Need Support - Madison,IN

C., My daughter cut me out of her life when her sons were 5,3 and 3 months.When she went to the hospital for her 4th child I went to the hospital to be with her and she asked me to leave as she could only have 2 people there and she chose 2 of her girlfriends.Right to this day she has very little to do with me inless she needs money.She is currantly in another bad domestic relationship and my oldest daughter called me this morning to let me know my youngest had been beaten up last night and that she would be calling me for money to get herself a place.Last one she left I gave her the down payment for a place to rent plus first and last months rent bought her a washer and drier so she could do her laundry.In less then 3 weeks she was right back with him leaving me holding the bag I lost the rent moneys and the depoist.plus she left the new washer and drier in the place we rented and I lost that too.I love my daughter but this time there will be know help from me except to call the law.We all go thru trials and your son has figured out in his mind that your not as important as the agended he is making for himself.PLease keep incontact with the grandson and the father will be back around just you make sure when he dose that the purse strings are tied tight and don't give him one cent.you can't buy there love.

I'm sorry for all your pain. No one can rip your heart out like your kids! If I had to make a guess about your son's behavior, I think he might have had a idea in his head about how life would be with his wealthy father. Now, after living with him, he has probably come to realize that he was wrong and doesn't want to admit it. His pride is now getting the best of him and potentially having to admit that he was wrong to look for "the greener grass" is making him lash out at you.

I have noticed with my own brother who is 38, every bad thing in his life was caused by my father, which just is not true. My parents, who were not divorced, gave everything to him, which actually may have been the wrong thing to do. He treated both my parents like it was their job to take care of him, even as an adult. He showed them little respect, especially when he was married to his now ex-wife. She was a big part of the problem between my parents and my brother.

Things have gotten a little better between my mom and brother. Unfortunately, my dad passed 2 years ago, and I think that was a turning point for my brother. Because of their stubborness, they didn't talk and since dad passed suddenly and unexpectedly, my brother never got the chance to make amends.

At 33, your son should be out on his own, not living with you or his father. Of course, that is my opinion. I'm 45 and have been on my own since I was 18. Adult children do not appreciate their own parents until they are forced to provide for themselves.

Try to hold on the hope that maybe as your son matures, he'll be able to see the truth for what it is and when he does decide to try to come back, make sure it is on your terms and that he shows you the respect and love you deserve. I'm a firm believer in discussing what was wrong, figuring out how to make it better and then moving on to a better place.

Good luck.

You just keep calling sending cards and letters. Include your son tell him you are proud of him he is a good father to your grandson and you love him very much. This i s very important. Send cards on all special occasions. And when you call even if your son says nothing tell him you are so glad you have a son you love him you know in your heart he is a wonderful man and you are blessed by

God to have him for a son. Then ask him how is the grandson. I know this breaks your heart. I went through this myself my son married a woman who did not like me. For 6 years she kept him from me. I called on the answering machine and told him i heard he had just bought a new lexus and how proud of his accoplishments i am i love him. And i do with all my heart. I am proud of him his job his love of god. He learned these things from me. I raised him alone. So yes i sent packages, cards, phone messages. One day he showed up at my door. Now we talk every week regardless of the wife. Never give up pray put your faith in god never give up. Your childre love you they go through trials and times of confusion too. They make mistakes also they need to do these thing in life just as we have to grow. Love him through it. And most of all stay close to god and never giveup the deep abiding love you have for you son and grandson. God bless you

Pray, pray, pray! It is not easy. Try to find support group to pray with you and a church home. Bible Study Fellowship is a wonderful way to study the Bible as well as a support group. Love and prayers,W. Ball (____@____.com)

I am guilty of being an ungrateful daughter and have buried two parents, once when I was in high school and then as an adult with a family of my own. The situations were completely different, I wasn't old enough to ever disrespect my Mother, but I also didn't brag about her like I should have either. Both times I lost a parent, I felt like I had never appreciated them enough while they were alive. All these years later I still want time back with my mother to treat her better, take care of her, and tell her what a great mom she was. You may never hear it, but all his "thanks mom", "I love you" and appreciation for you is lying right under his spoiled rotten little heart. This is what I see from what I have read, excuse me if I overstep. It sounds like it's time for him to face his own problems and take his own punches instead of mommy doing it. He had to leave just to be able breath. Did he ever complain about you sufficating him or needing his own space? Hopefully his Bio will make him earn his way and not just give him everything. But don't worry if it gets too difficult he will be back real soon, he knows he can treat you however he wants and you will take him back. By the way, if you're not invited you're not welcome, don't go. Living with a selfish person is just what your son needs.
I hope you find yourself in all of this and enjoy your new found freedom.

