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I dont even know where to start with this issue ....
My DS has never been a good sleeper. ever. At 16 mo, I threw in the towel on all the other methods I'd been trying and decided for the sake of my sanity and my marriage (i was getting really bitter about it) and decided to start CIO with him. With his type of personality, we knew right off the bat, that we just needed to leave him in his crib and let him do his thing- popping in and out of the room would just make it worse. It worked well enough, he cried at the most about 25 minutes on day one and from then on, at least he learned to put himself to sleep. HOWEVER- even when we were at the best, he would still protest every single night even though our routine never changed. It was acceptable though, it was eventually to the point that he just complained about going to bed, but was ok when we would leave him.
but then... When he turned 2, we transitioned into a big boy bed.( We have another one on the way, and needed to use his crib eventually, and didnt want to be kicking him out of it once the baby was here. ) At first everything went swimmingly. He took to the bed wonderfully, loved it. We stopped leaving him alone, thinking he would be scared due to the transition, & the plan was we would sit in the rocking chair until he fell asleep, until he got used to the idea, and then start leaving earlier and earlier until someday, we'd just leave him after tucking him in and all would be well........ yeah that seems like its never going to happen.we've had several setbacks, everything from an ear infection, several colds and fevers, going to my parents house for a few days, getting his last molars.. etc etc. problem is, things now seem to be worse than ever, and I have no idea how to make it better.
Right now, my husband has bedtime duty. Even if my DH sits with him for 45 min to an hour some nights, he doesnt always fall asleep. Then when my DH goes to leave- he has decided that my reasons for him sitting with DS are dumb since we seem to be getting nowhere in terms of DS "getting used to" anything, so he is all for CIO and just leaving him frmo the get go, but has compromised and will leave after enough time has passed to fufill what he thinks is long enough- the wailing and crying begins... but its like a full temper tantrum every night. We thought at first he was scared of the dark (maybe) but we bought him a twilight turtle, and have a nightlight in his room, but that doesnt seem to be the issue. We tried leaving the door open (our bedrooms are on the second floor, but we apparently have a custom sized staircase and no gate fits, so we dont want him wandering out at night when he might fall down the stairs) and having my DH sit in the hallway where our computer is, so DS could feel reassured but DH could get stuff done, but we soon found DS just jumping on the bed (after 30 min of having been left alone). We are now to the point where DH will sit w/ DS for 15- 20 then leave, knowing DS will still be awake but knowing theres nothing we can do about it. And instead of the angry thrashing (we have a video monitor, we can see he is just pitching an angry fit) lesseing over time, it seems to remain the same. this past week, he has taken to getting out of bed, and crawling underneath it in the crawlspace, and just hanging out there for a while... we thought to just let him if it made him feel better, but then he feel asleep there once after like an hour, and its so tight that if he shifted at night he would hit his head and probably freak out, so now we make him get back in bed, and the angry fit starts all over again. We have seriously considered maybe bringing him into our bed, but right now it doesnt seem like a viable option. I am 35 wks pregnant, and even when not pregnant, a very light sleeper myself, and DS is the SHIFTIEST sleeper ever. We have shared a bed whenever we are on vacation, and those have been the worst night's sleeps ever. I also know we will be co sleeping when the new baby comes, and with my DS1's personality, i know if we kicked him out of our bed in a few weeks, there would be hell to pay.
On top of it, it seems he is still teething with those !)*!@ molars. For the last 2 nights, hes woken up every 2 hours. We tried going into his rooms, and sitting with him until he feel asleep, worked fine the first night, but last night, at 4 am, my DH sat with him for 1.5 hrs, and he was still wide awake.....
SO.... I have consulted the No Cry Sleep Solution for toddlers, nothing seems to apply to our situation.....
IS THIS NORMAL!? Shouldnt he be used to this by now? is there another option i can try, or should I keep trying the CIO, since at 28 months, he is old enough to be going to be alone, since he USED To do it just fine? nothing else in our living situation has changed, and we know he doesnt miss his crib or anything like that, it just seems like maybe a power struggle?!? i dont know but my DH is at his wit's end, and keeps asking if there isnt SOMETHING we can do to make this easier...
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M. one thing i have learned in my brief stint in motherhood (mine is 4) is that we are NEVER done when we think we are. so many times i have had to revisit old "lessons". sleep habits (mine got hand, foot and mouth disease, didn't eat for almost a week, and slept for two weeks in our bed - had a HUGE problem fixing that one!) potty training (regression due to moving), discipline (growth spurts? attitude problems!), everything. just when i think he has it down and we get in a nice comfortable place, *bam!" he seems to forget something competely. and we have to start over. it never ceases to surprise me. i think we get comfortable and assume that as rational human beings, they know this so what's the problem? only problem is they aren't rational human beings! they are still SO little! i say bite the bullet and go back to square 1. assume he remembers nothing. and get ready for a fight. sorry! i don't have any other advice....!
