Need Mother's Day Let down Stories...

Sounds like an a-hole, don't allow him to treat you that way. Something has happened to make him react that way. I can't believe his brother offered to babysit and he didn't jump all over that and at least make the time to do lunch. We don't have sitters. Hubby didn't do anything really special for me, I did get roses on sat and he did get me a card(which was really cute) but I got it at 11 at night cause he forgot to give it to me and remembered about it after I threw a hissy fit about not getting anything. My husband is not perfect but he tries and I think that is what counts.

I'll tell you mine.. 12/31/2004. my dad kicked me out and he was like, well, do you wanna move in with me and well, I didn't have much options. i already had a 3 yr old. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant.. fast foward to feb.14,09.. I don't love you. i'm only with you for the kids but I really don't want to be with you anymore. I regret that you're the mother of my children. (excuse me for gaining 20 lbs from having 2 kids 1 yr apart!) Sunday night, I cried and cried but then i reminded myself that he doesn't love me so why should I expect anything special. I bought myself a pretty watch and made myself feel special because I'm the mom anyways and my little ones adore me and love me for who i am and well, that's what keeps me sane.

my ex treated me like that every year, i was not his mother b/s and now we are divorced. he was a dick to me every holiday, think about it HE MADE YOU A MOTHER......HELLO!!!!

Hi Jamie
No he didn't!!! Did he seriously say those things to you??
You know, being a mother is the HARDEST job in the world and of course the BEST job in the world. Moms deserve respect . With my husband, he didn't lay out the red carpet or make a huge to-do for me on Mother's day but he gives me love and respect everyday and our son sees that . Thats what you deserve, someone who will treat you with respect in how he speaks to you, how he treats you, your daughter is watching...
Don't let her think this is how a man treats a woman and its acceptable.

Please remember that this is how he treats you before you consider marrying him. Not only does he treat you this way, but he will be teaching your daughter how to treat you.

I know that must have been awfully painful. It hasn't happened to me but, he is obviously immature and doesn't think to highly of you. This will only get worse as time goes on. Your daughter will either be treated like that or treat you the same. I encourage you to get counseling and set the standard of how you are treated. Good Luck! :)

Dear Jamie,

I was going to say if you wanted let down stories to check out the posting that was about "Crappy Mother's Day," But I don't think I'd give the same kind of advice here. There I tried to warn about ruining the day with too high expectations. Your situation isn't really about being let down on Mother's Day. What I read says 1) Your boyfriend wanted to punish you by not acknowledging you as the mother of his child. YIKES!
2) He was full of self pity and knew just what would hurt you.
3) Was intimidated by the fact that he'd created the perfect holiday last year and was afraid of failing to meet expectations this year (I saw an Oprah on this a few years ago :)
4) While I'm always quick to say we should apologize for our part of the problem, (though that's sometimes hard for me to do myself) its hard to hear the "you owe me an apology" line... (another YIKES! I need to drop the "apology line" from my vocabulary...it sounds ugly and whiny)

Mother's day to me is not about what you do or get but about the respect that's given to you as mom. Mothering is a hard thing you are doing and doesn't really get any recognition, that's why we look to holidays to give us a little boost, and you sounded like you really just wanted to be with him.

You don't have to tell him that you're hurt, he knows it, from what he said, he meant to do it. You might look and see if this is a pattern he uses to get you to do what he wants, its called passive aggression, and its really destructive. He's angry, but instead of lashing out he quietly tries to hurt you by seeing where you are vulnerable and causing you emotional pain.

I can totally understand your last two sentences. I think they are real considerations.
If he doesn't respect you, will he respect your daughter? Since he hasn't committed to you in marriage, do you think he's just playing at being a father, what is his committment to being there for you both as she gets older? You can only be the judge of this because you know his heart and have history shared with him. If he's just looking for excuses to get out, he will always find them if he's looking for them, but if he's committed to seeing your love through, he really needs to show you respect beyond what you could ever dream of earning. Honoring you as mom and a woman is a given. Period.

I have to tell you, you handled yourself in an amazing way, and I can tell you really love the guy. I'm not sure how you'd do it, but somehow the subject of respect and kindness needs to be talked about. I will be praying for you in a big way!

Just remember that how your daughter witnesses how he treats you is what she will look for in a relationship as well. That's what will seem normal for her. If that's not acceptable in your mind for what you would want for her, make your changes now. Show her by example how she should be treated. If it wouldn't be good enough for her, it's not good enough for you.

