Need Help Trying to Divide My Time Between My Two Kids

Hi R.,

Maybe you can have your daughter participate more in the care of her baby brother so she doesn't feel excluded. She can be your little helper. She can bring the diapers & wipes. She can dispose of dirty diapers. She can help you pick out the baby's clothes. She can hand over the towel and whatever else you need during bath time. She can help you burp him by patting softly on his back. At bed time, you can read her a story and thank her for all her help during the day. Hopefully you can get some help pumping your milk so that she can participate in his feedings as well. I think she will enjoy taking on the big sister roll. This is just the beginning of the many things she'll be helping and teaching her baby brother.

Dear R.,

I was kinda in your situation. my kids are 21 months apart. But unlike you I had no one here with me. So when I nursed I would get a couple of kids books and put them by my chair and since the baby is still little enough you can have two kids sitting on your lap. I would read a book to my oldest and nurse my youngest. Sometimes he would go and play. Most of the time he was right next to me. We didn't have a tv for him to watch and I worked 40 hours a week since she was 2 weeks. so when I came home it was as if he hadn't seen me in a year. Sometimes he would get mad. But I would just tell him that mommy needs to help sissy and that he could help too. He would hold the burp rag for me and when I had to burp her he would help. I also let him help me with other things too. I would let him help with almost everything. Diaper changes he got to sprinkle a little powder at bath time he would talk to her and hold the bottle of soap. I would even have him help me rock her to bed and set the dinner table. but let me tell you that when she was a sleep and I was home I did spend time with him. i would get out a game or a coloring book. sometimes I would just sit and talk to him. That could also be why he talks like he is older than he is. There are ways of doing it and not having to give up nursing. I did supplement when she was about three months, so it won't hurt the baby, but it is up too you. Good Luck.
B.

Have you tried to cuddle with both while nursing? My daughter was born when my son was about 2 1/2 and I used to have my son come sit real close to me on the opposite side of the baby - away from the baby's head. I'd wrap my free arm around him and would pretty much talk to the both of them. In the beginning, my son would ask what I was doing to his sister and that would start a conversation. Kind of a bonding moment for all three of us. At times my son and I would snack on something together while my daughter was content nursing. Don't worry, you'll be amazed at what you can do while nursing.

What helps us is to have my husband bathe my son (who is the baby) and I will bathe our daughter. It gives my husband bonding time with our son and me bonding time with my daughter. Bath times are about 15 minutes and then I help my daughter get ready for bed while my husband gets our son ready. Once that is done, we all get on the couch, I nurse my son...my daughter cuddles between daddy and I and he reads everyone a bedtime story.

If my husband is not around, then I will allow my daughter to take her bath first and then help me bathe her brother. She loves shampooing his hair and baby-talking to him at bath time. It helps her to feel like she is still a part of the family...and not being replaced. We still all get on the couch for a bedtime story.

Hope that helps. I know it seems hard now, but everything is still new. Before long, your daughter will not be demanding so much attention from you while you're nursing.

Hang in there!

As far as nursing vs. formula goes, that is up to you. I understand that your husband is against formula, but he isn't the one having to breastfeed a child every 2 1/2 hrs.
My girls are 25 months apart (and I'm pregnant again, with these being 19 months apart). My daughter was really good about it, as long as she felt like she was involved. She would often sit on the rocker with me and watch her sister nurse.
I, too, felt like I would be taking too much time away from my daughter. But, since the baby was so young anyway, I'd usually just carry on conversations with my 2 yr old. She LOVED singing to the baby...but also loved singing her songs, that didn't involve the baby.
She'll learn to share, it's just tough b/c she's been the center of your lives. Also, as your son gets older, he'll be more fun for her.
Good luck!!

Hello R.!
My name is O. and am a mother of a 2 1/2 yearl old daughter. I go to school full time and am living with my fiance (her father). She is also very attached to me so I can understand the frustration you can sometimes be going through. Maybe your daughter feels she is not getting as much attention as she use to before her little brother was born. She is still very young and is at the age of attention and exploring. Maybe working full time right now is not the best time for your family since keeping a healthy family requirs lots of attention. This is only an opinion of mine. I love the fact you work at a daycare, how are you doing it full time? I've been looking for a part time job and wished I can work at my daughter's day care but I don't think they will let me. Anyhow,
talk it over with your husband and see how your financial situation is. I wish you the best.

Sincerely,
O.

p.s.
if you can give me advice about working at a dcc, I'd appreciat it.

My 2 daughters are 19 mo apart and it was hard at first. But I promise it does get better with time. I nursed both my girls for a year, which was daunting at times but I seemed to get through it. I bought my daughter a special toy that was only used during nursing. When that started to become old I bought her a special video or we would check out special videos from the library that were to be watched during nursing.

