I have a 5 month old who for the most part has no problem going to bed- when I'm breastfeeding and putting her to bed myself. The whole process is normally 30 min or less... I'm getting ready to go back to work and I work nights which means my husband will be putting her to bed each night. Tonight when we tried to put her down with my husband the minute he got her in position to feed, even before he brought the bottle to her mouth she was in a full blown cry (minutes before she was totally content and smiling). We've tried two nights before with similar problems (but she didn't cry as instantly as she did tonight). So far the last few days we've tried to give her more bottles during the day (she does ok with them 50% of the time... sometimes she gets upset) and we will continue to (my husband gives them to her) and then hopefully she'll become more familiar with feeding time with dad and it won't be such an issue to get a bottle before going to bed. Has anyone else gone through this or does anyone have any suggestions? HELP! I'm already really dreading leaving my daughter and missing out on bed time (one of my favorite times), at least knowing she's ok with dad putting her to bed makes it easier. I know she'll eventually transition but in the mean time this is also really hard on my husband as well...
Thanks for all the advice, we ended up taking bits and pieces from several different responses. Tonight was the first night that dad successfully put her down! We tried a different bottle (born free) that also had a different nipple from before and I also left the house to run an errand, and made sure I said good bye to our daughter and give her tons of kisses so she knew I was leaving and then he had her asleep in about 20 min! She's getting better about bottles during the day, so slowly (fingers crossed) I think we've gotten over the worst of it.
Are you in the room/house when your husband is trying to give the bottle? If so, your mere presence may be causing her to reject the bottle. Try leaving during this time period.
My daughter was 19 months when I weaned. It was fine, no problems at all. Please don't let other people tell you how long to BF or when to wean. Listen to yourself and your child and trust your instincts. I was pressured into weaning at that time and regret it.
You are right, she will adjust eventually. My daughter NEVER took the bottle from anyone, when I was around. When I wasn't, she was just fine!
It will probably take a few nights, but just let your hubby figure our a good routine for himself.
I would always give my husband pointers that never worked for him - while a completely different thing would. Spending this time together alone will give then an opportunity to build an amazing relationship.
A little tip: sleep with a lovey or blanket of hers for a few nights, so it takes on your scent. If will be a source of comfort for her when you're gone.
Good luck!
My son was two when we stopped breastfeeding! You DO NOT want to wait that long!!!
I couldn't be there to listen to him cry! It is so much harder on mom, than dad. But you just have to keep in mind, she is fine. It will take some time, but she is perfectly OK. And after a week or two...bonding with daddy at bedtime is something she will be looking forward to.
Maybe in the meantime, you should BOTH put her to bed.
Thats how I had to do it with my kids.
If the baby knows you are there, but daddy is doing most of the work, it seems to be easier on the baby.
I never thought my son would let dad do ANY of the work. It took some time, but he knew I was there...and it seemed to relax him. Which in turn, didn't make him cry, and I wouldn't cry!!!
I know this transition can be so hard... things we tried. feeding skin to skin - my husband would take his shirt off and that closeness seemed to help. Me being out of the house - they can sense you are around. Holding one of your shirts while he feeds the bottle so she can smell you. Just keep at it - she will transition although it is so hard to go through it will pass in probably a week - maybe 2. Hang in there!
My daughter is also 5 months old....I wasn't able to breastfeed, but I have the same problem with daddy not being able to put my little one to bed. One thing he has had some success with is laying her on his lap on the couch with the tv on and giving her her bottle then switching to the Binky when it's all gone.
Since you said that she only takes a bottle about half the time, you may need to try a different bottle, or you may need to try a different type of nipple. Mine will only take latex nipples, she absolutely hates silicone of any kind. We use the Playtex drop-ins because they seem to cause the least amount of air since you can squeeze it out of the bag. She also will only take the latex pacifiers too. She spits all of the other ones out.
I hope this helps some and gives you different ideas...I agree that you should either leave or stay out of the room. My daughter knows that if I'm not in the room then she has to let daddy take care of her and she acts completely different with him than she does when I'm around. But there are many times when I have to step in as my husband has a short attention span so about 2 hours is all the longer he can go unless she's sleeping at night.
I wish you luck!
I would advise your husband to find a different bedtime routine. Sometimes trying to "mimic" the act of breastfeeding by bottlefeeding will just make baby mad and remind her of what she's missing. Does she happily take bottles at other times? Try to do the bottle 20 minutes earlier so baby has a happy-full belly, then find another way to put her to sleep. Swaddle her and hold her in arms, then walk the hallway. Snuggle her high on the chest and bounce back and forth. Something that won't remind her of the breastfeeding she's missing out on. If sucking is a necessary part of the routine, she might need daddy's finger or a pacifier to take your place when you can't be there. (Or you could try reading the "No Cry Sleep Solution" book to get rid of that suck-to-sleep association.)
My husband often did bedtimes at that age even when I was home, mostly because babe was stretching out bedtime by nursing longer and longer, and getting crankier and crankier. Our son loved to snuggle his head under my husband's chin, and they would walk the house while papa rubbed or patted his back. He'd be out in 10 minutes.
Oh, and in regards to what another poster said below about not wanting to nurse for long ... my son nursed for 30 months. I wouldn't have traded those bedtime snugglings w/ my 2 year old for anything in the world. To each their own, eh?
Make sure she can not see you when dad is putting her to bed, and if she cries do not give in and give her the breast, or she will learn that if she just cries long enough or loud enough she will get what she wants. It may take a few nights, but she will learn.