Happy Mother's day!

And I thought my day yesterday wasn't great b/c my hubby didn't do anything super special for me! Now I'm grateful he got me a nice card, let me sleep in until noon, and let me go shopping all by myself for 2 hours! I would have liked him to at least clean the kitchen or have the kids make me a card, but sheesh!
I would seriously be re-thinking my relationship with that man if I were you...
I'm sorry I don't have anything more constructive to say, but that's just not acceptable in my book! I wish you the best!!!

Girl, you don't need that. As your daughter gets older, she's going to watch how he treats you, and that's what she's going to expect from any relationship she gets in. I don't think you want that for her. I know I didn't want that for my daughter, and that's part of the reason her daddy and I split up. He would do the same thing as your b/f: ignore the holiday and not do anything special then blame it on something I'd done. It was NEVER his fault. That gets old in a hurry.

So this year, it was just me and my 6 year old. She'd talked me into going to a water park after church, until we found out the water park we go to doesn't open until NEXT weekend. So a good part of the day was me putting up with a very pouty child. I finally gave up, called my ex-MIL and asked if she'd like to go to lunch (my mom lives in another state), and took her to grab some Mexican food. The day wasn't a total loss, but nothing exciting, either. Oh well, sometimes those days are a blessing!

I agree with Kristi M.
His contempt for your motherhood will only worsen. There is no "setting the bar too high"...the fact is you ARE a mother. What unresolved problems does he have with his own mother?

Sounds like he has left emotionally. Something is up. He used to be thoughtful- and then this total turn around from one year to the next? You DON'T want to be with some one who treats you like that. He doesn't make an effort and it is YOUR fault? I don't think so. Think long and hard about whether this is how you want to live your life and the father figure you want your daughter to have. It would be one thing if he had never made an effort- but since he used to and now he doesn't- all of my red flag sensors would be on high alert.

Jamie:

It's unfortunate to be in such a situation. And, since you solicited an opinion, I am going to give you mine. It's not only about not doing anything for you for mother's day. Going to a party? Without you? You apparently didn't know about? Going swimming? Without you? There apppears to be a pattern of not considering you....and not just because it's Mother's day......and then to "scold" you like a child? WHO is the parent here? You don't need mother's day let down stories......you don't need to hear that.....what you need to hear is that there are mom's everywhere whose husbands appreciate them so much that they bring them breakfast in bed and let them pick where they want to eat lunch and whether or not it's to be fancy or downright casual and comfy.....and then get taken shopping, not for anything particular, but just because it might be fun to go pick up a few fun shirts or a new outfit or some new shoes. THAT is what you need to hear and know, My Friend...... THAT is what you can have...... And, THAT is what EVERY mother deserves..... and even if you kick your feet and get it once, be very careful, because that usually lasts about 5 or 6 months..... leopards cannot change their spots. I put up with that for 16 years and yes, I have two blessed children from it, but I didn't even mother any children for my second husband and I got all the things I mentioned above for Mother's Day this year.....and a new set of golf clubs! Just so I can LEARN golf and go play WITH him..... he doesn't push me aside..... I am his partner and best friend.... that's what you deserve. And, anyone who tells you differently just doesn't want to have to pay child support!!!!!

Love yourself! Love your daughter! And make sure that you understand that how she sees you treated is how she is going to interpret "normal"...... My ex accuses me all the time of being self-centered.....and to a degree, he is right, because he never nurtured me, so I had to do it myself. And guess what, when I loved myself, someone else began to love me too!

Hi Jamie! Im am SO Sorry about your bf and how he has made it very clear on what he is going to do and not do for you. He doesnt sound like a really nice person at all. I think since you have been dating him for awhile now as oppose to last year, everything was still new and all, the true colors are coming out, and yes, he will only get worse and treat your daugther the same way. Consider some advice that i got when i was going thru a bad relationship...when someone shows you their true colors, believe them!...this bf doesnt know what he has in you and you as a woman and mom, can not afford to mess around with someone who will be so judgemental and unappreciative. Believe that you deserve better and apparently, he cant give that to you.
I have been married for 10 yrs now and im not one to be big on holidays but if there is no acknowledgement and no sign of appreciation, we have problems....not just on holidays either. I do expect forms of appreciation and so should you. Not to baby me or spoil me or put me on some pedestal...but i DO want someone who is not afraid of showing me he cares...that is a true man...i have one, i should know!;0)...anyways, i think ultimately it boils down to you and how you think of yourself and your worth to you! Once you get that figured out, you will get the courage to drop this young boy who is making it very clear that whats important to you, doesnt mean much to him. Good Luck!

