Need More Ideas

D. - Two things came to mind as I read your post.
#1 - is your son mentally okay? I mean does he have ADD, ADHD, or any other kind of mental imediment?
#2 - If he does NOT...then you need to STOP restraining him.
You said that this method is working, but it is not! He just bit you again, and he is still having freak outs!
When you see that he is getting ready to have a tantrum, put him in his room. What fun is a tantrum if no one is there to witness it? Do not go in his room, don't worry if he is throwing things (if he breaks a toy the toy is gone! Next time he wont break a toy) If you go in there when he is throwing things then he KNOWS.."Oh, I act naughty and mom gives me attention" Same thing with the "forced restraints". He knows that you will hug him to get him to calm down so he will act up waiting for you to physically restrain him.
You can put him in time out even if he is mad. It's okay for children to cry and scream as long as they are not moving from the time out spot. If he get up, you put him back. It's a battle of wills mama, and if you do not put your foot down NOW and show him that you are boss, it is just going to get worse.
He is old enough to calm himself down. My son is 3 also, and when he gets mad at me he goes to his room, closes the door and then has his fit. It usually lasts less than a minute. There is no one there to watch it. He calms himself down by himself! Your son can do it too.
Also, you mentioned that he hurts himself with his tantrums. Some moms may not agree with me, and that's okay. But most children don't like to be hurt. He will notice if he is flinging himself around and hurts himself that that is not all that fun, and he will learn (by himself) to throw less vioent tantrums.
You mentioned that you are living in a house with 5 adults. That's a lot. He probably does not get your undivited attention very often, so he resorts to tantrums to get it. Put aside some "cuddle time" every day with your son. Read books, sing songs, talk about when you were pregnant with him...jsut some uninterupted time with you.
Good Luck, L.

Hi,

I recently went through this with my 3.5 year old daughter. For awhile it was terrible she would just get out of control when she wouldn't get her own way, biting, hitting, throwing herself on the floor. It was terrible and I ended up being bitten and in tears many times. We would try holding her but that would just make her madder and madder. What we tried doing is telling her it's okay to be mad and you can stomp your feet and say your mad but hitting and biting are not okay. We also found that just letting her be to work out her anger and frustration was the best. We would only intervene if she was hurting herself. She seemed to work it out best by herself and would come to us when she was finished. I think time also helps. This seemed to be worse about 2 months ago and it still happens from time to time but much less frequently and much less violent.

I feel for you. I was bitten and hit and pinched way too many times to count by my usually loving daughter.

We also work with a homeopath and she has suggested some remedies for us to try and I don't know if they have any impact or not. This is the book that I read that prompted me to look at homeopathy for her behaviour but many people tell me it's just normal for some 3 year olds.

Good luck and hang in there and congrats on the new baby to be! That might also cause some behaviour issues with the focus shifting some from him.

http://www.amazon.com/Rage-Free-Kids-Homeopathic-Medicine...

I just borrowed the book from the library and it was very interesting reading.

Take care,

D.

One thing that works for me is to walk away from the outburst. I let my 4 1/2 year old thrash around on the floor or furniture without an audience. I too got tired of being kicked and bitten, so I tell him to let me know when he's done screaming then we can talk about what made him angry. When he's having his tantrum, I'm within earshot and I do make sure he's not throwing things. As hard as it is sometimes, his tantrums and outbursts are fewer and farther between.

I'm opposed to sending a child to their room as punishment because it should be a pleasant and peaceful place for them. Its no wonder kids don't like to go to bed when they're being punished by going to the same place.

I really think that what your son is doing is pretty "normal" and he'll grow out of it. It may take a few months, but you'll all get through it.

Does your son understand the warning signs that he is getting angry?? I subscribe to the newsletter put out by the National Center for Biblical Parenting and recently went to a seminar where we talked about anger, bad attitudes and disobedience in kids. I learned that sometimes kids don't even know how to recognize when they are angry. When he is calm and before there is a confrontation, talk to him about anger and how he might learn how to recognize it. Slow the process down for him. If he cannot identify how his body acts when he gets or starts to get angry, show him a portion of an animated film where the character starts to get angry... smoke coming out of ears, balled up fists, downturned eyebrows... Let him gain an understanding of how his body/brain tell him he's mad. Help him identify those things in himself and talk about how you are going to help him see them for himself and ask him to stop. Now, there are three levels of stopping. The first is small... let him know that you are seeing signs that he is angry i.e., "I can see that your ears are turning red. Are you mad?" Second... tell him to stop and take a deep breath, count with him or for him to ten and see if this helps him feel better. Third... when he is past the point of no return, designate a place for him to go sit down until he feels like he can talk through his anger or sit with you willingly. Let him decide when he's not angry anymore. If he persists with his anger, place him in his room/time out place until you are ready to talk with him and sit with and hold him lovingly. (Don't make him sit too long.) Eventually, he will get it. Because of his age, you might use the words mad, sad and glad for feelings. Those are very basic descriptions of our emotions. I also understand the fear of being hurt physically. My daughter also has violent fits of rage. We have been using the techniques above to help her cut her anger off at the knees. It's slow going, but we are making some progress. Good luck to you. And congrats on your coming baby.

D.,

The first thing that comes to mind is the "Hug Him Tight" thing. I don't remember where I got it from but it's worked on my 5 year old son when he was smaller.

Sit on a chair or someplace that is comfortable to you. Stand him in front of you so his back is to your tummy. Wrap his arms around his chest like he's hugging himself. Hold him tight until he calms down. If he says "let me go" or some such tell him "no you need Mommy/Daddy hugs to keep you safe right now" or some such. Something about he can't keep himself safe when he's this upset so you need to do it. I don't remember the exact phrasing I heard now. When he calms down then you can let him go. He may just need some extra attention with the new baby on the way.

With that in mind, how involved in the pregnancy is he? Do you take him to the prenatal visits? Does he know what's going on? My kids are 3 years 5 months apart and my son loved going to the doc with us to help measure Mommy's tummy and find his sister's heartbeat. The first time he found it all by himself his face just melted into a puddle. See if maybe he just wants to be more involved in what Mommy is doing. Again, my son had 3 pokemon in his tummy while I was preggo with my daughter. He was always talking about them, or the baby(ies) he had in his tummy. He was a total goofball while I was preggo, but he was doing everything that Mommy was doing.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Maybe you could carry him to a safe area at home?? Like a place with lots of pillows. Or maybe you can keep a pillow with you? I saw a boy on Nanny 911 who had tantrums and was banging his head against the floor and the parents were beside themselves. So they ended up just putting a pillow under his head whenever he started... It seemed to work, but it is television. ;-)