I promise it will get better soon, your son will start eating less and your daughter will be getting older and gaining insight into sharing mom with baby. My 19mo old so your 2 1/2 yr old will, just give it time!
Good Luck
K.

Hang in there. The first three months are the roughest, I found, but after that it becomes a whole lot easier. My son turned three only two months after my daughter was born, and he literally rejected me when I came home with the baby! It was a little bumpy those first few months, and it didn't help that I wasn't getting much sleep either. I did my best to involve my son in everyday stuff, and when my husband was home and I didn't need to be nursing I would pass my daughter off so I could spend snuggle time with my son. I never quite managed to have both in my lap at once while nursing (the boppy takes up a bit of room, and we had a lot of trouble getting the knack of nursing down with her). It did help that we were supplementing too, as I didn't quite make enough milk for my daughter, so occasionally my husband was giving her a bottle. He also had hit the stage where he liked helping around the house, and I made a point of trying to let him "help" more often with little things, letting him know how proud I am of him and what a good big brother he was to help me.

It seemed like the three-month mark heralds a whole lot - the baby becomes more interactive, with smiles and giggles - which helps the baby seem more interesting to the older child. It was also the point for me when breastfeeding seemed to get a little easier and my daughter needed a few less feedings and they didn't take as long. Until that point, I think my son mostly thought of my daughter as a little theif - stealing all my attention away!

The cool thing now - my daughter is almost a year old and my son is coming up on four - they now play together! My son will sit down and show her toys and books and talk to her the way I do when I show her things. He's becoming a little teacher and playmate to her and it's wonderful!!

I don't have two children, just one four-month old son...but I also am confused about why your husband would be 100% against the use of formula. Breast-feeding didn't work out for us...but that's a different story...so my son is 100% on formula since he was about 6 weeks old... Supplemental feeding with formula especially when you have a 3 year old daughter who also needs you, would be a great help to you. Maybe your husband could accompany you to the pediatrician's office and you could all discuss it together.

Does he spend time with your daughter? Or is she just totally attached to you?

Hi R.- I am a om of 4 and my youngest is 5 months and nursing only. My 3 year old has some jealousey but tells me and we talk about it. I have found that activities like a book on tape, a large picture book, crayons, play dough, etc. have been helpful. I set her up with her activity and explain "I need to feed your brother, you have your book and now its his turn" Kids this age understand turn taking and my daughter doesn't argue, she will sometimes come and sit with me and watch, but nursing only takes about 20 min. so she is usually fine with her book.
Good Luck with balancing (number3 will be easier because 1 and 2 can play together!!)
B.

I did not get to breast feed my oldest two sons, for different reasons but trying to divide time up between them is difficult. My oldest two are 14 months apart and then the next one came along 17 months later (so I for a couple of months I had 3 under 3) I tried to spend as much alone time with each of the boys as I could. I would take turns taking them to the store while dad stayed home with the other two, or just take a walk down the street to get out of the house. Like the others have said you would be suprised how much little ones understand. Getting her involved with the baby care helps too.

thats funny cuz my husband was against breastfeeding.. i think he thought it would take away from his time.. but he insisted it was because he wanted to give bottles too.. but thats another story.. my daughter was 2 1/2 when i brought home baby brother... and she went through the samething.. it was hard, but i included her in the daily activities with baby.. like every morning i would say.. "come on lets pick out what baby cody is going to wear today" and i would let her pick it out for him.. i would let her help me pick out the bottles for his formula (which is different because u breastfeed).. or when it was nap time, i let her pick out the blanket for him and she'd cover him up.. all this seemed to work, now they are best friends.. its hard to split up the time when u work full time and have 2 little ones wanting the full attentnion of Mommy.. have a mommy and daughter day if u can.. i use to just take her with me when i went to the store and then buy her somthing little just for being a good big sister.. shes now 6 and still has the ribbon that says.."im a big sister" hanging on her wall:-)

Hi there-

I too had a child one month ago and my 3 1/2 almost 4 year old is demonstrating that he needs his Mommie in many ways and it is my job to give him the reassurance that he needs so that he knows that he is important in our lives and so that he doesn't resent his sister. I hate to say it but you really need to have a talk with your husband. I am not sure why he would be 100% against the use of formula (especially if you would only be supplimenting)but your daughter needs you.

I hope that you and your husband can find a way to make it work out and that he can help either by seeing that you need this time with your daughter and/or making her his #1 priority while you nurse your son.

Good luck!

Time to dive right into teaching your daugther that she needs to share her mommy! My daughters are 21 months apart, now 1 year old and almost 3... my 3 year old still wants me when I'm paying attention to her sister... but I tell her that she needs to share mommy, and that she will get her turn next.

I think you'll be surprised how your oldest will understand. Be sure to thank her for her patience!! And sneak in those extra hugs and kisses when the baby is sleeping!

Jen~