My sister is at her wits end with my 18 month old nephew. He wakes up 3 to 4 times a night and refuses to go back to sleep unless she gives him his cup. She only puts water in his cup. She gives him his cup when she puts him to bed at night but he still wakes her up. Her biggest mistake was letting him sleep in her bed. Unfortunately, this has been putting a wedge in her marriage because her husband has to get up at 4 in the morning and he doesn't get the sleep he needs because of his son. They are both frustrated & tired. They has bought him his own big bed and put it next to theirs but he still refuses to sleep in it nor sleeps through out the night. Her doctor says there is nothing wrong with him except he is spoiled because "mom reacts to every cry" Has anyone ever been through this plus how can she get him to sleep through out the night and out of their bed/bedroom? Could there be medical issues that she should look at since he wakes up screaming for his cup for no reason whatsoever. Even tho he doctor says he's fine. Any advice that I can pass on to her is appreciated. Thanks in advance!
Hi! I would watch a few episodes of "supernanny". She has this bedtime technique that is seems to be less traumatic on the little ones but also works to get them to stay in their beds. As far as the cup goes...he's old enough to make it through without Mommy and a cup, she'll just have to let him adjust a few nights. Good luck!
M.
it's time for Nanny911! Have her watch that show and get help! She should insist that he sleep in his own room and bed. and it may take awhile but the sooner the better!
Well first, I'm going to condemn those who condem co-sleeping!! Our oldest daughter had a fibral seizure when she was 9 months old due to a fever spike. That scared the life out of us, and from that point on she slept with us probably until she was close to 3 or so years old - until the time she about outgrew them. It wasn't what we anticipated, but we had to do what we had to do to make sure she was going to be safe, and there was no way to tell if she had a seizure if she was in her own bed.
Next, there are a couple of things you can try doing. First, prepare him for the change. Let him know "Tomorrow night, you're going to sleep in your special bed!" He should be able to do this in his own room. BUT she can do one of two things....graduate him to his own bed in their room, then to his room, or go right to his room. I'd try his room first.
When you do - make sure there's a night light. We have a humidifier that has a night light that shines up through the water tank. Also try to have a fan in there to create "white noise". AND when she does...have her put him to bed, and she sits at the corner of the bed facing the door. Every time he gets up, she puts him back without saying a word, and this may take quite a long time (hours) until he gets the idea and goes to sleep. It might take 2-3 days to get him used to the idea too. (This is what my sister did with her daughter, and it worked great.)
Good luck!
hi S.,
first it is not a mistake to allow a baby/child into your bed. my daughter slept with me for her first year of life and now sleeps in her own room in her own bed and she is 18 months old now. also, i would not appreciate someone- especially my ped calling my 18 month old spoiled just cause he wants to be close to his mommy at night. that being said she can gently transition him but she needs to be consistent. i highly recommend "the no cry sleep solution" by elizabeth pantley. we loved it here!
something she may want to do right away is too put his bed in another room and she can sleep with him in there. this way they are not disturbing daddy. she can sneek out once he falls asleep. this way he is slowly learning to be in his own room in his own bed. also, i suggest a consistent bed time routine that begins at the same time every night. you do not have to leave them to cry in order for them to learn to sleep on their own. hope she gets some sleep soon!
I went thru it with my 15 month old daughter, but it was with the bottle. She would not sleep unless she had it in her mouth. We were just putting water in it, but she would then wet so much I'd have to change her bedding and diapers a couple of times a night. I consulted her doctor who said to cut it off "cold turkey". I told him she would scream and he said to go somewhere where I could not hear. So I ran a hot bath, and kept running the water. She screamed for 2 hours the first night, 1 hr the second night and about 15 minutes the third night. Life was so much better after that!
First night should be on a Fri or night where they don't have to work the next day. They should probably try to cut off the water and then move the bed to his own room. Doing both might be a little too hard. I would probably sleep in the living room if I were the dad until he was "weaned" and sleeping on his own.
Suggest the "No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers". It's a great resource with compassionate help instead of just "let them scream for hours, they'll give up eventually."
Don't waste your $$ on the doctor. Might want to watch an episode or two of SUPER NANNY. She deals with this stuff all the time. You take the child BACK to the bed, if he gets up and cries, keep doing it OVER & OVER & OVER & OVER. Sometimes I've seen it take 2-3 hours, but ONCE YOU'VE gotten them worn down and they know you mean business, your struggle is over. It's WORTH a night or two of the struggle to save your marriage and your health & sanity!
