Need to Vent - Issue with SIL

Hi T.,
I understand how you feel. I don't always want to go to his side with his brothers and sisters for parties and holidays. But like you, we do attend quite a few things. I don't think you should feel guilty just becuz you have other plans the day of that party. People need to respect that and with the holidays, you need to have downtime at home especially with a baby and the possible bad storm.

We have said no to get togethers but my husband is always tentative (afraid to offend his mom and siblings) if he is the one saying no to the person but I just stand firm and say I'm not going. There have been times when I have just sent him with the kids and I have stayed home if I didn't want to go. I mean we have been doing the family party holiday thing for 23 plus years. I say, its important to say yes to what you truly want to say yes to and no to what you don't want to do and not look back. Who are they to judge what TRUMPS what?

Next time, just nicely say, oh thank you for thinking of us but sorry we have other plans. hope you all have a nice time. Nice and short and sweet. They will get over it.
anyway.. good luck.. and with the weather alone this weekend, its the right thing to do.

Don't you think you over reacted just a little bit? All she did was say that family was important. You read into it what you wanted. You didn't even tell her what your plans were. I'm not saying that they are not selfish. I don't know you or them or the entire situation but in this case, I think you overreacted. Why didn't you pick up the phone for an actual conversation with her? It is much easier to talk on the phone than IM someone. To take this out on your husband like that was unfair. He probably thought you overreacted too.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR....INLAWS!!! #@!*!@*$#! Seriously, what is UP with them?

Anyway, my husband and I have been married for almost 7 years and together for almost 10. We don't argue much, but the worst fights we've had have been because of his family AND his inability to deal with them. Bottom line. These arguements get heated and I get very upset. I've talked to my friends about it and many of them run into the same issue. Their husbands don't deal with their family.

I've said to my husband MORE than once, "I would never allow MY mom to do that." or "There's no way I would sit and allow MY brother to treat you that way." Nothing gets accomplished until I take drastic measures such as sleeping on the couch or crying. It's annoying.

Anyway, it's none of your SIL's business what you choose to do or not do. You are expected to cancel plans because of a last minute invite to a 20 yr old's birthday party? Please. If it were that important for you to be there, you wouldn't have been a last minute call the week of the party. (Something else that my in-laws do, also.)

I don't know how close or important the relationship is with your SIL, but I wouldn't expect an apology from her. Not that one isn't deserved, but I just don't think it will happen. Obviously, your hubby now knows how you feel about the situation. If something comes up again where she is rude, I'd react strongly. Maybe she was crabby that day, maybe she doesn't want to be at the party without you, who knows? But, if this is the only instance with her, I'd see what she does with it. She knows she upset you...see if she realizes it.

Oh, and no way in hell I'd be at that party now.

Good luck,

T.

Boundaries that is what is needed! If you have plans you have plans. Whether family or friends you are free to chose what fits you best period. While she may never apologize you owe no explanation nor do you need to apologize for anything. While family as a whole is important what is best for your immediate family trumps everything.