Need Encouragement - Santa Rosa, CA

You sound like a doll, kind, sweet. sounds to me like you ned to know more about bodies and health. do a bit of research on the web and spirit will lead you to what you need.

blessings on you all,

A. m

Hi MK,
I'm in the same boat. Hang in there with me!
I have a 22month old daughter and a 2 month old son, and I'm going in today to determine if I actually have PPD or just the blues. I've been having a hard time with everyday tasks. I have simplified my life as much as is possible, and still feel very snappy. I have a hard time taking my own advise, but I'm still going in, because if I need even more help to give my family the best of me, then that's what I have to do.
I too have problems with breast feeding and have had to suppliment both my children. I encourage you not to give up completely you can have the best of both worlds! Look at supplimenting as a blessing. (for example: 1. It takes longer to digest formula so I give the supplimental feeding at night and already my son is sleeping for 5-8 hours at a time. Sleep is a huge issue for depression; 2.Supplimenting means they will take a bottle - you don't want to have to be the one to feed your child everytime, you could never leave them if that is the case.) I take domperidone to help with milk production and it works wonders! Talk to a lactation consultant about it - they can help. I was afraid to talk to one myself as I've heard too many of them with such absolute oppinions about exclusively breastfeeding, until I met Jaye. I highly reccomend Jaye, she's a mama on this site, hopefully she will see your post and respond too, but here is her website just incase. She is very relaxed and knowlegeable! She can help you maximize your milk production and determine if suplimenting is infact necessary and if so, how much.
Jaye Simpson, IBCLC, CIIM; Breastfeeding Network; www.breastfeedingnetwork.net
You're the mommy - do what you believe is the best and no one can dispute that.
Blessings to you.

MK,
I had my first baby 8 months ago and was totally blindsighted when the postpartum depression set in. I can remember watching a stand-up comedian on television with my husband when my daughter was a couple weeks old and realizing that that was the first time I had actually laughed out loud since I was home from the hospital. I think the only thing the saved me was all the help from my husband. I really wanted breastfeeding to work but I wasn't getting any sleep so my husband started doing every other nighttime feeding with formula (and it didn't ruin breast-feeding, I still did it for six months). I started feeling much better once I was sleeping more and once my daughter grew out of the "blob" stage that felt so unrewarding to me. Once I could see all these milestones she was reaching and I could make her laugh motherhood finally became rewarding to me. As for the financial woes, I feel your pain. It is so stressful but all I can do to escape that is make myself stop thinking about it.

Check with your OBGYN, but I took Zoloft while I breast fed and had no problems. Sound like your may have post partum depression. It’s not something to ignore, you need to at least check it out. The good think is, low doses of Zoloft help greatly and in most cases only need to be taken for a short time.

You cannot compare the pregnancy & birth of your first child to the second – as with each child – each pregnancy and after care is different.

I cannot tell you how much the medication helped me. I was so worried I would snap at my child. My baby & husband deserve the best I can give them and that includes a stable happy me.

Good luck to you, I sincerely understand

Hello MK,
My daughter cried A LOT when she was a new born and I was home alone a lot then also. I had high blood pressure due to preeclampsia as well. I walked and I walked a lot. I see you have two kids so this is a little more difficult, but walking is one of the best exercises you can do. I would just walk and walk and walk. Now, 2 years later I'm training to walk a half marathon. I mentally, emotionally and physically feel better when I've walked 4-8 miles in the day. I find myself going to the Outlet Mall (Petaluma) and let my daughter run while I just walk around and window shop, I don't even go into the stores.
As far as breastfeeding goes, I'm not the one to ask for positive stories, etc. I produced no milk and blame myself for all my daughters issues and ailments. However, looking back I wish I wasn't afraid of the woman at Le Leche League and called them. You could try that.
I find the best way to stay away from depression is to reach out and be with people. Story time at the library is free. My friend, husband, the kids and I just walked around Spring Lake and Howarth park has a great park with lots of moms, etc.
I'm not really sure what your question is, but I hope some of this helps :O)
Take care of yourself!
C.

