Need to Do Better

wow 8kids! my dad had the perfect solutions to make us go to bed early. 1. he got everyone up at 4:30 AM to do chores. we lived on a ranch. then in the evening, even ifwe got home a 7 pm becaue of sports, we still had to do more chores and by the time bedtime came, we wanted to go to bed.

As early teenagers, my kids were so different. My son went to sleep on his own when he got tired. Our daughter was a night owl. Mornings were awful if she had to be waken. So we kept making her bed time 30 min. earlier until we found the time that would allow her to get up on her own. If she awoke on her own, she wasn't moody and everyone had a good morning. It was not a punishment or power issue (a lot of teens think that parents who give boundaries are just power happy). Instead it was a health issue. Everyone needs different amounts of sleep to be at their best health. The deal we made with her was that we were not allowed to tell her friends what her real bedtime was as she didn't want people to think she was weird. She just told people that we didn't allow phone calls after a certain time.

I would just set a bed time for her and spend time with her until it is "time for bed." I homeschool my kids and they like to stay up since they don't have to get up super early. They are too grumpy and struggle in school so I have set bedtimes for them and it helps (9:00). They are 13 and 14. I have two younger ones also but they don't push to stay up like the older ones. Good luck!

Dear W.,

It sounds like you, yourself, are not getting enough sleep. Now that you are free of babies and young children, you need 7-9 hours of good, solid sleep every night. If you don't, you will age much faster than necessary. So, tell your 12-year-old that you need her help in taking better care of both of you. Remind each other to set an early-to-bed, early-to-rise routine; you will both be more alert and healthier for it! "Establishing a bedtime routine will help you sleep longer and more soundly." (TriVita.com) This has been a habit with me for many years, as I have Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia. But you will be much more likely to STAY healthy (appreciate this, please) if you do the same.

K.

well it's obvious you know what your doing when it comes to raising kids, but if I hear you right your asking to find a easy way to let your youngest down by being a parent and not a friend and telling her to go to bed earlier. At this point I think because your children are are growing up, becomeing their own individuals, they don't tneed you as much therefore you tend to find yourself "closer" to the youngest. One thing you have to remember, no matter whether your kids are at home or not their always going to need their mom / parent. And remember your are their parent first. So if telling your 12 year old it's time for bed, lights out at 9pm no negotiating...then that's what it takes. It's healthier for her....and in the long wrong it'll be healthier for you because you won't be 2nd guessing your desicion's. They know you love them....establish the light's out rule and hold too it!
Good luck!

Hi W.,
I follow a weekly parenting article in the Albuquerque paper, and a Mom had a similar question some months ago. The advice seemed wise to me (My little ones are a long way from teen years).

He recommended parents avoid "micro-managing" their teens. Allowing them to set their own schedules, being responsible for themselves (chores, homework, sports, etc) is very healthy for teenagers, and helps them take on the responsibility that will be expected of them as adults.

In other words, as long as she is getting to school on time, doing all her work, getting chores done, meeting all her family's expectations, getting good grades, etc. Leave well enough alone. She is making more adult decisions, including when to go to bed, and how tired she is willing to be the next day. Grumpy? She's going to have to deal with the consequences if she takes it out on anyone else.

Hey, you're doing a great job raising a big family. Maybe as the youngest, she's picked up on the older ones' maturity, and is just making the decision to be more like them?
T

Hi WendyMaybe try making reading together at night a new ritual that always makes my daughter sleepy. give her a time frame so she knows her bedtime is near that way you have some down time to your self as well.good luck

We all love the time with our kids specially when Dad's are away but you just need to be the adult & say ok bed time will be at this time & stick with it no matter how hard it is. I have 2 girls 11/14 & they both have specific bed times yes even my 14 (who is in high school)If they don't get enough sleep then everything starts to go down hill. Each one has there own time to be to bed EX: my 11 yr old has to be in bed at 8:30 (we get up way early for school) but at 8:15 they have to be in there bed with a book or magezine or just lay there so there body can relax it helps her go to sleep alot quicker then just sending her in there at 8:30.. It will be hard but you never know she might actually like her alone time before bed & she just felt you needed her there because dad was gone.. good luck

make a deal with her, if she likes to read or write...she needs to be in bed at 8pm, but can do those things in bed for 30 min. And can't come out or get out of bed. I think reading and writing in the bed can tend to make them tired.

I agree with Deana. And I also agree with the most previous comment that it sounds like you aren't getting enough sleep.

I'm a military wife. I know how the husband working nights works, and then some. (He's been in Iraq for a few months now.)

You need to be getting more sleep yourself. You're gonna have to try and establish a better schedule for yourself as well as your daughter. It sounds kind of like you're so used to making the sacrifices for so many years, that you haven't figured out yet that you're allowed to sleep now. Enjoy it!

E.