Need Ideas for Chore Charts and Help with Homework Encouragement

Hi W.~
You are going to LOVE "FlyLady" and the website is: www.flylady.com You will love it. It is so simple and there is a little routine for students (children)! Instead of giving 'chores', it gives the kid a challenge. You set a time for 15 minutes and they see how much they can do in that time. It is a yahoo group and you can get daily or weekly messages, it's awesome!I love it! Good Luck to you!
Lucy B.

Hi W.,

I too, had the same problem. Then finally, I came up with my "Popsicle Stick Chores".

I use regular popsicle sticks, and write a "child friendly" chore on the end of the popsicle stick. I put the ends in a cute mini-vase that my kids gave me for a present a long time ago (that I rarely used before).

When it is time to do chores, each kid simply pulls out 2-3 popsicle sticks, and those are their chores for the day. It's fun for them, because they don't know their chores until they've picked the sticks out of the vase.

I use it when we have "down time", not on a regular schedule. Mixed with sports and homework, it's hard to "plan" when they will have time to help around the house as a responsibility. But when we DO have time, we simply pick out chores.....even I do, to join "the fun" :O)

As they get older and more capable, I change the chores to meet the capabilites of my boys. Some chore ideas in my house, on the sticks, are:

* Clean Baseborads in Living Room (use clorox wipe)
* Clean all windows sills in house
* Vacuum Family Room
* Organize Wii drawer
* Pick up everything on floor of Family Room
* Throw the ball for Max 20 times :O)
* Clean all door handles in house (clorox wipe)

I have about 20 chores in my vase right now. I leave the one's that were picked out until the end of the week (whenever that is!).

I try to have chores that aren't too difficult, so they are helping without the moaning :O) They are little chores that help me immensly, yet are easy enough for them to do by themselves, no matter who picks the chore.

Other things that my boys do "solo" are maintenance chores. If I see their rooms "overwhelming", then I say, you need to pick up everything GREEN in your room (or whatever color I see most). This always leads them to clean more than I've asked because the "green army men, went with the army trucks, etc....).

Anyway, W., I LOVE my popsicle vase of chores because there is no chart involved, no stickers to keep up with, and it doesn't take up alot of room, and I have nothing to keep track of any longer!

Your boys are at the age when my boys LOVED my ticket jars ;O) I bought a $4 roll of tickets to use as rewards. If they did ANYTHING that made me(or themselves) proud, I encouraged that behavior constantly by telling them to go put 1 ticket in their jar. It worked for my 6 yr old to sleep in his own bed, too, of course I had to give 3 tickets for every night he stayed in bed :O) Anyway, once they BOTH reached 30 tickets, we would go shopping for their reward. They knew what my budget was, and we worked with that. I still have my ticket jars, and they still work great for their ages. My new Jr High kid was overwhelmed with the transition of several classrooms, and homework form each one of them. He did AWESOME with those responsibilities this past week, so I rewarded him with 5 tickets at the end of the week as a surprise. He has 2 more to go to catch up to his "eager to get a prize brother" who already has about 40 :O) I guess I'll be shopping this week. I liked my idea (long ago) about waiting for BOTH of them to have the 30 tickets, because they actually began helping eachother to acheive their goal of getting a prize :O) When they were younger, I was able to buy and WRAP gifts for "picking" when they reached 30 tickets. It was easier for me then, to NOT have to go anywhere waiting for them to FINALLY pick something! I already knew what they wanted anyway, so I would get it on sale. I'm behind on that, though, so I'll have to be patient shopping with them this weekend.

Well, W., I hope something I do in my home can help you figure out what will work in your home. Keep trying things, because eventually you will find something that works for your boys. Have fun!

~N. :O)

P.S. Oops! I just read the rest of your posting about homework. Here's my "2 cents"......First of all, please make sure that when you get home, he has the same routine. Drop his backpack off at the "homework station" (wherever that is in your home). Then tell him he can relax and have a snack for 25 minutes until the microwave timer rings. Then we will start homework. Routine is KEY for introducing a constant pattern for years to come. I even carry "homework supplies" in my van, in case run out of time at home to finish it.

My 6 yr old had a hard time "being motivated" to do his homework last year, so I began this routine. It was mostly him feeling overwhelmed. I had to come up with ways to "prepare him" at home to make it easier for him. Like Spelling words. I knew on Monday that he had to write them 5 times each, so I made him a chart (table) on the computer and wrote his words FOR HIM the first time, instead of him going back-and-forth from paper to paper. It was easier for him having it all on one page. He had to write spelling sentences on Wednesday, so I asked him to give me a sentence for the word "tree", and then I would write the sentence down. When Wednesday came, he simply had to copy my sentences that HE already made for himself. This reduced the feelings of being overwhelmed AND it kept him independent (and he didn't feel like I was helping).

