Need Serious Advice on How to Deal with Playgroup Problems/ My Child Having a Ha

From someone whose best friend is 51 and I'm 31... get her around kids her own age. I now wish I had more friends my own age. Although it's great to have people who have been there and done that with the things i"m going through now... it's also nice to have people to call and vent to and not feel like you'll get the "OH it's not that bad i've done that before" kind of speech.
It has made a big impact in my life.
Have you tried being closer to your daughter when she is asking to play with the other kids? Maybe you could gently teach them that they need to learn to involve everyone... it is after all church. Pushing someone out isn't a Godly thing to do... WWJD? maybe? Just some thoughts. The next thing I would suggest is getting the leader or superviser of this group involved. The girls might accept it more readily from that person than the mother of the girl they taunt.
Good luck, but remember... girls are catty!!!

Find another play group or Mommy group, that IS your daughter's age.

It has nothing to do with how "smart" a child is, a child is a child. AND "emotional maturity" and "logic" based emotions/rationale is still not fully developed/understood in a child this age, no matter how "smart" or verbal.

Older kids, will OFTEN make the younger kid do things like that... they get relegated to being the "gopher" or made fun of. It will NOT "make" your child a 'victim'... and as a Mom, you just teach and explain social ideas to them. So that they know the difference between social innuendos.

But, I would definitely find a playgroup that is your daughter's age. And yes, it all has to do with age-set development. MANY smart kids, are STILL their age.Jumping ahead as an example... my friend's daughter skipped a grade because she is "smart" (academically) BUT EMOTIONALLY and per maturity, she is not on the same level as the older kids... and she is often left out and is not going through the "same" development or phases as the older kids. THUS, she is often feeling "alone" or is teased.

There is nothing 'wrong' with your child. That playgroup is just NOT A GOOD "FIT."

With my daughter, (who is very smart, emotionally smart, and verbally articulate), we from the time she was a toddler, showed and explained MANY social situations to her. As she has grown up... she has become a VERY wise little girl... and is more emotionally "mature" than her same age peers. BUT, she is still just a kid. AND, she has fun no matter what as a kid her age with friends her same age. BUT, she can navigate herself through social situations or yucky situations, very well. AND it does not affect her confidence. So.... it is also how a child is taught/coached about many situations, and innuendos... and that she can be her own person.

ALSO, not all "older kids" will treat younger kids this way. Some older kids, will stand up for the younger ones, and include them too and be 'kind.' BUT, as a "group" mentality... older kids may leave out younger one's or make them the "joke." When my daughter is playing with her friends, and my younger son is with them.... she WILL stand up for him if they make fun of him or tease him... she will not allow the older kids to treat him like a 2nd class citizen.

Sure, kids will be kids. AND, that is how kids learn about life... that not all "friends" are nice or kind, and they won't always be fair, and they can't just "get up and get a new group" when there is a problem, etc., etc. But at the same time, since you can, I would just find another play-group or Mommy group that is more pleasant. There is no "rule" that you HAVE TO just stick to one playgroup no matter how unpleasant. (AND, it will teach your child all about "problem solving" and how to take action and FIND what DOES 'fit' well, which is also important for kids to learn... not just "putting up" with life. BUT Rather, that YOU can "create" what is more appropriate.)
Just because your daughter's language abilities are so high, as you mentioned, does not mean that she is always going to have to be with older kids. Think about her AGE-set... and OVERALL development. There are kids at my daughter's school, that are in the gifted classes... but hey, they STILL are their age, and STILL hang out with friends their own age.

Try doing a Google search about play groups or Mommy groups in your Area. Then that way perhaps, you can find one with the appropriate ages.

All the best,
Susan

I definitely think your child would benefit from being in a playgroup with kids her own age. Even if her language skills are more advanced, her emotional and maturity levels will match them and they will play well together. My son speaks very well for his age - much more than many of his friends - but I've never felt like he was too advanced to play with them. He always has fun and talks about his friends all the time.

If you want to also stay at your church playgroup, maybe you could help your daughter a little bit with her interactions with the others. Find 1-2 other girls that seem a little more sympathetic and introduce them to your daughter. "Say _____ would love to play with you. Can you please invite her to your tea party?" If they say yes, walk away and your job is done. If they say no, tell them nicely that it makes her sad when they leave her out and ask them to please be her friend.

Is there someone in charge during the playgroup or all of the moms there together? You could ask another adult to help out a bit as well to make sure that your daughter is included with the other kids. If they continue to push her away, bring her over to the younger kids and have her act as teacher - show them how to feed their dolls or play with their toys. Make her feel like the grownup.

K.
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Hi S.,
Just wanted to let you know my son is going through the same thing. He will be 3 next week but his verbal skills have always been very advanced and he's always been drawn to older kids, he's also very tall for his age most people think he's at least 4.
I found him a little friend who is the same age, almost the same height and with the same verbal skills. This helped a great deal and emotionally they are going through the same things so it has been very helpful for both of them.
I don't know if you plan to send her to preschool but my son just started last week and that has helped a great deal as well!
Take Care!

i would find a new playgroup. The lesson of not running away from your problems is a lesson for older kids. At her age, for her own development and esteem being around kids in her peer group is more important especially if she is being singled out and picked on because she is younger. You don't want her to learn that kind of behavior and think it is normal to treat friends that way.
Good luck social situations can be sticky but do what is best for your child.
K.