Topic Discussion Finished,thank You for Respones

I don't have a lot of experience with preschool yet, but my personality would demand my son moving up to Montessori or I'd find another school. That is NOT the environment I'd want my son growing and developing in!!!

Please look for another school. Whatever the reason, when you have to "fight" for something to make it right, it will never be right.

Look for another school if you feel their decisions are not based on fact. If they are based on fact, then you'll have to accept it.

I would move him, and not knowing the laws in your country, I would document what happend, and make a complaint to any agency that over sees this school, and persue what ever civil avenues you have available. Whether is it the racial issue or the personal issue that the manager brought into this school, I am not sure it really matters, because your complaint is that they did not apply the policy to your son in the way that they did all the other children, and he knows it too.

I think I would be doing what ever I could to get my money back, and shame this school so that they know that they cannot do what ever it is they did, for what ever reason they did it to any other child and family. First, make your son comfortable in a good enviornment for him, where he feels valued.

I am so sorry this happened to you.

M.

I will make it easy for you. Take him out of that school! Although we all need to fight for our children, we shouldn't have to fight for something like this. They are pulling something and by you having to go in time and time again trying to get the result that is expected of the school is ridiculous. Sounds more to me like they have blacklisted you because you have questioned them and the montessori teacher is nasty anyways so why subject your child to that.

Take him to another school, you will love the feeling of having your child in an environment that wants him.

Good luck!

I once worked for a daycare center like this. When they had made a mistake and given a spot away to another child, they (corporate) would make us do an assessment on them. Usually the assessments were used as they were for you as a tool to keep your child behind. This has also happened when our director did not like a certain race. The assessment was only done to cover their butts. I am absolutely sure there is nothing wrong with your son. Whether its a space issue or a like dislike thing or even race its still wrong. I would take my son out as soon as possible. He probably isnt even getting the same care as the other children are and you dont want that. Nothing is worse than seeing an injustice being done against your baby. It hurts us probably more than our children. Take a deep breath and report to all the necessary people agencies etc. Please dont let this slide once you move him. Places like this need to be put out of business and shamed, so no one else has to have their child suffer. I am sorry all of this has had to happen. I wish you luck finding him a better, safer place to grow!

I would take him out of this school...immediately. A young child should not be subjected to such discrimination. There is no way I would trust these folks with my kid. Now that you have spoken (great job by the way), they know you are on to them. Why leave your precious darling where they may take it out on him? I don't know what the laws are in Ireland, but I would file a civil rights complaint with whatever administrative branch of government handles situations such as this. How sad:(

it's absolutely possible that they are racist! hey, A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE! even when they don't want to be. i know you never want to assume racism, but it's not doing anyone any favors to ignore it either.

if they don't give you a proper answer/explanation and continue to dodge the topic, i would tell them straight out that barring all other explanations, racism may be a problem at their institution. you could report them, call a local newspaper, etc. but then you may not want your son there where he is not wanted. so either way, move him somewhere else. but tell them WHY - i know it seems always the responsibility of the oppressed to educate the oppressor, and that's not fair, but if they are totally ignorant of the consequences of their actions they may need to be enlightened.

good luck mama!

This was the same reason why I took my son out from his Pre-school not because I'm white and my husband is a very dark latin man but because they gave more attention and moved kids up before my son when my son should have been moved up. Gave me excuses that he can't talk and all that other stuff. I downgraded and went to a day care because I knew the director and was more comfortable that he would be treated equally than against. He learned more at the daycare than at the pre-school. When I enrolled him into VPK he was the student with the highest grades although his behavior was at a c level his academic level is an A+ and even now he's in Kindergarden he's improved a lot on his behavior. So sometimes that phrase "you pay for what you get" doesn't always come into play. I was paying $150/weekly at the preschool and at the daycare i paid $40.00/weekly. I wouldn't recommend staying at the Montessori he's in now, take him to a knew one and move him out of there. He's already being mistreated. I don't give a damn if I only had two stickers left if I were a teacher the last response I would give to a young boy such as yours is these are not for your class. I would have given him one and figured out where to get another one to replace that one. Also, now that you have complained to the director/manager you are probably not going to have anything resolved. That's just how some people really truly are. I've complained a few times about the pre-school and it only got worse. Interview the new Montessori - do what's best for your son - you don't want him to become a labeled child either. And unfortunately that will probably happen if you keep him there. Take it easy and take a deep breath. You're doing an awesome thing by bringing it up to the manager and asking for advice from other moms.

it is very unlikely that this is racial discrimination. but if you look for that, you see it everywhere.
it does sound as if they have uneven promoting practices there, but having antagonized the staff it's not likely that you (or they) are going to be happy at this point.
being traumatized and anxious to the point of no sleeping is a big red flag to me. your child is picking up on this, and will incorporate victimization into his view of the world if you keep this up. there are other schools and better solutions than keeping your child somewhere you so obviously dislike and letting it disrupt the family psyche.
get a grip, and move on.
khairete
S.

