Need Encouragement - Elk Grove,CA

I kept hearing "smiling at 6 weeks", but my daughter didn't. She's 9 weeks old and JUST started smiling this week, and she's only done it a couple of times so far. She also had a fussy peak that started right before 6 weeks and lasted about 10 days, and then poof! it was gone.

Don't feel bad about being frustrated, just keep trying different things (baths, bouncing with her on a yoga ball, dancing with her to pop music, brisk walks in the stroller, car rides) - they may not work, but for me it made me feel more productive.

I went through the same thing. My son is 4 1/2 m old. when he was barely 2m..I was feeling sad. He never slept (part of the problem) plus, I'm a WAHM and couldn't get anything done with him. Which meant I couldn't make money...adding to the stress. I didn't remember anything like that with my daughter either. But she was also my only child, I wasn't working, plus she was a good sleeper.

I don't really know what happened, but time went by and things got better. I did end up putting him in a daycare with my daughter because I needed to get away. He's still not a good sleeper and has been sick a lot (I'm beyond exhaustion) but he's a pretty happy camper.

It's tough getting use to having 2 children but it gets easier and as it gets easier as they get older.

As for the crying...just remember that it has nothing to do with you. you're a great mommy and she's just a cryer. She'll grow out of it eventually. Hang in there.

Hello,
The only bad question is the one unasked. I am the mother of 5, have raised 23 foster children and now have grandchildren. My experiance has been with every child that I needed to appreciate and cherish each and every moment with my little one. The baby is only a few weeks old. The only thing they are generally doing is sleeping, eatting, and being cherished. With a baby they communicate with tears and noise. For my little ones that had colic that cried day and night- I learned to walk,talk and even sing/dance with the child. I found that for myself I knew itwas nothing I did ordidn't do but part of the childhood experiance and as they did grow out of it in time were as wonderful as the others that didn't have colic. I will bet that if you had kept a journal you would be surprised by the many things you thought had happened were differant than you may have remembered. Enjoy your children, savor every moment, and know that parenthood is much like a theme park ride -many twists and turns, lots of excitement and at times it will make you ill or crazy but worth every minuet of it. Get lots of pictures and see what you capture--it might surprise you.

Our daughter, also our second, was a grumpy little baby. Nothing made her happy (though she didn't have colic). I was really frustrated because I couldn't bond with her, and other people could pacify her so much better than I could.

Right around 3 months (when experts say colic wears off), I was diagnosed with cancer. She became a completely different kid......she has been a complete dream ever since (with a few occasions now that she's 22 months).

So, I hope your situation is similar - a few rough weeks will open into months of angelic behavior.

I don't know if she's colicky, but she acting colicky.

My son cried six hours a day from 6 to 12 weeks, and then suddenly it was over. It just ended. And what a relief that was!

My advice is to take care of yourself. Make sure you get a break, get outside, take time for a bath. She will be better soon, and it's important that you be well, too.

She'll smile soon. Maybe she already has since you posted your email!

My Mom told me that I was an easy baby, but my sister was difficult (didn't like being held, would push away, etc). Someone else told me that she was a believer that kids' behavior was all about how kids were raised....then her SECOND child was born, and she did all the same stuff, but he acted completely different than her first child.
Babies have different temperaments just like the rest of us.
Don't be discouraged. She's probably just more "high maintenance".
Try to see it as a good thing. the squeaky wheel gets the grease...I was reading about how in some other countries (like Africa) the "difficult babies" actually have a much higher survival rate than the "easy babies"! When life is tough, Mom is busy and tired, and the demanding babies get more care and attention...
I am sure survival is not an issue in your household, haha---I just think it is a fascinating and positive way of looking at the issue of "difficult babies"...that it is a very desirable trait in other countries. =)

My son was like that. I finally realized he wasn't getting enough to eat, I just wasn't producing like I had with my daughter. After 4 months I finally started supplimenting with formula and he turned into a different kid...he was well fed! I would try to see if that is an issue. Otherwise, it could just be her personality as others mentioned.

I only have one baby, but had similar fears about the smiling thing. He didn't smile socially on a consistent basis until he was about 3 months old. I worried that he was not happy, but he is now the happiest baby! He is always smiling. He also used to scream when he woke up and stopped doing that at around 5 months old.