Jamie,

You have received so much very good advice already, I just want to suggest you get some counseling quickly. This man you are with has absolutely no respect for you as a mother or a woman. He is totally SELF CENTERED and it's ALL ABOUT HIM. You are the Mother of HIS child. Every Mother deserves to be appreciated on Mother's Day, even when the kids are grown & gone.

My boys are not my husbands, they are from first marriage, which took me 7 years to finally figure out I married the wrong guy, and they are 27 & 30. However I still get a card "For My Wife on Mother's Day", a dozen yellow roses (my favorite) and usually he asks in advance what I want to do for the day? Do I want a gift, shop for my self, go out to eat? This year I told him just stay home , relax, cook steaks on the grill...he does such a great job himself and we avoid the crowds.

My birthday is where his problem is, after 24 yrs of marriage he still has a problem remembering when it is, and yes I get ticked off big time. I don't remind him, I act normal and wait till he remembers. He feels like a total butt, and makes up for it BIG time. His problem, growing up his family never made a big of birthdays or holidays, and I see it with the rest of his family too. Just recently his sister had planned a big bd party for 2 of her daughters. and forgot to order the bd cake.....dah!!I showed up & found out..went & got a cake, came back & she had gotten some decorations, but forgot about putting them up. Hello!! So here I am doing this as well...she comes out and says, I knew B. would take care of the decorations, she always does. So your bf may have issues from childhood...but to me that's no excuse. You choose what to make of yourself. You don't have to be what or like your parents were.

Best of luck to you on whatever you decide to make of your and your daughters future. Just know there's lots of GOOD MEN out there looking for good women, even ones with children!!

Keeping you in my prayers.

Jamie,

This guy disrespected you as a mom and a woman. No, you are not his mother, but you are a mother and he should have acknowledge that. It sounds to me like you attempted to keep the peace, but I think he used the "You pissed me off the night before" excuse, so he decided not to do anything for you.

You really need to consider if you want a future with a guy like this? Is this how you want you daughter to grow-up thinking men are suppose to treat women?

God Bless!!

He will only get more selfish as times goes on. If he doesn't put you on a pedestal now(as you deserve), he will never. Looks like you are not married,get out while you can!

Sorry, truth hurts!

Hi Jamie,

Sorry to hear this. I hate to admit that I have a Mother's Day Let Down Story but here goes...

In 2007 my husband did not buy me a gift at all for Mother's Day. I would have been OK with a hand drawn card that he helped our boys create instead of a present since he had not been full time employed for about 4 years(he was laid off from a company where he almost worked 14 years)and had gone back to school and had no real income(he worked a few part time jobs but used the money for himself for fun)and he only started a job about 6 months before thus we really did not have any extra money for much of anything. What hurt was that he went and bought himself a very expensive camera and lens the day before Mother's Day after telling me he did not have any money to do anything for me. He had some Best Buy gift cards he used but the vast majority of the $1,179.90 he paid went on a credit card that he applied for and got behind my back and when I found out he said he got the card for when he was out of town working and was only going to use it for work.

I wish I could say the story has a happy ending like he made up for it in 2008 but I filed for divorce 8 months later. I know it is tough since you have a daughter with him, but my gut tells me he is not the one you should be with and no one deserves the kind of treatment you are getting. If you have family close by or a good friend, I suggest that you see if they can take you and your daughter in and please find an attorney to help you with support for your daughter.

I know he thinks this is small potatoes but it is actually a snapshot of how he will treat you in the future. The other ladies are correct in telling you that it will only get worse. Not only that but he is teaching your daughter to disrespect you too. She will learn to disrespect herself as well. Good luck to you. Take a good, unbiased look at the man...

Wow, it sounds like this guy is a total slimeball! He has no respect for you. This has nothing to do with mother's day, forget that, the way he treats you is completely disrespectful. It sounds like he knows he can walk all over you and knows that you'll still be there for him. You don't need someone like that, don't stay with him just for your daughter. If she grows up seeing him treat you like that, she will let guys treat her like that because that will be her norm. Good luck! and God Bless you and your daughter.

I'm so sorry honey! It seems odd that his behavior has changed so dramatically. Ok, you aren't HIS mom, but you are the mother to HIS child. Do you guys do date nights at other times?

