Need Some Input

http://www.kiplinger.com/tools/managing/afford.html

Here is a simple calculator to help determine wether going back to work is even financially worth it. When we had to make the decision, and determined I would be bringing home less than $400 per month, we decided me being home was worth more than that. Hang in there! You'll know what is best for your family!

I felt the same way you did 5 years ago. After my expenses for daycare, gas, scrubs, and lunch I was just bringing in about $200 a month.

I had always had a Strong desire to be home when I had kids, but my husband didn't think we could make it financially. Long story short, he realized the daycare routine was awful and in May 2003 I came home and we just cut corners. Less spending and cut down on monthly luxuries.

I did end up keeping a couple kids after school and I found that even that was not for me. I have found a way that works really well for me to make money from home with my kids right here with me. If you could find a way to do that for yourself if would help relieve some of the financial burden. Whether you are into make-up, wellness, kitchen parties, there are lots of home business you can do. However a lot of them require a substantial start up fee and require you to go out of your home to "work" your parties. Since we did not have the start up cost and I didn't want to do parties, I decided to start with Work At Home United. I love what I do, I am helping other families and I am with a company that shares my values and ethics. If you want me to get you some info, please let me know.

I hope you find a great soultion and we get an update soon that your finances are heading UP!!

Best Wishes
M.
www.WorkAtHomeUnited.com/mlarkey

Hi, C....

I work with a company by teaching people about product safety (chemical reactions of products used in our homes, the increase in cancer rates during the past century, etc). If you and your husband would like to check into this possibility, please email me at ____@____.com, or call me at ###-###-####. This would provide you with some extra income, and you won't have to find any sitters or daycare for your children while you are "working"! :)

And, for the record, no I don't think you are being unreasonable. When you add up the costs of a "work" wardrobe for yourself, the added costs of a 2nd car (or just by driving the one you have much more frequently), lunch for yourself, and daycare expenses for the boys, you would actually be going further in "the hole" with you working, unless you can find a corporate executive job right off the bat. Add to that, how many days would you actually get to work because the boys got sick at daycare, which you have to pay for whether they are there or not.

I'm looking forward to talking with you! :)
~J.~

I understand 100% where you are right now, but there's a little more to it. My husband works 50-60 hours a week AND goes to school (2 classes at a time). He works his butt off! What I have a problem with is when people just kinda put the man in a corner away from his wife and child and just "expect" him to bear the entire burden. Children do need their fathers!
He has known from the beginning that if we needed to, for the sake of the family and our marriage, I would take a job and either work opposite shifts or staggered shifts so that we only needed a sitter for a few hours a day. We haven't gone that route yet because we are making ends meet and we REALLY value quality time together.
What worked for us is this: we listed every single expense we have (EVERY ONE) and went back 3 months in our credit/banking history to see exactly how the money was spent on each expense. We did it in columns where we would list the expense (food, insurance, etc) and then have 3 columns beside them where we put each month's expenditure for the past few months. Then, seeing a hard copy of where the money went, we saw what we could cut out. For example, I go to the gym religiously but my husband NEVER does, so we cancelled his membership. One of our cars is paid off and they would actually just total the car if we were in an accident, so we kept the necessary insurance, but dropped collision. I didn't really need to buy a 20oz bottle of coke in the checkout line everytime I went to the store. Things like that. THEN try it for a month and see how it improves.
Then if you're still having to struggle to pay the bills AND SAVE, then you need to remember that marriage is a team sport. And that a healthy marriage IS what's best for your children. Tweaking our budget (and living by the new one!!!) helped us a lot, so now I provide inhome childcare for a neighbor's child and get to make a little extra income and stay home with my son. But if you need more than that, then I really believe that working is something you need to do for your family. Your husband asked you to help out, which in my experience is hard for a husband to do because it hurts their "manly pride", but he also asked you to do so temporarily. I think you need to do whatever needs to be done for your family. Staying home is the nicest option, but not always the most viable.
The earlier suggestion about inhome childcare is a good one. It's MUCH less expensive than a daycare center: I charge $150/week for a 50 hour week. If you had just a simple $12/hr job for 40 hours and paid $125 (what I charge for 40hrs), you've got $355 a week coming in towards helping the family. If you practice wisdom with the second income, you can take care of pressing issues and stay home later with less stress on you or your husband, which ends up being less stress for the children. Have you thought about a part time job and putting your child in a part time slot at a childcare? You have options. But I wouldn't suggest painting your husband in a corner; don't forget about your partner who really needs his wife and children.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I dropped a very high paying job to stay home with my baby. She is the happiest, sweetest little girl on the planet because she has momma whenever she needs her. My husband is extremely supportive of this and said if we couldn't make it, he would get a second job at night.

