Need Help I Had a Second Child 10 Months Ago and My 2 1/2 Year Old Is Acting Out

So, some of her behaviors sound like typical 2 1/2 year old behavior. Is she only acting out when adult attention is directed toward the baby? If so then I would agree that she's "jealous" at that moment and wants your attention. I too have a son that'll be 3 in June and a baby boy that is 8 1/2 months old so the age difference isn't too different than with your girls. My older son acts up more say when i'm nursing or changing a diaper by throwing toys, "clearing the table", tipping toys over, etc. He's not angry, just excited and trying to get my attention. I don't accept it. I make him put things back the way they were. If he does it again I put it out of reach/out of sight right then as a natural consequence. A short time-out has also worked as a means to teach him to calm down. He has to sit on the couch or dining room chair where he can't reach anything but I stay within view to help him calm down. When he's calm, he can get up. I also verbally acknowledge how he feels so he knows I understand his emotions. Something like, "You want momma to play with you. (name) is upset. Baby's hungry/poopy, etc. Let mommma finish then we can play." I also ask what he wants and give a few choices so he has a sense of control over the situation. As for naptime. Yes we really struggled when the baby was first born. for a while when it was just me at home i had to take them both for a car ride. now he's back into his naptime routine and i can read to him while baby is playing or already napping himself, then my older one goes down. I try to maintain my composure so my older one feels secure and safe with me. When I can't do this (LOL), I tell him "momma's frustrated/upset/sad, etc. Momma needs a time out" then I take a short break and come back to the situation and that helps all of us feel better and his behavior improve too. I hope this helps. I'm not a stay at home mom so I give you lots of credit!!!

Make sure everyone pays attention to your 2 1/2 old. She has gone from the center of attention to the older sister. I would also remind her of when she made the accomplishments that your 10 mo is at the same time. I used to say, "You started walking when you were 11 months old and everyone was so excited." Tell her stories of what it was like when she reached all of the milestones that your younger one is encountering. I would also allow your older daughter to help you as much as possible. This way she feels as though she is participating in the care of her little sister and she is a wonderful big sister. It takes a while for everyone to adjust to their new roles. I know it is difficult for you as well. Keep your head up and remind your daughter what a good big sister she is and how much you love her.

I had similar issues, my daughters are 5 years apart and I do remember my oldest glaring from across the room at the baby and asking why she needed so much attention. I hear two different issuues here. One is the jealousy of your oldest daughter, which is common. How you deal with the jealousy is very important; however, the other issue is her feeling that having these tantrums is the way to act out how she feels.
One on one time is great and necessary, but try to keep her included as you care for your infant. Have her help and encourage her to be the "big girl". Tell her how she was once a little baby, but now she is a great helper and her sister is going to look up to her and need her help. When she haves her tantrums don't tune them out, deal with them head on. Look her in the eyes and tell her that it is unacceptable behavior and will not be tolerated. Remember to not show her fear, show her that you are in control. Reinforce by telling her how you do indeed love her but there are ways to express oneself and hitting, yelling, and kicking is not the way. If you are firm and follow through with some of the other suggestions mentioned as consequences, she will eventually see that your mean business. My daughter did not throw tantrums for long, and I hope your situation improves as well. Hang in there. This too shall pass. Take care.

I have a 4, 2, and 2month old. My 2 yearold started to act out after the baby was born. I realized that most of the time she just wanted to "help" me. So I would have her get things for me...diapers, burp clothes, socks.
I don't know if you ever watch Supper Nanny but I swear b her time out technique.
*Consistent location (ours is the bottom step to the upstairs)
*1 min per year (a 3 yr old would get 3 min)
*understand why they were in timeout and appologize with a hug.
*It is also very importanat not to engage them while in the time out. (my 4 yearold will roll around on the step tring to get my attention but I ignore her...if she gets off the step i simply take her by the hand and lead her back without talking to her.)
Good luck! These are hard years but I know that we will look back on them with fondness!
K.

Does your oldest child have alot of playdates or attend preschool or anything where she interacts with other children?

I'm just asking because I run a small daycare/preschool in my home and when I have children that haven't had much expericence with other children they demonstrate alot of these behaviors.

They do go away once the child learns how to deal with other children and sharing etc.