Since you asked for worse stories, I'll tell you mine. My son is 7 now (I also have a 2 year old daughter), and up until this year Mother's Day, Valentine's, and my b-day always ended in a screaming match and me in tears. One year we got into a screaming match before I left for work on my b-day. Later he came to my office with flowers to apologize because not only had he forgotten, but he'd picked the fight. We got into it again later because I hadn't reminded him.... Pretty much any day that wasn't about him, but was about me instead, pissed him off. I should have realized years ago when he'd get mad at me because I'd have a day off during the week because of my job.... It got so bad that I would take a Sharpie and cover up where the calendar would be marked with my b-day, Valentine's and Mother's days. And that would be cause for a screaming match, too.... Oh, and he told my friends years ago to stop trying to do anything for me on my b-day, because I just got depressed. Up until him, I was the ringleader of all b-day festivities. Age is a number, I'm all about celebrating that you've survived another year! I haven't had a b-day celebration for 11 years, until this past January.

As a result of these actions of his, among MANY other things, I kicked him out last summer. My best gf took me out on my b-day this year and we had a BLAST. I had the kids for VD, so I stayed home and watch Princess Bride. I was alone, but I didn't mind at all, I was happy. And for Mother's Day, the guy I'm dating now made sure to make the weekend special for me. Even his friends wished me a Happy Mom's Day! I'm still smiling.:)

All that said, you and your bf need to sit down and find out what is really going on. From what you've said, it goes much deeper than "you're not my mom". That was an excuse he pulled out of his rear. WHY did he make the excuse is the problem. As for him having to feel obligated, it shouldn't be an obligation, it should be something he wants to do for the woman he loves and the mother of his child. You may want to look into couples counseling, hopefully BEFORE it's too late.

Good luck sweetie!

Happy Belated Mothers Day!! Well my husband (separated) ended up going to New York(was suppose to go but I changed my mind) anyway. I didn't get a phone call from him until after 11:00 our time. Why so late I wondered. His words was I almost forgot about you. when asked why, because I am not his mom. (10 yrs of marriage)I have heard my dad say the same thing when asked what did he get our mom for mothers day. The bottom line about all this is that for some reason SOME MEN hear the words Mother and only think of their own at that time and forget that you are one as well. He should have gone out and bought a card of gift for your daughter to give to you. By the way they do make cards that say for my WIFE or FRIEND at mothers day. No excuse. They all need to get off of the you made me upset YESTERDAY so I'm not doing anything for you TODAY syndrome. No need to get rid of him for that, but stand your ground whether for the next 50 yrs no gift or surprise, we just want them to acknowledge that we are moms and a great ones is all that we ask for.
I love the fact that you can recognize issues now, so that your daughter will see and chose a man for all the great reasons they were put on this earth for.
Good Luck!!

First of all, it sounds like he is doesn't care that your the mother of his daughter, it doesn't matter if your not his mother but you are a mother and if he is going to be with you, he should at least take the moment to make you feel special. My ex-husband was that way, and now you know why we are not together. My fiance now of 2 years, has always done something for me, and I don't have any of his children, it's out of love and respect not because he has to. Anyway, why were you not invited to the party and doesn't sound like you should be telling him sorry for anything, you gave him a hug and kiss, I would have been very upset. I wish you all the best and sorry you had a bad mother's day. I wish you a wonderful Mother's day, sorry it's late, but every good mother deserves a good mother's day! Hugs!

My response is short and simple. My first "Happy Mothers Day" came from my son-in-law. My husband wasn't prepared for mothers day this year and cried Sunday evening because he felt so bad that he didn't have a gift ahead of time. It didn't bother me at all though. These are the kind of men to marry!

I don't have a story, Jamie, but having had experience with similar boyfriends, let me just ask you: Is this the kind of guy you want to spend the rest of you life with? Is this the kind of guy you even want to spend the next month with? I'm sure you love him, but I'm thinking this guy has NO clue what love really is. Y'all either need counseling, or you need to put you and your daughter first and get out of this relationship. I would vote for the second option. I doubt seriously he's going to change, and you deserve a man who will treat you with love-in-action and with respect. Love isn't just a romp in the sack (you know that, lots of MEN don't), it's a commitment to the well-being of the other person. It's SACRIFICE. He sounds like Mr. Selfish-all-about-me, and that's not the way to a happy life. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you need to listen to that "part of you that doesn't want to be with someone who treats you like that." And your daughter doesn't need that example for what a man is like.

Next year on Mother's Day, I hope you're not still with this guy.

Good luck!