All babies are different, as I'm sure you're finding. Best to try not to compare, or at least expect, baby #2 to be like baby #1.

I am sorry that you are feeling a little depressed about this..........I'm sure you're doing everything to soothe your new daughter. She is just a different baby than your son.

The important thing is taking care of YOU during this difficult time. A "happy mom" can usually equal a "happy home". It does sound like you might be fighting the emotions of Post Partum......very natural, very common.

Do your best to get up every morning and get dressed.....with makeup....even if you're not going anywhere. Nap (when possible) with your children and FORGET about all the things that have to be done in the house while you're napping. This is eaiser said than done, but you have to try.

Explain to your hubby what you're going through so he tries to be patient with your changes towards taking care of yourself. He may even "pitch in" a little more to help you ease your stress.

When anyone offers to do ANYTHING for you (no matter how small of a task)....say YES and thank you. The more help you get the quicker you will get through this. It is difficult to let others help us......as mom's, we feel like we have to "do it all" in order to feel as though we a being a good mom.....but throw that theory out the window for a few weeks and focus on you.......and try to do it without guilt.

As soon as you begin to feel better, you'll feel fresher and ready to handle your new little girl eaiser.

Babies don't always smile right away, and that is very normal. You're probalby just feeling overwhelmed with some P. so you automatically think it's you as a "mother". It's not, though.

Take Care, and keep reaching out if you need encouragment. This, too, will pass.

Blessings!

~N. :o)

Some babies are just fussy, but if this continues, you may want to consider something like colic or looking into getting your own feelings looked at. Babies are very responsive to our moods. If we are sad, they will be sad too. And all that constant crying can cause you to fall into post partum depression because of the constant worry. I had a brother who had colic from 6 weeks to 8 months. It was terrible. The only thing that would give him any relief was a bottle of peppermint water. Mom would melt a peppermint candy into some warm water and that seemed to help a little. My own daughter was always crying but it turned out she was scavvies and that rash doesn't show up for 6 to 8 weeks but they can be itching the whole time.

Children start smiling sometime between month 2 and month 3, so don't worry about that. She'll smile when she feels better.

Sweetie my first boy took 6mos before he'd wake from sleeping (which he rarely did anyway) w/o screaming his head off. Hugs and Encouragement to you in spades. The first time I heard him babble when waking was when we were out of town and staying at a friend's house. He did turn out to have many, many allergies that I wish I were more aware of but he was my first. Maybe try eliminating dairy and gluten for a week and see if she seems more comfortable in he own skin... it's heartbreaking and not at all rewarding to listen to them howl!

Hi K.,
My daughter had colic but we didn't realize it at first. She cried and cried and nothing seemed to soothe her. It made my husband and I very frustrated and very tired. Hang in there it will get better this is just a very short period in her life and she will get over it. Don't get discouraged babies at this age sleep a lot! And she'll smile when she's ready just give her some time to figure it all out. Remember she's not even two months old yet and she's been in a cozy warm place for 9 months and now she's in a bright new world with lots of things going on.
As another thought if you are BF you might want to think about what you are eating because it could be upsetting her tummy. I still can't eat yogurt as it bothers my DD so much.

I think those milestones of "at this age, your child should X" are made up to make moms feel bad! My son wasn't smiling when he was "supposed" to. How is she nursing? Is she on any sort of schedule? Getting my son on a wake, eat, play, sleep schedule every 3 hours really helped to smooth him out and helped me to understand what he needed and when. Also, look at your local hospitals for new mom support groups, or even just a breastfeeding support group (if you are breastfeeding). Having other moms around to share with can really make all the difference, even if you aren't technically post-partum depressed. You will see that while she may be "behind" in smiling, she may be "ahead" in other things and other moms can either commiserate with you or provide suggestions. Much like this site, but it is different when it is in person. Good luck.

Talk to your Dr if you are concerned about excessive fussiness & lethargy. But what I remember of my niece with colic was blood curdling screams for hours and hours with no reprieve, not just crying or fussing.