Now starting 2nd grade this year, he knows what I expect of him, and he his doing "the routine". Without being asked, he drops his backpack off in his room then asks me for a snack. I really don't use the timer anymore because he KNOWS what is next.....homework. This year, I have barely helped him, as he has been very independent, so far (Praise the Lord!). I think it's because of our hard work establishing a routine in 1st grade.

I hope that helps. :O)

Read the book Chores Without Wars. It has completly changed the way we handle chores in our household. My kids fold their own laundry, set the table, do their homework and all without having a big fight. I highly recommend it!

Don't promise your kids anything for doing chores. They live in the house, so they should to contribute to keeping the house running properly. And you are not the maid of all work. Don't argue over that one.

You will have to grit your teeth and be firm when you start assigning chores. Of course it's easier to do the chores yourself, but you're not doing them any favors by waiting on them. I believe it's your job (and your husband's--- he needs to be involved in this too) to teach them how to take care of themselves, and if they don't even know how to clean up after themselves, then you haven't done your job very well.

Give each child a chore that is appropriate to his abilities, and make sure they understand everything that is part of that chore. If they have to wash the dishes, do they also have to clean the kitchen? Does that mean they have to clear the dinner table, clean the counters and the stove, sweep the floor, etc.? Make a chart for every chore, every day of the week. Put it on the fridge, or somewhere obvious, and don't allow them to check it off as done until you have inspected the job. If they don't do the chore the way you want it to be done, take away the TV, or the XBox, or whatever they like best. It will take a little while, and a few battles, to get to the point where they do it automatically. But remember, the firmer you are, the faster they will get with the program.

As far as your son refusing your help with his homework, I think he's right. If he is having trouble with his homework, you should get him some help through the school, or through the YMCA, or through a church if you belong to one, or find a tutor or a tutoring program for an hour or two a day. I almost lost my mind trying to help with homework when my oldest boy was young. I did not understand his learning disabilities, and I was not helping him, and it was driving me nuts. The teacher, the special education department, and the tutors I eventually hired all told me to back off--- don't try to help with his homework. The minute I backed off, we were both able to relax again.

Flylady.com Try it....it is an amazing website that sends you tips, charts and encouragement for daily chores and family life.

Hey! Check out www.chorewars.com, it's a very creative and fun way to get kids to do chores. Easy modified for homework too! Good luck!

Greeting W.: I am the eldest of 10, the mother of 5 been a foster mother ans am a grandmother. Thats my experiance OH YAH one of my children has Aspberger's Syndrome, which is a form of Autism.
I lived by job/chore charts and now that I have been going through my files came across severa that we made over the years-- that my own children are wanting to use.
Feel free to contact me if you need more information from me; but I will give you a few of the success stories:
1. I took a board-- decorated it had slots by each topic and using popciclesticks made fancy tage with childrens names (since we never knew how long a foster child might be blessed to stay we roated chores each week. This gave the child tha couldn't do as much / or differently that learning experiance of trying a chore.
2 Parents are always the back up not the doer of jobs!! We met once a week to rotate jobs ans let the kids make trade offs--- say one hates putting the dishes away they traded with someone who had something they didin't like doing. This had to be without manipulation and force. All lerned respect for one another this way.
I once had a very large white board that gave chores and mystry rewards for doing things without being reminded and pain points (because it was painful to have to give them) for those that chose not to do their part-- this included doing 2 extra chores that I chose from the ugly jar. Oh yes the Ugly Jar.. I took a jar and cut up a teddy bear ( i am still called a bear killer by my children for this one) glued the head to the lid, arms and feet tothe jar and put in the jar all the things that needed done- everything from weeding to trash. Each week at family council remember only a 1/2 hour for this or it down grades real fast! they drew 2-3 depending on what it was and how many children we had at the time. The kids would have the week to do it. Because of our one child one of the chores was to help that child to do the same chores as the rest so he learned along the way. My children inform me they like the single job of helping their brother because it gave them arelationship with him & not go into thier own busy worlds and ignore him like they did everyone else (the funny part was they were still doing chores becasue they helped him.). So the 1st step is to write out what you want done- then make it cute or strange enough to make it standout and then assign one person you can even put the adults on there if it helps for the kids to see what you do. and then rotate it weekly. It will take some time to sink in but all of the kids get it.
I have one foster child thatcame back into my life and told me that she remembered the chore chart with fond feelings as she felt that she was contributing to the family and making us all stronger.---you won't get that until they are older I am sorry to say.
The big thing in our family was my husband as ateacher felt it wrong to pay the children to do things that were part of the family needs but we paid them when they did the extra stuff that needed done. We did find that if we paid allowances BIG REQUEST FROM THE KIDS-- we also charged them if they didn't do what they were supposed to and they had to work it off right then or pay us in cash. THAT REALLY WORKED!!! Parenthood is never dull and always an adventure. Good Luck & I will hope to learn how it turns out. Nana G

