Need Help - Flintville,TN

Just because you are a stay at home mom doesn't mean that you are free to babysit all the time. I understand that you are doing it to help your sister but if you don't want to do it anymore you are just going to have to say NO! And why would it be your responsibility to try and get other family members to help out? Your sister needs to take care of that herself and if no other family members are available she will have to find someone else. Decide what you want to do and stick to your guns.
Good-luck

A.,
Find 3 times a day where you can spend an uninterrupted 5 minutes each with your daughter. A good time is when the baby is sleeping. Read her a story or just sit and hold her. I understand you have a house to clean, laundry, meal preparation, etc., but finding those few minutes a day will be the best thing you can do for your daughter. Also have your daughter help you with the baby and your household responsibilities. Maybe one day she could get you the broom or mop. Another day she could get the laundry out of the dryer or stand and help you make a cake for dessert. Include her in what you do. She won't do things perfectly, but praised her nevertheless. Letting her know how important she is to you and that you love her no matter what, will be the best thing you can do for the both of you.

Hi A.,
We all totally understand your wanting to help out your sister, because siblings do that for each other, but your sister needs to understand the impact this having on your relationship with your daughter. Not keeping her at all might not be the answer for either of you, but maybe your husband can watch your neice for a few hours on the weekends while you and your daughter have some 'girl time'. I have two daughters, 12 and 9, and it's hard to find time to do things with them separately, but even the littlest bit of time or the smallest things like going out for ice cream together will stick in their memories much longer than the times you couldn't spend one on one time with her.

Just my 2 cents, for what it's worth! Good luck.

Your daughter is feeling all the seperation and jealiousy issues the first child have when the new baby is born, but in this case the babies are her cusins. Can you include her in the care of the babies? Can you give she jobs to do such as entertaining the baby, finding the babies binky. When I was pregent with my second child, I made a consious effort to give my daughter(my first child) a feeling of ownership. This was her baby, she was my big girl and the baby and I needed she help. Your daughter will feel better when she feels she is your helper, she is doing things baby can't do. The feeling of being impowered and included will go a long way in overcomming and feeling of seperation or jealiousy. Do you know what I mean? And nap time for the baby is excellent one on one time of Mommy and her big girl. Goog luck. Think out side the box and you will find balance.

Your sister needs to understand the impact this is having on your family. Quite simply, she is being selfish in having you babysit her daughter all the time when you have told her that you need some time just your family. You should not feel guilty about this--she should! It's fine to help out once in a while (I hope you're getting paid for your work--even a little something), but you shouldn't be called on to sacrifice your husband and daughter so that your sister can work. Is there no one else she can call on to pitch in?--no friends, neighbors, people at church, mother, mother-in-law, other siblings? I understand she is your sister, but your higher priority is to your husband and child.

Quite simply, you are going to have to say "no" and stick with it. Phrase it kindly, but talk to her quite sincerely about the detrimental effect watching her child every weekend is having on your family. (Reverse the "guilt trip"--she probably makes you feel guilty for not watching her child, so don't feel guilty about making her feel guilty for being so selfish.) Give her plenty of time, but tell her that you will no longer be able to babysit every weekend (if once a month is fine with you, offer that). Then make plans for the first affected weekend so that you will be away when she wants to drop off her daughter (even if it's just going to the library with your husband and daughter).

Ann Landers once said that you have to give people permission to walk all over you. Others say you teach people how to treat you.