Need Help with MY Reaction to My Son Not Sleeping

Sounds like a good time to transition him to his OWN bed. And have Daddy help.

Put up a gate on his room and put a mattress on the floor. That's his big boy bed! Have dad put him there. Lots of hugs and love. Books to read. Same stuffed animals he's used to, same pillow, blankets.

Let him be upset. He'll be okay. Let dad go in and comfort him. Don't give in and don't give up. He will fall asleep and you'll be there in the morning to greet him with hugs and praise and smiles. "You slept in your big boy bed? WOW! That's Awesome! Mommy is soooooo proud!"

It will likely get worse before it gets better. Stick with it. I bet it will take maybe 3 days before he isn't demanding you anymore. You say goodnight from the living room, dad puts him to bed, and he STAYS there. Don't go looking in his room and getting him riled up. Let dad take this on. It will be okay.

Best of luck!

We used Ferber, it worked for us.

There are sleep consultants/ night nurses who can come by and help you sleep train your child. They are expensive, but sleepless nights are far more costly.

Sounds like your kid has a number of sleep associations you need to curb including touching yourstomach, sleeping with you, and being put to bed by you etc.

Ferber allows you to curb them all at once, or seriatum. Your choice. We opted for all at once. Our child sleeps from 8pm - 7am, goes to bed willingly after one story, and can self soothe if he wakes in the middle of the night. He might wake early, and babble in his crib, but doesn't yell or scream.

I am going to suggest that you and the newborn take a long weekend away, or that you get your spouse, a friend, relative, neighbor, or sitter to watch both during the day while you bank up some sleep in the form of naps before you try to institute any new changes with your older one.

If you choose the former, someone else will be doing the sleep training, if you choose the latter, at least you'll have re-charged your batteries before you try to get your older one into a new routine.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

I'm so sorry. The first thing is that you need to get some sleep. You aren't going to be able to implement a good sleep training method until you've gotten some sleep so that you can think clearly.

Take the newborn and stay at your someone else's house for a night - a friend, your mom, your MIL. Someone who will help you take care of the baby and let you sleep when the baby sleeps for 24 hours. Your husband might not get any sleep for a night if your toddler acts up all night. But - it might also work out that if your son knows you aren't home, he'll figure out how to fall asleep without you. Either way, you need to get some sleep. Hopefully your husband and a friend will be willing to help you. (An alternative is to hire a babysitter to take your child somewhere for an entire day (like the zoo), so you can sleep while the baby sleeps all day. Not as good as getting sleep at night, but I'm sure you'll take anything at this point. DO NOT USE THIS TIME TO DO CHORES.)

Second, sleep training. You can try the cry-it-out method. Lots of kids have been through it and they are not permanently traumatized. If you can't do CIO, then take a look at this website for another way (this is what I used): http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

It is about night-weaning, but the sleep training method can work even if you are not also weaning at the same time.

I really hope you get some sleep soon - make it happen. Everything will seem so much more manageable with some sleep.

You need to listen.

Okay? If YOU don't get some deep sleep you are going to collapse and find yourself in the hospital drugged out of your mind so your body and get the rest it HAS TO HAVE.

Why aren't you getting help? Who is near you? Are you married? Isn't he partially responsible for these kids? Don't you have at least one friend? One that will come over and take the kids to their house for the night? One that will be patient with your son while he cries himself to sleep eventually?

Honey, you are putting yourself at risk and that's not okay. That's also not good parenting because when your are exhausted you cannot function at your best, not even half way good.

So find someone who cares enough about you as a person to help you by getting those kids out of your hair for at least one night so you can sleep.

you need a break. can dad watch the toddler and or baby so you can get a break? can grandma..? pay a sitter so you can sleep.

people get cranky when they don't sleep.

You poor thing. I think you need to take the baby and go somewhere for a few days. (A hotel, your mom's house, wherever!) Let your husband deal with your toddler, and during this time, your husband needs to get him on a sleep schedule (reference BabyWise, Ferber, whoever you want to use, it doesn't matter as long as you're consistent!). Your husband may opt for CIO, or some other method - who cares, because you'll be in a hotel SLEEPING. When you come home, your husband's goal should be for your son to be sleeping in his own bed, having started on some kind of nap/night time schedule. I have a feeling your son will cry and fuss a lot less if you're simply not there. Kids are funny that way - they will hold out for mommy if they can, but if you're not there, they're often more compliant. (The little stinkers! ;)

You are doing your best, but you're not getting the sleep you need to function and care for a newborn. Your son is old enough now that he doesn't NEED you in order to fall asleep, he WANTS you. Allow your husband to help you with this situation. The only way to break your toddler of this bad habit is to go cold turkey at this point, I think. You are at the point where you'll be a danger to all of you if you continue not to get any sleep! You need to take care of yourself first so you can then take care of your family.

Wow. This is pretty serious, mom. I have to agree with the moms who say to go all the way on this one, no matter how hard it is.

I would leave your son with your husband and go to your mom's for two weeks. It will be hard as heck on your husband, but you just gave birth, for heaven's sake. You WILL end up in the hospital if you don't get this fixed. Your husband needs to put his son in the floor on a small mattress beside the bed for the first week and not allow him to get in his bed at all. Hubby won't get much sleep, but he didn't just birth a baby. He needs to fight this battle for you.

The second week needs to be your son being in his own room. By the time you come back, he should be used to the room, even if he is still crying. And don't let him back in your room even to walk in for several months.

Please get help. You need it, really and truly.