Wow, I am so sorry you were let down in such a selfish way. He is right in that you aren't his mom... wow, what an enlightening and intelligent statement (no duh?!?!?). That aside, you are the mother if HIS CHILD. That in itself deems him obligated and, dare I say, he should be inspired to lift you up with breakfast, flowers, a kind gesture, something to appreciate that you are the mother of his child. I hate to say it but you are with a very selfish and immature man.

My mother's day wasn't much better only due to the fact that my poor hubby had to work all day. But he got me roses and the kids made me gifts. It's the gesture that counts!!

Jamie,

Please forgive my candor, but you need to listen to your OWN inner voice rather than listen to other's sad stories. You said, "there's a part of me that doesn't want to be with someone who treats me like that." That is great insight; listen to your own inclinations. You are obviously a young woman with a young daughter. You also wonder, "...how he's going to treat our daughter" as she matures. Again, great insight. You KNOW that (at this time) your boyfriend's views are disrespectful and are lacking in the genuine, caring love that he should be expressing to honor both you and your daughter.

Unless your boyfriend changes the views that he has expressed to you, I fear that you are signing up for years of heartache, if you remain in this relationship. His present outlook does not mean that he cannot change, but it is not likely that he will change unless something or someone (like you) presents him with a compelling reason to change. I hope that you will read the Bible verse that I have included at the end of this message. It basically says that a husband should love his wife MORE THAN he loves himself; he should place her needs and desires above his needs and desires (and that she should place his needs and desires above her own). If your boyfriend does NOT set the bar as high as it can be set, for both you and for his own daughter, then he has a self-centeredness that will ultimately raise its ugly head throughout your lives. [See my "personal note" below, which addresses self-centeredness.]

As a reality check, you should be wary about "why" your boyfriend is treating you this way, now. Perhaps there is another woman, or perhaps he simply is running from his obligations and responsibilities and wants to return to a perceived "freedom." But you need to be aware that it is a common psychological ploy for a man (or woman) who desires freedom from a relationship to act in such a way that he (or she) gets their partner to break it off. That sounds like a possibility here.

I recommend that you try to understand his motivations and expectations by having a candid (not angry) and honest discussion with him. Write down your questions/topics in advance and set a time for an uninterrupted time for a serious talk with him. When you do talk, try very hard to discuss your future together without getting "emotional." If his answers do not reveal that he is committed to you, is committed to his daughter and that he VALUES the two of you being in his life more than he values his own self-interests, then I think you have decisions to make.

You are in my prayers,
K.

Personal note: I can relate to your problem because I have a failed marriage in my past. My husband also had numerous failed marriages/relationships prior to our marriage. We now have a "perfect" marriage, but there is a significant difference in each of us that has made THE difference in our relationships with each other. Each of us has, first and foremost, a relationship with Jesus. We now enjoy a "Christ-centered marriage." As a follower of Christ, it is possible for ANYONE to repent of past wrongs and to change; we did! So don't rule out changes in you and in your boyfriend that can change your relationships with each other. But a key characteristic of a true believer is that he/she loses his or her self-centered nature and places Jesus Christ and the central focus of their life. Placing Jesus first opens the door to placing others before your own needs. When that change occurs, you WANT to follow God's perfect plan, as described in the Bible (like getting married and being faithful to one another and raising your children to first, love God and, second, to love other people (e.g. "your neighbor") as yourself. I will pray for you, your daughter and your boyfriend in hopes that you all will be open to the changes that are available when you decide to follow Jesus. I encourage you to attend a Bible-believing church for the kind of spiritual and emotional support that will help you through this time. Developing (or rekindling) a relationship with Jesus WILL make a difference in your current situation and in the rest of your lives but, most important, it will make a difference beyond the trials of this life.

Ephesians 5:25-30 - "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body."

I think something a bit deeper is going on here. What is he "not" saying? You are right about him treating your daughter like he treats you. Be strong!! You have to make decisions that are best for her NOW. You are all she has. If she is ever going to know what a healthy relationship is, you are going to have show her. Sounds like your bf is VERY self centered which is not good for her at all. Perhaps you need to offer him some space. Leave. Take her with you. Let him miss you a little. Is he seeing someone else? hmmm

Why would he go to a party without you or swimming. I'm sure it wasn't all guys. My point is sounds like he has his priorities in dangerous territory. I'm not saying he's cheating or anything like that I'm saying when you start acting and doing things as single, things can really go south. You have to nurture your relationship. You start hanging out like your single you'll start doing single things. Sad when people don't realize they have all they really needed in the palm of their hand. Luckily he's only your bf. Gives you a chance to evaluate if you really need to stay and be treated like this. You need to be treated like a princess everyday. You were right and smart what you said about your daughter. Did you know that little girls learn who they are from their father? If he were to treat your daughter like she's nothing she'll learn that behavior and choose a mate for herself based on what she learned she is from her father. Keep all this in mind when your determining your place in this man's life.

