Need Help on How to Get a Husband to Help!

When women walk into a room, they see the entirety: the furniture, the drapes, the carpet, the everything. When men walk into a room, they only see the thing that they 'need'. They won't see that there is a stain on the carpet, or the glasses left on a table, because they're not looking for it. If that makes sense.

What you need to do is ask for help. Seems dumb and overly simple, but it works. "Honey, I'm tired, I need you to do the dishes before I start making dinner at 5pm." "Honey, I can't bend at the middle anymore, can you scrub the tub before we give little one a bath tonight?" You can try talking it out or writing down a chore chart or other things, but after being married 18 years to a guy that would sit in front of his computer 24/7 if I let him, the most effective thing has been direct asking with a timeline. Not nagging, not whining, not pretty please, just I need you to do XYZ by a specific time.

My DH has finally gotten to the point where now he expects to be asked to do certain things and has started to do them before being asked. It takes a while and it took a lot of discussion to realize, men just don't see things the same way women do, and sometimes just need to be taught.

Good Luck!

You could try dividing up the housework. When my daughter was born my sister made me a list so that each night something got completed. E.G. Mon-dust, Tues-laundry, Wed-vacuum, etc. It was really nice because that way when Sat came around we didn't feel like we were wasting the whole day cleaning. Then may be you could split that list up and have your husband in charge of vacuuming, dusting and folding laundry. I think if he has a night and a job he is more apt to help. We also split the kitchen; whoever cooks, the other does the dishes (I basically always cook, so he for the most part, does the dishes) Sit down with him and ask him what chores he wants when you make the list. Good Luck.

Sit down with him when you are both calm and not feeling defensive. Then tell him how you feel, listen to how he feels, and be open and honest and really listen to each other. Then, designate some tasks that are yours and his, that you can both agree on. My husband takes out the trash and unloads the dishwasher. Tell him he needs to take care of his own things and help pick up after your kids. He should have at least one day a week where he cooks dinner, too. My husband still isn't the greatest at helping out either, but it's getting better. I make sure I tell him, calmly and politely, that I'm frustrated and can't keep up by myself. And when he complains or can't find something, I tell him he is capable of doing something about it himself and that I don't keep track of his things. That's how I do it anyway. Sometimes they have no idea how you feel because we women tend to hold it in and stew about it internally.