I need to hear from moms whose kids are close in age, like 2 years or less. My son and daughter are about 20 months apart. My husband and I wanted to have our kids close together and I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I am going insane. My daughter is 3 1/2 and the easiest child I have ever known, although she has her days. My son will be 2 on Oct 24 and since birth has been very high maintenance, but such a sweetheart and so loving. Everyday it is the same thing. My kids fighting over toys, my daughter screaming because my son is taking her doll house stuff or whatever toy she is playing with, my son biting, pinching, pulling her hair because he wants what she has. Fighting over taking turns and sharing. I am embarrassed to play outside with them because my son is always screaming and crying and the neighbors, I'm sure, are sick of hearing it. Most of the time, my daughter is great at sharing and playing by herself and it is my son who just walks over and snatches whatever she has. I have been working with my son about sharing and turn taking, which is not easy. While my son is waiting to take his turn, I have to physically hold him so that he won't run after my daughter to take the toy or to pull her hair. I've tried distracting him but it doesn't work. My daughter has her moments too. I know that this is all part of their age and sibling stuff, but lately, I can't do it anymore. So anyway, sorry for the long rant, what are things like in your house and how do you handle these disputes. Thanks for any advice!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! It was so great to hear that other moms are dealing with the same stuff and that my kids are doing what they are supposed to be doing! It was just what I needed. As one mom suggested, my daughter actually does go to preschool two days a week for two hours so it is nice to have that time to spend with my son and time with just one child. I will definitely try all the strategies suggested. Thank you again!
Mine are 17 months apart. We went through a stage where we bought 2 of everything. They are 3.5 and 5 now, and it does get better. I agree with the others, try to do separate activities when possible. Compliment them when they are playing nicely, and take mommy time outs when you need them.
My children are the same age apart as yours, I'm pretty lucky they don't fight very often. They need distance, separation, one on one time alone with parents. If there is a specific toy they both love.. get two of them. Not all, but like my boys love their bears and their cars so they each have their own.
What they really need is some good structured play, seperation and discipline. For instance, right now it's block building time. Now it is play dough time. Now it's doll house time for sister and puppet/reading time for brother. Hard I know when so close in age but you can do it!
He is still young, hard for him to understand sharing, but keep it up. Keep distracting him. If you have to put him in quiet time in his room for a few minutes, or her in her room for her dollhouse, then do it. Catch him BEFORE he has the chance to make his way over to sister's toys and take them away.
Dr. Sears has excellent discipline advice for you. Be sure to also click on the "bothersome behaviors" and "sibling rivalry" link, it talks about biting/hitting and all that:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior
Mine are 2 years apart to the day...they even have the same birthday! Frankly, you are just going through the age. Mine were like that and sometimes still are. They are 3 and 5 now. They still squabble. When they were younger, I was just really selective about what we took them out to do. I definitely didn't take them both out alone. They are now getting to the point that we can take them out...
Mine are 10 mos apart. 4 and 5. The best thing you can do is seperate them. I make one go to one room to play and the other go to another. Put my girl at the table coloring and my boy in his room playing matchbox cars. It calms things down long enough to regain some sanity. PLUS they hate it! lol As much as they fight, 10 minutes later they tell me they miss each other and promise not to fight because they're best buddies! If they fight over a toy, I encourage them to try and trade. I try to give them life skills to work it out. If he wants something she has, I ask him to go find something she might want and try to trade. If there is no trade arrangement reached, they each get an alottment of time. He can have it 30 minutes, then she gets it 30 minutes.
My sons are 13 months apart and we went through what you are going through. It is tough, but it gets easier. My boys are age 16 and 17 now and they are really, really close. You can try to do separate activities, but that's not always feasable. I found it just takes what you are doing which is constant interference and redirecting. I've been there with the screaming and embarrassment too! It does take a lot of work, but you are not alone and it will get better. Hang in there M.!
