After almost a year of peace in my home, suddenly my ex-husband has started to harass our family again. I started getting calls about a month ago, they would just call, breath heavy and hang up. I didn't worry too much about it, I thought it was just a telemarketer I had pissed off. Suddenly this weekend, we get a call at 3 o'clock in the morning. I answered it because I thought it was an emergency call from one of my family members, but it was my ex-husband. He said he was tired of going to court and now he's taking matters into his own hands. I called the police and they said that it wasn't a direct threat and that it's not really considered harassment. It's not the calls that trouble me, it's the fact that my kids are about to start school tomorrow and I really don't want any trouble. Legally there's nothing I can do to stop him from going to the school.
I do not want to live my life in fear. I'm cautious, but I do not want to be watching our backs every single second, that is not life. I don't want my kids to live that way either. I do not want my ex-husband to have control over what we can and cannot do. I have tried to be strong for my family all this time, I do not show fear in front of them, I'm always the strong hold, I just feel like at this time I need more strength then ever. After months of nothing, you kind of hope it would stay that way, but now suddenly this, it's kind of distressing. I would really appreciate any words that would help me to find my inner strength. Thanks to everyone that responds.
I would make sure you inform the school of the fact that your ex is not supposed to have contact with the kids (or whatever is legally allowed) and make it clear how they are supposed to go home from school, etc. be careful and take very good logs/notes of all of his actions so you can continue to keep the law on your side.
First Question, you are re-married correct? My first concern is that you have someone that can protect your kids and yourself? Would you have enough money to higher a private investigator? I'm wondering if you can get some help from the police if you have proof of harassment? You also might want to get an answer machine to record any phone conversations that might happen at all hours of the night? You sound like a strong woman who wants the best for you and your sweet angels. Keep being strong. Best of luck to you and you and your family will be my prayers.
To protect you and your family, make sure you always have a witness, in public if you have to meet him, or have conversations documented (audio/video). Do you have a security system in your house and have a lawyer to help out? Also tell family, friends, neighbors, teachers what's going on so they help you and watch out for you and your family. You will be in our thoughts. Take care.
C.,
About a week ago I heard the interview of a woman who just wrote this book:
In His Sights: A True Story of Love and Obsession
by Kate Brennan
Her case was pretty serious but I believe it may be helpful to you and also I would search for the useful links regarding harrassment. It is a form of violence and some domestic violence outreach agencies may be able to help you as well. Obtaining a protective order for example can make you feel a little safer but there are certain requirements you need. Contact New Beginning Center, Family Place, Genesis or Hope's Door.
Good luck and stay safe!
C., I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this! It sounds like we have the same ex! I wish that were the case and there weren't so many men out there like that! If you don't mind, I will pray for the safety of you and your family and comfort for you.
C.,
I will pray for your family. Make sure you log everything that is said and done by your ex...times,dates, words spoken. How do your children get to and from school? I would talk to the principle about your concerns. At this point I don't have any problems with my ex and my son is a bus rider, so if his dad does pick him up then I let his teacher know ahead of time.
I can guess from your post that there have been problems before. Stay strong and just a little more aware of what's going on around you.
L.
It's hard when you've begun to let your guard down to have to put it pack it. I've always felt like it takes more effort each time. But truly, you still have the inner stength that you need and it will be enough - because it has to be.
Share the burden with your husband. He will help you with the stength on the days/hours when yours is waning. Let him in and let him help. You do not always have to be stong hold... sometimes, you need to regroup so that you can be the lynchpin again - especially since you need to be that source of stability and strength for your girls.
Reach out to others... email, call when you need to unload and share with someone outside the situation.
Remember that it is your girls that are central to this issue - their physical safety and their emotional safety. Thinking of this will give you that inner strength. It's where I pull it from and it always seems to be there when I forget myself and think of my daughter.
Being proactive helps, too. As another poster said, record everything... it may not be preventative, but knowing that you have it down on paper can be helpful.
