Need Help with Daughter Who Is Developing Fears of Things

Updated on June 11, 2008
J.S. asks from Clayton, NC
9 answers

My daughter is developing what I feel are irrational fears, but I know they are very real to her. The first fear is of thunderstorms. She's nearly 6. She didn't use to have a fear of the noises (thunder, rain, etc) but now even if they mention a storm on TV, she starts to worry and ask questions that lead her down the panic road.

Her 2nd fear is of jumping into a pool. She can be jumping into the 1' end, and has an absolute body shivering, crying, I want my mommy type of hysterical cry. She's taken swimming lessons for 3 years, and has always been in a pool, but this year we're at a different pool. I love the instructor, as she is very patient, but even her patience is growing thing. I took my daughter to the pool today, and again she about went nuts when I told her to jump in (i was in the water ready to catch her). She finally jumped in, and nothing happened. I told her to get back out and do it again, and she flipped out again. Now, here's the unusual part. If she's in the pool and on a step, she can jump in just fine. I've even had her in the deep end and she'll jump into the pool if she's on the steps, and she has no problem. She swims pretty well doggie paddle style.

So, how do I deal with these fears? I know it won't be forever, but I want to help her thru this...

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So What Happened?

I was at the pool with her all weekend, and I realized she knew everything the teacher was teaching her, so it was not a fear of the activities in the water. I narrowed it down to her fear of jumping into deep water. So, for now, we're not jumping into deep water. Easy fix! She will jump into the 1' area...and I'm OK with her not jumping into the deep end :) That will come with time.

With regard to the storms, part of it is DH's issue. He's a weather freak, has weather station in our home (which buzzes and sends out alarms of bad weather everywhere) so I'm going to ask him to move it to his office so she doesn't hear it for now.

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A.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

My aunt came up with this solution for me!!! She made my child a magic pillow... My child had a night mare of spiders and omg was she freaked out about going to bed so my aunt made a pillow but filler it with plastic grocery bags... The magic pillow goes under her pillow at night and the soulnd of the magic pillow scares off everything from spiders..to you name it... But maybe make her 2 difrent magic pillows fill one with dries beans for when it storms.... And one with the plastic for other things ... And it does not have to be that big.. Good luck

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A.M.

answers from Nashville on

J.--Good morning! I don't know how to stop your daughter's fears but I do think she may be getting more exposure to events that could be fanning them than you realize. There has been a lot of news coverage on Tornados, hurricanes, tsunamis, etc. My guess would be that she is seeing these images (even if it is just in news breaks or commercials) and is being frightened by what she is seeing and hearing. If I were her age and heard about Tornados wiping out an entire town or that hundreds of people drowned in a flood of some sort I would start to worry that it could happen to me also. I would try talking to her about why the storms scare her, what does she think may happen? And then if you haven't--make a safety plan together---or go over the one you have and that may help her feel more comfortable with the storms. As far as the water issue, I again would ask what does she think will happen? If she is ok jumping off the stairs is there a reason she has to jump from the side or are you just trying to prove that it is ok? If it is not part of the lesson that she jumps from a particular spot I would just let her jump from were she is comfortable. As long as she learns what to do once she is in the water I think she should be ok ---and she may just grow out of this on her own as she starts to interact with other kids her age at the pool and they are jumping in and playing games.
If the fears start to get worse you can talk to your pediatrician and see if he/she can recommend a professional for your daughter to talk to.
Good luck

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C.D.

answers from Raleigh on

My daughter also panic when a storm comes or it starts to rain. She always think after the rain there comes a storm. She is 7 and just started having this fear for a year now. I think it is common. They are realizing the reality of how some storm can become dangerous.

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J.W.

answers from Lexington on

These are probably just normal childhood fears, but you might also want to consider getting her cortisol levels tested(morning, fasting). If normal, you may still want to get them re-checked every couple years.

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M.E.

answers from Lexington on

i think all kids go through little spurts like this. you know like the fear of the dark and monsters in the bed or in the closet type of thing. even though they seem irrational to you, they are very real to her. the only thing you can do is comfort her and reassure her that everything is ok. have you tried talking to her about these fears? has she seen something on tv or heard some one saying something that might have triggered the fear? just don't chastise her for her fears, but don't encourage it either. she'll grow out of it.

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L.G.

answers from Raleigh on

As a swimming teacher in Raleigh - see swimlessonsraleigh.com - I understand this and was also a scared child. I would say to focus on something else when the scared block comes up - ie, in the pool, start doing something else and basically ignore the fear - so many times it is their way of trying to control when they feel they are out of control - hope this helps!!
____@____.com
also mom of 3, teacher and life coach

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P.L.

answers from Greensboro on

Hi I'm a mom of four. (two @ age 18, 12 yr girl and 9 yr girl) I understand about the irrational fears. I occasionally go through this with the youngest one. With the thunderstorms, no matter how freaked out she gets, I stand with her by a window or outside (if not raining yet) to watch the storm roll in. I talk about how pretty it looks. But when the warnings come on tv she starts to panic again. I am constantly explaining to her how this happens all the time and nothing has happened to us yet. Try to let her see the beauty of it instead..
Next the swimming thing...I can only suggest that you let her know it's okay to use the steps. If she more comfortable with using them. I wouldn't make a big deal about her jumping in she may fear all the time then. I hated the water growing up and refused to go in. I didnt learn how to swim but a little bit when I was 18. The more anyone made a big deal about me and the water the more I feared it. So maybe if you say nothing and let her do her thing at her pace than things will be okay and less stressful for you at leisure time. Good Luck!

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E.M.

answers from Louisville on

i dont want to scare you but talk to your doctor it sounds like this could be the beginning of a panic/ anxiety disorder. i had "odd" fears growing up and no one thought much of it other than being kids stuff. but now im on disability b/c i cant drive or be in public places b/c of anxiety. talk to her and see what other things scare her then talk to her doctor. i wish they should have realized what was going on with me long ago we could have nipped it in the bud. good luck!

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H.P.

answers from Knoxville on

I also have a daughter with a big fear of storms and freaks out even with warnings on the news. Though we have not worked out a great way to deal with this, I will say that the advice about not worrying about it, she will grow out of it does NOT always work. She is now 11 and we are still dealing with it. We have not experienced any personal problems or losses with storms. I know getting upset with her will not work, so we just try to sooth her and watch the storms from the window, helping her see that we are all okay. Trust me, ignoring or downplaying the fear does not seem to be helping.

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