Need Opinions on Occasionally Drinking Wine/beer in Front of Kids

I think drinking in front of them demonstrated that it can be done in moderation and responsibly (although I very rarely drink). For me on the other hand, I grew up with my parents smoking pot and snorting coke...perfect parents for "what NOT to do".

Honesty is the best policy in all situations involving kids. As long as you and hubby aren't staggering all over the place in a drucken stupper,(LOL) I don't see the problem.

Maybe it's a Midwest thing to be a little self-conscious about alcohol--being from Montana nearly EVERY adult I knew drank every night. In fact, if someone didn't drink in front of me I always assumed it was because they were a "friend of Bill" even as a kid. I drink in front of my children because to me it seems like a complete and utter nonissue.

Oh honestly! Are these people not going to drive a car either because their kids can't drive one yet? As long as you aren't getting sloshed in front of your kids, I see absolutely no reason why adults can't have a few cocktails. IMO, if your kids never see alcohol or think it is taboo that is worse than drinking responsibly in front of them.

I drive in front of my children. They aren't allowed to do that until they are 15 or 16 AND have a license and insurance. They understand perfectly well that it is okay for me to drive and not for them, and why. The same rule applies to having a glass of wine or a beer.

I don't do both together though, ;)

And we don't wait until the kids are in bed. Why? So they can eventually learn that when you consume alcohol you are supposed to hide it?

Ha ha... the other night my 5 year old asked, "Mommy, why are you having a martini?" I replied, "Because you and your sister are fighting."

But seriously, what's the big deal with a glass of wine or a mixed drink in front of the kids? By NEVER allowing them to see you drink, you make alcohol a taboo, which it shouldn't be. And as we all know, the more you say, "Don't touch that!" the more fascinating it becomes to kids.

Drinking responsibly (a drink or two, not getting drunk, not driving) sets an example for children as to how they should behave when they grow up.

I've not read any of your other responses, but I can tell you that we absolutely do have a drink (or a few even) in the presence of our kids. We do not get drunk in front of them, ever. They are well aware that they are not allowed to drink & that there is a drinking age in this country. I have never given them a glass of wine (they are 10 & 11 years old) but they have certainly tasted it, and hated it. My husband drinks more beer than I do, thought occassionally will have a Captain & coke, I'm more of a Bailey's & coffee kind of girl, though in the fall I do love my Punkin' Ale.

I don't understand why so many people seem to have an issue with the whole, "some things are acceptable for adults & not for kids" type of situations. It's the truth! Explain it to your children! "Hey, Tommy, I know you want to stay out as late as you want and have a few beers and have sex, but you're 14 years old so that's unacceptable. When you're an adult and capable of making legal, adult decisions, then it will be ok. I am already an adult so I am able to do those things, but when I was 14 years old like you are now, I was not so I did not." There...was that so hard??

I think that drinking in front of children shows them HOW TO DRINK RESPONSIBLY.

We absolutely drink in front of our children, and at EVERY family gathering (I have a huge family--5 brothers and sisters, 13 grandchildren all under the age of 6) so we get together for at least one birthday party a month and every other holiday. We always have wine, always have a cooler full of beers and our youngest sibling is still child-less and always assigns himself as the liquor bartender of the night. The kids know that drinking is an adult privilege..and the few who have snuck sips were completely grossed out at the nasty stuff we drink haha

With age comes privileges--it sickens me to my stomach when parents say they won't do things that their kids can't participate it. When did children have to have the same privileges as adults?

My family has always drank in front of the kids. There is casual drinking at almost every family function. We just make sure the kids know that you have to be at least 21 to drink it, and provide alternative tasty drinks for the kids. No big deal at all. As long as the adults are responsible, I feel that it's actually setting a GOOD example. After all, chances are that their underage drinking experiences are going to be at parties and stuff like that, which could get pretty wild... so it's good for them to see what a responsible, ADULT drinking situation is like. :)

We drink in front of our kids. Our three year old likes to take a "lick" of our beer at dinner. He sticks his finger in and licks it off. I don't think it's a problem at all. We never get drunk in front of them. I actually can't believe that people have a problem with this kind of moderated drinking in front of children.

