My 9 year old has a major problem with lying. It doesn't matter what it's about, how major or minor, he feels the need to lie about everything. I've tried everything I can think of and need new ideas. Help.
One of the problems is that my childrens father and I live half way across the country from each other. He's got them for the school year and I for the summer. So we have to try and combine our parenting over the phone alot, and although in most cases our parenting styles are very similar they do still differ. Some of your ideas I've already tried and my son actually has the story of the boy who cried wolf memorized he's heard it so much. It is an ongoing effort and I will keep you updated I thank all of you for your advice.
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When my son lies or does something that is just "ugly", like being disrespectful I make him write a whole page, all lines filled in, as to why he shouldn't have done what he did. These has helped with some of our problems. Maybe this way he can start to express why he tells the lies and writing I'm sorry and start to get him to feel remorseful and learn that telling the truth is much better. Just an idea.
A.,
I am having the same problem with my nine year old daughter (about to be 10), and I have tried everything from taking away privileges to spanking, etc. Nothing seems to work, and it is over anything like you had mentioned.........major or minor.....even when it would not "benefit" her to lie. If you happen to get any good advice, could you forward to me? I have also tried having a talk with her about how disappointing it is that she lies........how it is hard for me to believe anything she says because she lies so much.........and it has worked a bit........but not too much though!
Thanks,
D.
Hi A., I read a few of the responses people left you, and I must agree with the "Supernany" story. I am very impressed with Jo Frost, and her techniques with children. She gets her point across and yet is very loving towards the child. I think all children go thru the "lying" stage, its just how you approach the situation. Good luck with it. B.
A.:
Finding out why he is lying, is what is really important. Kids usually lie for a reason (not to excuse the behavior). Try to spend some one on one time with him, and talk about this behavior and why he might be lying. Gently explain that lying is a bad choice and how it can lead to problems (boy cried wolf story...)
A.
I, just today, had a talk with the 8 year old boy I have been watching all week, about his lying. (He is from a divorced family and lives with his mother. I knew his father and his father would tell very TALL tales)He will lie about the silliest things. And the worst is, my son, who is 6 and can't lie even when he tries, is the one the older blames everything on. When my son protests the lie, the older boy would call HIM a liar! Today I first explained to my son the "boy who cried wolf" fable. I told him that if someone tells lies all the time, then no one will believe them, even if they are telling the truth. I got fed up with the older boy today and told him that he was too smart to fib all the time. He really has lots of neat ideas and is extremely smart. I told him when he describes a science project, or some other amazing thing, people may not believe him, because he has been caught in so many lies. (He then told me that he hasn't lied since he was 3!) I told him that he should have more self confidence and respect for himself. He should want people to believe him, because he has so many neat things to talk about. I REALLY hope that works because I have to watch him for the rest of the week. Perhaps you could tell your son that you are beginning to have a hard time believing in him. And if he comes to tell you something impressive that you know is true...act like you don't believe him, because of all the previous "stories". (of course don't do it if it is something detrimental to his well being) Maybe that will teach him the lesson.
Hi A.,
Watching Supernanny on TV has helped my husband and I a lot. You might consider watching a few episodes. Also, the Johnson County Library has a book of hers. Here's some info. copied and pasted from their site.
Happy Parenting,
D.
Supernanny : how to get the best from your children
Frost, Jo.
Summary
Jo Frost, a.k.a. SuperNanny, is the answer to every stressed-out parent's dreams. In Abc's upcoming primetime tv series by the same name, Jo works miracles on problem children by dispensing hard-won wisdom and reassuring us that parents really do know best. The SuperNanny method gives parents the know-how to tackle problem areas such as mealtime, bath time, bedtime, bedwetting, homework, sibling rivalry, aggressive behavior, or a child who just won't do what he or she is told to do. Divided into action-oriented problem and solution sections, SuperNanny will show parents how to restore harmony and authority in the home using the SuperNanny's ten basic rules.
When did the lying start to be a problem? If the divorce is recent he may be doing it to get attention. Have you tried to redirect the lying to a more positive outlet, such as story telling or creative writing? The other thing to consider is counceling if the lying is out of control and nothing is working. Wish I could be of more help. Our daughter is only 2, so we have not had that type of problem yet.
