I dont know how to deal with keeping in contact with an exboyfriends kids. They are emailing me and I am not sure whether or not to stay in touch. Their father I am afraid of and think he would hurt people I know. He would never hit me but I know he might hurt my family members. He is that kind of a guy.
Well I think the problem has taken care of itself. The way she was contacting has been deleted. Probly by her dad. I will know more I would say within a week or so. Especially if he contacts me being nasty about the emails. As I said before I never contacted them first. So all I am going to do is to get on with my life and hope theirs gets better.
Thanks for all the support and caring that you have shown me. My emotions have been a little fragile lately.
Good news is that I have met a nice guy that understands and is giving me the space to learn to trust again.
L.
Stay away. If he says he'll call the authorities, believe him. Respond once to his kids that you were glad to have met them, but that their dad and you have decided to move on and leave it at that.
Good Luck:)
L.,
No. Absolutely not. Stay away. Do not have any contact. You are setting yourself up for being arrested or worse. You cannot be the stable person the children need in their life.
Put aside for a moment the kids, do some things to protect yoursel!! Contact your local PD and inform with detail the situation. Start recording all contact this man has with you and the communication that is associated. If it is email- keep it, if it is a recording keep it. Should he contact or become suspicious with other family members have them notify the PD as well. Seek the advice of the PD as to how to further handle the situation and should it fail petition for a no contact order and hold this man accountable every step of the way.
Secondly, contact the children's mother and advise her of your concern and move according to her reaction. See if she is comfortable with you remaining in contact with her kids and if so, how will the two of you communicate in regards to your correspondence with her kids.
If mom is not stable or isn't providing adequate care then contact the authorities (regardless of how you might feel about them getting involved). That just isn't something you want to try to take on by yourself.
Truth be told, the kids have a mom regardless of how good or bad. I would devise a plan as to how to cut ties in a kid friendly way and follow through. The situation just doesn't sound "safe" for anybody.
God bless you for trying to do the "right" thing but protect yourself and your family first.
Hi L., from experience, I have beeen through this also, call your local police Dept. and tell them the kids are contacting you, that way there is a record, and he cant hold it against you.As much as it hurts, you are going to have to distance yourself. I loved those kids as much as they loved me, but I could no longer be in their lives, I had to trust Mom,( who was a good Mom), to pick up the slack. It has been years, I have been happily married for 6 years with children, I still find myself looking over mt shoulder, waiting for him to find me. As anouther stated, you also have to look down the road at a future marriage, I know it is very hard, but it must be done. Good Luck and Bod Bless
L.,
All I can say is Thank God you're out of that relationship and the kids are still with their mother. It sounds like the father is very unstable.
I've been in an abusive relationship and it's not pretty.
There were no kids involved though.
If he says he will have you arrested for harrassment if you contact his children...It could really be him sending you the e-mails to get you to respond back????
I wouldn't trust him.
However, if this is how he is I feel very sorry for the children.
Could you contact their mother and keep in contact with them through her so the father can't do anything? I would think as long as their mother gives you permission, it will be ok.
It sounds like the children need some stability in their lives. I hope they get it from someone!!!!!
Good luck to you.
Please let us know what happens.
T.
Wow, that's a tricky one. I would try to find a way of telling them that you can't contact them as much as you used to-even though you want to. I don't think you should totally cut off contact though. Maybe tell them that you can't be as close as you used to (try not to make their dad the sole reason, you know that would just be more ammo for him)but if they ever need to talk, that you'll be there.
Hi L., My stepmom was important in my life and when my dad and her divorced, she let me know that if I ever needed her she would be there for me. She never said good bye but you get the point. good luck
I was in the same boat with my exes kids. Honestly, I know you grew attached to them, but you need to move on. He could make your life hell. Mine always told me he was going to get a restraining order against me to the kids. He couldn't file any charges against you!! Trust me!! The kids would testify that they emailed you, etc. But, you need to move on, get this guy out of your life. The kids need to move on too. You'll always care about them and they know that. But especially when you meet someone new it won't be fair to them. Good luck, and be safe!!
Do not worry about being arrested. You are not harassing his children so that is not going to happen. However, I would end contact immediately for your own safety. I would probably send the child a letter or email that just says you've enjoyed getting to know them and wish them luck. It's basically a goodbye without a lot of detail. Your safety needs to be number 1.
First,I think you need to talk to their mother is she has custody & have something in writing if she doesn't care that you are in contact w/her children. Apparently those two kids love you very much. But if that guy is that much of an idiot I wouldn't want anything to do. Look what he has done & what he has put you through. Next I would get a restaining order against the idiot. Someone capable of doing what he has done to you will do anything. But if you have paperwork from the law & the kids mother then you are in the clear in having contact w/them. I'm sure they have not had a very good live w/some of the things you have said. Have you thought ahead to you when you might get married & how your husband would feel about you having contact w/your ex-boyfriends children's. You have alot of things to really think abou. You really need to think about now & down the road. But whatever I wish you good luck!!!!
could you talk to the kids mother and ask her opinion?
Please tell the children that you care very deeply for them but that you need time to heal from the relationship. Pick a date for both of them to put on their calendars to speak to you again after the dust settles. Give it a year. Perhaps by then they will be able to just let it go.
My advice utimately is to not continue communicating with these children. Think about it.....if you ever DO meet a man and get married, he will probably not be comfortable with you having a relationship with your ex-boyfriends children. Then you'll have to make another hard decision! It is best to sever the ties. I am sure you won't make this mistake again, but wait until a man pledges his undying committment to you and marrys you BEFORE you give into everything. DON'T give him your body and DON't move in with him. I finally listened to that advice and am living a happy life with two beautiful kids. You can have the same. Take your time, the man who is worth it will wait for you.
I don't know if an attorney was involved in your breakup or not. If the children are living with their mother and not him then I would contact her, explain the situation and ask her if it is all right to stay in touch.
You definitely have to have a restraining order on him if you don't.
P. R
