My 3 yr. old daughter has been going "peepee" on the potty for about a year now, but refuses to still go "poopoo" on the potty. She did twice last year and then stopped and once not too long ago, and then stopped again. I feel I have tried EVERYTHING! Help!!!
Number 1 stop using ALL pull-ups if you are currently using them. Just put her in undies and clean up a lot of messes. Second give rewards but DO NOT punish. Kids love to feel like their accomplishments are their own. Other than those two simple things, it just takes time and consistency, if you give in even once you will set her back in her progress.
My daughter is at the same stage; she turned 3 a month ago. The best thing I did was take away pull-ups completely, except for bed. Last night she had to poop and I got her to sit on the potty for an hour and 1/2 before she went! We read books, then put the potty chair in front of the TV. There are 2 books we've been reading a lot lately: What to Expect When You Use the Potty and another one by Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers, I forget the title). They both explain the hows and whys of pee and poop (is this really what my life has been reduced to - LOL).
I haven't had the same issue, but my best friend has. Her daughter likewise knows what to do, but won't comply. My friend has begun making her wear dresses with no underwear when she needs to dump... she cannot have any of whatever comfort she finds in doing it in her underwear. (This child has had recurring issues with constipation. It gets to be a vicious cycle. Does your daughter associate pain from prior constipation?)
My own daughter (3 1/2) has long known that I spend a long time on the pot often just because I like reading there. She and I will go through various different books, but lately we are into 2 Waldo books we picked up for $1 at the thrift store. This seems to have helped us have no issue of staying on the pot for as long as she needs. Sometimes I just have to be patient, because she really wasn't done yet. This is not good for me in the middle of dinner.
Good luck with whatever advice you can use. We can't just make them do this.
**I agree, discard pull ups at home. We began active toilet training during a warm spell in January and so several of the accidents were out on the deck.**
**You know what else just dawned on me? I am a very think-out-loud person. My daughter sees and hears when I sometimes hurry to the bathroom, just as she has long seen me read on the pot. AND it is what it is, ... everything that takes in food also puts out afterward. Dogs, birds, ... whenever you might have the opportunity to reinforce that. AND girls are social for the bathroom even this early... has she seen her pals model their acceptance of the pot? My daughter would pass out the Readers' Digests to everyone crowded in the powder room long before it was her turn to toilet train... when I hosted here. Okay, I'll stop now. (chuckle)
You don't say if your daughter is in pull-ups/diapers, but I'm assuming so. I don't know if you've tried this method, but it worked for my (nearly) 3yr old daughter. Set aside a few days when you have no big plans and don't have to go anywhere. Then, tell her that she's a big girl now and knows how to use the potty, so she's not going to wear pull-ups anymore. Then, either put her in underwear, or since it's warm now, let her go naked from the waist down. With this method, I didn't even need to do what some others suggested and have my daughter sit for long periods on the potty. All I did was put her in underwear and reminded her that she was NOT wearing a pull-up, so to "run to the potty if she felt pee or poo coming". She had one (wet) accident, which I did NOT scold her for, but DID have her help me clean. I only said "I know that since you're a big girl, next time you'll try your best to go in the potty." After that I just didn't put anything on her bottom, and let her run around naked - all day. When it came time for poo, she nearly freaked out when she realized it was coming and there was NO diaper/pull-up to go in. There was much crying on her part, but all I did was remain calm and remind her that if she felt poo coming to go sit on the potty. I did NOT force her to go, or even bring her to the potty (but I did have a little potty in the play area, and one close to wherever we were throughout the day). I was fully prepared for another accident, but guess what?? ... she chose to go on the potty, rather than poop all over herself or the floor! I know people think this method is odd, but my sister potty trained her 3 kids this way, and all were trained within a few days. It only took my daughter ONE day, after many months of trying with the pull-ups. I understand now that the pull-ups were just giving her another way of peeing & pooing the only way she ever knew - in her diaper. Putting pull-ups on kids just delays the whole process in my opinion. I believe it really took getting rid of them for my daughter to "get it" about how her own body worked. Of course we used positive reinforcement - after each success on the potty, she got a few m&m's or a special wrapped (small) gift for poo. We also read potty books on a daily basis. We do use pull-ups at naps and bedtime until she can remain dry while sleeping.
Good Luck! I hope this helps! I know how it felt to be at my wits end when nothing else seemed to be working. I really thought this method was crazy....until I tried it. Be consistent, and once you have her in underwear, don't go back!
J.,
My son was doing the same thing--it's a normal phase I think. Three things that really helped my son:
1. Once Upon A Potty (get the GIRL version!) I think it de-mystifies "where the poop is coming out"
2. Catch her right after she poops in her pants and put her on the potty and sort of--uh--knock the poop into the potty & go wild with praise!
We used to march around singing "He's a Super Duper Pooper" to the tune of "Glory Glory Hallelujah"! Yes--even my former Marine husband! LOL
3. Make a Poop in The Potty Chart with a block for a sticker each time she goes (not too many blocks to start) and when she fills it--ket her pick a reward of her choice (toy, trip, etc.)
She''ll get it--this is just the toughest part. Good luck. Hang in there!
Trust me, a 3 year old is only stubborn because you allow her to be. At that age they only know what we teach them and what they see. A parent forms the child. Almost every child has a certain time they go "poop" everyday MAKE her go on the potty and sit there until she does or when she goes in her pants then make her sit for an hour on the potty, take her stuff away. Let her know this is not acceptable! As an adult you are the one she will listen to. It might take extra time since it has been allowed to be done in this way by her but it will work. None of these things are cruel punishment. So she might have a little ring around her hind end....it will not hurt her. Well, maybe her feelings but nothing else! This will also teach her that you will not do things her way and in her time, but instead in yours. Study shows children that are enabled to be "stubborn" are 75% more likely to run away or to use drugs and or alcohol while in their very early teens. They are also less likely to come to a parent with a problem. Believe it or not the teens that do go to the parent with problems are 92% more successful in life. Crazy how their little lives and rest of their lives are being mapped out for them right now isn't it!?! The really scary thought....which of those percentiles will your child fall into, the really good one or the really bad one?? No one thinks of these studys when they say oh they will out grow it, no, it is our job as parents to not let it even happen in the first place. You will thank yourself later in life.