I am so glad to see how many mommys on here that realize having a few drinks in front of their kids shows them how to drink responsibly! I totally agree but my husband has friends that will not drink in front of their kids and I don't get it. It will only make them more curious. We teach our kids by example!

Do you remember your parents drinking when you were young? My whole family drank at get-togethers but I dont remember anything outstanding about any of it and I dont think it swayed me one way or the other on my thoughts about drinking. If nothing CRAZY is going on when you drink I dont think the kids will have much thought on it. And I believe you are correct in telling them that its an adult drink that you cant have until you are 21..

ppppffftttttt.
we don't drink in front of our kids because my husband is a recovering alcoholic, and my kids have always known this. that being said, it's a plain fact that in cultures where wine with dinner is the norm, kids grow up understanding alcohol and its effects and it's no biggie.
the hysteria over alcohol in this country is just weird.
you are doing nothing wrong, and your simple commonsense response to your kids is just fine.
khairete
S.

As long as you're not getting drunk (it doesn't sound like you are!) I don't see what the problem is. My parents didn't really drink but on occasion. It was always in moderation. I choose not to drink and one of my sister's became an alcoholic as a teenager and still is one. Now, I don't think her alcoholism has ANYTHING to do with my parents having a casual drink. I really think the chances are split on whether a kid drinks underage. I don't think it has to do with parents drinking in front of kids in moderation, or not drinking at all. It has to do with who they choose to associate with. I had great friends who were really good kids, my sister found real troublemakers. They influenced us more then our parent's drinking every so often.

I don't find it to be a big deal they are still young and if you are just having a drink at dinner or just relaxing and not getting drunk it is fine to me

Everything in moderation!

I agree with you, nothing wrong with moderate drinking and i think it's healthier for children to experience parents drinking lightly rather than behaving like it's a big taboo that they then want to go out and experience. I grew up in a culture where drinking was no big deal. I was surprised when I lived in Canada that many young people (in our social circle) spent their legal drinking age birthdays getting bombed!!

I don't see a problem with it. I have an occasional glass of wine, or a beer in front of my child. He is 14 now and knows that I do not drink to the point of inebriation. We also discuss responsible drinking and a family history with alcoholism, so he knows that his body may react differently to alcohol than mine does.

Right now, at 14, he has no interest in alcohol and insists that people who get drunk are "stupid". I just pray that he maintains that attitude. :)

But seriously, how can we teach them to be responsible if we don't show them HOW to be responsible. Alcohol, like all things, done in moderation with a meal or during a special celebration, is fine.

God Bless

I dont think there is anything wrong with it. I agree with the other moms. My kids know that it is for adults. They know that mom will not drive after 2 drinks. We have open conversation about it. I absolutley agree that a teenager/child who has it hidden from them will be more curious.

We drink in front of our kids. My mother wouldn't even allow beer in our house growing up and as a kid, I thought she was going overboard. I do not see any harm in drinking in front of your kids as long as you are not stumbling drunk. There is nothing wrong with alcohol as long as you drink in moderation. Besides, when your kids see this, it's a good time to teach them about responsibilities and what is expected of adults. I don't understand why so many people think that just because a kid see's their parent drinking, then the kid will automatically think it's a ticket for them to drink. If you are a good parent, and teach your children right, then they would not think this way.

Those parents that hide it from their kids may have the bigger problem. When it's a secret and treated as taboo, that's when the curiosity kicks in....I think we know where that can lead.

We tell our kids the same thing you tell yours - as with many things there are age requirements, as well, to always do things in moderation including drinking, shopping, eating etc..

Watch as the parents who NEVER drink in front of their kids hit the teen years with them. They'll be far more likely to have the kids who are puking in bushes and binge drinking every weekend. As long as you're not pounding drink after drink every night in front of your kids and getting drunk, a nightly glass or two of wine or beer or an after-work cocktail is fine. It shows your kids that it's normal to have 1 or 2 drinks -often with food -and not go nuts or have it portrayed as taboo.