DONT LET THEM STAY IN CONTROL! BAD CHOICES CREATE BAD HABITS!
Dear S., I too am extrememly proud of you because raising children today is not only so time consuming but money is an essential. Good for you and your girl's.
I just read a book and I never get the title right and I left it at my kids in California but I think the name was ?? somethink Happy Child. Anyway it said to take the child to its bed and turn around not looking or saying anything and walk out the bedroom. This man the first night had to put him/her back in bed fifty times. Next night he did it not talking or looking at the child 142 times and the third night the child stayed in bed. It doesn't hurt a child to cry with in reason. Your friend might try this and if doesn't work dig deeper into the internet and see what else she can do. good luck
She needs to put that kid in his room, shut the door and go to bed and refuse him into their bedroom. She needs to ignore his cries... if he hasn't soiled his diaper/underwear, has a full belly before going to bed and has his drink in his bedroom, he's fine. She needs to quit responding to every cry he makes.. she has definately spoiled him: "if I cry, she will come." The medical issue is that she needs to start disciplining him; that behavior is unacceptable. 'He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes'. KJV Bible Proverbs 13:24. My little boy is 22 months, goes to bed, without a sound, at 9:30pm and wakes up the next day at 11am (if my boy cries, I ignore it and about 10 minutes later he's asleep).
Hi S..
Based on what you described, I'd have to agree with the dr. Your nephew knows that if he cries and his mom will give in. And the older he gets and the longer it goes on, the harder it is going to be to change this learned behavior. His sippy cup is a soother for him, as is his mom and sleeping in her bed. Where does he nap? Does he nap in his bed? I think 18 months may be a little early to have a big boy bed. Was he climbing out of the crib? The only way I'd know how to change his sleeping pattern is just for your sister to stick to her guns. The first few nights are going to be very tough, but if your sister sticks to her guns and keeps putting him back in his bed, he'll learn that's where he's supposed to sleep. I'd let him have his water cup until he's fully adjusted to his own bed. Then I'd work on taking that out if you want. I personally sleep with a glass of water on my nightstand, so I let my daughter have a water sippy cup in her room as well. I hope this helps. It's definitely not going to be easy, but I don't think it's a medical problem. If your sister is concerned that it is a medical issue, have her get a second opinion from a different pediatrician. Good luck.
I have not been thru this with a toddler. I worked with someone who had that problem with her son. She had a real hard time breaking him of sleeping with them. It was terrible. He cried alot. I did go thru a similar situation with my baby when we switched him from bassinet to crib. Did this start when they switched him to the big boy bed? With my son I figured it was the new surroundings of the crib so I gave him one of Daddy's pillows and he slept thru the night fine. I would suggest to her that she try just giving him an empty cup at night because it sounds like he's using that like a security thing. Try putting his big boy bed in his room and setting his empty cup next to it so it will be right there when he wakes. Since she's allowed him to sleep in their bed that is going to be a rough one to break. She might need to "camp out" in his room with him a few nights so that he sees that sleeping in his room is ok. Then start laying in there until he falls asleep and creeping out to go to her bed. Slowly wean him off mommy being right there. I don't envy her because this may involve lots of tears. Also she has to stick to it. With children it's a battle of willpower. They can be very stubborn but you CANNOT give in or you're sunk. You have to be the boss. I don't mean to sound mean but sometimes it's necessary. If there's nothing medically wrong with him then there's no reason for this behavior to go on. He does it because he can get away with it. He may not always like you but you must put your foot down. Try a nightlight, maybe something in the room is scaring him. But she has got to make him get thru this or it will never end. My friend would find her son sleeping on the floor by her bed in the morning. Then she started shutting her door and his because he couldn't open them. He figured out how to open his door and she would find him asleep on the floor in the hall outside their room. She was still trying to break him of that when the place we worked closed so I'm sorry to say that I don't know the outcome. Good luck to your sister.
I didn't have that exact same problem, but my daughter had severe colic for the first 6 months of her life, so bad she would only sleep more than 45 minutes at a time if we laid her on our chest and slept like that on the couch! It was tough, so I know what they are going through :) I would suggest starting out by letting him soothe himself (don't rush in there when he cries) for a few minutes longer every night, until he finally should be able to go back to sleep on his own. Also, have you checked the temperature in his room, that could cause him to wake up. Does he have allergies would be my next question - maybe he needs a drink because his room is too warm and he gets dry throat? Just some suggestions, I have to keep my daughters room lower than 70 degrees just because if not she gets overheated and doesn't sleep well. Hope it helps a bit!