If the center's asssessment of your son is accurate, then maybe he isn't quite ready for the higher level. It is true that kids do well with mixed ages. Is there any reason you can honestly claim "discrimination"? Nothing you have said indicates it is truly discrimination (not saying it couldn't be but nothing that indicates it truly is).

If your child is truly ready to move up and they were full, they should have just told you that and not accepted new children. However, they may have figured they could accept the new older child and keep your son where he was to have higher enrollment. You did say other kids have moved up. Did you specifically ask why these other kids moved up after your son did not?...again, keep in mind that the evaluation could be accurate based on what they see at the center (kids often do differently as home then they do as school).

Is there a reason you are pushing so hard for him to move up?

You are probably not being paranoid regarding discrimination. Unfortunately, it is alive and real. Montessori is an awesome education, but racism is not so I would strongly consider moving my child out of the school before he starts to notice being treated so differently. There are a lot of Montessori concepts you can integrate into your home life so he still has the benefit of that lovely philosophy even while going to a different kind of preschool-- or home school (with playdates).

Hi B.- Get him outta there! The people that imply that YOU are inserting race into this are just totally out of touch. My daughter is good friends with a bi-racial little girl. White mom/Black Dad, who ironically speaks French as a first language too. After getting to know this child it didn't take long to hear the stories of discrimination she told. She will say they went somewhere or other but left because the people were mean, little comments here and there and it's easy to see she is on the receiving end of discrimination from both white and black people. Not sure about Ireland but it's all over the USA whether people want to admit it or not.
You can't change them so I would find a place where he's valued and treated with love.
If they are refusing to promote him what other more subtle things are happening day to day that you may be unaware of?
This is not worth another minute of anxiety. Find the right school, you might discuss these concerns with staff before enrolling him somewhere else. I wouldn't leave the school you're at now without a very firm, direct discussion about how you really feel and why your leaving!

It does sound like your son is being discriminated against, but whether it's racial discrimination or discrimination of another type, I have no idea. I would put him in the other school. No matter what happens now, you don't trust or like these people at the school he's in now so in order for you to feel comfortable, I would change the school.

It seems that, even if you do win the argument with the school, you may not want to keep your child there. If there is bias at play that the school fails to acknowledge, then even if he moves up, the bias could still affect him in other ways ... they could single him out in the new class, treat him badly, etc. So you need to ask yourself whether your child will have a positive experience at that school if you continue to push the director and win your argument. If there is another Montessori school that would enjoy taking him, would his experience be more positive? Maybe that's the thing to focus on to help you keep your cool (I know I would have a hard time staying calm!). It is all about his education after all and I bet it won't be the last time you run into some jerks along the way.

Also, I don't know anything about the Irish system, but is there an outside board of education or management to whom you could formally lodge a complaint? Are their websites where you can provide feedback and comments about a school so that other parents can read about your experience and learn from it? If so, you may feel more in control if you take the opportunity to submit an objective and factual account of your experience to a public group, forum or managing body.

Good luck.

I think some parents think their kids are better than they actually are. It's instinct for parents to feel this way. I know a lot of kids are different at school, then they are at home. Could this be the case with your son? Maybe he doesn't feel as comfortable at school, as he does at home, so therefore, he is as vibrant at school. ie: only feel somfortable counting to three because he may not get the audience he does at home.

As far as the racial discrimination....I think you are jumping to conclusions and using that as an excuse. Aren't we waaay past the racial discrimination thing?! I think some people like to keep it going though, because if it truly ends, then they will have to actually look at themselves and take responsibility. It's much easier to blame others

I absolutely understand your anger, but why do you continue to give them your business and put your child in their trust if you feel that they are so strongly against your child. Even if they move your child up to the montessori class what makes you think that they wont continue the discrimination there, maybe in another form.
It's just my opinion but, what are you teaching your child when you notice a difference, he notices a difference and yet you still keep him there and let them treat not only you this way but your child as well.

Prejudice is real. Yes we have come very far, but discrimination is not extinct. My kids are mixed and I see it go the other way here. Mixing is very common and a lot of people seem to go out of thier way to be nicer to my kids. They ooh and ah and pet them and tell me how black and white makes the prettiest babies. I assume to prove how progressive they are or something. Other people look at them in disgust, like they're dirty. So, I don't believe it's wrong to be mindful that skin color is still an issue for many many people and that it is going to affect our kids sometimes. I know it's no longer pc to point out racism, but it's still around.