Well, let me first say that you are not alone on this... my son did not sleep well for 3 years... we were up late, then up and down all night. He would either be so sleepy and fight it or be wild and hyper? I had to work and most nights I would go to work on a couple hrs sleep. He was recently diagnosed with autism, but it wasn't until he started pre-school that another mother who is a nurse and also has an autistic son asked me about his sleep patterns... I told her how bad they were. She suggested Melatonin. I'm not saying its for everyone but it has been a life saver for us. It doesn't "knock him out" or "make him drowsy" it just regulates the sleep pattern. He goes to sleep easily and sleeps all night. The next morning he is up and jumping in his crib, normally before I get up! You might talk to his pediatrician about it and see what he/she thinks. Hope this is helpful!
put a baby gate in his door way and leave his lights on and door open and let him play in there for a little while or watch tv to chill out then after 30-45 minutes go in and tell him its bedtime and put him in bed and turn the lights off, maybe put on some music so its not so quite in there like a lullyby music and let him listen to it while he falls asleep and just leave his door open with the baby gate
I'm going to second what Amy said.
My daughter didn't sleep all night until she was 3 yrs old , we tried EVERYTHING. We had to result to giving her melatonin, it's a natural sleep aid.
4 yrs later she was diagnosed with ADHD-C . Not sleeping is a symptom of ADHD so it made sense that she didn't sleep as a baby.
She still gets up sometimes but now she's old enough that I don't have to get up with her.
I'm sorry to say we have had the same kind of thing with my now almost 5 year old son since he went into the twin bed at 2.5 (also because of a new baby on the way). If there is not someone with him he has trouble falling asleep (in spite of 3 night lights). Usually 15-20 minutes is enough but sometimes things are off schedule and we have a really difficult night. I am beyond frustrated at times. Usually I will read a book with a book light or his nightlight.
You could try the gate idea or also maybe shorten his nap if he still takes one. My son fought napping and bedtime a lot at 2.5 to 3 (possibly more sleep than he needed) then was constantly overtired (and badly behaved) when he gave up napping at 3 (we had to then make bedtime an hour to an hour and a half earlier).
You could just block the stairway with 2 full clothes-hampers and he won't get downstairs. Maybe also "construct" a tent for his bed so he has a "hidey-hole" that the bed's inside of -- he'd have his own fort to sleep in, you could put the twilight turtle in there and everything.
You could put DH and DS in one room and you in another as a co-sleeping option, or consider once baby's here as a "treat" for a few months for DS, as DH won't get good sleep with you and baby in bed.
You could go back to CIO and just do that if you were OK with it.
But, consider your son knows he won't have all your attention for much longer, and is trying to get all the love he can now -- he'll be short-changed a little and that's the way of the world, no matter what. Do what you can to make this a reward and perhaps time it all with your coming home with baby.
I wish I could help with some magic answer but as it stands my 21 month old is the same way. My husband has success putting him to bed within 45 minutes by rocking...all I can really do is tell you what we've done in the past that has worked, until it doesn't work anymore and then we try something new.
We've done the Super Nanny technique of sitting on the floor next to the bed. Sort of a "soft" CIO. That worked for about 3 weeks.
We've extended out his bedtime routine from 30 minutes to 1hr. This has helped overall with the length of his protests.
We've come to terms with it. He's a crappy sleeper. He's also still very young and someday it will get better and until he is too big to rock to sleep anymore, we will rock him. He's only this tiny for so long where we can hold him close and help him sleep and so for now, that is what we are going to do. When this doesn't work any longer, we will try something else.
We also co-sleep, which is my saving grace during this very difficult time. It's not for everyone, and its not forever. He will be going back in his bed next week when my mom comes to town. She's coming for two weeks and we are going to try to get her to help him sleep in his own room on his own...because he is better around his grandparents, there's enough emotional distance, I think.
In any case, good luck. And remember, this too shall pass.
Just want to let you know you are not alone. My ds will be 4 in March. Sure, she has slept all night on and off her entire life, but we are in a bad patch right now. She used to go to bed fine w/o any coddling, but would wake up throughout the night. Now she takes at least an hour to fall asleep at night and many nights is up every sleep cycle (1.5-2 hrs). Wakes me up when she gets up. Getting up two times a night is a good night right now. Like someone else mentioned, just when you think you are over the hump they relapse. It is a personality deal for sure. My 1 yr old ds sleeps all night and I didn't do anything different with him. It is a power struggle. Her problem is she wants someone to sleep w/ her b/c she is scared this go round. It sucks, but I don't know what else to try either. So, if you find something that works pass it my way. Just want to let you know you are not alone!
I don't know if it is normal, but my son is similar, and my pediatrician could not offer any advice. My son has always had trouble falling asleep(he is now 3). We have had ups and downs, but at the worst he was crying for 1-2 hours every night before falling asleep. That ended when he spent 5 nights at my mom's house. I think that just the change of routine helped him break the habit. When he came back home he was no longer crying anymore. That said, he still has trouble falling asleep, but he no longer cries for hours.
I feel that my son's sleep issues are at least partly due to the fact that I nursed him to sleep until he was 12 months so he never learned to fall asleep on his own. With my second son, I never nursed him to sleep (I nurse him at bedtime, but 95% of the time he is awake when I put him in his crib) and he is a great sleeper! The good news is that your second child will probably not have these same sleep issues!