I encourage you to continue doing what you're doing--- that is, being aware of the possibility of getting depressed is really important. Try to walk as often as you can, since that's relaxing for you, and try to get out of the house as often as possible while it's still summer. Maybe when summer is over, you can find a yoga program, or another type of exercise program on TV, that you can participate in without having to pay for it, or leave the house. I really enjoy finding a subject I am interested in, and then researching it and learning about it on the Internet (such as what kind of housework did women do in the fifteenth century, or how do you make a real French coq au vin, or whatever grabs your fancy). Be curious! Read up on child development, or, if that's not to your taste, study the fall of the Roman empire, or flower arranging, or Renaissance costume --- whatever grabs your interest. And if you can't avoid the depression, go and see a therapist, if you can. If you can't, try to talk about it with your husband and your friends. There's nothing wrong with asking for a little help now and then.

Hello- I would look for a mom's group. If you live any where near Folsom, Mercy Folsom Hospital has one. I went to it after I had both kids. It really helps you connect with other moms and talk about things going on in your life, with your kids, and baby. Everyone brings their baby, nurses, talks, etc and isthere to talk and be supportive. It really lowered my stress level and helped me out of feeling depressed. Good luck!

You've already gotten some great input re depression, so I won't repeat that same advice. But as far as positive, light-hearted encouraging movies, I LOVE the movie "Parenthood". It is a comedy with Steve Martin. It's funny and also heart-warming, about raising children. It's rated pg-13 I think. As far as books, I would recommend "Traveling Light for Mothers" by Max Lucado. It's a small book and is divided into seven "sections", so you can easily read a whole story/section in 10-15 minutes or so. It's very encouraging and sounds like it would be right up your alley.
Best wishes,
A.

Take flax seed oil, keep walking and know that this will pass.

Hi MK,

First of all I recommend you love yourself first and be nice to you. You are also a blessing from God as well as your family. Do not forget your needs. You are just as important as your family. Your health is number one.

Yes, there are many people struggling today. Look for your plan B to keep you above it.

I share with those interested on how to stay healthy and show others how to do the same. That is my plan B.

If you want more information email me and I will show you how.

Take good care of yourself and pray to be guided in making good decisions and be thankful for what you have.

Have a blessed day.

N. Marie
____@____.com

Dear M K-
What a precious heart you have! Encouragement is such a sought after gift and many times mother's give so much of themselves that they forget to refuel.
The walk with your husband is a good thing. The exercise alone should help with some of the depression- maybe a little yoga (I have one of those beginning yoga for dummies and earth flow dvd's. They are amazing!)
As far as stories go, the ones I love are cheesy and make me laugh. Anything to lift my spirits, you know. And since you have girls, what better way to build yourself up than a little princess and fairy tale laughter. A few favs are Ella Enchanted, The Emperor's New Groove, Pride and Prejudice....Chick Flicks.
Also, there are some great Bible Studies for mothers, wives, etc. Anytime you submerse yourself in the Spirit of God, he will refresh you and refill you. My mother used to tell my Grandmother (who was depressed to the point of suicide) that God had a plan for her and clearly he wasn't ready for her to give up. She read something out of revelations to her that my Grandmother held to literally. If you want I can ask her what it was. But otherwise, just a daily dose to lift your spirits- some quiet time.
Eph. 4:11 "it was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, some to be pastors and teachers (and some to be mothers)....
Know that you are loved, that you are valuable, and that every child is different and worrying about them will not make things happen/not happen. It's easier said than done, but practice will help.
I would also suggest trying some art- whether it being writing, finger painting, gardening (succulents for hot places work great), scrapbooking, etc. If you can focus your mind on something else for just a bit, then the depression really does fade.
I hope this helps.
-E. M

P.S. Every baby is different. If you need to supplement, or if one is bigger than the other, that is ok. A good mother feeds her child- and you are a good mother. If you are concerned for your children's health, that is why you have a pediatrician- or call that lady recommended by another mom. She sounds great!
One last thing- have you read the book called the 5 love languages? To me it sounds like your language need right now is words of encouragement (literally =) ). Ask your husband to take the time to really lift you up as well whenever possible. And in turn, return the favor. A complimented spouse is usually a happier spouse.
Bless you, and may your spirit be lifted today and each there after.

