Need Tips on Making Marriage Better

A.,
first off i wanted to say i'm so proud of you that you have such a willing attitude, and are ready to work for your marriage. you guys are definitely NOT alone! my husband and i are going through a rough stage too - marriage is HARD. it's hard enough, but when finances are tight, and other stressers are added, it makes it immensely harder. our saving grace has been my mom, who watches my son on weekends sometimes. i don't know where we'd be without those occasional breaks. probably splitting up! is there anyone you can ask to watch your girls for a night? a few hours during the day is okay, but an overnight stay with a trusted relative or friend is 100% different. and not just once, but maybe once a month or every other month. basically what i'm saying is you both need time to focus on JUST the two of you. it can be hard if you don't have family close but there are options, you can search online and find someone (i think it's like sitterfinder.com or something). even a friend or coworker (with kids maybe?) would be an option.

once you have a sitter, you don't have to spend money on a big date night. one thing my hubby and i do when we have a night alone is pull the mattress off the bed, into the livingroom, and stay up late watching movies (redbox is only a dollar!). you can use your imagination for other activities ;)

finally i'll just say (and it sounds like you're already doing it) be open and honest with your hubby, keep the lines of communication open. one of our "things" is that he likes to shower directly after coming home from work, so while he's "cornered" and can't get away, i'll hang out in the bathroom and we'll talk about our days. we even have our "money" talks that way, and if it gets serious i'll put our son in front of a tv show for ten minutes. it's helpful because like i said, i know he won't be getting away. but i try to acknowledge my part in things as well as his feelings about it. it takes two so i hope your hubby is as ready to work for it as you are. good luck, and if you need to talk i'm here, email me anytime!

Hi A.,
I think the main ingredient to building a strong marriage is simply that both of you want to stay in it and are willing to roll up your sleeves and work through the pain.
I don't know if these will help, but here are a couple of websites to get some ideas on communicating...(some info is from faith-based website, but the messages ring true no matter what your faith)

http://www.smartmarriages.com/index.html

http://www.aish.com/family/marriage/How_To_Build_Trust_in...

http://www.aish.com/family/marriage/

I wish you and your hubby the best--you can both find happiness together, again, you just have to work for it! Don't give up!! :)
Angie

one of the best pieces of advice i got for keeping your marriage healthy is to "have an affair with your spouse." what i mean by that is plan to carve out secret times with your husband. surprise him at work. get a baby sitter and take him out to his favorite restaurant. don't think of him as an obligation. think of him as an opportunity to be flirty and sexy and romantic with. when i get in this frame of mind with my husband, planning an exciting evening out doesn't seem like a burden or chore, it is fun and fills me up with energy and love for him.

Hi A., I suggest this website www.the-generous-wife.com this lady sends you emails and suggestions on how to make your marriage top priority in your life. I love it! there is also one for your husband called the generous husband. lots of good information and insight. you may want to check it out just for the fun of it!! hope this helps

Both my husband and I subscribe to "the generous wife" & "the generous husband" e-mails. They are written by a husband & wife team and sent to us daily. Their usually a fast read; most of their tips are really simple like "'write I Love You because....' on a sticky note where he will easily find it like his lunchbox, briefcase or the bathroom mirror". You won't believe how much easier it is to be more generous/kind/nice if the other person is as well. I think Carrie's advice about the date night is so very important! We did the mattress in the living room thing as well. One of the other generous wife tips that could go along with that is to take lipstick and write notes all over your body for him to read like "kiss here" on your neck or tummy (or wherever else). Hope things get better for the 4 of you!

the thing i keep in the forefront of my head (not that i'm an expert, by all means...) is i ask myself, " what have i done to make his life better, today?" ifr i've done nothing well then there you have it... time to get creative! the challenge comes on the days i don't feel like being nice to him... you know! good luck to you and your family.meg