-curricular activities
Tax Exemption - who get to claim the children (this is huge
Child support (fight for as much as you can - it is for the kids)
College
Health Care coverage (should list Medical, Dental, Vision)
Health care expenses not covered (co-pays,etc.)

Have everything written very specifically. I mean to the most picky thing. If you don't they'll argue that is not what was agreed. Example: Visitation - when, times to pick up, where to meet if it is a long distance drive (both parties should have to meet half way). I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

Best of luck. Be strong and don't give up. You have a right to fight for what you want no matter what.

In the realm of child support it is important that you do your best to get all medical insurance (that you pay), day care expenses, school activities, etc. added to the actual child support amount rather than it being a separate payment. As it is all too often that the non-custodial parent will pay the child support but you have to fight tooth and nail to obtain reimbursement for the rest. As for college expenses this is something relatively new in within the child support areana but one that is actually seeming to work. Both parents sharing the college expenses 50/50 (or a defferent percentage dependent upon the income differnce between the two) is something that has been ordered in several cases. If your daughter lives at home with you during her college schooling you MIGHT be able to petition to have child support paid for her throughout the time she continues to live at home until the age of 21. (However, I have not seen any cases where this has been tried or won yet.) We always recommend that you ask the whole universe and then be prepared to bargain down and accept the sun and moon. I hope this helps.

I don't have much experience with this, but I know a great financial planner who could advise you. She actually does free seminars for women, and I know that part of what she talks about is divorce.

Her name is Deb Clem-Buckert - ###-###-####

I've gone through a divorce and here's what I found:
- List who gets what holidays, birthdays, vacations.
- You may want to list something about taking out of state - it's my fear that he'd take her for a weekend out of town and I not know that.
The custodial parent should get reimbursed for medical expenses beyond the healthcare premium (co-pays, Rx, but not OTC). This could either be 50/50 or based on the % split of child support.
- My new husband also has to pay 50% of extra activities, like dance, piano lessons, soft ball, car insurance, etc.
- It's great if you can get child support through age 21 or until out of college. This could be above/beyond him paying for half college expenses.

Good luck!
J.

I am a child of a divorced family and am also currently going through custody issues over my step daughter. There are many things to consider and make sure you have worked out.

First, do you and your soon to be ex have a good communication and relationship still. If not then you will want more of the custody stuff set in writing, but if you know you will still get along well then you dont have to have as much.

Definately have the taxes, child support, and set holidays in writting. If you know you want specific holidays every year and he wants others than have those in writing too. If you dont then you will be expected to switch every other holiday every other year and not following the papers could come back to bite you in the butt. Also, have birthdays put in the papers so there is no questions later. You will want to figure out summer vacation and winter vacation also. If you are living in the same town then many states will give the noncustodial parent two weeks visitation (the child stays with them for the while time) however these two weeks usually have to be split up and not back to back. If you will be in seperate states and not doing everyother weekend then it may be the whole summer. You will have to decide between the two of you.

As far as health stuff, we have found that it is best that both parties be required to have insurance on the children. Also, whoever has full custody (if you do not plan on joint custody) needs to have it state that he or she be notified immediately if the child has to go to the docotor or er. In our case things are really messed up and therefore, the biological mother is not allowed to make any medical decisions without my husband and i present or without our permission. you do not want to go this far unless really neccessary though.

All these ideas are things you should think about even if you do not follow them all. If things are going to be really messy there are other things you may want to think about. I hope you divorce does not get that bad; however, as I mentioned I have been through a messy one as a child as well as am currently dealing with custody of my step daughter which is messy therefore, I unfortunately know a lot of the worst that can happen. If you want more ideas or information you can email me at ____@____.com

best of luck
B.

Best thing is to have EVERYTHING spelled out. Such as: if he gets 6 weeks visitation, what 6 weeks, when. He must provide transportation to pick them up and drop them off, doesn't matter if you live close right now, someday you may not. Have your T's crossed

Watch the lawyers they will screw you. I am on my second in 2 yrs for the same thing. All I have left to do is get a name change and it has been two years. When the second lawyer did the papers--my x signed to consent to the name change. When I sent the papers in to get the names changed, they said they would not change them until the judge says to change the names. I reduced his back child support and gave him more visitation to get the name change. I called my lawyer and told them what Iowa said about the judge has to order the name change. He said we did not agree on that being part of you payment. I about lost it. I reduced his child support and gave him more visitation for a peace of paper that was HAND scribbled not typed that said my x says it is okay to change the kid’s names. He finally agreed to do it--- that I was right. That was 1 yr. ago. The lawyer will take months to call me back. I leave messages with his secretary and nothing. I had to pay for a copy of my court papers that was not included in the $1200 I paid. I will not give you any more detail. Sorry for all this but I hope you learn from my problems. Get everything in writing and look for detail. Think of every possible detail from pick-up and drop off times. To late pick-up and drop off. Supplying car seats and cloths. I don't even send cloths anymore my x will keep them and give them to is girlfriends kids. They leave the house with the cloths they have on and an extra pair of under wear in their coat pocket. It may seam silly but chances are if you don't have problems now you most likely will later--everything changes... Put anything and every silly thing in those papers.

girl, you gotta do some thinking. All of what you mentioned and make sure that if something happens to him you have no responsibilities, becasue when I divorced, they made it a point to tell me if he has an accident or any serious injury, I'd be responsible for paying some of his bills, the husband. Don't just consider the kids, think about you too, but be reasonable it's hard enough to get them to care for the kids.

make sure you put in for your tax rights. If your going to alternate every other year you must state that, and if you ex is going to pay child support you may want to state also that if it is his year to claim on taxes that he must be current with his child support. Or see if you can claim taxes every year. There is so much to consider it all depends on what kind of custody that you guys have agreed upon. You want to make sure that your bills are covered between the both of you, and if you have residental custody, and shared for the rest, then make sure you say you want him to split any medical bilss 50/50. You may also want to state that who ever makes the most money will carry health ins. Usually the state of Kansas makes you split holidays 50/50 or alternate them evenly. You will probably get a sheet on them. Do you have a lawyer...usually they will do this for you...If he has one and you dont--You might seriously consider having some one in the legal field look the papers over for you.