Hi Jamie,
Yeah it can be a crappy day. It can either be great or the opposite.
My very first one was really horrible. I had been away with my sister for 6 days and was 16 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child. My husband had taken our 10 month old son to stay with his parents in NY as it is tough to look after a baby.
I met them at the airport as we both got back on the same day. It happened to be Mother's Day. When my husband and son came through the arrival hall my son did not respond to me at all. He did not recognize me. I was really upset. My husband treated me like I was nuts for being upset. Then he dropped the baby seat with my baby in it. I was so angry as he was always careless with him. For the rest of the day he was nasty to me. My son is now 5 years old and this is the first time he has given me a nice Mother's Day. The special treatment ended after they gave me their gifts. It can be a real let down.

Usually dissappointed mother

Wow, I am so so sorry that happened to you. I know you must have really been hurt. It sounds like it turned into a power struggle, at least in his mind. It would have been really nice for him to at least get you a card to say thanks for being such a great mom to his daughter, I am assuming here that you have a little one not old enough to do something herself. My husband's family doesn't do much for special days so I try to be really understanding about the fact that he runs at the last minute to do something for me because he knows it means a lot to me, and that's the key, he knows it matters to ME. He felt that you were expecting something from him and decided that he didn't "owe" you anything. I think you need to let him know that when he overlooked such an important day to you, it was so hurtful. You have every right to expect to be remembered and thought of on special days. You could apologize for any attitude that you threw his way but remind him that leaving you in the cold and planning nothing for a special day caused you to feel rejected. Making a statement that this is how he intends to act in the future is totally unacceptable. Planning on future hurt is not cool. Could this be part a larger issue about him being you bf and not husband? Does he feel you have no right to expect anything on larger issues as well like commitment, finances, etc? I just bring that up because now is a great time to evaluate these things and decide what you do want for your future. Sorry you had a crummy day, but from me and I am sure all the mamas on this board HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seems like there is more to the story than he was reacting from the way you supposedly treated him the night before. You do deserve to celebrate Mother's Day and you should be appreciated as the Mother of his child. I have a real problem with Husbands using the excuse that "You are not my Mother". It is not about them.... it is about all Mothers and the celebration of motherhood period. What a blessing to bring a child into the world and to be called "Mom". He should see that as a no brainer. I would never think of telling my Husband that I would not celebrate Father's Day because he is not my father. That is just not right. He is the father of my child and deserves to be given his propers.

I would have a long heart to heart with your BF. If he truly loves you- he should understand the way that you are feeling and why you are upset. In the meanwhile- Happy Belated Mothers Day!

I fill your pain. I am so sorry! This is my story, It was Mothers Day my X husband came over and mowed my grass, I pulled weeds (lol). Our child which will be 18 in July sit on her fanny on the computer for 14 hours. At one point during mid after noon she goes o happy mothers day. Later that evening a friend of hers that lives with us decided that she would cook me dinner. She tried to get my daughter to help with the minu, she wouldn't she just said fix what ever. She went down the hall to her room and took a nap. Asleigh and I ate alone, I got up and did the dishes and went to bed early. It was so sweet of Ashleigh and very much appreciated. Thank You for listening.

Deni

I'm sorry you were so let down on Mother's Day. Mine was ok. At least I got to sleep while my hubby watched the kids for a little while. :-)

One thing I have learned from the past is that the boyfriends who treated me badly or indifferently would stay the same. My hubby was a great boyfriend and he hasn't changed. I'm still in touch with a former bf's sister and asked if he has changed now that he's married and has kids. She said no, he treats his wife the same. Disrespectful, mean to her, doesn't care about her feelings.

