Dear Moms, I have 2 boys. One is 10 and the other is 8. My problem is that we had parent teacher meeting yesturday and picked up my sons report cards. My oldest son did just ok. The teacher said he is so unorganized. His desk is a mess, he does'nt come to class prepared all of the time. His grades were average but she said he is just such a daydreamer and does'nt stay focused. Otherwise he is a good boy, never misbehaves and respects her and his classmates. How do you keep a 10 year old boy interested in school, rather then always thinking about basketball etc? His teacher is an older woman. Somewhat pleasent but also somewhat boring. Any suggestions???
Err go the problem...boredom. Just keep telling him that hopefully he will have a less boring teacher next year and to try his bes now to get organized and stay prepared before more problems arise.
I have two boys, one is almost twenty four and the other is eighteen. I experienced the same thing. The older is very organized and the younger fits your description as your ten year old. You can push, you can shop for things that will help his organization but I think sadly, you might not get him as organized as you wish or teacher wants because he sounds like he has great talent elsewhere.Remember, great dreamers are often great achievers! My thoughts contrary to many others is to provide what he needs then celebrate his great skills and talents that he already has. He will have many more teachers. Some of the teachers loved my son and others were worried about his organization.But he is happy in life right now and I realized after years of hollering, cajoling and buying perfect folders and pencil cases that he works in his own way. He will someday realize the consequences of not being prepared for some things and will take note. And you will stand anxiously by him. Plus it might take longer than you expect (and ouch does that hurt us), but he will be fine. As long as you continue to give him all that he needs and the love you appear to have for him, the purple folders and pencil boxes will wind up wherever he wants. Until he sees a need to change it. Good luck. You sound like a wonderful mom.And give them both a hug for me. My very organized son is far away defending our country.
I loved what Sheila had to say and she has the benefit of seeing the process all the way thru. I have a 14 year old boy, 12 year old girl and 5 year old boy. I will say that organization does not naturally to many kids. Your job is to do what you can to teach these skills that really are important for success in school. The theme is that everyone has strengths and areas they need to work on. Your son may not be organized but have other gifts. Emphasize that when you talk to him about this. Tell him that organization is important and it is a skill that he has to learn just like multiplication or mastering the latest video game. Make sure he has the tools to get organized - take him to Office Depot and let him pick out folders etc. Set up a time once a week to go thru his school stuff and help him organize and cull. Don't nag him every day about this.
Its also a good time to talk to him about teachers. Explain that not every teacher he has will be the best fit for him and his style of learning....just as when he grows up he won't always have the perfect boss at work. His job right now is to learn how to work with different kinds of teachers and try to take something positive from each. Explain that it is OK if he is not thrilled with school every day ...do you remember how crappy school was some of the time? Talk to him about your experiences. Keep the lines of communication open. Joke about it.
Its a long road to college and beyond so pace yourself! You won't teach him organization overnight but you might be able to set the stage for communication and cooperation for years to come.
Good luck!
I'm a fourth grade teacher, and I've worked with many kids who need a little bit of extra help getting organized and staying focused on their classwork. It seems to be a common ten-year-old boy thing! We use pocket packs with our classes. See if your son's teacher will let him give this a try.
They come in 6 and 13 pocket sizes. Just label one for each subject, one for stuff to keep at home like notes to parents, PTO news, school news letters, completed work, etc. I like the pocket pack because every paper goes in this one folder. This way even if the math work ends up in the reading pocket, it's still in there somewhere.
He'll bring everything home and you have a shot at finding the things he needs to do his homework. It keeps papers out of the desks too! Everything has a place. The only down side is that it is a little heavier than bringing a single folder, but it really cuts down on folder forgetting or bringing the wrong folder home or to another class. It has made a big difference to many of the kids in my classes!
Disorganization is so common in 10 year-olds, boys in particular, and yes, they need to be trained in how to do it. You have to set up an easy system with him - a different folder for each class, homework to do on the right, other papers on the left. An assignment notebook that he writes things down in every day and then checks off each night as he does it. One place at home to do homework. Help going through and organizing his homework each night. A binder for notes and returned assignments. A (brief) checklist before he goes out the door each morning to remind him what he needs to bring -- make sure he packs his backpack the night before so he doesn't forget everything in the mad rush.
It will be up to you to walk him through it for a couple of weeks and then gradually let him take over certain steps until he gets it.
As for daydreaming, that's a tough one. May be some boredom, but I also wonder - going along with the disorganization - if you may just want to keep an eye out as school progresses for other signs of ADD (the non-hyperactive version.) Otherwise, teach him how to listen, ask questions (self-talk) and take notes to keep him focused. The teacher should have some ideas too. I don't know if you've observed the teacher in a lesson being "boring", but I would recommend keeping that observation to yourself because your son may subconsciously use that as justification for not paying attention. Ask this teacher how you can help your son and see what she says.
