Need Help Keeping My Son in His Room When Its Bedtime

Try adding some festive lights in his room with the understanding that they do not stay in the room with him unless he follows the rules. We use Christmas lights. Also try laying down with him til he is relaxed and ready to sleep. Good luck!

EDITED TO ADD-----C.- It is going to take a few days to a few weeks of focused persistence on your part to see results. We also gated our son in at times when he continually came out. He realized that if he stayed in his room, we would not gate him... but as soon as he tried to leave- we put the gate up. No warnings. That was the deal.

Set the boundary and stick with it. Great article a mom wrote awhile back...
http://www.users.qwest.net/~fsdebra1/dmfences.html

Take out the tv.
Same bedtime ritual... or make one up.. bath, dressed, teeth, stories, songs. You can even turn the lights out during songs.. kisses- goodnight- done.
Kiddo gets up and runs out...
Bring him back in, place in bed and say "night night time"
Kiddo gets up and comes out...
Bring him back in, place down on bed-say "goodnight."
Third time.. kiddo gets up (and every other time after that even if it is the 100th)
Put him back into bed, no eye contact, no talking, no nothing. Just physically place the body in the bed... leave.
Repeat... do not deviate. Every night therafter it will get better. Be consistent.

I agree that the tv should probably go, but I wouldn't lie down with him unless this is something you intend to continue for a long time. Children use cues to fall asleep and if you give them something the first time, they will look for it when they wake in the middle of the night. So if he wakes in the middle of the night and you are not there, he's going to come looking for you.

Try coming up with a bedtime routine and explaining it to your son. We're going to brush our teeth, read 2 and then go to bed. Follow the same steps every night. When he comes out of his bed, remind him it's bed time and put him back. The second time, say it's bedtime and put him back. After that, just put him back each time he comes out. Don't get upset or show your frustration. Don't talk to him or give in to his demands. It will be a tough first night, but the next nights will be easier then you think. We did this with our 2 year old after bedtime was dragging on for hours. The first night he was very resistant and was up for 20 minutes. Now bedtime is a dream. And we do the same thing every single night. Here's our routine.
Potty
Teeth
PJs
2 books
2 songs
bed

Once you have a bedtime routine, keep it up with both of the younger children. Good luck with everything.

K.

I actually double baby gated my son's room. One on top of the other. After about a day or two he realized he had to stay in bed.

Hi C.,
I have a 3 year old also -- We also have a tv in my son's room and we were letting him watch a movie at bed time but, he wouldn't fall asleep nor would he stay in bed. The bright colors and loud noises kept him up and stimulated him. Our son loves golf -- we put on the golf channel and put the tv on mute.

We also --would tell him that when its dark out side it is time for bed -- all kids go to bed when its dark. We must of told him it a million times and made him repeat it back to us. Now we just say what is it outside? he'll say its dark time for bed.
We started quite time in the evening at 7:30. He is ready for bed (including snack)teeth brushed and at 7:30 he is allowed to lay on the couch with a book for one half hour and that is it -- absolutly no getting off the couch at all except to go potty. If he gets off the couch he goes straight to bed. No TV during this time -- dim the lights and make it peaceful for him explain that once in bed he needs to stay. Because it is dark and all kids go to bed. We tell him that he is the last kid up and he needs to hurry to bed to catch up to all the other kids.
Our son would get up still and the rule was he could get up but had to lay on the couch max 15 mins -- if he got up or wanted to play -- he went right back to bed and wasn't aloud to lay on the couch. And on the way back to bed we talked about how it was dark outside and it was time for bed.
It really helped with our son! once in a while we will hear him playing but, he just let him go if he is being quiet. The other big thing that helped was we cut back on the naps -- my son turned 3 in August so -- he is not napping at all now. That has made a huge difference and the other thing we have done was cut out all the junk food especially after 3:00pm -- limited amount of sugar to no sugar and no caffine. for a snack he might get milk and some crackers or one cookie.
Good luck.

Have you tried to stay in with him till he falls asleep? If you do the 1 foot trick he may be back to normal in no time! Try sitting next to the bed until he is asleep then the next a foot away and further and further until he is comfy without you. I have never tried this but I hear it works.

Take the tv out of his room. He doesn't need it, it's bad developmentally, and it will give him extremely unhealthy sleep habits.

His room should be a quiet peaceful place for sleeping. Make sure it's organized and put away before bed.

Engage him in 'bedtime rituals'. Use the potty, brush teeth, wash face and hands. Pick out jammies, read a story, cuddlde for a little while, and then lie down in bed with the lights out and no tv. Tv is a stimulus.