My heart goes out to you. I too experienced a similiar situation with my daughter and my granddaughter. All I can say to you is. Nothing last forever. Each and everytime my daughter would come and take my granddaughter away, it was only a matter of time before she would either call and ask me to come get her ot she would drop her on my doorstep until the next time she thought she had it "all together". It has been a long hard road. This started when she was four years old. Now my granddaughter lives with me and see her mom when she wants to. She is 10. My daughter had to reach a point that she knew and excepted the fact that her daugher was happiest when she was here with me. My granddaughter never stopped talking about me and never stopped calling me. AND I never stopped calling to let her know how much I loved her. AND that is all you can do, is to continue to let him know how much you love him and miss him and you can not wait until the day when you can be together again. My daughter was like your grandson's mother, neglectful of the childs needs. Grandpa just might get tired of the arrangement and when they are no longer welcome there, guess where they just might come back to, YOU. Keep an open door and an open heart.
Blessings

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this tough situation. Unfortunately, I don't think there's a lot you can do. If your son is an adult, then you can't force him to move back home. Maybe this is just something he needs. Maybe he needs to see his father for what he is. For his sake, hopefully his father will be more of a dad now that it sounds like he's been the rest of his life. After your son gains a little perspective, maybe he'll see what a great mom he has. As far as seeing your grandson, which sounds like what is most important to you right now, just keep constant communication with him. Send him care packages, make phone calls, and pray about it every day. Good luck!

Hi C., you sound so heart-broken. What an awful circumstance. I'm 29 and have just reconnected with my bio dad after not seeing/speaking to him for 18 years. I'm not sure why there is strain between you and your son now, or what his relationship with his bio dad was before he moved there so I'm making some assumptions but... I think you're doing exactly what you need to do right now by continuing to communicate with your grandson (and son, when he lets you) to keep that bond growing. I have one set of grandparents who were involved with EVERY aspect of my life. The other set (my dad's parents) did their best to keep in touch with my brothers and me despite my father's lack of care, support, love, etc. To this day, I truly love and respect her for everything she has done and for always making the effort to be there for me and my brothers--especially when dad wasn't and when we were too young to understand the dynamic of my parents problems/relationship. Things could change next week and your grandson could move back-you never know-just keep up with what your doing. it's good for you and its very good for your grandson. When he's old enough to understand the situation, he will love you more for staying in his life and not punishing him for a situation out of his control--and he'll understand why you couldn't come around to visit as much as you would like. It sounds like he's already been through a lot, and although he's young, I guarantee it will all stay with him when he's older. just keep being a positive influence in his life:) It will mean the world to him!! As for your son, again, I'm making assumptions, but in my situation, I've had a mixed bag of emotions about having my father back in my life. He (like your ex) did not pay child support and was NON-EXISTANT in our lives from age 12-now. Being a parent, I felt that I needed to reconnect with him now that he was ready but I was also very bitter that he wanted to be a part of my child's life (that, I'm not ready for). My mother (much like you, it sounds like) did EVERYTHING for my brothers and me. I thank God everyday for her sacrifices and dedication to seeing us succeed. She was also very supportive when we reconnected with him because it was our relationship with our father and it didn't have any bearing on our relationship with her. However, I have to admit that there have been times when my bitterness towards my dad crept over to my mom--not because I thought she did something wrong, per say, but that as a couple, my parents' problems kept me from feeling like a normal kid with 2 loving parents. I would never take his side over her on anything but there was still this crazy feeling of--what really did happen with you guys? For me, they were fleeting thoughts, but maybe your son is feeling some type of frustration because either he grew up only knowing your side of the story and feels he needs to connect with his father to make his own assumptions about him and his character. If your ex is still someone that could skip out on taking care of his kids, his true colors will come back through and your son will see it for himself (which is better than hearing it second hand through mom). perhaps that's all he needs? Or, if your ex has turned a new leaf then, great! I think every child WANTS that parental influence from both a mom and a dad. you crave it... and even at 29 fantisize about how it could have been if your parents stayed together:) Watching my brothers growing up I realized they needed a father figure much more than I did so I think there's something very hard for boys with their dads... especially when they have their own sons. It's such a complicated set of emotions it's hard to make sense of any of it. ANYWAY... that's probably more than you were looking for, but I thought my personal experience might give you some insight to what's going on in your son's head. Hopefully he doesn't ever forget all you did to help him grow up. As he raises his own child he'll realize how much more goes into it... and how much you must have done for him. Hang in there;) You sound like you have your head and your heart in the right place! Hopefully time will tell and your son and grandson will be back in your life without issues:) good luck!

hello,,you can not change ur son you can only change how to accept the situation time heals all just have faith and give him some room... it will all work out in the end.. let ur grand son know that no matter what you love him and his daddy verry much but sometimes adults do things that kids just dont understand...

The lost of a love one is very hard to over come. Your son is not meaning to reacted the way he is . He just may feel lost in the lost of a loved one. Keep reaching out in love & try to understand were each other is coming from.

Well first I would have to ask the son why he is the way he is, since you have been a good mother throughout the years. Just tell him you dont understand and that you love him as much as you ever did and thank him for allowing you to still have contact with your grandson.