So, I guess my point is, don't let him make you feel bad about yourself or let you think that he is more important than you are. If he cares about you, he won't want to hurt your feelings. Hope you feel better and remember you're special too. I wish you good luck! :-)

Hi Jamie,
I don't get it? The responses on this are HORRIBLE and SHAMEFUL!!!! He might have something going on, that's true, but you need to find out what it is and deal with it - remembering that you should love and respect this man while you talk to him, just like you would like him to love and respect you. Why in the HELL should he give a woman respect who was demanding it from him in a disrespectful way! I'm not getting after you Jamie - I am very upset at how woman feel they can treat men, and then spread around that kind of inhuman advice. Like men are disgusting creatures we're to put up with!!!!Like WE alone deserve respect and they do nothing! Let me tell you, I wish I had respected my husband and had gone out on a limb to try harder BEFORE I complained, because then maybe I wouldn't be living alone with my little girl, in an apartment I can't afford, on food stamps, medic-aid and no future. I have no real skills, I am alone and I'm about to be laid off! My daughter is being raised without a dad because I inadvertantly ran him off. This women "putting men in their place" attitude is what's distroying the family unit in our lives. Marriage is FOREVER!!!! Look at your vows and remember that in his vows it does NOT say he is to respect YOU! He is to CHARISH you, but that ONLY comes after you give HIM respect first. That's how it works, that's how God planned it! Read the bible and get off your man-made pedistols. YOU'RE WRONG ladies! Again, not you Jamie, the angry women on here who think they can bring a man around by punishment. Who did God make in his image? MEN! Not women, we were created to HELP the men, not to be their consciences or to tell them off. We can stand on our RIGHTS all day long, and that's ok, but we'll be doing it alone while are men are with more grateful women!!!!!!
Jamie, I realize that this is not your husband and you have said no vows at this time, but he IS the father of your daughter and you ARE living together. Think respectful thoughts towards him first before you speak. Don't treat him like a bad puppy. Men hate that. TRUST ME!!!!! Then get the book "Created to Be His Help-Meet" by Debi Pearl. It makes sense and it really will fire you up when you see how easily disrespectful we have become to our men and then we chastise them for walking away from our bitter, sour, unapproving, unloving, judgmental attitudes - and then we stand behind God while we do it! Later we wonder how they could leave such a "good woman". It's sounds like you're young, please do not follow the advice of society - we need to love our men - they DO deserve it.
God bless you. I think your man is making a point, and I think he's right. I understand that you feel bad, but listen to him when he has advised you that he didn't like the way he felt you treated him first. Then also look at the offer of apology. You are right, he WAS apologizing when he bought groceries and cooked. Men have pride, that IS the way they are built. PERIOD!! And there is NOTHING that we women ever did to change that about tham. All it ever did was to increase the divorce rate in this country. The "new way" has failed. Wake up women and be better people. Put down your swords and stop fighting the man YOU CHOSE to spend the rest of your lifes with!
I'm sure you're a wonderful person who's gotten caught up with the BS of woman's libbers just like I did. But it will get you nowhere except alone. I am actually restoring my marriage because of this book. It's radical to today's thinking, but it is the only thing that makes sense, gives peace and works!!!!!
By the way, Happy Mother's Day Jamie. I hope that next year goes better for you, and I'm sorry this year brought bad memories.
God bless,
D.
Isn't it funny that "listen" and "silent" have the same letters?
The very best of luck to you.

NEW UPDATE:
I was kindly corrected for suggesting that it's ok for men to have pride. No it's not ok, she's right, but their human nature is to have pride and so they act the way they do. If we were to act correctly, then God would show our men that they need to put aside their pride because it is wrong. Things really were created by God to work perfectly when done correctly! Thank you Kimberley!

Late last week, my husband gave our 4 1/2 yr. old daughter a card to color for me for Mother's Day. I'm not sure where it came from but it wasn't a "regular" type card, more like something he got as a freebie somewhere. She colored on it but never finished it and never gave it to me. My husband just bought a camper. Maybe he thought I'd like to first time out to be on Mother's Day, but he certainly didn't ask me. He booked it and told me his mom and dad were going, too (they have their own camper and had their own campsite). We've been camping with them before and it is always a nice time so that didn't bother me. On Saturday (the day before Mother's Day), I ran to Wal-Mart to pick up a corsage for my mom to wear to church. I also bought her a gift. My husband had given his mom some of our camping equipment that we no longer need (only used once so still in like-new condition). He said that was her Mother's Day gift. While at the store I called him to see if I should pick up some flowers for her. He said that sounded fine. The next morning, I wished MIL a Happy Mother's Day. My husband wished her one as well. He never told me Happy Mother's Day that day. Nor did he mention anything about a gift or card. I know money is tight now so I really didn't expect much of anything but an acknowledgement of the day to me would have been nice. I know if I mention it to him, he'll insist he wished me a happy day but I know he didn't. So, I'm just biting my tongue, trying to decide whether I'll do the same for Father's Day! He's usually thoughtful. I don't know what happened this year!