Try lying down with him to help him fall asleep, too :)

Using these techniques, we had our son sleeping in his own twin bed at 26 months.

Maybe try a more rigid bedtime routine (bath, read books and then sleep). I find that this really helps my two year old expect bed time and start to wind down. By the time we are on the third book, he is ready. I stay in the room until he is asleep (about 10 minutes from when he puts his head down). He may be seeking time with you. You can use the bedtime routine to really connect so he is comfortable with going to sleep. I hope this helps...

This probably is not the best idea but it worked with my daughter...I would lie down with her for 15 minutes on her twin bed. It was relaxing for me too to just sit in thh dark and unwind..

I agree with putting him back in bed every time he gets up but I also am wondering if maybe you have a special bed time routine??? Is there a transition or change going on in your life or home?

My daughter is just 19 months -- and I am sure we will struggle with this when she graduates to a big bed too!

What if the movie became a reward? For instance, if on Monday night he stays in his room, then on Tuesday night he gets to watch a movie before bed. But if he doesn't stay in his room then no movie.

He may be too young to understand that and have the reward 24 hours later. But a thought.

Have you tried any rewards yet?

C. L:

I have a son, 5 years, and a daughter, 3 years. My son has never been a good sleeper. At some point during the night he always woke up and walked over to our room. And it can very tiring to get up everytime to walk him back to their room. A few months ago, my husband came up with the idea about having the 2 kids share a room. Since then they have not gotten up or resisted going to sleep. At the beginning it was difficult b/c they kept talking to each other. But now bedtime is easy. I think my son just really wanted companionship and now he has his sister. They do sleep in different beds in the same room. I am not sure if your 1 year old is ready to share a room with your son or not, but it definetely was the answer to our problems. Before that we tried everything to get my son to fall asleep in his own room and stay asleep in his own room. We rewarded him if he stayed in his room, we punished him for not staying in his room. I went to bed with him but as soon as he realized I was out of his bed, he would walk over. Coincidentally, I have a friend who lives in another state who also has 2 kids, each a few months younger than mine. Her kids have also opted to share a room eventhough they also have their own rooms. Also it may help your son fall asleep if he was tired. Does he nap during the day? Good luck. I feel your pain-been there.

C. P

i know youre not going to want to hear this, but, get rid of the TV. You already know its a bad idea, and I am telling you, its whats keeping him up. My oldest (5) had one in her room from age 2 1/2 to about 3 1/2/ It was great to be able to kiss her goodnight with a movie, but she would wake up in the night amped up not able to sleep! I was exhausted and pregnant and thats when we said out to the TV. Kids imaginations are on overdrive, and all the colors and noise and action of the TV is to much for their little brains before bed. Try this, and it guaranteed to work!

1. No juice/ sugar after 6 pm (for all your kids)
2. 1/2 hr before bed (730?) everyone climb into his bed or moms bed.
3. Have them each pick out a book as well as mom and read to them.

Explain that you have 4 books and when you are done its lights out and night night. The 1 year old will enjoy it, although he may get up a million times, just keep reading. If dad is home have him watch the babies sometimes so it can be the 2 of you. Part of it may also be he needs that down time with you, you have 2 other babies! I know my 5 year old gets pushed to the side too much , I can only imagine how it is with another one. We dont mean to do it, were just trying to get the job done. Remember that although hes older and can seem to do things fine on his own, he stills needs a schedule and this family time before bed (dad can join too, thats even better) is probably just what he needs. It will benefit everyone. Good luck, and chuck the tv!

Unfortunately, the only way to break this habit is to keep bringing him back to his bed and not allowing him into your bed (as hard as that is!). You need to tell him it's important for him to get a good night's sleep otherwise he and mom will be very grumpy the next day. Ask him what he needs to stay in his bed until the sun comes up? Maybe he'd like a tent on his bed? Maybe he needs a big stuffed animal to sleep with? Maybe a book to look at when he wakes up to help him go back to sleep?

Hi C.,

Why don't you try lying down with him until he falls asleep? I would be surprised if any child that age would feel totally comfortable falling asleep on their own. I have a two year old as well. I lie in bed with him and tell him a story or sing a song until he's asleep, and then I'll get up (unless I fall asleep too, which happens sometimes!)

I know it's more complicated for you since you have two others, but maybe your partner could watch them while you put your son to bed. Or your partner could lie down with your son. Or you could all lie down together in a bigger bed and everyone could fall asleep together.

Best of luck,

M.