M K,

My oldest daughter was very small for her age. The doctor kept telling me I was not feeding her enough because she was under weight and did not have any of the baby fat rolls. I was feeding her all the time. Even when we supplemented with formula, she never got the fat rolls or increased her weight to what the doctor said it should be. After 3 months of that, the doctor finally said that she just had a high metabolism and that she was not going to gain the weight. This is a good thing now that she is almost 10. She is the one of the only girls going into 5th grade without a weight issue. I would not worry about the baby if she is active, happy, and healthy.

As for the blood pressure and stress, take more walks, find time to go out with just your husband (they do not have to be expensive dates, I go to the park and talk and walk with mine), and breathe. When you have children it is important to remember to breathe and that it is ok if they cry a little so that you can go to the bathroom, take a shower, read a chapter in a book. 'Cause if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

D.

Excercise, nutrition, and faith are the top things that can help ward off depression. There are some things you can take to help your nervous system, to help you feel more relaxed. No worry, they are ok for you and baby.
One is Cod Liver Oil. It really gives me a feeling of well being. It has high levels of vit d in it. The other is vit b complex drops. I get both of these at walmart.

Another thing you can consider is supporting your thyroid. Depression is a leading sign in thyroid problems.
Iodine is the mineral that is needed in ample amounts by the thyroid. Any excess iodine consumed simply flushes out. I have read that most people are iodine deficient. Thirty years ago they put iodine in bread/baked goods to enhance texture, now they have taken it out and replaced it with bromine- which not only doesnt give iodine but depletes iodine stores in the body even more.(chlorine in your tap water depletes it too). Natural ways to get iodine are from iodized SEA salt, seafood, kelp, bananas and old fashioned oatmeal. Idoral is what I take- I get it online. It was developed by a doctor and has both forms of iodine/iodide in it.

"The Lord tends his flock like a shepherd,
he gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young" Isaiah 40:11

ps- there is a mothers group called MOPS,usually done through the churches.

Hey Mama!

Don't supplement! If your baby is gaining at least 4-5 oz a week, she is fine. My baby took almost 5 weeks to get back to her birth weight--but was nursing constantly and pooping about ten times a day--along with 10+ wet diapers a day. I was so glad to be using cloth because we were literally changing 20 diapers a day! Anyway--the doctors got all nervous. But I knew that my baby was healthy, extremely alert, and in no way failing to thrive. Just keep nursing. As soon As you start supplementing--you'll be compromising your supply. Breast milk is a supply an demand thing. If you stop demanding it, it won't be produced. Trust your body!

My baby was 6 lbs 10 oz at birth--10 days late! She was 18 inches tall. The women in my family range from 5'1 to 5'4. She is now 22 months and is 30 inches tall and 20.6 lbs fully dressed with a cloth diaper. She is just a small person. My pediatrician (I switched after the one we had insisted on blood work for a three week old) says she is perfect and that as long as they stay on a curve, then they're fine. Please don't doubt your body!

Sorry, this was rambly--it's early!

Hi MK,

I am J. - the one Tesha mentioned. Thank you Tesha for your warm comments about me! That made my morning!

MK - Here is the deal: Babies should be back to birth weight no later than day 14. When this does not happen we MUST look at WHY it isn't happening and then proceed accordingly to help both mom and baby. Two things that bother me with situations like your regarding milk supply: Folk telling you to NOT supplement (which can put your baby at risk) and people getting all freaked out (and scaring mom). Both of these things are irresponsible and can be dangerous. It is imperative that you see someone in your area (if you are not in Sacramento I can help you find someone in your area if you like) who can help you sort out WHY you are having this issue especially since you had the same thing with your first child. Clearly something is up and I congratulate you for supplementing your baby. :) Rule #1 : FEED the BABY. :) You are more than welcome to call me any time and I can work with you over the phone to try and track down what is happening with you. :) NO charge! I do this all the time and love it.

Now - with the other issues: In your circumstances it is no wonder you may be feeling somewhat stressed - whether or not it is PPD or just frustration related to the struggle you are going through a 2nd time has yet to be seen. I'm thinking you probably are not dealing with PPD and more with the stress of not knowing what is happening to you and why. Having answers can make a HUGE difference for moms - it did for me many years ago.

