Hello- I have a 5 year old and a 1 year old. Both girls. They are both co-sleepig with us in our king size bed. I am still nursing the 1 year old with plans to wean her real soon. The 5 year old has been sleeping in our bed since birth. We finally got her to sleep in a toddler bed next to our bed but really want to get her into her own bed/bedroom this week. My husband and I desperately need some adult time without kids. My husband is concerned that our 5 year old is going to get her feelings hurt being kicked out of our room when our 1 year old is still there. I just started today trying to get the 1 year old to take her naps in her crib. I got her to sleep in there but it only lasted 10 minutes. She does not take a bottle or a pacifier.
I know it is going to be hard to make this change for all of us (we really love sleeping with our kids) but I need to get some good sleep and spend some quality time with my husband. And I think we will all sleep better. I am not sure if the cry it out method is for me. We have watched Supernanny and respect her and will prob try her methods with both girls. We are both just anxious to get it all started. Any advice you can give on making this transition easier is appreciated!
Hello,
I highly recommend "Healthly Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weisbluth. He talks about all types of sleep issues with child and different methods of helping children sleep. Good Luck!
My one big suggestion is do this very gradually - take baby steps! One of you may need to sleep in your daughter's room with her at first and gradually move toward the door each night, then move to waiting until she is asleep and then leaving, then finally leaving before she is asleep. If she has been sleeping with you for five years this will be quite the transition. You may want to look at the Baby Whisperer books - she has all kinds of suggestions for this type of thing that are sensitive to the child, but respect both parent and child's needs at the same time. Good luck!
Well, you can get a room/bed set up for her.... let her choose the bedding she likes etc., making it special for her.
Take it in STEPS... she has to adjust. Don't just force her in it in one big swoop.
Or, you put her toddler bed farther away from your bed... not next to it. And she is 5, so you talk to her about it and make sure she knows it is not favoring one child over the other but the other kid is still a baby and nursing.... and it is Mommy's "job"....
I co-slept with my kids too. BUT, not in our own bed... it was on a floor futon in our room. Not next to our bed. It was on the other side of the room. They have their own rooms/beds, but sometimes they still sleep on the floor futon in our room... but not IN bed with us. It is fine for us. Me and Hubby make our own time together, when they are sleeping... else where in the house. Its fine for us.
Each kid will transition differently.... and per their age. I would not do it so suddenly... or she may feel in shock by it all or that she is no longer important. But, she is 5... and you can talk to her about it... letting her get used to the "idea".... and let her express herself too. Their hearts can be tender... and they have kid sized emotions... not adult capability.
You can get the 1 year old adjusted by putting her not in your bed... but on a floor mattress in your room... away from your bed. Nurse her there... then after just leave or go back to your bed. It is the "habit" you routinely do.... that is how I nursed my kids and co-slept with them... on a separate mattress. They were never IN "our" own bed.
It is the routine of it all.... making it comforting and respectful for the child... not just expecting them to "change" all of a sudden... but by increments. If you and your Husband can be patient about it...and transition the kids slowly.. and positively... that is the best.
They will NOT be with you forever in your bed. Don't worry. Kids do grow out of it.
My friend and her 2 kids (same age spacing as yours and same ages), were all sleeping together in their Calif King bed too... then, per her older child's cues... her daughter started to want to sleep in her own bed and have her own bed... she just matured, naturally. Her boy, then gradually intermittently would sleep in his own bed/room. But still sometimes with them... he was younger.
It will take patience... kids "transition" differently... but if you want it to be done with right away... then you have to swallow hard and just do it... separating them and making them go in their own bed or crib. And there will be angst about it, from the kids.
All the best,
Susan
Due to the fact that we moved a bit during my son's first year of life, he only slept in a crib as a small infant. We then co-slept as we were re-locating and staying in a hotel or sub-let for several months straight. He slept on a mattress in our room, then I transitioned him onto a twin mattress in his own room. I still snuggle to sleep with him, but he sleeps in his own bed and in his own room and has since he was 2. This might be a good situation for your 1 year old as well. Since the bed was big enough, I was able to nurse my son at night in HIS room on a bed that was comfortable for ME! I'm a slow transition person myself, and I like the idea of involving your daughters in the process of creating their room and making it theirs. Kids have very little control over their lives, so when they CAN control something like a change like this, it probably works better.
Hope that helps a little.
The 5 year old is old enough to sleep in her own room in her own bed. Make it special. Let her pick out the sheets and comforter. Make her help you set up her room. Make it a positive experience. Then, at bed time, there is no going back. Do the night time routine - stories, etc. Then -- Put her in her bed and shut the door.
The younger one - do it now while she's still little. She needs to learn to self comfort. The first night will be the worst, but it will get better.
YMMV
LBC
They make take to it better than you think. My middle child was in our bd for 3.5 years and when it was time to transition, we just told him he was a big boy and he needed to sleep in his own bed. Sometimes, he would come in at 3 or 4 in the am but that was not bad. He no longer does it. My youngest was the same, but since the 2 younger ones share a room, it was a little easier to make the transition. Once I weaned my youngest, he got kicked outta bed.
Talk to your daughter and tell her it is time for Mommy and Daddy to have some time to yourselves. Plan some type of reward if she stays in her bed for a certain amount of time. It may be a special breakfast cereal that you don't usually let her have, special time with the 2 of you. Just make sure she knows what is going on.
Good Luck.
Set a specific date, mark it on the calendar and start a countdown. Mention several times throughout the day "Only x amount of days until to you sleep in your BIG GIRL BED! In your OWN ROOM! Isn't that exciting!" Really hype it up! Get her all kinds of cool special things for her room. Let her pick out decorations, bedding, sleeping buddies, etc. And get her a special nightlight. The more you let her do, the more she'll feel like it's hers. And STAY POSITIVE! I know it's hard when you're apprehensive, but don't let her see it! I have no advice for the 1 year old. My dd is 9 months and is showing no signs of wanting to leave my bed.
I just want to recommend that you and your husband read Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I think it's a must read for any parent with two or more children. Don't get caught up in making everything equal. Each child is special and unique.
As far as co-sleeping goes: start with a bedtime routine that includes your daughter sleeping in her own room. If your tone of voice betrays any misgivings about her sleeping her own room she'll feel it. Just do it matter-of-factly. If you and your DH think it's going to be hard for her or hurt her feelings she'll totally pick up on that and it will be a self-fullfilling prophecy. Keep it positive. Good luck!
Good job co-sleeping. It does not have to be a huge battle at all. But you can't expect to resolve over night. Think a few weeks and you will not get frustrated. My oldest went to her own room when she was 3 and her brother was 1 and he stayed with us. We told her she was a big girl and we got her new bedding and a special stuffed toy and a radio. She was very confident and had no trouble with the transition (took about a week of me or hubby staying with her till she fell asleep after reading stories). My son was tougher. We moved him to his own room when he was 3 and his baby sister was 6 months. It took 3 weeks of us staying with him til he was asleep until he was able to fall asleep on his own. We did the new bedding and radio with him too. My youngest is now 3 and she is going to her own room soon this summer. Don't rush it and it will go fine.
It's going to be a HUGE battle so be prepared for resistance. Maybe you can get the girls to share a room so they don't feel alone.
