Hello ladies. For a little background you should know that first of all I love my mother. But I think she is paranoid and a serious overreacter and she does not think any one besides her knows how to be a parent or do anything else for that matter. Now, the issue is my 8 year old daughter. She is very smart, a straight A student, and very well behaved. I want her to grow up and be independant and self sufficient and I believe in order for that to happen I have to let her do things for herself and do things for me sometimes. My mother treats her like a baby. She won't even do yardwork if my daughter is at her house because she doesn't think my daughter can be left inside the house alone when she is right outside the door. Now, I do not let my daughter play outside in the front yard if I am not outside with her. In this day and age, I just don't think it's safe. But I will occasionally have her go get the mail for me. I will be watching her out the window while she does it, but she loves to get the mail because it makes her feel grown up. My mother does not think I should let her do this because she is afraid she will be kidnapped if I let her get the mail by herself. I do not live on a main street. You have to be going through my neighborhood to end up on my street. It is a safe area and there is not a lot of traffic on the streets at all. Am I supposed to keep her locked in the house until she is 18?? My husband agrees with my mom! (Which almost never happens). Who is right? Do you think I am endangering my daughter by letting her get the mail while I watch out the window? My mother is overprotective, but am I underprotective? Thanks for your responses.
Are you serious? We must foster independence and teach kids how to handle themselves. My daughter is 8, and this year we have allowed her to ride her bike (with her 7 year old sister) down the sidewalk and into the cul-de-sac... they bring walkie-talkies with them! The walkies have been great! We can communicate easily, and it provides a level of safety but still allows them some independence.
Getting the mail, what is the big deal?
Hi S.! You and I sound a like. I have a 10 yr old and I am a bit protective because of the world we live in today but I allow her to have her freedom as well. She loves to go out and check the mail and gets upset if I get to it before her. I think it is easy for the parents that have more than one child say that we are being overprotective or not allowing our children freedom since they have another sibling to go outside with or ride their bikes down the street. When my step-sons are in town I do not worry about her going outside since they are with her. I am overprotective in some areas but reasonable in others. People can judge me all they want and call me names but at the end of each day I am able to tuck my daughter in bed at night. She knows the dangers of the world, I do not keep that a secret.
She has to learn responsibility. Her Grandmother is teaching her to be paranoid.
Give her the tools to be responsible. I see no harm with letting her get the mail. If she is not given any freedom to explore and grow up then jsut wait til she gets freedom by rebelling or going to college and having a party year.
She needs to learn to have fun and be responsible.
Good luck. They grow up way too fast!
You are right! I think you have done a great job in protecting your daughter but also allowing her to be responsible for her self and have some "freedom". I think it is our job to help our children be self-sufficient but at the same time balance it with helping them be safe. You are doing that. Great job! Talk to your husband and explain to him the importance of helping your daughter grow into an independent intelligent lady.
if you are watching while she does it and she does it responsibly (no stopping to play with stray dogs or running in front of cars, etc) i see no harm. kids only learn responsiblity and freedom if they are given it. you are right!
YOU are right. Our job as parents is to prepare our children to leave us and that means thinking for themselves, suffering their own consequences, and fostering independence.
Keep up the great work!
Who's child it is? Yours. She needs to butt out. Good luck!
S.,
I think you are a great mother. I think 8 years old is old enough to get the mail while you are watching... I'm sure you've talked to your daughter about strangers, you might want to make your husband feel better by standing outside when she gets the mail, right at the front door. Let her get the mail and bring it in, I think that is fine. Then maybe he'll also feel she's a big girl.
As for your mother, every paranoid person I know, has had something MAJOR happen in their life. Maybe someone didn't protect her when she needed it, and that is why she is trying to protect your daughter and I assume you too while growing up. Maybe she's never opened up to you about what happened, but I've never met a paranoid person who didn't have a reason for this extreme behavior.
Don't be too hard on your mom, she does it all out of LOVE. Continue to be a great mother!
God Bless