Whatever the motivation, they are doing him a dissevice. Now I worry that since you are shining a bright light on these people they are going to take it out on your son. It's certainly not going to make him the favorite. If you live in a closed community, you may not find better treatment down the road, but it would be worth a try, and if you make it clear that is why you are transferring in, they will at least know they can't get away with it. Take no bull mom.

B., move him. I have lots of friends who have moved their children when they felt the school did not meet their child's needs. I'd be furious too if I were in your position, but don't waste your time and energy on this school anymore. And report the school. I wouldn't assume that it is racial discrimination without any other evidence, but something is wrong as they should never have accepted other kids if they could not accommodate existing kids into the Montessori. That should be the substance of your complaint, and the fact that they have not given you a satisfactory reason.

If you really feel this strongly about this then move your child to a different school. If in fact, all the things you claim are true, do you really want your child in a school like that? Not all schools are a good fit for everyone. You could take the best school in the world and it may not be a good fit. If I felt my child was being treated unfairly, regardless of the reasoning, I would find a place that was in their best interest.

Why do you want to deal with these people who are disrespecting your son and disregarding your feelings about this??? Switch him to the other school so he can excel and be happy. Switch him today and report this school to the local preschool people who refer kids--tell them of your experience. I am sure they would want to know. Good luck and so sorry this happened to your son!

Molly

Since you found another school, I would switch. In any setting such as this, no matter your concerns, if they aren't being addressed, that's not the place for you.

Good luck!

Hi B.-

All I kept thinking as I read your post is "You're paying for this aggravation???". Move your son to a fresh enviroment and don't look back. If you are feeling this level of discrimation, what do you think your son is experiencing when you aren't there?

Sometimes we, as Mother Warriors, want to fight for our children when we should simply remove them from the situation. I understand wanting whats right for your son but sometimes it simply isn't worth it. Look back at all the stress this has caused you and your family. Is the fight really worth it? Would you really be happy if they said tomorrow that he could move to the other room? Truly, is this a facility you trust to have your son's best interests in mind?

Once your son is in the new school, you will look back on this experience and wonder why you stayed so long.

Best of luck to you.

Since you say you have found another Montessori nearby that has space, I think I would stop fighting this battle, and simply take him from the place he's in and enroll him in the other school. It sounds like the situation in the school he's in will not get better and that it's only going to be a heartache for you and your son to try to keep him there.

I would say if your son is doing okay and learning and enjoying the experience it would not behoove you to show anxiety about him not moving up yet as that would start to make him think that something bad is going on and could ruin the whole school experience for him. It seems that you were not satisfied by any of the answers you received from the staff. The only thing you wanted was to have him move to the 3yr old class, period. Sometimes you just need to trust the institution for what it is, maybe he is a good kid to have in class with some of the younger students, maybe his current teacher really likes him and doesnt want him to move on just yet.
Maybe he isnt counting to 15 for them yet which would show that he is still too immature to move on. I think you might be overreacting and just hope your son isn't seeing it. You say he's traumatized because his friends all moved to another class and now you want to traumatize him more by putting him in another school? If he's doing fine where he is, let it be. They will move him when he's ready. If you are going to start discrimination battles this early in the game you WILL make him feel discriminated against. For some reason I just don't think this is the case.
If you do move him to the other school you will be "branded" by the current school as a "helecopter" mom right off the bat. I would trust that God has you all right where he wants you to be for now. Have some faith.
You've made it clear to the school that you are paying attention, so I'm sure they will place him where you want him eventually, even if he isnt ready for it.
btw, you say you live in Ireland but your profile shows you live in CA?

The most common reason I've heard about a daycare not moving a 3 yo up is because of potty training (that the child has to be pretty much accident free and pretty much entirely potty trained before going in the advanced 3 yo room). Since you didn't mention this aspect, I'm not sure where your son is in regard to potty training. However, regardless, it sounds like you've lost confidence and trust in his current daycare. I suggest you move him to a different facility.

Dear B.,
I don't have any experience with being by racial and I think sometimes it just has nothing to do with any of it. And in the very least it doesn't help anyone involved to waste one thought about it. In my opinion if the other school can garantee you that they will put your son into the Montessori class I would definitely move him. In my experience children can handle a reasonable decision well. You explain to him why you move him. Because they use different rules for moving children up in his case. (Don't mention race. I think it has more to do with him and the other boy.) you see even if they would move him, the whole center would never be the same for you. Give yourself a fresh start. Good luck, A.