Husband vs Mom

I think you owe your husband an apology. Your mom is an adult, she can be alone for one day that is special to your husband.

And if you can't say no to your mom - that's not your husband's problem - it's yours. Take her out to lunch and then a bit of shopping and then drop her off at home before the game.

It was not fare of you to invite her over once he had already made his desire clear, especially without talking to him about it. I know it is your house also, but it is his house and he just wanted to watch the game in peace. If it was that important to you to have your mom have someone to watch the game with you should have volunteer to watch it at her house with her.

I see you're from PA, so this is probably a pretty big day for you :)
I think you should talk to your mother. Explain to her that your husband is a HUGE fan and will most likely be yelling and screaming (and maybe even cussing) at the TV. Tell her that as long as she understands that this is his thing, and that she isn't to shush him, she is more than welcome!

Then talk to your husband. Explain that your mother just wants to come over and watch the game. Tell him that you explained the "rules" to her. Hopefully that will smooth things over!

I do think it's kind of crappy that after she was told that you all were spending the day together, she called you and asked.

EDIT: After Mommy B's post, I had to say something....I LOVE football. My entire family LOVES football. If we were Steelers fans, we would be totally ecstatic about them playing in the big game! I totally get J. P's excitement. She's right, unless you are football fans with a team in the Superbowl, you have NO idea the excitement that surrounds the big game.

I really don't understand why Mommy B would basically come on here and bash J. P and her family for enjoying a sport TOGETHER. I think it's awesome that the whole family enjoys it!

PARTY ON J.! :D

I would let your husband know that he can still have fun, and that your mom is there because she was alone and you felt bad for her. Then I would also let him know that you and your mom will be on good behavior letting him rule the house on this one day as it is his day. Let your mom know the rules when she comes over, that your husband is in his house and he can do or say whatever he wants as this is his free pass day. If your mom can't handle the rules then tell her that she probably shouldn't come over. I would have your mom also as a gesture acknowledge him as king for a day. This might make him feel good and could also help out in the future. He might warm up to her coming over during games if this one goes smoothly. If your mom feels he is too rowdy let her know that she can watch the game in another room, or leave, but that today is his day.

I'm having sort of the same situation. My mom wants us to come to her place to watch the game on her little old TV. My hubby wants to watch it on our big flatscreen as do I. I told my mom we werent coming, and she's still guilting me this morning.
she's a chain smoker too otherwise Id go get her and bring her over, but it would mean I would end up outside with her the entire time and miss the game for the most part.

Sorry, but Yes. You should have told her no. Your husband told both you AND your mother that he wanted no guests. You went behind him and without consulting him, agreed for your mom to come over... so you BOTH went against his wishes, behind his back. I would be P.O.'d if my hubby and his mom did something like that to me, wouldn't you?

Now if your question was, "should I talk to my husband and see if I can convince him to invite her over?"... then sure! Talk to him. But, that wasn't your question.
I think that you feel bad for your mom, but you should recognize that it isn't your husband's fault that she would be alone. She is an adult. She couldn't come up with other plans? The SuperBowl isn't exactly a last minute thing...
And does your mom REALLY care that much about the game? If so.. then SURELY she has other friends she could have made plans with to watch with her.... Who does she watch the regular season games with?

You still have time to salvage the situation. You should watch half the game with your mom at her house and half at your house without your mom. Yes, it was unfair given that you know how much it means to him and you didn't even discuss it with him before inviting her. He probably also feels betrayed because he thought he had your support when you "let it go" in respect to the convo he had with your mother...and now this. You should apologize to him and explain how torn you felt and why you made the decision. And then offer the solution of splitting your time at both houses so they can both have the experience they want.

You had it all planned already and your husband wants to have it with just you and the kids. From the "objective" point of view, I could see how he selfishly thinks his family tradition is ruined. Men can be so that way sometimes.

From your point of view, it's hard as a woman to know your M. is there all lonely watching it by herself. I would be in the same boat like you and have been so many times.

To get out of it without feeling too guilty, call your M. and let your husband be the "bad guy" and you out of the middle. Let her know that your husband wanted to spend the time alone with just you and the family and would prefer to not have company. M., I know you probably don't want to watch it alone, but I will call you during the quarters and we can share scores, etc.

I'm sure your M. will understand and your hubby will get his time. Please try not to get in a mood over your husband excluding your M....it is tempting, but he did plan this ahead of time!

This one's hard, but since the Superbowl probably means a lot more to hubby than to mom, I think he should get to have the day without her.

Sometimes we really should just get to spend the day with our families. It's up to elder people to make sure that they have an active life, so they are not entirely dependent on their kids for company.

That's what she gets for shushing him. That was rude of her.

I think you should have told her you would get back to her and talked it over with your hubby. He probably would have said no and you could have just gone back to your mom and said something like "mom, he is in man mode and wants the house to himself today!! You know how they are!!" You know something like that, she might have felt hurt or lonely, but well, he is your husband so he trumps in my opinion. Now if you had talked it over and told him that you were so worried about your mom all alone and could he please relent, he might have. But bc you said yes to mom without consulting him, he feels bummed, understandably, and you feel caught in the middle, also understandably. Here is how I would try and repair the day. I would get hubby along in the bedroom for a minute and say "Honey, I am sorry I invited my mom without asking, that was a bad decision. I am going to talk to my mom and make sure that she respects your focus on the game and I won't invite her again to something so important without talking to you first" He might come back with how upset he is and you knew he specifically wanted to be alone etc etc...just eat humble pie and maybe promise to really make up for it later?? ;) Then I would go to my mom and tell her that it has nothing to do with her but my husband really wanted to be alone and be all crazy so would she please just give him some space and let him be all wild etc, but you are really glad to spend the day with her. That's what I would do. It might take a few minutes but it will probably recover with some time. Good luck!!