I agree with the fact that you going back to work would probably put you in the hole and would make for a very unhappy mom and baby. With gas prices alone these days, the expense is outrageous.

Make a list of your expenses currently and see where you can cut things out. It may be tight for a while and you may not be able to eat out or may live on leftovers all week, but it is wholly worth it! You'll figure it out if it is truly what you want.

Good luck!

Hi C.! You got a lot of responses!!! I'm sure other people have mentioned it but have you considered an inhome daycare? You get to stay at home with your kids, help others in the same situation and have playmates for your own kids. If its something you are considering and want some advice or have any questions, feel free to contact me. All of my contact info is on my website at www.kidsinbloom.blogspot.com It turned out to be the best thing I ever did! Good luck, A.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I am a working mom only because I found ways to make it work for me. My MIL watches my kids for only $150/month. By cutting that daycare cost, finding a job 30 miles closer to home, and taking my lunch, I was able to take a $4.75/hour pay cut and still make about the same as I did before. If my home were larger and I had enough patience, I would stay home and watch kiddos for extra income.

Have you thought about doing in home childcare?

I dont think your being unreasonable. I am in the same boat...

My husband and I were only married a month before we got pregnant and after only a month along I became very sick with hyperemesis gravidarum and was in and out of the hospital so much I lost my job (I was a temp). So my NEW husband had to take over all my bills and buy all the things we needed for the up coming arival.

After she was born I wanted to stay home with her for the first six months and then returned to work. This turned out to NOT be ideal. I made only $12.00 an hour and childcare cost $200 a week then add Gas and Lunches on top of that. I would bring home a year $8500 a year = $152.00 a week. Too me it wasnt worth missing my baby and watching her grow up over the internet. I wasnt thrilled with daycare either so after working and quiting and working and quiting and working and quiting again. I made the final decision that I refuse to return to work until she goes into preschool.

Yes money is tight for us...but we were still able to buy a new home and a new car. We can still put food on the table and aford to go out to eat.

I do contribute to our income by babysitting during the week. I bring in $120 a week so it helps out a little. Maybe that is an idea for you...

He is just upset because he is feeling the weight and pressure of doing it all himself. He doesnt see that this is the best thing for the kids. I had to put it down on paper for my husband for him to see.

I agree with every one! Stay home! Baby sit one or two children to supplement your income!
G.

I am a working mom but if every bit of what I made was used for daycare, I wouldn't go back to work. Seems like commonsense. Why pay someone to raise your kids when you can do it for free? I think you just need to have a heart-to-heart with your hubby and do some number crunching. He may see that it's not worth it for you to return to work. Men don't think about childcare. He's probably just thinking you'll bring home a paycheck. Work it out and good luck.

Hi C. M.,

Howabout this idea, I'm sure you know of the benefits of aloe vera? How would you like to sell aloe vera health products as Distributor. The company is called Forever Living Products. We sell all-natural, aloe-based health products for nutrition, weight management, Bee Products, Skin Care, Personal Care and even a beautiful aloe-based cosmetic line called Sonya Colour Collection.

Because everybody knows of most of the benefits of aloe vera, the products pretty much sell themselves. The best part of this idea is, you can do this from you very own home, and never have to leave your children! Just by letting your family/friends know you're doing this.

The company has brochures, so just by getting them out at your family/friends gatherings, you're on your way. It's all-natural, it's very healthy and you get all profits plus bonuses! I'm a Distributor and I thought I couldn't sell C. to a baby!

If you e-mail me your geographical address, I'd be happy to send my brochure to you so you can look through it at your convenience. If you're close enough, I can drop-off the brochure in-person. Think about it & let me know C. please.