Chores:
We have a rule that the kids are responsible for their own stuff. Their dvds and games need to get put away nicely. If we have to remind them more than once, or they complain, I just tell them if they have too many toys/movies/games for them to handle we can just get rid of some and then there won't be so many to put away. They won't let that happen! = )
Also, I have some rules that combine two things, like if they waste food (take too much food and leave it on their plates, or spill a lot because they were rushing) then they have to do the dishes. This means either no waste (good), OR no dishes for mom to do (good). Mostly they eat carefully, and sometimes I get the dishes done.

Homework:
One of my kids has that homework anxiety. He is a sort of perfectionist sometimes, other times really sloppy. I think he wants to be able to do it without thinking at all. He seems to see homework as something that interferes with the rest of his life. He does get it done as soon as he gets home, which is good, but I have noticed that the reason he "doesn't get it" sometimes, is that he never reads the directions! He looks at a page for 3 seconds and if he doesn't instantly know what to do, then he says it "doesn't make sense" and he gets very angry.
Definitely stop yelling at him during his homework time---that will make a negative association about both you AND homework. I usually tell my son that if he takes time to figure it out and still doesn't get it, he should go the next day and just tell his teacher that she needs to explain it to him. If he won't tell the teacher, you can say you will email the teacher. This usually works with my son, either because he is too embarrassed for the teacher to think he can't or won't do it (so he tries again with better focus, or accepts help), or he will accept that maybe the teacher needs to explain better (meaning the problem is NOT that he is stupid). Either way, a positive approach in his mind.

I have no good suggestions for the chores, since I'm one of those moms who usually just ended up doing it myself rather than nag them all the time. They're still great kids though, even though they haven't had to do much around the house their whole lives.

On the subject of homework: my oldest was similar about his homework, and wouldn't let me help, and in hindsight (15 years later) my opinion is to just stay out of it. Don't help him unless he asks you to. If he wants to freak out and call himself stupid then let him. I'm sure you give him lots of compliments and kudos at other times, when appropriate, so he doesn't have some major self-esteem issues. You DON'T want homework to become a yelling match. Leave his homework to him -- you leave the room so you don't have to watch him and go do something else.

Hi W.,
I would try Accountable Kids. It is a wonderful tool to help kids with chores, stop entitlement issues and is totally customized. You can change it up when they get older. Check it out online accountablekids.com.

Best of luck!
A.

Years ago, I googled "chore charts" and I liked this site best: http://www.dltk-cards.com/chart/ It is great because you can customize it in so many ways (use one of their graphics or upload your own picture, decide how many chores to put on the chart, what colors, etc.)

I made one chart for each of my children with things like making their beds, clearing the table, vacuuming, watering the yard, folding laundry and more. My husband and I paid them 10 cents per box we checked off as completed. We did this instead of an allowance. If they checked of all their boxes, they could earn as much as $5.00/week. This became their allowance. We also posted a picture of something they wanted to buy with the price written down and a thermometer chart showing how much they had earned/saved.

This allowed them to be in charge of how quickly they were earning money for their desired item. Most of the time, they didn't complete the whole chart and only earned $1-2 per week. Other times, they were very motivated and wanted to earn money faster. It was good for them to be in control of the "effort leads to reward" cycle.

Have fun.

Hi!
I, too, am struggling with the chores... but my homework routine might help. Let me start out with saying that my daughter's school requires homework for all grades... just about 10 min/day or so, no more than that. Last year, with kindergarten, sometimes we did it all in one day, sometimes we did a worksheet a day. This year, it gets sent home on Monday and is due Friday with about 5-10 min worth of work/day. I or my husband always sit down with her because while she's smart and perfectly capable of doing it herself, she often forgets to read the directions and barrels on ahead... I actually now sit down with whatever article I want to read and get her started and then supervise while reading my article... that way, I'm not hovering over her, but sitting right next to her so when she needs help, or is ready to move on, I can quickly check and get her started on the next thing. Maybe it would help if you can do the same, you "do your homework", too... then you're right there for him to ask and you can see when he's getting frustrated with something and can offer your help. The other thing is talk to him when he's not doing homework and make sure he understands that part of learning is making mistakes and that you actually learn more from mistakes than perfect papers! Be patient, praise him for the stuff he does well more than you focus on the frustrations and mistakes. Have fun and make it into quality time!