And yes -as you probably guessed -we do drink in front of our kids and so do all of our friends. In fact we have a lot of social occasions at music festivals, day festivals and house parties/firepit gatherings where the kids are running around and the grown ups are drinking beer. None of our kids really ever seem to notice or care.

If you hide it from them they will be more likely to want to try it. Keep things open and honest. I refuse to sneak around my kids.

We enjoy a drink now and then with the kids around and if they ask about it, we tell them it's a grown-up drink. If they press the issue, they can smell it...which usually results in an "ewwww" and a scrunched up nose.
My DD LOVES her "wine" (sparkling apple cider) and likes to toast us with her plastic "wine glass". BUT, that said, having "a drink" around the kids is completely different than "drinking" around the kids, in my opinion. THAT I won't do.

but it is ok to drink. There's no reason not to have the occasional adult beverage in front of your kids. If you're getting drunk in front of your kids, not good. If you're just having a drink, nothing wrong with it.

I am originally from Guadalajara, and in Mexico there is no drinking age yet public drunkeness if highly frowned upon. If my family had wine at dinner, it wasn't a big deal. I was allowed to taste and half the time I didn't like it. Later, I lived in Siena, Italy where this behavior was reinforced. Children are often given a very small amount of wine diluted in water. I think those cultures demystify alcohol and children are raised with a healthy view of how to drink. In high school, I really had no desire to get drunk like my friends and was often the designated driver. I am teaching my children moderation and nothing is taboo, be it candy, an occasional helping of French fries and even alcohol. I hope it minimizes their need to rebel and makes alcohol not a big deal. Just my two cents!

My parents were alcoholics. So, I hated seeing them drink.
My husband and I rarely drink, but we have never hidden it from our boys. I think it is important to model responsible drinking. I vowed that my boys would never see me drunk. In Europe last summer, I had a glass of wine and it was much stronger than what I was used to. It did make me slightly tipsy and they thought it was very funny.

There's nothing wrong with the occasional drink or drinking responsibly. I'm not a drinker myself--maybe 1-3 times a year--but I grew up with parents who drank wine or cocktails. In fact, my folks allowed me to have a small amount of dessert wine after dinner on Saturdays. I've seen alcohol abused, and it's results, and I've seen it handled properly. These were valuable lessons that infused my personal choices in high school, college and beyond.

Because my husband and I are relative non-drinkers, our sons think all alcohol is "bad." I've had a hard time convincing them that RESPONSIBILITY (and following the law) are key because it's not something I've modeled. I think you're fine.

Good luck.

I have a glass of wine in front of my daughter several days per week. I don't see a problem with it. I don't get drunk...and she knows it's for grown ups only.

I enjoy wine or a cocktail in front of my children. They know it is for adults only. And they also know alcohol can affect how you think, make decisions, drive, etc. So they understand little bodies can't handle it and adults can only enjoy small amounts.

We do, usually at family gatherings or parties. Just as you said, responsibly and in moderation.

i drink in front of my son. he has asked what it was and i explained that it was for adults only and i also let him smell it so he would know what it smelled like. when he asks for some of my pop(i like hennessey and pepsi) he will ask first," is there alcohol in it"? and he will smell it first also. to each her own though.

I agree to let them see you drink sometimes. It's better to have it out in the open and have a discussion about it. If they grow up knowing how to drink responsibly you'll have less of a problem when they are older, in my opinion anyway!

If I am going to drink it's usually one glass in front of them and one when they go to bed.

Its perfectly fine to teach responsible drinking. Drinking is not taboo around my house....being wasted is seen as immature and stupid though.

Sorry ladies posted that on the wrong question!! LMAO!!
But I do drink in front of my kids....we are responsible.... thats all that matters!! Sorry again!! ; )

If you make it a big deal then it becomes a big deal.
I was raised with parents who drank (and still do) their glass of wine and beer pretty much everyday -- granted we're French so it's not a big deal. My dad used to smoke 2 packs a day... And guess what, I don't some, never had, and I only drink maybe a glass of cocktail a month!
Sometime hiding brings more stigmas then necessary.
Answer your little one.