I read all the advice and something popped into my head that we had done with our children... we made our kids' room a place they want to be at bedtime. Our pediatrician suggested putting a small fish tank in their room. It gave them something to watch when they woke up through out the night and it gave a nightlight for their room. The hum of the air filter was a calming factor for them. When they would wake up in the morning instead of crying to get our attention they would wake up and lay there watching the fish and then when they would move we would hear them and get them up. Perhaps she can just make it so that going to bed in his own bed a good experience so that he wants to go and stay there.
Also, my husband and I would split times to get up with the kids. Since my husband was working he didn't mind getting up with the kids within an hour or two of having to get up to go to work. I would take the first shift until 3 a.m. and my husband would get up after that. He loved the time he spent with the kids in the wee hours of the morning if they got up. Plus, we all got some good sleep in.
I am a firm believer that my child should sleep in their own room, or share a room with an older sibling if needs be. They need to put his bed in his room, put the sippy cup next to the bed and if necessary turn on a night light and have some soft music for him. It isn't easy letting them cry, I know, and you need to get up and check on them then put them back down in their own bed and own room and go back to your bed. It will make sleep hard for a week or two for the parents but in the long run it will be best for all.
First, can we all please stop referring to co-sleeping as a bad habit or mistake that needs to be broken? I know that most of you believe this, but there are some of us here that are offended by that-just as CIO parents don't want to hear that they are neglecting or abusing their kids. Kids DO NOT have to scream for long periods of time before falling asleep, nor do they need to be broken.
Next, S., this can be solved with lots of patience and some time. There is nothing wrong with letting him have a cup of water at night. When we were transitioning our daughter, we put her on a palet of blankets on our bedroom floor. DH put the kids to bed and she started out on the floor. At around 3-4am, she came to our bed. We started this at around 16-18 months. She is now 28 months and sleeping through the night on her own little bed. Soon, we will put her in her own room. We are not in that much of a rush, simply because she is sleeping through the night and that was our biggest goal.
On a side note, I'm not really sure what is wrong with a parent responding to her children crying.
It sounds to me like the little guy is awfully used to getting his way. I would say the doctor is probably on the right track. It is important for young children to learn to comfort themselves, but of course they won't want to learn if mom/dad always rushes in to do it for them, sometimes as a parent you have to be willing to listen to a bit of whining/crying/screaming in the best interest of your children.
I'm sorry to say it but it sounds a bit like the toddler is the boss in that house, which will only make life more difficult in the future. Putting him to bed and making him stay there IS more easily said than done but if they are ever to get any peace they have to establish authority now before he gets much older and the job gets bigger.
If he comes into their room, take him back to his own room, if he cries, that's okay! Consistency is the key with parenting, it may take a while for him to realize that his mommy is REALLY going to make him sleep in his own room but if she lets him come into the adult bed even once she will only teach him that if he makes a big enough fuss he will get what he wants, and I don't think ANY parent wants to teach that!
good luck to your sister, she just needs to be strong :)
~J.
S., I completely understand how as a mom she wants to make sure she meets all of her little one's needs. It sounds to me that her son doesn't have any medical issues, it's just one of those phases in which he might feel a little bit insecure, afraid or he might be about to reach a new milestone and might be anxious. I'm sure this will pass very soon as it did with my 3 children. It seems like the drink is just an excuse to get mommy's attention and not a real need. It is very unlikely that he is really that thirsty all night long. Your friend just needs to stand firm and keep him in his own bed even if she goes back 50 times. This is going to be exhausting but I'm sure after 1 week of trying this, he will adjust to the new schedule and will know that there are other ways to get mommy's attention. Maybe a nightlight in his room will help through the transition and a big sippy cup next to it so he can get it himself if he wakes up. I think she should stand firm about keeping him in his own bed. regarding her marriage, I think as a parent you need to understand that the needs of a toddler involve getting up at night and providing constantly for his needs. It is part of the package. Fortunately, as they get older you leave of all this behind and they just need to be patient and understanding to their son's changes in behavior or needs. Good luck!