I want to applaud you for taking the time to recognize your particular need to be aware of any depression or stress that could challenge you further. :) Great job there! And it is a hard one to do because depression can hit us like a mack truck and knock us on our butts without warning. It sounds like you are on the right track, tho.

Here are a few more suggestions to help:
Join a new moms group in your area (if you are in Sacramento I have a great one - if I do say so myself!), join a stroller fit group to get out and exercise with other moms, go to a La Leche League meeting - they only meet once a month, but you might find a couple groups so you can go more often, talk to someone - a counselor, a friend who has 'been there', me (I have been there so can relate personally and help professionally). :)

Just a few suggestions to get you started. Sadly, I don't know of any books - that doesn't mean they aren't out there - it just means I haven't seen them, and I haven't written mine yet. :)

Lastly - try to stop blaming yourself! I know that is hard...I'm still working on it myself. :) Yes, I practice what I preach. :) But, the point here is that we can't fix everything, we can't do everything and we aren't perfect - we just don't have all the answers. Having answers to why you are struggling with supply will help you rid yourself of some of that 'guilt' which is most likely associated with now knowing why you couldn't give your daughter's 100% breastmilk. Remembering that we aren't supposed to know it all and fix it all will help you relax a bit and be able to say to your daughter's at some point (when they want/need you to know it all and have all the answers) "Honey, I don't know and I wish I did. Let's see if we can find an answer together," and they will love and respect you even more for that honesty. :)

Again - call me if you need me...I am here for you and would love to help.

Warmly,
J. Simpson, CLE, IBCLC, CIIM
Breastfeeding Network
www.breastfeedingnetwork.net
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Dear M K,
Please know you're not alone.
My first baby was tiny and she quit nursing all together at 3 months. I did what most moms tend to do and took it personally. As if I had done something wrong. But, my daughter was perfectly healthy, very alert, she was walking at 7 months...so I must have done something right! My daughter will be 23 in October and she is still tiny. She is built exactly like my mother. She's beautiful, active, happy and healthy. I did all that worrying about her being so little for nothing. There's nothing I could have done to change that.
Everything about my son was completely different, and not just anatomically.
You're right...mommies do tend to blame themselves for things that happen to their babies, but I hope you can tell yourself that blame is a bad word. It's wasted energy. Situations present themselves, but we can find ways to adapt and handle them. Trying to decide who is at fault or absorb blame doesn't do anything to change the situation itself.
You're obviously a wonderful mother and love your children immensely. They'll be fine in this world just by virtue of that. You'd do anything for them, wouldn't you? Part of that means taking good care of yourself.
Exercise and getting outside is good for you.
My motto is..."Find a reason to laugh every single day".
No matter what my kids and I went through, and there was a LOT, we still found time to laugh and be silly. We still do that.
Laughter can lower your blood pressure and help you relax.
I have video of my son at 2 years old flopping on the floor with his tongue hanging out pretending to be dead so his sister and I would tickle him and do "CPR".
Talk about hilarious.
That's when I was going through a very bitter divorce and we were losing our house. But, we never lost our funny bones.
I agree that the movie Parenthood is awesome. It's one of our favorites. There is also a movie I just thought of. It's called The Gods Must be Crazy. There's nothing bad in it and it's pretty funny. It's older, from 1980, but that's part of what makes it funny. My kids and I got some "scary" movies at the dollar store. My friend said she wouldn't allow her son to spend the night and watch them until I let her see one. They're so old, black and white, and so horribly made that you can't help but laugh. I ended up with a whole tribe of little boys in sleeping bags eating popcorn and having a "scary movie" sleepover in my living room.
I hope I don't sound like I'm rambling.
You've got two little ones, you get tired and overwhelmed.
Just take care of yourself, get as much rest as you can, and even though your kids are so little, let them see you relaxed and happy as much as possible. And don't be too hard on yourself.

I wish you the very best.....

Yes, the flaxseed oil or another omega-3 is great for the baby's neurological development and can also help you not get depressed.