Need Tips on Helping 13Yo Boy with Remembering.....

My older son had to have a tutor for a while, not for grades the little bugger was brilliant, she kept him organized. Bright colored folders, bright sticky notes, everything in its place.

You design a system that looks like it was created by Monk and in practice it will not be used correctly but will work. What I mean is over organization tends to get you organized. Sort of like shoot for As so if you fail to hit that you still have a healthy B.

This: http://www.amazon.com/Wilson-Jones-Organizer-Expansion-W6...

It will fit in his bag and he can flip the top open so he can shove his assignments in the correct slot for that class without even taking it out of his bag. No three ring binders or folders...they'll just get disorganized. This is easy and fast. And take it from me...it works. If he has more than 5 classes, get him two. I'd just cut the flap off of them...it'll only be in the way of his putting the papers away neatly.

And this: http://www.amazon.com/DayMinder-Premi%C3%A8re-Recycled-Mo...

This is how I remember EVERYTHING. I use two binder clips to make it so I don't even have to look for the page I'm on. I clip them so I can just open it up right to the page I need (today's date). There's also a nifty plastic pocket in the back to put things like permission slips, checks, and other smaller papers that would otherwise end up in the abyss.

Finally...have your son empty his bag completely at the end of every week. I advise doing it as part of Saturday chores, so if he finds something that needs to be done (an errant assignment), he'll have the time to do it. Also, try not to keep too much stuff in his bag. Stuff is overwhelming and leads to disorganization.

Best of luck!
♥
C. Lee

Do you see the trend in the few responses you got?? This is normal kid behavior..you are not alone!! Time management, organizational skills and "remembering" come with maturity..and from caring. I know many adults that struggle with all this...and it comes from a lack of interest and not wanting to make a change...but also not knowing how to change. Sooo, it is great you are looking to help him now.

It will come with time...put painful to watch the process eh??

Some things I do that a friend/child behaviorist mentioned was to use situations at home to teach remembering. One of my son's teachers also mentioned this too. You ask questions...ask them to give you the answer instead of you giving an endless verbal 'to do list" that they ignore and say, "uh huh..I know..I will Mom!!"

Heres a morning scenario ,goes something like this "Good morning Joe Schmo...we have to be out of the door in 30 minutes to get you to school on time. What are YOU going to do to make that happen?" Then let him come up with 3 or 4 things he needs to do. If they stumble then maybe you give some hints like...shower first,get dressed and come out for breakfast and we can talk about the rest. Once at the table then ask what they need to do in the next 15 minutes to be out the door on time. It gets them thinking...puts the responsibility on them..and they say it out loud which gives ownership.

Ask questions instead of telling him what to do. "Hey Joe Schmo...I wrote this check for your lunch..where are you putting it in your backpack? When do you plan to turn it in to the lunch lady?" "Hey son. I see your dishes from breakfast still on the table. Are you done? Oh great...glad to see you enjoyed it. Where does the dirty dish go when you are done?" Wait for HIS answer and then walk away saying "Thanks!" He may stand there for a second...but he will probably walk and put it in the sink or dishwasher. I swear it works!!! We use this tactic on all 3 of our kids..it works!!

I can't stress enough how important it is to ask the question(pointed directly toward the end behavior you are wanting) and then allow them to give the answer. Kids tune out parents..tune out endless directions.

Don't fight with him about it. He is learning from making mistakes...learning from the 0's on his homework. He is earning his grades..not you. You can encourage and reward when you see he turned in an assignment. Everyday we see all our son's assignments turned in we talk about it. Sounds a bit redundant and childish for our 7th grader but they need the constant praise for small accomplishments. In the end all the small accomplishments will lead to big accomplishments.

Good luck and best wishes!!