Try not to compare this child with your previous child(ren) as each one will be different and do things in their own time. Besides, aren't their smiles more about gassiness at this early age? LOL.

My son and his wife's baby is 4 months old. We have had him wth us the last few days and he is Mr. Sunshine like his Dad was. Mom is so happy as her Mom tells her she was not a happy baby at all!
Temperment plays a role in our personality. Does her milk agree with her? My daughter had a constant runny nose and ear infections and needed to be on soymilk. Then she was Little Miss Sunshine all the time. Just keep loving her and talking to her, play soft music, do all you do and time will pass and she will be better.
F.

Updated

My son and his wife's baby is 4 months old. We have had him wth us the last few days and he is Mr. Sunshine like his Dad was. Mom is so happy as her Mom tells her she was not a happy baby at all!
Temperment plays a role in our personality. Does her milk agree with her? My daughter had a constant runny nose and ear infections and needed to be on soymilk. Then she was Little Miss Sunshine all the time. Just keep loving her and talking to her, play soft music, do all you do and time will pass and she will be better.
F.

Updated

My son and his wife's baby is 4 months old. We have had him wth us the last few days and he is Mr. Sunshine like his Dad was. Mom is so happy as her Mom tells her she was not a happy baby at all!
Temperment plays a role in our personality. Does her milk agree with her? My daughter had a constant runny nose and ear infections and needed to be on soymilk. Then she was Little Miss Sunshine all the time. Just keep loving her and talking to her, play soft music, do all you do and time will pass and she will be better.
F.

Same thing happened to me . Don't feel discouraged: this too shall pass and EACH baby is different from another. My son didn't smile at that age either. He did the same thing and I tried different things to figure it out but mostly it was that he was stll hungry (so I'd pick him up and feed him more even though he'd just eaten not long ago: growth spurt, made sure he had his teething tablets/liquid baby orajel , sometimes gave him Mylicon drops for the gas, made sure I burped him after every feeding (he was very gassy) and used Gerber nippled for colic once I dried up at 10 months and had to use formula. I believe it was Colic and all of these things helped. Sometimes I'd use 2 or 3 of these things at a time. So try it all and you'll find a solution that works for you and baby. Hang in there!

*HUG* It will be ok!! There is a lot going on here. Remember that every child is an individual, just because your son did or didn't do something doesn't mean that your daughter will do the same. I think anyone that has had more than one child can identify with that. =) So consider this a new experience and go with it the best you can.
Two, try to remember how fast your son went through stages, doesn't it seem like only yesterday that he was your daughter's age? It seems like this stage will go on forever but it actually is over in the blink of an eye.
You are now caring for two children instead of one and they have different needs BUT there is only one of you! This is the time to ask for help. Work out something with your husband so that you have time without either child to take a bath, a walk, read a book, just be you for a while. If you have family and friends ask them to watch the kids for an hour even if it is just to go to the store. Find time to snuggle with your husband, talk like adults and relax. When your baby isn't crying take the time to study her, kiss her toes (if she is awake) and appreciate her at THAT moment. Nap when she naps, take good care of yourself. Take a deep breath when she is crying and say the mantra, "this is a stage, she WILL grow out of it...this is a stage, she WILL grow out of it..." =) It is nothing you are doing that is causing her to be this way. Just go with it.

Believe me, it goes sooooo fast! A year and a half ago I watched my oldest daughter walk down the aisle at her wedding and I kept thinking, "wow, what happened to my baby??".
You will be fine, honest! =)

Dear Kimberley,
There are two things moms do, without ill intention.....
One is to have all these very well read out and thought out strategies as far as how we intend our babies to eat, sleep, dirty diapers, love bathtime and do all these things according to a schedule we have set in our minds before our baby even arrives. The only problem is, babies are clueless to any of that and do things differently than we may have thought. That's part of the beauty of it really. Discovering things about your new little human in your family and going with the flow until you find a pattern that works.
The second thing is comparing kids in our own families, or just other kids in general.
My first baby was the exact opposite of what I expected and my second baby was the exact opposite of her. They are completely different individuals.
Being a fussy baby doesn't mean a baby is "unhappy". Some babies fuss and cry. They're trying to get living in the outside world figured out and sometimes they just want to cry. As for sleeping, my mom always told me that babies grow when they are sleeping. Sleep is good.
As far as her not smiling...she's only 7 weeks old. I don't think that her not smiling is necessarily indicative of "she's not happy". Smile at her. Make silly faces. Play peek-a-boo when you are changing or dressing her. Don't get discouraged. I'm sure she's very well cared for and loved and her personality will come out.
Do what you're doing by talking to people about your feelings and try not to worry for now. Just be happy around her and I think she'll be fine.
Best wishes!