Thank you,

D. P., LMT, CPT
Licensed Massage Therapist
Certified Personal Fitness Trainer
###-###-####
(P.S. I do make house-calls with massage therapy: relaxation massage, deep-tissue, trigger-point therapy & prenatal/infant massages & fitness.)

C.,

My husband and I came to the conclusion a long time ago, that it was not worth me going to work. It was to expensive to work, if you think about it. We would have had to pay for daycare for the kids, gas for my car to make it to and from work, eating out expencies for lunches, clothing for work..ect. If it looks like you wouldn't bring much more money into your home then it is really not worth it at all. While you are at home your kids get Mommy time. My kids think it is great, my husband likes the fact that our kids aren't being watched by strangers, to me staying home is the best thing.

Hi C.,

I don't think you're being unreasonable in the least. And, I bet if you had a heart to heart with your husband about the actual amount of money you would be bringing home after childcare costs, gas and lunch money, etc. he probably wouldn't think you were being unreasonable either. I left a job paying almost 6 figures to stay at home with my daughter. We cut our income literally in half, but we also lived beneath our means and saved when we had it. We have one car that is almost 10 years old and when we wanted to get an SUV for our growing family, we bought a used one. We struggle financially sometimes, but that's when I just have to get more serious about the budget and watch what I spend on "random" things. Did I need that Starbucks coffee?? Do I really need to eat out after story time at the library??

The bottom line is, there is more than just a financial cost to going back to work. It can take an emotional toll as well Since you said that the thought of leaving your kids in daycare to go back to work makes you want to cry, that speaks volumes. It may pinch a little bit now and then in the financial department, but unless you can't keep your electricity on and food on the table, then there are things you can cut out to make ends meet. You and your husband just both have to be on the same page. So, sit down together and crunch the numbers. He may be surprised to find how little a difference your working would make and that if he just took his lunch to work twice a week, that could make up the difference!

Good luck, C.. I wish you the best and I hope that you're able to work it out so that you can stay home. I know I wouldn't change a thing, especially now that we have number 2 on the way!

girl i have the answer you are looking for. what if i told you that you could make a paycheck and stay at home with the kids? it is possible. have you ever considered starting a stay at home business? i have stumbled onto a really great one. there is no sales, or inventory to keep, no parties to throw or magazines to pass out. you can do it full time or part time and basically make as much money as the effort you want to put into it. if you are interested in some more information please visit my website at www.formyrugrats.com. i would love to share this amazing opportunity with you!!!

D. Mattern
The MOM Team
Raise your income and your rugrats at the same time!
www.formyrugrats.com
"The only thing that counts is faith, expressing itself through love," Galatians 5:6

No you are not being unreasonable at all. I stayed at home with my oldest child and loved every minute of it. I was there to see his first steps, and all. At the time my ex and I were together and he was working full time. My new hubby and I had another and I went immediately back to work and I honestly hate it. Everyday I have to talk myself into going to work and that is not good. My husband and I work opposite shifts (him day and me night) so we don't have to pay a babysitter or daycare. Granted, we have the extra money, but it is coming at the expence of our marriage, sleep, and our sanity. He wants me to be at home anyway. He said with me working it makes him feel like less of a man cause he should be the one to provide the "bacon" and he jokingly makes comments that my job should be "at home and in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant". To be honest I am an old traditional type of woman and I feel my job is at home, maybe not pregnant all the time though. LOL. I know this isn't for every woman, but it the case for me. I know he is not less of a man and I have told him so, so we have decided that as of Jan 1st I am quitting my job. We are going to save a lil extra money and we have cut back on the extra spending and once my Christmas bonus is in, I am done. We truely love each other and he is my BEST friend and I don't want to lose him.

All I can tell you is, make sure to weigh all the pros and cons. You may not be able to go out to dinner as much with your husband and leftovers may become more common practice, but your pay will greatly be increased in first steps, first word, less Dr's bills due to children getting sick in daycare, hugs, kisses, and a long happy marriage.

If it is not an option about going to work due to bills coming in, talk to some friends and see if they would be willing to have you babysit for them instead of their kid being in daycare to make a lil extra money.