I could have written this. I am going through the EXACT same thing with my 13-year-old, 7th grade boy. Because I was dealing with a family crisis in October and not around much things really got out of control. I ended up meeting with his school counselor, the school psychologist and a special ed teacher for ideas. My son is in the gifted program and takes advanced classes, but can't remember to turn in a math assignment! They instituted several things, including requiring him to use an accordion-style binder for all of his paperwork and NO loose sheets allowed in his backpack. My assignment is to help him clean it out at home once a week and to periodically look online at the school website for any of his missing assignments. His homeroom teacher is going to send him to clean out his locker every Friday. Every evening we go over what he needs or what is due for the next day. I recently discovered a book from this website, "Smart but Scattered," that I plan to order. It is available in an original version and a teen version that is coming out in January.

The school officials told me there is hope for these kids! Some just take longer to develop organization and "executive function" skills.

Good luck! I'll be following this thread too.

I'm awaiting answers. I have a pre-teen with similar habits, and I look forward to advice to nip it in the bud. I've given her similar advice as you have with your teen, that doesn't stick.

She gets her disorganization genetically from me, though as an adult I've found lots of tools to help me keep it together, and am constantly decluttering. We just had a parent teacher conference last night, and the comments about her desk and backpack reminded me of my own grade school issues.

If you figure out how to put the bell on that cat, you have a million dollar idea! I have raised 2 very smart, all AP classes boys. I have had many friends with the same and ALL have struggled with this. I belong to a Moms in Prayer group made up almost exclusively by moms with boys, ALL struggle with this.

This morning I reminded my senior to get yet another, national honor society member volunteer sheet to fill out because the one he got yesterday disappeared into the abyss. Maybe teachers on here know the formula!

So typical.

When I was teaching, we had a bunch of kids like that. So the homework advisor created a folder for assignments completed and awaiting the time to turn them in. It was a 2-pocket folder, so the "to do" side was on the left and the "done, turn it in" side was on the right. So there was only ONE folder to check every day. That's where the lunch checks go.

He's also working quickly, maybe too quickly. I'm so smart, I don't have to focus" is a common thought process. The assignment isn't "done" until it is turned in on time. They are having him hold his assignments so that he learns this, and so that he doesn't rush to get it over with. It's not up to teachers to remind kids of every thing at this age - the kid has to develop some responsibility.

Another option is to make him pay his own lunch bills through chores, or to stay after for some help. Maybe he is pushing himself so much academically and feeling the pressure for the AP work is keeping his mind elsewhere. Life isn't all academics - it's responsibility. And colleges would rather have a kid who's on top of things and gets a few B's or who takes regular level classes, than someone who can't follow through. He's also got you reminding him all the time so he really doesn't feel he HAS to remember. Tell him you're not going to college with him, and you haven't sat in a classroom since he was in preschool or play groups, so it's on him. I wouldn't have him use his phone as a reminder as most schools don't allow them during the day (kids cheat with them on tests), so he won't develop the memory skills if he depends on his phone at this age. HE needs to be the one to check on line, even if you are looking over his should to begin with.

Remind him he's not going to be driving if he can't remember his license, or that a red light means "stop" or that there are other distracted people on the road!

Good luck - I hear your pain!

Oh, Lord!
Mine is only 9 and I could have written this!
A coworker recently dashed all hopes for my son getting organized by sharing an article from a Harvard educated educator saying MANY boys don't "get organized" until AFTER college! AACKKK!

How is he with electronics? Can he do a calendar/appointments/due dates on his cell phone? Does he have acell phone? Or other device that might help with reminders? (Gift idea?)
Can he quickly, each night, review the class assignments online and the due dates?
Can he put a Post It on his assignments with the due date?
Good luck!

My son is the same way. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I will be anxiously awaiting an answer I can put into effect.

I just want to say I am in the exact same boat as you...my son is 12, and has always been this way. It is so frustrating! I know I see the assignments go in his backpack and yet are always missing!!! The food, same thing. He is no longer allowed to buy now because he doesn't turn the money in and I get the calls that we are on the "debt list". Gave him more than a few tries at that, but it got old. Sent a check in for a hoodie for a club he joined in September last year...found the check in his school bag at Christmas. Missed school fundraisers, meetings, etc because letters don't make it home.
I just hope he gets it together by high school when the grades really matter for college. Just glad to see that he isn't the only kid driving his parents crazy!