First off - you are not responsible for your child(ren) happiness. No one can MAKE another happy. Happiness comes from the individual. I think this is a hugh falicy that moms fall into. If you set this as a measure of successful motherhood -> you will fail because it's not in your control.

Second - every child is different. Some children are more serious or experience life differently. Unfortunately what worked with your son, may not work with your daughter. Personally I think God should have included a child specific manual. Since there is no manual we do our best and mess up sometimes - not that you have messed up. Remember kids changed quickly, so this phase will not last forever. Try to concentrate on the good parts and don't dwell on the hard parts. Your attitude can effect theirs. If you are feeling very frustrated when she is crying, there is nothing wrong with putting her down in her crib and walking out of the room. Check on her about every 10 min. The purpose of this is to break the cycle. Her crying makes you frustrate, your frustration makes her cry, and on and on. Hang in there - this too will pass.

My oldest daughter was very serious. To this day she is still very serious, she is now 14. She is also the one who will be in charge of the world some day. She knows what she wants, when she wants it and how to get it. At 2 months she didn't smile, but at 8 months said her first word and by 12 was speakiing in sentences. By the time she was 2 she would repeat stories and songs verbatim. We called her Sarah So Serious.
Then there is my 12 year old. Laughing from the time she was born. She is still my happy go lucky child.
Your daugher may just be a more serious child. Someday you and she may be very close, I am with my Sarah.

well, as a mom of 8YO twin girls I can say from experience that different babies have different temperaments and will respond differently to the exact same environment at the exact same time :-). One of my girls was very calm and didn't cry much, the other would cry at the drop of a hat. What we began to realize as they got older was 1. the one who cried more needed more sleep than the one who didn't, and she was a lot happier when she got more sleep; 2. the one who cried more was also much more aware of her surroundings than her sister, and went through phases we called her "cognitive growth spurts" when her ability to notice things jumped ahead of her ability to process them and she'd easily reach an 'information overload meltdown'.

So my yes-I-know-its-easier-said-than-done suggestion is to remember that you aren't doing anything really *wrong* since you know your older child didn't cry as much, and that as you get to know your daughter better you'll learn what kinds of things help her settle down . And remember that you're doing your best to give her a loving environment and in all likelihood she's *not* going to remember how much she cried as an infant, but she as she grows older she *will* remember things like Mommy reading to her, cuddling with her, and being there for her as she grows up.

Wow, how did you end up with my daughter? My daughter was born 11 days early, by emergency c-section and then wouldn't stop crying. NOTHING like I thought it would be. Then, to top it off, I produced NO milk!!! We thought all the crying was from her not being fed for 11 days, but no she cried, and cried and cried!!!!! I remember being afraid that she was going to wake up because she was either sleeping or crying. My niece was born 4 months later and was happy, never ever cried, was happy being held, put down, whatever! I felt like a complete failure and thought I was clearly not meant to be a mom. I swear it took me about 18 months to actually start liking her. I would throw myself in-front of a train to stop it from hitting her, and I loved her more then I ever loved anything, but I did not like her!! I was lucky enough to have a pedi that felt the same way about her daughter (or so she said) and that made me feel like I wasn't a horrible person. I would look at my SIL and the love she had for my niece and how she never wanted to put her down, etc. I would go to my mom's house just so I wouldn't have to hold her. It was BAD!!!! Now at 2 1/2 she is one of the happiest kids I know, she's a typical 2 1/2 year old who doesn't want to share and cries when she wants something she's not going to get, but generally, she's happy! Her and I are best of buds and I like her more then any other person I know :O) It will get better and I think it makes your bond that much stronger!!!!
Best of luck!
C.