Hi moms,
Thanks for reading this, I will try and keep it to the point. My husband and I have gotten in numerous "discussions" about eachother's family and how to handle them coming over or staying. His family all lives within an hour of us, so although they visit often enough, they never feel its neccesary to spend the night. My family on the other hand, specificaly my mom lives about 7 hours away. In the past my mom and I have had a strained relationship (nothing more serious than the normal teenage attitude)and only in the last couple years have we really built more of a friendship. (Alot of growing up on my part). Well now that I have my own daughter, I realy love having my mom come for visits. I miss her terribly when she is gone and I love when she is here. My husband not so much. He feels like we have no privacy. My mom is very un-intrusive and non-confrontational so this has nothing to do with her giving unwanted advice or trying to tell him how to handle things. It seems he is bothered just by having an extra body in the house. It is hard for me to understand as I have grown up with relatives constantly stopping in for visits or staying with my own grandparents many weekends or a month in the summers. These are some of my fondest memories. My husband grew up on a farm and is very close to his parents, but tends to think of extended family as an obiglation you visit at Xmas. Of course I want my husband to feel as though he has a say in his own home, but I want my mom to keep visiting. (it is not in the budget for her or I to pay for a hotel & there isn't any other family she can stay with while here)Am I being unreasonable? I guess I have always felt that with family and friends, the more the merrier! I don't have this need to be so private. I guess I feel giving up some privacy is a small sacrifice to make to spend this time with my mom. What to do?
He is being a JERK!! That is your mother...he needs to understand your bond with her- and you don't get to see her all the time...It really should not be a big deal. Don't let him prohibit you from seeing your family...
WELL NOW HOW OFTEN DOES MOM VISIST.AND HOW LONG DOES SHE STAY? IS IT SO MUCH THAT SHE MAY AS WELL BE LIVING THERE? THEN I CAN UNDERSTAND WHERE HUBBYS UNCOMFORTABILITY IS COMING FROM. I'M FAMILY ORIENTATED MYSELF (UNLIKE MY PARTNER- TOTAL OPPOSITE)I LOVE HAVING FAMILY AROUND,SIBLINGS, NIECES, NEPHEWS,COUSINS, MOM, IF THEIR LIVING, THEIR VISITING, AND SOME I HAVE TAKEN IN FOR A SHORT TIME.IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE SOMEBODY(my mate) GET MAD ABOUT THE DOORBELL RINGING, COME TO MY HOUSE! OF COURSE THIS MAKES MY PARTNER BLOOD BOIL, AND YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY? " DEAL WITH IT!" AND THEN THERE ARE THOSE OTHER TIMES WHEN IN ALL HONESTY I HAVE TO BE CONSIDERATE OF MY MATE. AND THE ONLY THING THAT HELPS ME TO BE THAT WAY IS, THE FACT THAT MY MATE DOSEN'T SAY ANYTHING WHEN I KNOW THEY REALLY WANT TO. I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL THAT YOU AND MOM HAVE RE-ESTABLISHED YOUR RELATIONSHIP, AND YOU WANT TO MAKE UP FOR AAAAALLLLLL THAT LOST TIME,AND YOU'RE REALLY LOVING HER AND YOU ALLS' NEW RELATIONSHIP, GO VISIT WITH HER FROM TIME TO TIME. SHE DOSEN'T ALWAYS HAVE TO COME TO YOU, YOU GO TO HER. AND YEAH I THINK YOU SHOULD LET HIM READ WHAT YOU POSTED, OR TELL HIM WHEN YOU GUYS ARE IN A GOOD MOOD, TIMING IS EVERYTHING AND MAYBE YOU TWO CAN COME TO A COMPROMISE.
I'll be blunt. Your husband needs to get over it.
It's not like she's staying for months on end and putting you out terribly; I would have to imagine that if she's visiting during the holidays that her time in your house would be limited, right?
You're not being unreasonable. Where's she supposed to stay if you and your husband can't afford to make arrangements at a hotel - in her car? Yeah right!
Good luck with this one - and I'm with you; she should be staying with you at your house.
If you haven't done this already, explain it to your husband just as you did in your post. You're not being unreasonable; he is. It isn't asking too much for your mom to stay in your home for a visit. Yes, you lose some privacy, but I think it's worth it. Try not to argue about it as he may feel the need to push back just to win the argument. Instead, I would explain that this would make you very happy and your happiness should be important to him.