Uh..I'm guessing your hubby's mood is even crappier today, as it is with all of us in Da Burgh. :(
But I gotta say, I think your husband's attitude is a little immature and selfish. He may prefer to watch the game with his private guest list, but, after all, we can't always get what we want....(cue the Rolling Stones....).

I'm so sorry your stuck between two childish people! I'm reading Toward a Growing Marriage by Gary Chapman because so many Mamas here recommended his books. so far I've read about the sin of unkindness. "Absence of kindness is always wrong." You were kind to invite your mother so she would not be alone. If your family regards this as a holiday, families should be together on holidays! Sweetly ask your hubby to find it in his heart to be kind. Tell your mother nicely how special this day is to your hubby, that he really didn't want people around cuz he wanted to concentrate on the game and make as much noise as he wanted in his own home and to please be considerate. If hubby is too sulky and cranky, tell him CALMLY that you are considering going to your Mom's cuz you're so excited about the game and don't want his bad mood to ruin YOUR game day. If my team was playing I would not want to put up with hubby's childish sulks. You are entitled to enjoy this game as well. Tell him you are still hoping to watch it together as a family.....it's up to him.

Oh my gosh, I could have written this. After years of my husband going to parties or having people here, he decided he hates that people talk through the game (and commercials), and prefers to watch it at home with NO ONE but me and my daughter. And I'm pretty sure I'm only allowed because he likes my cooking. :-)

Anyway, it sounds like a bit of combined fault for your situation. While your hubby could have been a bit nicer to your mom, he was clear. So she shouldn't have asked you to still come. But since she did, you should have probably said no. I hope it still goes ok. I don't know if you'll get these replies in time, but perhaps when she gets there you could have a light family meeting stating whatever 'rules' your hubby and you have already agreed on. If your mom breaks these rules, perhaps you could ask her to 'help' you with something in the kitchen and try to keep her out of his hair.

The only reason my mom didn't do this same thing is because she doesn't like football. But I think she often does things to prove that I was hers first!

Good luck!

His day is RUINED? He's sulking and mad? Sorry, but he sounds like he's being a big baby and a control freak to boot. Just remind him that the Superbowl is just one day, but mothers-in-law are forever! Haha. Is he always that rude to her, or is it just a football-related thing? In my opinion, your Mom should ALWAYS be made to feel welcome in your home, regardless of what else is going on. You probably shouldn't have told her she could come, and she probably shouldn't have asked knowing how your husband already felt about it, but what's done is done and he should be gracious to her and make the best of it. I feel badly for you that you're stuck in the middle, and hope somehow you all can find a way to salvage the day!

You should have conferred with your husband first. You probably could have negotiated him into a grudging "OK".

His response to your mother (the woman who raised you) was unacceptable. You will be a MIL someday and you would not want your DIL or SIL talking to you like that.

Unless your mother is a raving lunatic, no one's day is ruined and to sulk in such a manner is something a 4 yr old would do.

BUT...! I have to confess, we told family and friends we "had other plans today" to avoid having to go anywhere. We too want to plan our menu and games and decorations completely stress-free.

BTW -- Wish it were the Vikings but I gotta say, "Go Pack Go!" and hope someone takes Roethlisberger outta the game -- Unconvicted rapist that he is.

Being that he already said that he was not interested in company and you invited her anyway...is it possible for you to set ground rules for your mom? Is she aware of the tension she caused those years ago by shushing him? Is it possible for her to come but to take a 'backseat' to his watching the game? Maybe if she could come, enjoy the game but not overstep her bounds it will be a more positive experience for everyone and he might not mind her presence in the future.

Good luck and GO STEELERS!

Oh geez, I hate football. Why in the world does anybody get so hyped and bent of out shape over it??? I'm more than extremely happy that my husband doesn't waste his time watching sports. He finds it silly and a waste of time (although he does enjoy playing sports). And I thank GOD my husband doesn't have any "man mode" LOL.

You should have told her no. It is his house, too. He needs to loosen up, of course, but inviting mom over was not right.

Then again, I couldn't give a @%!#*& hoot about football;)

I don't have a good solution - just wanted to say that I loved your comment about "executing my carefully planned menu." Very cute. :)

Hope your husband comes around . . . I agree with him; on the other hand, I wouldn't say no to my mom either (unless there were other problems).

You did the right thing. You shouldn't have to choose between your Mom and husband. They are both adults and the issue they have is with each other, not with you. They both love you. I don't know if you have anyone else coming but your family...but if your husband watches more in isolation, then they shouldn't be in each other's way in the first place. I just thought i if there is enough people then my attitude is-the more, the merrier to have a party. If your husband chooses to come and grab some food and be by himself-then, that is his choice (Mother or not) and you have to respect that but it shouldn't change your attitude and who you invite. I think it is up to you to change the mood in your household.

It is not your responbility to be your mom's social director. She should find some friends! There are plenty of other Steelers fans in the Murraysville area that she could have watched the game with. It was disrespectful and presumptious of her to backdoor him by calling you after he already told her no. She sounds manipulative. She put you in a bad position, but IMHO, once you're married, your husband should take priority over your mom. If you didn't agree with him, you should have discussed it with him before saying yes to your mom to see if you could have changed his mind.

I know my response is too late for this time, but if your mom did this yesterday, she'll do it again. You should devise a game plan now for next time so you aren't stuck in the middle again.

Hi, J.:
There is a principle here more than the idea of the game.

Your husband told your mom, NO!. You told your mom, YES!

Do you see a principle that was disregarded?

Your husband's wishes were disrespected!
What could you have done to respect your husband's wishes and
respected your mother's wishes? Do a brainstorm.
Just a thought.
D.