I'm glad you guys talked things out. You are right to be concerned if you feel you are with a man who passes up opportunities to make you feel special for any reason. On that note, even wonderfully thoughtful, loving men can get distracted and are not always good at planning special days like we think they ought to, but they should be willing to change their behavior when reminded and told how upset their lack of attention makes us. In my life, I constantly struggle with having too many expectations of others. The only way to not be dissapointed in a friend, partner or parent is to never have expectations of them. This isn't really possible to maintain, and I think with our partners, we SHOULD hold each other to certain standards, but we should also do our best to fullfill our needs ourselves. Next year, YOU be prepared and say, It's MY day. We will eat at Red Lobster (make your own reservations) I want Roses (place an order with FTG on his card!) and we will see the movie I want to see! (Set up the babysitter) As women, we do this codependent thing where we want our partners to make a fuss over us, but the truth is, they rarely do what we are hoping for. If we can just TELL them what we want, most men are pretty good at following directions. I hope this gives you a different way to think about it!

Yikes... Those are pretty harsh statements. I think some counseling might be needed if this relationship is worth saving. From your statement, he sounds pretty egocentric... But if he didn't use to be, something significant has changed since last year. Find a way to celebrate yourself... You deserve it...

Sounds like he's playing a power game. THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILD SHOULD BE THE MOST IMPORTANT MOTHER ON MOTHERS DAY TO HIM. Him calling you bitchy when you are already sad is a justification for his bad behavior. Did he visit his mother for the day? Being concerned about the way he shows your daughter she should expect to be treated by her future husband is the biggest issue. You don,t want her to be hurt in the same way.
I suggest counseling for the deep seeded issue that led to this unacceptable behavior. What's going on with him? Did he invite you to the party? Where was he all day? Who does he go swimming with? He might be getting bad advice. A marriage tune up session might be in order so when the power game comes up in session your therapist can mediate.
Or you can wallow in other peoples sad stories feeling slightly better about yourself until he does it again. Leaving only you to blame because you know the pattern & where it will lead you again until you do somthing diffrent about it.

While it's true that you are not his Mother - you ARE the Mother to his daughter. And if nothing else - he should acknowledge you because of that and do something for you on her behalf.

I would assume you plan on honoring him on Father's Day?

Quite frankly - you might want to look at his behavior a little more closely. It sounds as if he may have his eyes on someone else. Look closely and listen to your gut - it sounds as if your heart is leading you astray.

Your boyfriend doesn't sound like he respects you at all. Maybe it's time to seek some counseling or even consider moving out and making a life for yourself and your daughter. I wouldn't be surprised if he was already considering leaving--it sure sounds like he's not committed to you anymore. And to tell you the truth, it sounds like he's probably involved with someone else. What else would explain this drastic change in his attitude toward you?

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I hope you can work this out and find some happiness to share with your little one.

My story is from last year.....I turned the big 40 on Mother's Day. My husband was hung over the first half of the day. He got a ride home from a party so when he finnally got up around 1:00 ish he called a friend for a ride to his truck. On his way home, he stopped and got me cards and had my son carry in 2 long stem roses and he brought me one also. I accepted them even though I know that he had just bought them. I was so hurt. I was excited that I was turning 40 on such a great day. Dinner was good, but there was not really any conversation...our boys were 4 and under 1 at the time. I think I was most hurt that he was not prepared at all!
Mel G

my mother's day started off good.he got me a card and a dozen roses.i knew we were going to join my family later for lunch but i wasnt sure where we were going to eat yet.well my mom called me and told me where we were going.when we are heading to my parent's house i tell him where we are going to eat and he made the ugliest face and got so upset.he was like i dont know why we all dont get a say where we want to eat.i said bc i am ok with whatever my mom and grandma decide to go.he was all telling me he didnt like the place we were going to and on and on.so i told him if he doesnt want to go i can drop him off at his aunts house and pick him up later.of course he still continued to drive to my parent's house.i was so upset i was crying bc instead of him just saying okay and going along with where we were going he has to get all mad.then he get more upset bc i am crying.....i mean hell he hurt my feelings.then sunday is normally my wash days and i didnt want to wash i wanted to relax.not once did he even offer to do it...he washed one load when i was napping then once i get up its like he stopped helping.