My 2 cents :)

Updated

If you make it a big deal then it becomes a big deal.
I was raised with parents who drank (and still do) their glass of wine and beer pretty much everyday -- granted we're French so it's not a big deal. My dad used to smoke 2 packs a day... And guess what, I don't some, never had, and I only drink maybe a glass of cocktail a month!
Sometime hiding brings more stigmas then necessary.
Answer your little one.

My 2 cents :)

I don't see anything wrong at all with having a drink in front of your kids. I wouldn't start a game of "quarters" or bring out a beer bong, but a glass of wine or a beer seems totally reasonable to me.

Another one here who grew up in a household where drinking wasn't taboo. We were always allowed to drink from as long as I can remember and it was never made a big deal out of. The only thing that was always impressed upon us was that if you are going to drink at all, you don't drive.
As a result, no one in my family is a heavy drinker.
I'm not worried at all about drinking in front of my kids, as my parents never were with me.

Updated

Another one here who grew up in a household where drinking wasn't taboo. We were always allowed to drink from as long as I can remember and it was never made a big deal out of. The only thing that was always impressed upon us was that if you are going to drink at all, you don't drive.
As a result, no one in my family is a heavy drinker.
I'm not worried at all about drinking in front of my kids, as my parents never were with me.

We're in between your friends; we don't have any problems drinking in front of our children, but we definitely would not offer it to them. They have to wait until they are a grown-up to try it (21, of course, because that's the legal age ;-) We usually wait until they are in bed, just because I like to have a drink and relax, and it's hard to truly relax until the kids are sleeping. But sometimes we have wine or beer with dinner, and they ask us what it is, and I tell them it's alcohol, a drink that is just for grown-ups to have once in a while and never for children. I truly think that honesty is much better than trying to hide things from our kids. I've also explained as best as I can what happens when you drink too much alcohol (because they asked "Why should you only have a little bit?") and we've never, ever gotten drunk in front of the kids (well, we never drink that much anyway, but even if we did, it would never get to that point). Drinking in moderation in front of them is fine, but there are alcoholics (my parents in the past are included) who get drunk in front of their children and I think that crosses the line. I actually have memories of my mom puking in the trash can from too much tequila (my aunt, her cousin, usually drank with her when we visited them) and one distinct memory of my dad getting drunk and almost violent (my uncle had to calm him down). I was a teenager at the time. Ah, memories.

I think that what you're doing is fine. We do the same thing. :-)

To each his own - I personally am on the same wavelength as you. I don't mind my child seeing me drink because I don't think there is anything wrong with an adult having a responsible drink and I won't mind my child doing it when he or she is of age. Different behaviors are appropriate and acceptable at different ages, and it's ok for my kids to learn that. I handle it exactly like you do.

I think you handle it well, I prefer to have someone totally sober in my house but that is mostly because my son has some special needs but it is important to teach kids about alcohol and how to treat it from a young age.

well i would probably maybe have a glass of wine with dinner but that would be it and it wouldnt be every night and i may have something else after the kids are in bed asleep for the night

I am more of a social drinker (wine). And one glass usually does it for me. However, if my daughter is with me, I won't drink because I have to attend to her and I wouldn't want to compromise my senses.

When I was growing up, my mother would not allow any alcohol in the house. And when I moved out, I went wild. It's a wonder I didn't get arrested or killed. I had to teach myself how to drink responsibly, and I was a slow student.

When my daughter was growing up, she saw me have a glass of wine, a cocktail, or a couple of beers, and she saw me stop after having had a reasonable amount. In other words, she saw me model RESPONSIBLE drinking.
I also allowed her to have a little of whatever I was having at home.
She is now 21, very seldom drinks at all, and when she does, she generally has one drink and stops.