Congratulations for having a great kid!
Maybe he isn't organized because he doesn't know how. Can you help him organize his homework the night before? Give him some examples of how his desk could be better organized. I understand he's 10, but he still needs your guidence.
As for the daydreaming - is he bored in class? How is he at home? Can he focus when he wants to do something?
Speak w/ your child's school counselor.
You could also see if the school has an OT consultant who could help out once or twice with helping your son with strategies.
I'd see if it's okay for you to come into his classroom before or after school one day and work with him to put his desk in order. Then perhaps go in weekly and help him again until there's not much for you to do. After that, the teacher can send a note on Friday letting you know how his desk is. Try to reward him for improvement.
For homework, he should have a homework folder. The work to be done goes in one side, and once it's finished it goes in the other side of the folder. If the work includes taking a textbook home, perhaps you could come up with a small checklist to tape on his folder, and he can check off which books he needs to bring home and write a page number down.
As for interest in school, well...that's a little tougher. He doesn't see the purpose for it at this age and it may be boring no matter the teacher. Just let him know you understand school can be quite boring, but you still want him to do his best.
Sounds like a good kid! And a great mom!
Don't be too quick to blame your son. He is just genetically programmed that way. I went to a seminar recently about the difference between male and female brains - primarily in terms of learning and education. I could go on for days about everything I learned, but the bottom line is boys have frequently been accused of not being as smart as girls, or as the "troublemakers" in the classroom. The reason is not because these accusations are true, it is because of the way the male brain processes information as opposed to the female brain. The male brain is not as "active", and when not consistantly stimulated with somewhat quick-paced material, the male brain instantly drops off into "inactive" state. As a matter of fact, brain scans showed (and don't laugh - I always think of my husband here) that the female brain in "resting" state was almost as active as male brain in "active" state. And when the male brain was active, it was VERY active for a short amount of time. When the stimulation subsided, the male brain went immediately into "resting" state (to a level that a female brain is never in) That said, examples were given of gender-separated schooling, and how one teacher would toss a basketball to the student he wanted to answer the question, just to keep the boys on their toes and their brain stimulated.
My suggestion? Do a little research on your own about the gender differences in brain activity. See if you come accross some information that might be useful to the teacher (these studies are somewhat new, she may never had heard of it before, or perhaps discredited it.) Then you may want to help your son find some coping strategies that may help him stay interested during the monotony. It may be something you want to work with the administration as well. I'm sure your son isn't the only one spacing out if the teacher is boring. And his grades depend on it. Yes, it is your son's responsibility to pay attention and do what he is asked in school, but it is also the Teacher's JOB to teach him, and all children learn in a variety of ways.
On a side note, you might want to help him get organized, even at home. Get him a desk area, ask him every day what his homework assignments are, then ask to see them before he goes to bed, make sure they are in his bag, etc. Organizational skills are most often taught and are helpful in all avenues of life!
Alot of good advice here, some of which you might want to combine. I agree that being a dreamer doesn't mean you aren't smart or have ADD (or whatever)or won't achieve. And I also agree that boys especially at that age need to be taught to be more organzied and it takes time. I had the problem with my boy who is now a teen and I still have to remind him about it every now and then. But we went through alot of stuff about it-and yes, he will never be organized the way I think he should. But he knows he better get his work done etc. because that is a requirement in this household. He has found his way of doing things and I'm sure will continue to do so. I guess what I'm saying is you have to understanding of his nature yet give him tools and ways to have success in this area. Eventually he will take over. Good luck to you.
I would think you should talk to a pediatrician to make sure your son does not have ADD (Attention Deficity Disorder without hyperactivity). He will not necessarily be medicated but you need to rule this out. Often kids with this (more boys than girls) have organizational problems called "Executive Dysfunction Disorder" and have problems focusing although they don't necessarily misbehave. Unfortunately schools are not really good at meeting the needs of boys who have a tendency to be more active, are more distractible and not as interested in the value of being a "good student" although they can be just as smart. In my opinion schools fail boys more than girls although the current thinking (incorrectly in my opinion) suggests girls are at risk.
Make sure he gets lots of outside time and try to use his interest in sports to hook him into school work. For example reading sports books (Matt Christoper has good ones), spelling basketball terms, using basketball scores for math and using basketball incentives to improve in school.
I was a teacher and I have two sons. I loved working with boys because they are so much less complicated than girls but you had to be creative to keep their attention.
Make sure he doesn't have a learning disability or attention problem especially if his grades are dropping.
Good luck. Two good books about boys are RAISING CAIN and THE WONDER OF BOYS.