I have 19 months apart, 22 months apart, and when next baby arrives 15 months apart (aghhh!). It sounds so normal...the things they do, as well as the way it feels as a parent at times! I find that when it's getting especially bad, it's time for me to sit in the play room with them and run interference with the baby. Yours just turned two, he's still very young and has no real concept of sharing. Teaching him is great, but you'll need to be there often to help make sure your daughter isn't overran by her L. brother.
I'm on baby #5, and with so many kids (four of them being born in five years) I've had to stop having as much "me" time during the day. I spend a lot of it making sure I monitor the kids since they are still so L. and need my interventions more. It really does help. It's not easy, but it DOES pass...I think.
Sounds like you need a break! Could you send your daughter to pre-school another day or two a week? Or find a place for your son to go a day or two? If you live in the East End, there is a wonderful Parent's Morning Out program at Second United Presbyterian Church in Wilkinsburg. It is 9-12 M-F for $20/kid (I think $15 for the second kid). They are wonderful. A L. time to yourself makes a big difference in your ability to cope.
The other thing I think really helps is to make sure they are getting tons of physical activity. Hard to fight when you don't have the energy! So, forget the neighbors, and get those kids outside! Good luck-- this WILL pass!
Our kids are 17 months apart. Our son is 3.5 years (4 in January) and our daughter is 2 years (2.5 in January.)
It is nothing but pure chaos. Our son started part time pre-school last week, so I finally have quality time with our daughter for 3 hours in the morning. Honestly, I can't take them to the grocery or park by myself. You shouldn't feel bad, I think it is just the age of the kids right now. As our son gets closer to being 4 he is starting to tantrum less and listen and help more. They have both always stayed home with me, and sending our son to pre-school was the best thing for him. He needed his "alone" time.
Things are different in our house since he went to pre-school last week. We are still trying to find a schedule. But right now it is something like this. He wakes up at 7, there is no tv or playing in the mornings because we have to be out the door by 8. I clean house when L. sister and I get back home or do errands. I pick him up at 11:30, he and his sister watch tv while I cook lunch, then it is right off to naps for both of them. One always wakes up before the other, on any given day it is a toss up of who it will be. So which ever one wakes up, we get some quality play time in before the other gets up. If our son wakes up, he can do fun things that he can't do when L. sister is around like painting, play-doh, crafts, or we will work on his writing and spelling in his work books. When the other one wakes up I usually let them sit on the couch and watch some tv while they wake up and I pick up toys or do dishes or something. We haven't been able to go outside due to the Missouri heat, but that will be changing soon. In the summer we would go swimming after naps, either in the back yard or the public pool, soon we will be playing in the back yard after naps but it probably won't be every day because I am 7 months pregnant and can't chase them easily or carry them anymore. Dad works nights, and is usually awake around dinner time, so he is usually the one to cook dinner (I am so lucky my husband loves to cook.) He will play with the kids, or give them baths while I clean up the kitchen. After baths they usually destroy the living room by getting all of their toys out, I clean it up when they are both in bed.
The kids do fight, I understand what you mean when you say you can't do it anymore. I was to that point and then pre-school started. It gave me the break I needed to be the Mom I knew I could be and used to be. Have you thought about putting your daughter into pre-school?
#1 and #2 are just under 13 mos apart and #2 and #3 are 21 months apart. The first two were/are the hardest (they are now 4.5 & 5.5). They fight constantly- physically and verbally. Throw #3 in there, and its a fighting mess. BUT, they do LOVE each other! Just when I think I can't handle it anymore, they will turn around and hug each other and tell each other how much they love one another. The first couple of years were really difficult and I have also been embarassed by my kids' behavior on more than one occasion. But, it does get easier. I don't really have any advice other than keep doing what you're doing and it will get better as they get older. Btw, I wouldn't change a thing, except that I kind of wish I would have had another right after I had my 3rd (I have a stepson with us half the time too, but he is 3.5 years older than my oldest).