My husband and I drink occasionally and in moderation in front of our kids. I agree that hiding things from them is not a good idea. If you have a beverage with them present it is a teaching opportunity too. I think if they are somewhat used to it being around it won't be a novelty as they get older. We also don't give them tastes because it is an adult drink, of course.

When i was a single mom i would drink the ocasional wine cooler in front of my daughter. I think it's ok that they see you drink responsibly. I now have step children that have an alcoholic mother so we just don't do it anymore. they might see us have a beer once a year or so. They just had a D.A.R.E. questionairre at school and had flunked every alcohol question on there. We had to inform them of the legal age (mom lets older, but still underaged, siblings drink) they thought it was ok to drink and drive as long as you had mouth wash in the car to fool the cops with. When they come back from her house they tell us stories about playing beer pong with all of the adults and about how so and so fell down and threw up all over. They think it's funny. It's really horrible. One of them just told me he is probably going to smoke and drink when he gets older so he can hang out with his mom more (she takes the older ones more because they can party and can take care of themselves) I'm sure you aren't going crazy like that or anything, and with some education it would be fine. But how do you tell these boys,who are 10 by the way, that their mom isn't the queen of the world right. wow totally another post! I think you are ok to have a couple but remember how impressionable they are and talk about what's going on all the time. Way back when i was a single mom I really didn'y realize how much my couple of wine coolers might affect my child's perception of things.

Do your friends not drive because their child might take the car out before they have a license? ;)

I think it is just fine for kids to know that sometimes, mama or daddy have a 'grown up' drink. Our son is four and knows what a grown up drink is. We will factor age and maturity into when we decide it's okay for him to have wine or beer at home, a small bit with a meal, perhaps as a teen, all of those other factors depending. Let's not forget that other cultures might also water down their alcohol.

The best thing we can do, though, is modeling responsible alcohol consumption if we do choose to consume it.

There's more of a problem when parents demonize alcohol to their children and act as if it's evil poison. My parents had a very healthy attitude about alcohol and openly drank it around me and my brothers socially and at weekend dinners and special occasions. My dad was a weekend beer drinker and still is. My husband's family is the same way... very laid back about alcohol but very responsible about it around children.

Somehow my husband has decided to take the "OMG!!!!111! NEVER let a child see you DR!NK!!!111!! It's full of the EVIL!" attitude and he acts as if drinking once a month or every other month makes me a lush. But then he only drinks half a glass of wine maybe once a year. He's nearly a teetotaler.

The problem with that attitude is that when the girls are older, they'll be more likely to hide their curiosity and not only be closet drinkers but they'll drink early. We don't want that at all. We want to normalize it for them, let them know that adults can be responsible about drinking, and that it's harmful for children and illegal to boot. If they ask for a sip I'm not opposed because for my kids, that means they spit it out and say how disgusting it tastes. :-) I don't want to romanticize or demonize it, making it this untouchable stuff that they shouldn't even talk about or ask about, which is how my husband would prefer it. Instead, they see me have a beer once in a while or a glass of wine or a wine cooler and they see me sip it over the course of a couple of hours socially. Our friends and family are much the same so they never see anyone drunk. I know the signs and get the girls out before that happens.

I grew up in a family that NEVER drank. I drink very very little but I have had a drink in front of my kids. My husband drinks alot and in front of the kids. This had encouraged some great conversations with my kids on drinking and drinking responsibly. My opinion is that it is ok to drink in moderation and of course never while driving. Hopefully my kids will take this to heart as they get older and wait to try any alcohol until they are old enough.

Hi Suz,

Well first off my kids dad (to me is an alki but thats my opinion) yet after a whole lot of talks w/him about monkey see monkey do until they are older he has narrowed his drinking habit in front of us. However since I do not drink as much since our kids were born I usually put whatever I drink into a dark cup. I am now an occassional drinker so there's not many times they have actually seen me drink.

I feel like kids mimmick their parents more than any other human being so if they dont see me pour it into a cup all they would know is mom is drinking something AND if they ask all they know is they can't have any lol.